The Black Notebook

by Isabelle Snow

  We had reached a familiar intersection where the cabs I took usually passed by whenever I was on the way to Colin’s house. My house was probably just a few miles away. Colin laughed nervously and said, “Uh, I think I should at least walk you back home.”

  “So chivalry hasn’t died yet,” I said, grinning.

  “That’s right,” he quipped, “I was even considering carrying you on my back so that your delicate feet wouldn’t be tired from our long journey.”

  “That won’t be necessary, but thanks for the thought.” We shared a laugh before easing back into comfortable silence.

  “But to be honest,” he began after a moment had passed, “I needed a breather…mostly because of my parents.”

  I did my best to pretend like I had no clue what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck before confessing, “Well, I want to study architecture, but my parents have been pressuring me to choose a college here in L.A., where it’s closer to home. But I want to go to Chicago where I can get away and explore great possibilities—I mean, have you seen the structures they have there?”

  I watched him curiously. I’d seen Colin get excited several times at school, but as he talked right then, it was different. I could see the way his eyes came alive.

  “I only saw them in pictures,” I said.

  “I’ve been in Chicago four times, most of the time to visit relatives during Christmas and New Year’s Eve,” he said, smiling like a happy little kid, “but the buildings are amazing. New York City’s got great skyscrapers too, but maybe I’ll go there when I’m done with college.”

  “So…are you going to force your way through it?” I asked, my stomach twisting nervously. I knew I had no say in this, but I didn’t want him to go either. Chicago was really far from Los Angeles. Call me dramatic, or whatever, but I couldn’t quite imagine spending my last year of high school and the rest of my college life without Colin around.

  “I definitely want to,” he said, “but I think I’m going to have to let it cool for now. I sort of had disagreement with my parents a while ago.”

  He was looking straight ahead, and I was actually glad he wasn’t facing me. At the thought of him leaving, of him exploring out in Chicago and possibly meeting a beautiful girl there, I felt my heart breaking. Tears started prickling my eyes but I managed to say, “Go for it. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

  I winced, hearing the crack in my voice. He probably heard it too because he spun around to look over at me. I quickly blinked my eyes and turned away, laughing to myself. “But I think you should still consider what your family’s saying,” I told him. “I kind of understand their point.”

  “What, you want me close too?” he asked, wagging his eyebrows, and I wondered if his smile was genuine or not.

  “Whatever,” I said, rolling my eyes. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t deny it either. I released a sigh. “But you know, it’s nice that you have it all figured out.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, looking intently at me. Man, his eyes were so green.

  “Well, you know what you want and you’re determined to get it.”

  Colin chuckled and said, “Have you seen yourself while trying desperately to get your notebook back? Yeah, you’ve definitely got that part covered.”

  I pushed him playfully in the shoulder and said, “That’s not what I mean, silly. Like, you’re sure that going to Chicago’s what you want. I don’t even know if I want to take college here or someplace else. I’m not even sure about my course.”

  “I thought you wanted to be a psychiatrist?” he asked. We both stopped at a red light and I watched as cars sped by, tires grinding the asphalt and splashing puddles at unfortunate passersby.

  “Yeah, but only by sixty to seventy percent,” I said. “I want to be a lawyer, too. Sometimes I even consider taking an I.T course because, from what I’ve heard, there’s a decent amount of math in there and I wouldn’t mind that…”

  “Okay, um…” he began, but then paused, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Finally he laughed, saying, “Okay, giving advice to someone is pretty hard.”

  “Give me your best shot,” I said, turning my body to face him and planting my hands on my hips.

  With a hesitant grin, he considered his words carefully before saying, “Um…follow your heart, but don’t ever leave your mind behind.”

  “Are you trying to imply something?” I asked and then clicked my tongue in disapproval. “I wouldn’t want to listen to someone who thinks I’m stupid.” I did it only to spite him, and he probably knew it because he stuck his tongue out at me.

  “Hey, I don’t mean it that way,” he said defensively. “Don’t just assume like that.”

  For a moment, I wondered if those last words were directed at me with a different meaning. Most probably for me not to assume that he would even have an ounce of feelings for me. But I pushed it aside. I said, “Okay, fine. What did you mean by it?”

  “I meant that you should choose a path or a course you know you’ll love and enjoy, but think about it first. Once you’re done analyzing every little corner of the idea, think about it again.”

  I thought about what he said and then I shrugged. “Hmm…not bad,” I said.

  “You’re too closefisted in giving compliments,” he mumbled bitterly, but after a minute he smiled.

  The light turned green and we moved to cross the street, but not before Colin looked back and called Lassie to come closer, just to make sure that she didn’t get lost in the crowd.

  We talked about a lot of things after that, a seemingly never ending series of topics flowing from our mouths as buildings passed by us, streets changed, and the sun started sinking in the sky, unable to wait for us at our slow, relaxed pace.

  Once we were strolling down my neighborhood, we’d already switched to the topic of dogs.

  “We had two golden retrievers before Lassie’s parents,” he told me as he casually bent down to ruffle the dog’s fur. “We got them when I was, like, six, I think. Her dad died three years ago and her mom the year after. We sold her siblings to our neighbors so sometimes she could still go over and play with them.”

  “How old is she now?” I asked when Lassie padded over to me and sniffed my ankles.

  “Six years.”

  “Will you be getting a lad for her?” I asked, smirking.

  Colin shook his head. “Nah, my mom doesn’t want to. Even if my sisters and I were practically begging her so that we could have puppies again, she said she didn’t want to cry over losing another pet. She says that they’re like family.”

  “I’ve never tried having a dog before,” I said honestly. “My cousins had one before—a German shepherd—but it was already old and died because of a heart attack before I could even walk and talk.”

  We passed by house number 7 and then stopped in front of mine. “Well, this is me,” I said, gesturing to the simple box with a roof that I’d known all my life as home. “Thanks for walking me back. You didn’t have to, really.”

  “Consider it as my thanks for staying with me and talking to me for nearly two straight hours,” he said, offering me a lopsided grin. “I seriously owe you one.”

  You can easily pay me back by returning the black notebook, I thought. The words were already on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say them. I knew it was stupid, but when I stared into his eyes, full of genuine gratitude, I decided that I didn’t want to ruin the moment with that. So instead I said, “You’re welcome.”

  We said our farewells and then I gave Lassie a soft, tentative pat on the head. She simply looked up and panted at me. Her tail was wagging though, so I assumed that was a good thing. Colin turned away with his dog and left, but not before shooting me a smile over his shoulder.

  Entry 12: Plan I – Retaliation

  Date: April 5, 2013

  “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” I said soothingl
y into the phone.

  “What do you mean it’s nothing to worry about?” the phone screeched back at me, causing me to cringe and pull it away from my ear.

  “Delilah, what I’m trying to say is—”

  “My parents and the entire school finding out that Mr. Lancaster and I have been having sex is something to worry about, Seven!” Delilah half-whispered half-yelled on the other side of the line.

  I sighed exasperatedly. “Well, who told you guys to go at it in school?” I snapped and for a moment Delilah was stunned into silence.

  I normally wouldn’t have gotten mad at anyone coming to me for advice or telling me their problems, even when they’d gotten really annoying already, but I wasn’t exactly in the best shape that morning.

  Being woken up by a phone call before the sun even had the chance to rise was one of the factors contributing to it.

  The other was that I was angry at myself for not getting a move on taking the black notebook back and even choosing to hold off any plans for two days since I’d last seen Colin.

  It wasn’t like it was because of my losing the black notebook that Delilah and Mr. Lancaster got caught—it was their own fault, actually—but I still felt guilty over the fact that other people might go through the same thing she was going through right then if I didn’t get it back as soon as possible.

  Delilah’s voice cracked as she stuttered, “W-We didn’t think anyone w-would be at school since its spring break…”

  Apparently Delilah and Mr. Lancaster had been together for weeks now. At first I thought it was only one-sided, but when Delilah found out that Mr. Lancaster was going back to school to gather some papers he’d forgotten, she decided to drop him a visit. She was thinking only of a brief make out, but it ended up getting way further than either of them had planned.

  Unfortunately, one of the teachers had gone back to the office as well to check something on their computer, and caught the two doing forbidden things on the floor.

  I dragged a hand over my face and said into the phone, “He said he was going to properly ask you out after you graduated, right? You were willing to wait for that. Why couldn’t you wait before doing…you know, that?”

  “We were planning to, but I don’t know! It just—it just happened,” she cried. “I am so dead. I’m never going to graduate after this mess and my parents won’t trust me with anything anymore and—”

  “Delilah,” I sighed, “calm down. Breathe.” The girl had asthma, for goodness’ sake. I heard short quick intakes of breath and then the sound of an inhaler.

  “Right, I’m sorry, Seven,” Delilah told me, her voice wavering, “it’s just—I thought I had everything in control but it’s all slipping through my fingers. I wish time would just stop…”

  “Look, Delilah, I’m pretty sure you already know this,” I said, “but all of us make mistakes and mistakes have consequences. Your little slip-up may be bigger than others but you can get through this. It won’t be okay now but after a little while, everything will fall into place.”

  “I-I know…” Delilah sobbed. “Thanks, Seven. I just…I just needed to talk to somebody because I’m seriously freaking out right now.”

  “You know what I suggest? Tell your parents now before somebody else informs them. It’ll lessen the damage, even if just by a little bit.”

  I could almost hear her nodding through the phone. She sniffed. “Okay. Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you so much. I’m sorry. Bye.” And then she hung up.

  For a moment I just sat there, Delilah’s wails echoing through my head.

  Two days are more than enough, I decided as I dropped the phone on the bed.

  I hopped out of the blanket tangled around my legs and dashed to my closet, rummaging for a fresh set of clothes. My mind was set on doing one thing and one thing only: getting the black notebook back—now more than ever.

  Yes, it was undeniable that, despite the fact that the black notebook had already been in Colin’s possession for a month now, none of its secrets had leaked. And I would definitely know if that had happened because then there would be tons of people at my door with pitchforks and torches demanding my head.

  Okay, maybe that was a little exaggeration but still.

  I had pondered over this for the past few days, and even considered stopping this pointless chase after something that Colin wasn’t planning on giving back.

  But after hearing Delilah’s cries just a few seconds ago, I knew that I couldn’t live with myself if anyone’s life was ruined just because I was getting tired of begging for the notebook.

  I would have to continue with Plan I, which was to steal the things that mattered to him just as he stole what mattered to me.

  Pathetic, wasn’t it? I mean, I had heard of people creating Plan A until at most C, but Plan I?

  I shook my head at myself and headed to the shower. Once I was pink and squeaky clean, I went downstairs to tell my parents that I was leaving. I found them by the kitchen sink, playing a tug-of-war with the cup that Mom usually used to pour water into the coffeemaker.

  Ever since we’d found out that my mom was pregnant, my dad had insisted on helping out in the house. She was totally fine with cleaning the house, but when he mentioned the kitchen…well, let’s just say my mom doesn’t want anybody near enough to mess up her precious kitchen.

  She had immediately denied his offer, but Dad would still try to cook something up for dinner or prepare a healthy snack whenever she turned her attention away.

  And from what I could see, it looked like he was at it again.

  “Honey, honestly, I won’t even break a sweat! Let me—just let me do this!” my mom begged him, her vice-like grip around the cup, trying not to spill the water inside.

  “It’s fine, Julie! Sit down. I’ve got this,” my dad tried to sound calm and in control but even he was having a hard time prying the cup from Mom’s fingers.

  I stared at them for a couple of minutes, mouth agape and eyebrow raised. I cleared my throat and asked, “Um, guys?”

  “Good morning, Seven,” they both said without even sparing me a glance.

  “I’m heading out to meet with a friend. I’ll be back for lunch, so don’t mind me and just continue…uh, whatever you guys are doing,” I said awkwardly. I turned on my heels and started to leave.

  “Okay!” they called after me, but even though my back was facing them, I bet they didn’t even break off from their let-go-of-the-cup-and-no-one-gets-hurt stares. I wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled on some ninja moves while I was gone.

  I edged around the familiar crack outside of our house and jogged out of my neighborhood. An elderly couple was strolling by, but I sped past before they could stop me and say hello. I caught a cab at the corner of The Book Station and recited Colin’s address like something I’d memorized in school.

  As I waited for the cab to reach my destination, the adrenaline and determination that I might have felt a little while ago started to drain out. I wondered, not for the first time, if I would stumble upon another family fight, and part of me wanted to tell the driver to turn back the way we’d come.

  Maybe I was just paranoid from Delilah’s call. The secrets were safe, so far. And Colin wasn’t a bad guy. Maybe he took things little too far, but he wasn’t cruel.

  I remembered the way he’d smiled as he told me: Well, now I’m setting you free.

  He wouldn’t spread the secrets. He wouldn’t do such a thing…would he?

  I bit my cheeks worriedly and chewed on them the rest of the way. By the time I reached Colin’s house, it was a miracle I hadn’t drilled any holes through them. They hurt and felt kind of raw, though, but I ignored it as I paid the driver and stepped out of the cab.

  I looked up to see that Colin’s pale blue pickup truck was where I last saw it, out on the curb, almost as if it was just asking someone to take it…

  I walked casually towards their front yard and crouched once I reached the ro
sebushes. I dragged myself on my elbows and knees, trying not to sneeze when the grass was tickling my nose. Once I was under the shade of the house, I paused to listen for any sound, ready to bolt if I heard even a vague sense of an argument going on.

  But the only thing I could hear was the distant sound of the TV. I almost wished there was an argument.

  I kept as close to the house wall as I could and inched towards the tree I’d climbed before. I was just getting to the roots when I spotted the doghouse and Lassie, who was just sitting there, staring at me.

  Uh-oh.

  I reached up and pressed a finger to my mouth, hoping she’d get the message. She simply stared back at me with her brown eyes, tongue lolled.

  I silently begged for her to keep quiet as I took a slow crawl forward, but just when I thought that the dog wouldn’t be a problem, she freaking barked. Three times.

  I was a dead man.

  Or maybe a dead girl would be more accurate.

  I quickly scuttled back to the house wall just in time as the window above my head slid open and a girl’s voice said, “Lassie? What’s wrong, girl?”

  Fortunately, the girl didn’t notice me just under her nose, but I didn’t dare glance up to see who she could be. She sounded young, but that definitely wasn’t Candice’s voice. Maybe it was Cass, Colin’s younger sister.

  Across the yard, I met Lassie’s eyes. Nothing’s wrong, right, Lassie? Please don’t betray me, Lassie. This is for the good of mankind and dogs alike. You’ve got to understand, I said in my mind, hoping that I had an undiscovered power of talking to animals like John from I Am Number Four.

  Lassie barked again and then padded closer, close enough that she was under the branches of the tree. My heart jumped up to my mouth, but thankfully she stopped right there and sat down. She barked again.

  Thank you, Lassie, for flushing my potential powers down the drain.

  “Aw, Lassie, you’re such a cutie,” the girl cooed and then giggled. I heard her footsteps as she walked away from the window. After counting down five seconds, I finally let out the breath I’d been holding.