The Black Notebook

by Isabelle Snow

  “But…” I continued hesitantly, “why did you do that? I mean, you didn’t have to, of course.”

  “You wouldn’t ask that if you’d seen your face a little while ago.”

  “Oh.” I bit my lip. “Thank you—again.”

  “Well,” he huffed, and I could almost imagine Colin shrugging in the darkness, looking as if it couldn’t have been helped otherwise, “it’s not like I do these kinds of things for free…”

  I blinked and narrowed my eyes at him, crossing my arms. “And what do you mean by that?”

  With a suggestive smile, he said, “Well, we are playing Seven Minutes of Heaven. Might as well do what we have to do, right?”

  I was opening my mouth to answer him when his hand reached out, touching the strands of hair framing my face, his fingers brushing the spot where my jaw and my neck met. In the dark, I vaguely saw long dark lashes against fair skin. I knew Colin was looking straight at me.

  In a flash, an image came uninvited into my mind, slicing through the racing of my heart: Kiera holding onto his shirt, her back arched, hungrily kissing the same lips that were about to kiss me. Involuntarily, I winced.

  Colin suddenly stopped, his hand hanging on air next to my cheek. He slowly dropped it and then cleared his throat. “Uh, well, I have another proposition so you can, you know, pay me back,” he said, as if nothing had happened in the past few seconds where I thought my heart was going to burst.

  I looked up at him, my heart clenching in disappointment and regret. Did he think I was disgusted by him because I winced? I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t like that, but my throat closed up, unwilling to let the words come out. What if I hadn’t winced? What if? Would he have really…kissed me?

  It took me a while before I managed to say, “I hate your propositions.”

  He ignored what I said and continued: “You could be my slave for an entire school day.”

  At that, I snapped out of the trance I was in, and looked up sharply. “What!” I exclaimed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Nope,” he said matter-of-factly, popping the ‘p’.

  “No way,” I said, shaking my head. “There is no way I’m doing that.”

  “Hey,” he said defensively, “you should be happy I made it only for a school day, which means that this deal expires when school is over.”

  “That doesn’t make being a slave of someone like you, of all people, any better.”

  Colin sighed and shook his head. “Well, I’ve done my part,” he said and then gestured to the closed cabinet doors. “You know I can just easily ask Ray to come take his place again—”

  “No!” I quickly took back what I said and then bit my lip, feeling troubled. I knew that I could simply walk out of that closet, out of that house, and this stupid game and its stupid rules would be all left behind me—but I also knew that Colin wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.

  “F-Fine,” I muttered weakly, and then promptly added, “but whatever you make me do mustn’t involve anything sexual or related in any way to the black notebook and its contents.”

  “Darn, that was about to be my first order of business,” he said, clicking his tongue.

  “I can’t stop about the black notebook, Colin. I need it. You know I need it but you’re just too stubborn to give it back,” I said spitefully.

  “Au contraire, I’m not stubborn. I just don’t want to ruin what will surely be an interesting and definitely comedic show to watch,” he said, grinning naughtily at me. I rolled my eyes. “And alright,” he continued, “it’s a deal. While we’re at it, we have to at least look like we kissed.”

  He took my chin in his hand and smeared my lip-gloss with his thumb. The action parted my lips just a little tiny bit and I was left with an aftertaste and the lingering desire for something I couldn’t quite put a finger on. He wiped the lip-gloss on his thumb over his lips, leaving a little bit of the shiny, strawberry flavored substance at the corner of his mouth. He pulled the tie keeping my bun in place off and messed up his own hair.

  “I look weird with puffy hair,” I said, frowning at the unattractive waves my hair was making after being tied for so long.

  “You look perfect,” he said, and I reminded myself that he didn’t actually mean it. “And I’m doing you a favor here. You would’ve gotten off much worse with Ray. Now, ready?”

  I nodded and then he turned the knob of the cabinet. A sliver of light flitted into the dark room, spreading as the doors were opened wider. I squinted uncomfortably as I heard cheers from the circle.

  When I sat back down, my eyes still adjusting to the sudden brightness, Alana leaned towards me and squealed, “Oh. My. Gosh! Seven, how was it? I mean, I’m totally jealous over you right now, but I want details!”

  I immediately fitted into the part I needed to play. I licked my lips, as if I was savoring the taste, and grinned goofily. “It was…it was pretty good,” I said, trying my best to sound breathless, but I was afraid that my attempt had just made me sound like I was choking on something.

  Alana looked at me as if I’d won the lottery. “Is he a good kisser? Some say he is.”

  I smacked my lips shut and nodded shyly, hoping that I was able to achieve a blush, “Mm-hmm…”

  “Oh, man,” she sighed longingly. “I can’t believe he actually called a substitution just to be able to kiss you. That’s just so…” Another sigh.

  As Alana drank some more of her beer, muttering to herself that she wished she had gotten to kiss Colin, I surreptitiously turned my gaze to Colin, who was immediately teased for being so greedy with kisses. He just shrugged and laughed.

  In between smiles and stories concerning the kiss that were both equally fake, I couldn’t help but think distractedly again, what if?

  I could almost imagine the outcome—if I hadn’t flinched, maybe he would’ve continued moving closer and closer and closer until the air we were breathing was the only thing between us, until his lips were against mine.

  And then what if he did kiss me? Does that mean he likes me? Or was I just one of those girls who like him and he was only using me?

  Later, when the game was over and it was time to go home, Maria bounced off her feet to Colin, practically begging him for a ride home. As I watched their exchange, not hearing a thing they were saying, my gut folded in on itself at the thought that if Maria or Alana had been in my place, they wouldn’t have hesitated, much less winced. They wouldn’t have wasted the opportunity.

  But was it really an opportunity that I’d wasted? Or was it a bullet I’d successfully dodged? There were too many “what ifs”, but I still couldn’t stop myself from thinking of them.

  Maria stepped into Colin’s car, and I heard the engine start.

  What if?

  They drove down the block and disappeared around the corner. As I stood out in the cold, ignoring Tracy’s voice calling my name, and feeling like an idiot in my dress, a sudden gush of wind passed by me, tousling my hair and caressing my skin. It mocked me, reminding me of Colin’s gentle hand.

  What if?

  Entry 9: Plan G – Who Said Slaves Can’t Have Minions of Their Own?

  Date: March 25, 2013

  Do you know that feeling when you know that you could’ve done something to change how things turned out and yet you didn’t do it? And now you hate yourself for being so stupid, for being such a coward, and not taking the step forward that you should have?

  That’s what I felt like right then as I took slow careful steps on the way to school on Monday morning.

  The weekend had gone and passed without much event, except for the fact that I nearly drove myself insane by thinking and rethinking about last Friday’s party and the game where I was supposed to have my first kiss with Colin.

  But that’s the thing: I didn’t have it.

  I couldn’t seem to get Alana’s voice out of my head, her words shooting darts at my heart: I can’t believe he actually calle
d a substitution just to be able to kiss you.

  Was that really the case? Colin said that it was because he knew that I would rather die than be inside that cabinet alone with Ray.

  But he did move to kiss me. There was that. Did that mean he wanted to kiss me in some way? Then did that mean…?

  I shook my head. It couldn’t be like that. It just couldn’t be. Besides, he even looked like he wanted to kiss Kiera that night. How was I supposed to compete against someone like her?

  A mother pushing a stroller passed by and I glanced down at the sleeping baby curled up in it, distracting me momentarily from the damage my thoughts were doing to me. It was quite sadistic, really—the fact that I knew that dwelling on what had happened would only hurt me but still doing it anyway.

  When I arrived at school, it was a little easier to push my thoughts aside, what with everyone getting excited and all. It was already the day before spring break, and although I had been excited about it a month ago, right then, I wasn’t all that sure.

  First off, I wouldn’t be able to easily lie out my plans for the black notebook. It wasn’t like I could always sneak into Colin’s house and attempt to steal it back again—who knew if the next time I got caught it would be his mom or sister? That would certainly be a disaster that neither of us would want to be a part of.

  And then there was this debatable disappointment in my heart at not being able to see the thief who took the notebook in the first place, for two weeks.

  Speaking of Colin, I was currently slinking behind people’s backs, ducking to the side of the lockers and keeping my head down on the way to class for two specific reasons:

  I was scared I might think about the party again if he talked to me (I know, it’s ridiculous; I should be over it already), and I didn’t know if I could control what I’d do or say, or if I’d move at all.

  As sure as the sun rises and sets every morning, the moment he would see me, he’d remind me of the fact that I was going to be his slave for the rest of the school day.

  Although I got an awful lot of odd stares, I managed to get inside my classes like the ninja that I was without Colin seeing me (he was with his friends at the lockers, the sneaky little creature of the night—Maria—right beside him).

  I let out a sigh of relief when my butt landed on my chair and the bell rang, accompanied by the inflow of students to their classrooms, reassuring me that I would be safe—at least for the space of a period.

  Class went on as usual, the teachers gave us assignments to do over the break, and naturally, an unhappy groan came from the students’ lips—myself included.

  Whenever I happened to find myself out in the open at the hallways, I was actually grateful for the people who were eagerly seeking my advice. That way, I wouldn’t have the chance of glancing around the crowd and possibly meeting Colin’s eye.

  I had no way of knowing if Colin had seen me, but if he had, he’d probably chosen not to talk to me at that time. Or maybe I was just getting lucky and he hadn’t seen me after all.

  Once the lunch bell let loose, ending my fourth class, I was pretty confident in myself that I could disappear from Colin’s radar for the rest of the day.

  Oh, how horribly wrong I was.

  I walked into the cafeteria with a spring to my step, not even trying to hide anymore, and took my place in the line. I was in a much better mood than I was this morning that I smiled at people who passed by me and talked briefly with the person in front of me. I even greeted the cafeteria lady good afternoon. She didn’t return the favor, though. She just gave me a suspicious look.

  I noticed that she’d started giving me special attention ever since the Spaghetti Clown incident. I didn’t mind it though, and asked for a plate of the only thing that seemed even remotely appetizing—meat loaf—and some juice.

  I already had everything I needed on a tray and was just a few paces away from paying for my lunch, when the person behind me in the line leaned forward just enough so that his mouth was right beside my ear, and whispered, “Buy me lunch, would ya?”

  I jumped, mostly from the warm breath that sent the hairs at the back of my neck going ramrod straight, and whirled around to find Colin looking down at me with an amused smile.

  “Colin,” I managed to choke out.

  “Seems like you’re having a nice day…my slave,” he said and, from the grin that was slowly forming on his lips, I knew that it was only the beginning of what would surely be a long, long day.

  ***

  Apparently I owed Colin money, which was why he was able to buy his best friends’ lunch, and because he was just that nice he invited me to sit and eat with them…

  …or at least, that was what Colin told his best friends, Roman, Mark, and Stephen, when he’d practically dragged me by the collar of my shirt and introduced me to them, awkwardness oozing out of me.

  “Chick magnet,” Roman said right then.

  “Am not,” Colin calmly answered.

  “Are too!” Roman turned to me. “I’m telling you, Seven,” he said, waving a spoonful of what was supposed to be mashed potato but looked more like pale yellow goo, “you’ve really got to be careful of this one.”

  I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Duly noted,” I said.

  “But you know—”

  “Alright, just eat already, will you?” Colin said, grabbing Roman’s hand and shoving the supposed-to-be-mashed-potato into Roman’s mouth, promptly shutting him up.

  Roman coughed and swallowed the food with some difficultly. After taking a big gulp of water, he turned on Colin as Mark and Stephen laughed and said, “You didn’t even let me finish what I was saying!”

  He whirled around to look back at me and continued, “Sorry, Seven. I was just going to say, before I was rudely interrupted”—he glanced implicatively at Colin as he emphasized the words—“that this guy, despite all his antics, actually has a good heart.”

  “Now that’s more like it,” Colin drawled, chuckling.

  Roman glared at him. “You know what, I think I’m going to take it back, considering you just choked me.”

  “Aw, you can’t do that.”

  “And why not?” he asked defiantly.

  “Well,” Colin said, lightly touching the rim of his drink, his long fingers gentle and graceful, “it’s just as if you gave me a gift, which I wholeheartedly accept by the way, and now you want it back. Don’t you think that’s a little bit rude?”

  As the two were whisked into an argument about whether the situation was the same or not and whether it was rude to take back a gift you already gave, I forked a piece of my meat loaf and shoved it into my mouth, chewing and trying not to look as inconspicuous as I felt.

  I just wanted to clarify some things: yes, unfortunately, Colin made me buy him and his friends lunch, adding three extra dollars to my usually budget; no, I didn’t owe him money—that was one of his crafty lies; and no, he most definitely did not invite me to their table just because he was being nice.

  On the up side, his friends were actually nice. Roman did fifty percent of the talking while Colin did the other thirty; the remainder was left for Stephen and Mark to share. Stephen looked to be more of a listener but Mark wasn’t any better, much to my disappointment.

  Maybe it was just that, after he’d trusted me enough to tell me about his secret relationship with Gayle, I thought that he would sort of be like a friend of mine now.

  But instead he barely looked at me in the eye during the whole exchange, only laughed softly and contributed a few words to the conversation, obviously trying to hide his presence as much as he could.

  Long story short: Gayle’s father would only allow her to date somebody who passed under his ridiculously high standards, and Mark wasn’t exactly the golden boy that every parent would want for their only daughter. To make things worse, her father was the principal—yes, the principal of our school—giving him the sweet opportunity of monitoring over her potenti
al suitors and if she was getting herself into any trouble.

  Now I wondered if perhaps the reason why Mark wasn’t acting like he owed me big time—which was the usual reaction—was that the advice I gave him was to tell Gayle’s father straight up about their relationship. I’d reasoned, “A truth told is better than a truth found out.” I had no idea if either of them even followed my advice or not.

  The bell went off and chairs started screeching against the floor and students flooded out of the cafeteria. We all did the same, throwing our leftovers and stacking the trays and our utensils in a pile. Once we were at the door, Colin asked me, “What’s your next subject?”

  “I think I have free period next,” I said.

  “Goodie,” he said, grinning, “you can do my essay report in history.”

  My eyes widened. “No…you mean the one that has to be at least three pages?” He merely smiled, but it was enough for me to understand. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  “Ah, ah, ah,” he said, wagging a finger at my direction. “No complaining. And when you’re done, get my books for physics, will ya?”

  “It’s not like I have a choice,” I replied with gritted teeth.

  Colin patted my head, mockingly encouraging. “That’s the spirit.”

  I heaved a heavy sigh and made my way to the library. My original plan was to finish my reading, but instead I sat in front of one of the computers, grumbling under my breath.

  I set to work on Colin’s essay report, very tempted every ten minutes or so to drastically change the contents and just let him fail, as he deserved, but my cursed conscience wouldn’t allow it. I finished it up with Colin’s name at the top left corner of the paper and printed it quickly.

  I still had half an hour to spare and I used it to read the new book I was in. I was still a little hungover from the previous romance novel I’d been reading, which was pretty amazing. The only problem with it was that I couldn’t seem to fully sink myself into the protagonist’s position without transforming the leading man into the owner of the essay report I was currently leaning my elbows on.