“Yeah, I told them that they can come see The Book Station this Thursday since I know they’re still pretty busy, old as they already are,” he said and shared a laugh with my mom. His face had softened then with a wistful smile. “I can’t believe it’s been so long…”
I personally couldn’t believe it either, but not in the same way as Patrick.
I didn’t know what it was about what Patrick was saying, but I just couldn’t believe that his parents would actually come and meet up with him. From what my mom told me, they were really disappointed in him, to the point that they practically disowned him and stopped funding his studies. All these years had passed, as they’d both said, and yet his parents only made their appearance in his life now, when their only son was already in his late thirties.
Somehow a part of me wasn’t so sure they’d fulfill their promise of coming.
I didn’t voice my thoughts though and just congratulated Patrick. And now, as the sound of the pan popping with oil and the smell of cooked meat drifted from the kitchen and into the room, I asked Patrick if he wanted another round of Mortal Kombat.
He shook his head ruefully. “Sorry, Seven,” he said. “It’s almost dinnertime and I need to get back. I can’t be on break forever. Maybe next time.” He turned and called out towards the kitchen, “Julie, I’m leaving now!”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” she shouted back without pulling her attention away from her work.
“I’m sure! Thanks, though!” With a smile and a wave, he said to me, “Bye, pup. I’ll just see myself out.”
I nodded silently and waved goodbye. I watched him walk away and duck out, closing the door behind him.
When he was gone, I got up on my feet and collected the games scattered over the carpeted floor, arranging them back into the neat piles they were previously in. Once I was done, I made my way up the stairs and to my room.
The second I stepped in and saw my bed, I remembered Colin. My heart raced even at just the thought of him, and I felt restless, impatient to get the day done and see him tomorrow at school.
I sighed and staggered inside, pushing aside the box of books I’d read through the morning, almost toppling over the pile beside my bed. As I took the ones I’d already finished and placed them on my shelf, my phone suddenly buzzed and I pulled it out to see who it was.
Colin. There goes my heart again.
I stretched myself over the bed and quickly opened the message, eager to read the words there. Hey :) today’s our last day for break, huh?
So casual, so simple, and yet it meant the world to me. I replied: Hi! Yeah :( I want it to last a little longer.
Why? Did ya plan any adventures? ;)
No I just don’t want to go to school. Besides, I don’t know where to have an adventure.
After clicking SEND, I waited for his reply. When he didn’t reply immediately, I told myself that maybe he was just busy. I only started getting worried when my phone didn’t beep again for a couple of minutes.
I was absently drumming my fingers against my leg and wondering if he’d ever respond or if this was some subtle way of rejecting someone, when his message finally came. Open your video call.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and texted, Why?
I turned it on anyway, and almost that exact same moment, Colin sent me a video call. I answered it and the screen turned black with a white loading sign. Pixels began appearing, arranging themselves until I could see an only slightly blurry image of Colin.
His hair looked wet, darker than usual, and he was wearing an ordinary green T-shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. He peered at the screen, looking confused, and then he grinned. “There we go.”
I couldn’t hold back the smile. “What’s the video call for?”
“Nothing,” he said, shrugging. From the background, I could see that he was leaning against the headboard of his bed. “Just wanted to try it out.” He squinted at me and then sighed—almost longingly. “Man, I want to kiss you right now.”
My cheeks went all warm and pink as I said, “Gee, that wasn’t awkward at all.” He probably doesn’t mean it, I reminded myself when he grinned. “So did you just take a shower?” I asked.
“Why? Do I look that good?” He wagged his eyebrows at me.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s your hair. It kind of hangs over your forehead rather than sticking up.”
“Okay, yeah I did,” he said, laughing and making his video shake a little, “Anyway, back to what we were talking about: you say that you don’t know where to have an adventure?”
“That is correct.”
“Well, isn’t that the point?” he asked. “You go out to explore because you don’t know where you’re going. You’re just letting the car drive, your gut lead, and the winds carry you away.”
“How poetic,” I said teasingly, “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
He laughed again, running a hand through his hair. How could he make it look so sexy? “Hey, I can be poetic if I try.”
I shook my head at him, smirking, and shifted around on my bed so that I was lying on my stomach. “But if you don’t know where you’re going, won’t you get lost? What if you don’t find your way back?”
He smiled. “Not all those who wander are lost.”
I blinked in surprise. “Isn’t that from Lord of the Rings?”
He grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I just finished watching the trilogy. Fell asleep for a while in the first movie, though.”
“Oh,” I said and then paused. “I think I know what kind of adventure I want now.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to have an adventure like in Lord of the Rings or Percy Jackson or even Hunger Games.”
“I’m not that sure about the Hunger Games bit,” he said and that one dimple on his left cheek popped up again. He clapped and rubbed his hands together, a look of mischief dancing in his eyes. “Well then, we should definitely one. An adventure, I mean.”
“Yeah, why not?” I said, shrugging. I didn’t know if Colin really meant it, but I didn’t want to keep my hopes up just in case. “So how are things with your dad?”
The smile on his face faded away. “I, uh…haven’t exactly talked to him yet.”
“Colin.”
“What?” he asked defensively. “It’s not that easy letting go of something you’re used to for the past decade.”
“But you will forgive him, right?”
He raised an eyebrow at me and asked, “What does it matter anyway if I forgive him or not?”
My mind brought me back to one of the secrets this one guy, Will, told me, about how he hated his dad because he never stopped to understand and was always too strict on his grades. They got into a fight one day and didn’t talk for the next few. When his father got into a car crash and died, he regretted the fact that he didn’t ever get to make up with his dad. His dad probably thought his son hated him until the minute he died. The guilt ate Will up to the point that he nearly succeeded in committing suicide; his mom had found him unconscious on the bathroom floor with a bunch of sleeping pills and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I definitely didn’t want Colin to go through something like that.
I wasn’t sure, though, if it was best to tell Colin about it, especially since Will probably didn’t want anyone else to know.
But I looked up, and I could picture myself reaching into the screen and into the room until I was right there beside him, and then I thought, I love him. Besides, he didn’t spread the secrets he already knows by now. I can trust him.
So I went on to tell Colin about Will and his dad and his guilt. He listened quietly, a sober expression painted on his face. When I was done, he tore his gaze away from me and rolled his tongue over his teeth, pondering over what I’d just said. He exhaled, long and deep, and looked back at the screen, at me. “I guess…I guess I can try tonight.”
I smiled
at him. “I know you can do it. You’re a good guy, Colin.”
I couldn’t figure out why, but he looked really, really sad when I said that. “Sorry, Seven,” he sighed, “but I have to go. See you tomorrow?”
I blinked in surprise. Did I do something wrong? I wondered, but didn’t dare let my thoughts turn into words. “O-Okay. See you. Bye.”
“Bye,” he said, smiling weakly, before he ended the call and the screen went black again.
***
Date: April 9, 2013
The next day, as I stood just outside of my closet, debating on whether I would go with the new blouse I’d bought or my favorite yellow Marvel comics T-shirt, I was filled with a sudden sense of dread.
I finally had school that day and whenever I thought of school, I would inevitably think of having to get ready to face more secrets and the prospect of keeping them.
Surprisingly, no one had texted or called me over the break. I got a few messages about parties and had politely declined, but there weren’t as many people begging for my help or anything like that. Usually my inbox would’ve been flooded.
Of course, I was completely fine with it, but I couldn’t pretend as if everything was okay and just let it all pass until no one came to me for secrets at all. There were still secrets in the black notebook that were just as important and confidential as my own secrets. I owed it to the people who needed my help.
Unfortunately, no matter what I did, Colin would just shoot down every single thing I threw at him.
I thought back to last night’s video call and a string of questions, already familiar to my mind, came to life like a newly lit firecracker. Did he see something in my expression that made him look so sad? Was it because I was forcing him to forgive his dad? Would he still keep up this boyfriend-girlfriend facade with me?
Despite it being fiction, it was the closest thing I had to an actual intimate relationship with Colin, but I didn’t think he would find any need to pretend anymore. Our families wouldn’t be at school to see that there was nothing between us, so there was no other reason why he had to.
I chewed my lip, remembering how he’d sighed and said, Man, I want to kiss you right now.
I knitted my eyebrows and shook my head. It was important that I remember as well that the only reason he kissed me the day I told his parents I was his girlfriend was because he needed to get the black notebook back from me.
I frowned. The pain that blossomed in my stomach felt like somebody had just stabbed me in the gut and was twisting the knife to make a point—a point that clearly said, If you fall any harder for Colin, it’ll surely hurt like this. Only ten times worse.
But he wanted to kiss me…
I switched my attention to my clothes arranged in metal hangers and folded in drawers. As I looked through my possible choices for the day, slowly, gradually, I grasped the beginnings of a plan.
Colin almost always used his charms to take my focus away from the notebook. He knew what would distract me, what would weaken me, and he’d used it against me—kissing me, saying sweet things and then taking them back so that I was left in a whirlpool of mixed feelings.
Well, now it was my turn.
Back when I was a sophomore, there was a senior in my class named Bridgette who told me that it was easy to get at a guy’s weakness.
“It completely depends on the guy—some are actually down-to-earth and gentlemanly—but most of them are very simple-minded. A little cleavage here, a little flirting there, and a whole lot of exhausting kissing and voila,” she’d said with a flourish and a sly smile, “he’s hooked.”
I frantically searched through my clothes, picking out one after the other and then haphazardly throwing them back in. The closest thing I had to a shirt that actually revealed any cleavage—however small—was the large Clippers jersey that hung on my frame. My dad had given it to me when we went to one of their games together with Nate, but I didn’t think a jersey would have that much sex appeal, so I shoved it back in the closet and settled for a black fitted halter that I usually only used under my shirts.
I picked out a pleated skirt that only reached half of my thighs and matched it with a pair of ankle boots. I grabbed a jacket and swiftly slipped it on before going downstairs.
My dad wasn’t as conservative as most fathers but I had a feeling he’d be pretty shocked if he saw that I’d replaced my customary sneakers and simple tees for high heels and halters.
It took me a while climbing down the stairs in my heels, but I managed. Once I was downstairs though my dad was nowhere to be found. I eyed the empty place where his plate should’ve been. He probably already left for work.
I approached the dining table just as my mom was sitting down. Our original table was back in its place, but I could remember the other night and Colin and everything that had happened so clearly that it was almost like the black foldable table was still there.
She looked up when she heard my shoes against the floor and raised her eyebrows with a smile. “Wow. You look really pretty today, Seven. You usually don’t wear skirts to school.”
I shouldered my backpack and shrugged. “I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to try something different.”
“Yeah, well, it’s nice,” she said, raising her glass of orange juice.
I grinned at her. “Of course you’d say that, you’re my mom.”
“Hey,” she said defensively, “I wouldn’t tell you that if it wasn’t true.”
“I know, I know,” I said, laughing. I spotted my plate but I didn’t feel like sitting down and chatting over breakfast. I was so pumped with alacrity to execute my plan I feared that if I stayed still for even one second, I would lose it all in one breath. Besides, I could get to school early and figure out how to even remotely look seductive while I waited for Colin to come.
With that thought, I scooped the scrambled eggs and laid them out on the toasted bread. I covered it with some ham and then another piece of toast, creating some sort of sandwich. I chomped on it. Not bad.
“Okay, Mom, I’ve got to go,” I said with a mouthful of eggs, ham, and toast. “See you later!”
Her eyebrow shot up in disbelief. “A little early, don’t you think?”
“Uh,” I said, stalling, “I have to get something…done before classes start. I’m fine with cramming at the last hour but definitely not at the last minute.”
“You should’ve done it last night or sometime during the break,” she scolded me, but ended up only shaking her head and chuckling. “Alright, you take care, baby. Say hi to Colin for me.”
I promised her I would and munched on my makeshift sandwich as I tried not to make it look so obvious that I was greatly affected by that two syllable name. I strode out of the door and to the people and sidewalks and buildings that awaited me outside.
Winter was finally losing its edge and springtime was evident in the blooming flowers in my neighbors’ gardens and the budding leaves in the trees. The streets were busier than usual and I pulled my jacket sleeve over my nose as I passed through the smoke of an old beat-up car. The Book Station was on the way, and when I peeked inside I could see Patrick and Francesca starting up the shop.
Eventually the familiar bland color of the school walls turned up around the corner and, once I was safely inside the steel gates, I peeled off my jacket and let the cool wind whip my skin.
There weren’t many people around yet, but there were still some faces that greeted me and waved me over. Seeing as Colin wasn’t anywhere to be found, I talked with other people for a bit, catching up and getting the load of secrets and problems that I thought I’d avoided since spring break started.
There was a noticeable decrease in their number though, that I had to admit. Out of the many that approached to say hello, only five had hidden agendas.
As I mingled around, hopping from one group to another, I realized something odd. People—to be more precise, the boys—were gawking at me. Most of them we
re huddled in a group, caught up in a conversation or just standing under the shade of a tree, reviewing for their tests one more time, but there was an undeniable hush that came over them when I passed.
My skin crawled from the intensity of their lingering stares. I was used to attention but this was completely foreign.
I shoved my jacket inside my locker, thinking I wouldn’t need it later, and slammed the door shut. I spun around, ready to walk to my first class and just wait for my opportunity to see Colin, when a boy with olive skin and a crew cut sauntered over and flashed a blindingly white smile at me. “Looking good, Seven,” he said, shamelessly looking me up from head to toe.
I looked at him weirdly. “Um, thanks, Steph. So how are you and your girlfriend?” Steph used to come to me, complaining about his girlfriend who was you could say very, very close to the other members of his football team. Steph was actually an okay friend and he’d never looked at me like this before.
“Oh, you know, with one guy and another, as always,” he said nonchalantly, as if it didn’t matter to him anymore. “So since when did you start looking so hot?”
I blushed and shook my head. “Nah, I’m hardly ‘hot’.”
He chuckled. “Oh, come on. Sure you are.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“You know I’m not,” he insisted, winking. I gave him a sheepish smile, raising a hand to rub the back of my neck. Well, that was awkward.
“So,” he went on, “what’s your first class?”
“Oh, um, I’m just about to head…to bio…” I trailed away as something behind Steph’s head caught my attention. An ocean of students filled the halls, churning and crashing against each other. And among the tens of blue jeans and backpacks, I found Colin, wearing a dark blue sweatshirt, his hood up. He was talking to a friend as he walked, clenching and unclenching his hands around the straps of his backpack.
As he turned his head, his gaze drifted to my direction, meeting mine, and then locking it in place. His eyes unmistakably lit up and the corners of his mouth quirked up in a smile—
The Black Notebook Page 26
