As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4)

by Jaime Russell

  We head out of the mall and Jana thanks me for everything today. I gave her my cell phone number to text or call anytime.

  “What do you mean that she left school and went to some stranger’s office?” I repeat part of the conversation that my mom was filling me in on.

  “Jana has been feeling pretty guilty about a conversation that she had with Bennett that involves you. She went to Max and Sarah’s business to talk to Sarah.”

  “I don’t understand who is Sarah and why is she going to her? I don’t think I like this.” I hate that Jana has been putting herself through this guilt over something that I can’t help her through.

  “Sarah lives with Max and Reagan so they met her on one of the many occasions the kids were there.” My mother is standing in front of me bringing me another change of clothes since I haven’t been able to be home in three days. “I trust Reagan.”

  “I don’t like people being in my kids’ lives that I don’t know.”

  “Well you can meet her sometime soon. She is a pretty thing and so sweet.” My mom winks at me and I know that her matchmaking skills are in full effect.

  “Mother.”

  “Can’t blame a mother for trying.”

  “I love you and thank you for this.” I hold up the gym bag full of clothes to keep in my office. “I barely have time to see my kids, so trying to date is not in the cards right now.”

  “When will you be home?”

  “Tomorrow afternoon. I finally got the schedule done and doctors rotating in and out better. Some were suspended for walking out on a shift without having a replacement.”

  “They should be fired.” My mom mumbles.

  “No, but I do have Christmas Day off for the first time in five years. The hospital has seen me working double shifts for three days trying to resolve this so I get to see my kids open their presents and have dinner with them.”

  “Oh, Jensen that is wonderful. Gram Gram, will be in next week until after the New Year.” I kiss her on the cheek goodbye and head back to my office. I remove the scrubs and standing naked in my office as my cell phone pings letting me know that a text message came through.

  Mom:

  Give Jana back her phone.

  I laugh out loud because I forgot that I took it from her.

  Me:

  It’s in the nightstand by my bed. Please have her call my cell phone when she gets home.

  Mom:

  Will do honey

  I get back to the pit, it’s what a lot of us call the emergency room where all the doctors and nurses hang out to do the paperwork and monitor the patient’s vitals, and continue my way through patient after patient. My cell phone starts to ring and I see my daughter’s picture pop up.

  “Hello Janabanana”

  “Hi daddy.” Jana sounds like a scared child and it breaks my heart. “I’m sorry that I left school.”

  “Why didn’t you come here to me?”

  “I needed to talk to someone who wasn’t family, someone totally unbiased. Sarah helped a lot.”

  “I’m glad that she helped you but I’m sorry that you needed her help. I’ll be home tomorrow night so why don’t you, Bennett and I go out to dinner and spend some much-needed time together.”

  “Really? That will be great.” Jana’s excitement makes me smile. God how I have missed my kids.

  “It will be great. How was the Christmas concert tonight?”

  “The Christmas concert was alright. Sarah watched us for a little bit. She told us afterwards that the baby really liked the music.”

  “I didn’t know she had a baby, how old?”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  “Oh.” My mother didn’t let me know about that tidbit.

  “Sarah also showed Bennett and I the designs for our new bedrooms. She did a few of them and we got to tell her what ones we liked and what we hated. She is going to email you the ones we liked so you can approve them.” Sarah just won some points with me. I like that she is treating them like adults rather than ignoring their wishes since it’s their personal space.

  “I can’t wait to see what you three came up with. Should I let her do my room too?” Jana laughs and it feels so good to hear my daughter’s laugh. She hasn’t done that a lot lately.

  “Sarah loves the house and wants to redesign the whole house.”

  “Good, it needs it huh? Gram Gram, decorated it.” I cringe at the fact that I never changed anything.

  “Yep and it shows.” My grandmother has horrible taste in decorating. She is color blind and the people at the shops always tell her how beautiful something is so she spends her money. I used to feel guilty about wanting to change it so I left it alone but it’s time.

  “When I get the email, I’ll let her know to start downstairs too. We might as well go big or go home right?” Jana agrees with me I let her know that I need to hang up with her as I’m being told there was a car accident that I need to tend to. I reassure her that I love her and will most definitely be home to see her soon.

  I groan as I look at the clock on the wall to see it is 12:45 a.m. I lay on the bed where I had sex with that beautiful blonde woman. I hate that I didn’t talk to her or even got her name. I close my eyes remembering every inch of this beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed woman who in thirty minutes has rocked my world. Every blonde that I see, I look at them because I need to see her again, feel her and be inside her. When I remember that time, I mentally slap myself for popping her cherry. I was so far in with her that I couldn’t stop. I wanted to be the one who did it and I’m glad that I did. I just hate that it might be the only time. I’ve been obsessed with her and no one can fill this need. Ugh now I can’t sleep. I decide to do some work so I sit up and open my laptop. I hook it up to my hot spot. I see an email from Sarah Edwards that she just sent to me. Intrigued by this mystery woman whom my mother; and kids have fallen in love with already.

  Edwards, Sarah; sedwardsdesigns@outlook.com

  Mr. Causer,

  Hello, let me introduce myself. My name is Sarah and I’m the designer with Max. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be designing your childrens’rooms. I have grown very fond of them these last few months. I went over the list that you had given to Max of what you would like, and what the kids would like so tonight when they were at my office, I showed them three sketches each and this is the final one that I drew up tonight after I dropped your kids off at home. I also sent the kids a copy of this to get their okay too. I figured it’s their room and they need live in it.

  I’m sure that you have heard by now that Jana skipped school and was at my office. We did talk and she cried a lot. I told her to talk to you. I also gave her my cell number to text or call when she wants to talk.

  Here are the attachments for the rooms and let me know yes or no.

  Have a wonderful day and don’t work too hard.

  Sincerely

  Sarah

  I look over the design concepts and I'm blown away by this. Jana’s room looks so amazing. Jana has her Beauty and the Beast library, floor to ceiling bookcases, all around the room. There is even a rose light on the nightstand just like the movie. I’m sure Jana will outgrow this theme but I love it. Jana use to tell me growing up that she loves Beauty and the Beast because of the library. Sarah even gave her a place in the bathroom to put on her make-up like a movie star including the director’s chair. I’m in awe of Sarah’s talents so far.

  I look at the attachment for Bennett’s room. It’s a gaming room. There are pictures of all the games that Bennett’s obsessed with and even made sure that area of the room is sound proof. I’m not sure how that works just yet but thank god for that one. Bennett's bathroom is amazing too. The detail of turning it into a man cave sort of theme with everything down to the signs you find in a man’s cave. The No girls allowed sign that lights up is probably the best yet. I see that there is a third attachment and it’s my bedroom. Sarah has redecorated my room into more serene and neutral colors that even a woman woul
d like, browns, blues, and greens. My closet is amazing. She has a place for my shoes, neck ties, my shirts and pants. Her notes tell me that there is enough room in this closet now for when and if I find someone. I quickly hit reply.

  Causer, Jensen jcauser@gmail.com

  Sarah,

  These designs go above and beyond my expectations. I must admit that I’m blown away by it all. My room and closet is like you read my mind on things I wanted but never told anyone. Jana’s room; wow, just wow. She is going to never want to leave her room. Bennett and sound proofing are two things that need to go together but how did you make only half soundproofing? Thank you and I look forward to working with you. I do need to know, how much? Also, text message is probably the easiest way to reach me.

  Jensen

  My cell phone pings letting me know that I have a new text message.

  Unknown name

  What is the budget for the designs?

  I smile knowing that Sarah is texting me.

  Me:

  You tell me. I want to give my kids what they want

  Sarah:

  How does $30,000 sound?

  Me:

  Call a doctor, I’m having a heart attack.

  Sarah:

  LOL it’s a good thing you are at a hospital

  This is with using my discount at the various places and my fee cut in half.

  Me:

  you don’t need to do that. I can pay full price

  Sarah:

  I like your kids so it’s my gift to them too

  Me:

  Thank you does that include my bedroom too?

  Sarah:

  Add $10,000 on to that

  Me:

  I could buy a new house for that price.

  Sarah:

  Not really, have you seen the real estate market lately? Lol

  Me:

  No I have a house. You got yourself a deal if my kids sign off, you are good to go.

  Sarah:

  *does a little dance*

  I’m so excited.

  I laugh out loud at my antics with Jensen.

  Jensen:

  I’m glad that you are dancing around.

  What are you doing up so late?

  Me:

  I wanted to get this done and when I try to sleep this baby lays right on my bladder.

  Jensen:

  I can talk to my cousin’s wife who is an OB/GYN and ask her for remedies

  Me:

  That would be amazing, thank you

  Jensen:

  Thank you for helping Jana. I don’t know the details yet.

  Me:

  I’m sorry if I overstepped but I couldn’t leave her on my doorstep with that tear stained face. She really loves you.

  I walk around the room as I rub my ever-growing belly. “Aren’t you the active one tonight? I hope you are getting yourself into position for tomorrow’s appointment so I can start spoiling you.” I laugh as I feel a kick. I head to the bathroom for the one thousandth time tonight. My cell goes off and I see Jensen’s name pop up.

  Jensen:

  I love my kids and I’ve made a lot of mistakes with them. I wish I knew how to do it better.

  Me:

  I’ve learned with your kids, just talk to them. Jana has a lot on her mind and she’s afraid of disappointing you.

  Jensen:

  A little hint?

  Me:

  I wish I could. The only advice I can give you, keep an open mind when she is talking to you.

  Jensen:

  That bad?

  Me:

  Depends on how you react to it.

  Jensen:

  I’m worried.

  Me:

  I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.

  Jensen:

  You will find with your kid that you will worry about everything.

  Me:

  I’m scared to become a parent.

  Jensen:

  Don’t be afraid. It’s one of the best things a person can do. How does your husband feel about being a parent?

  Me:

  I’m doing it solo.

  Jensen:

  I’m sorry. With Reagan by your side, you can’t lose.

  Me:

  She is pretty kickass. If my kid is half as good as Jonathan, then I’m golden.

  I yawn and start to get ready for bed while the baby is settled. I hope he or she lets me sleep more than four hours.

  Jensen:

  What are you up to?

  Me:

  Getting ready to climb into bed and see if I can sleep.

  Jensen:

  I’ll let you go.

  Me:

  If I don’t text for a long time, you will know that I fell asleep.

  I send the text and my phone starts to ring. "Hello?”

  “I figured that I would call you. I wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Is that a bad pick up line you’re using?” Jensen laughs and I can’t help but laugh with him.

  “I don’t think it’s a bad pick up line; cheesy maybe but not bad.”

  “Ok, we’ll go with cheesy then. What are you doing up so late?”

  “I can’t sleep at the hospital. My nightly routine is watching a movie with the kids and tucking them in after they've fallen asleep.”

  “That is sweet. What does Dr. Causer do when he is not working or creeping on his kids at night?” Jensen laughs.

  “I play basketball with Max and Shawn. I’m boring. It’s always been about my kids and work.”

  “Don’t you ever get lonely? Feel like the third wheel?” I ask as I let out a sad sigh.

  “Yes, and not really. I try not to hang out with couples.” Now it’s my turn to laugh, “Why do you?”

  “I live with Max and Reagan, what do you think? Being pregnant and doing it without the father, makes me realize how lonely this is. I share my news with my close friends and family but it’s not the same.”

  “I’m sorry. This is a time where the father and mother grow closer. I remember when Michelle, my ex-wife, and I went to the first appointment to hear the heartbeat for the first time. We were shocked and scared when that second heartbeat sounded.”

  “I was praying for just one when I found out. I don’t think I could handle twins.” I yawn. “Sorry.”

  “No, don’t be sorry. I’ll let you go to sleep. I need to get some rest too. It was nice talking to you.”

  “You too! I’m glad that I got a chance to talk to the man that I hear so much about all the time.”

  “My kids and mother like you.”

  “I like them too.” I smile into the phone. I love being able to talk to someone who isn't in my circle of friends. “Good night Jensen. Sweet dreams.”

  “Good night Sarah.” I hang up with the phone and rub my belly like I do every night before bed.

  “Good night sweet baby. Mommy loves you.” I grab the first book in the Harry Potter series, Sorcerer’s Stone to read to her like I do every night. I fall asleep and I dream of the man who gave me this baby but tonight he will have that deep voice from the man that I hung up with.

  “Are you okay? You seem jumpy.” Max asks me as we sit in the Dr. Steel’s office.

  “I’m feeling weird today. I'm not sure what it is.” My leg is bouncy and hands are shaking.

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes, I did.” After I hung up with Jensen; I dreamt of my tattoo man. I know I’m making him out to be this amazing guy who would be with me always but I can’t help it.

  “Relax. I’m sorry that it’s me here today with you and not one of the girls.” Max frowns.

  “I’m glad it’s you. I’m pretty sure that you will be the father figure for this child so it’s going to be good that you come with me.” Max holds my hand and brings it to his lips to kiss it. I smile, “I’m glad you’re my brother from another mother.”

  “Me too. I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you going to start decorating the office at the apartment f
or the baby?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t think you would want me around cramping your style.”

  “Ha. What style? Reagan and I have been talking about it and we want you with us. Jonathan wants you there too. You’ll never be alone and this baby will be loved and cared for by all of us. There will be some construction because we bought the building next to us so we can expand the apartment and possibly move our business next door to Books a Latte.”

  “Can I think about it?” Max nods and helps me up from the chair when they call my name. We walk talking about seeing the baby.

  “Hello Dr. May.” I see the doctor at the receptionist’s desk picking up a folder.

  “Hello, Sarah and who, is this handsome man?”

  “This would be my best friend Max.”

  “Nice to meet you Max.” They shake hands and the nurse leads us down the hallway while Dr. May sneaks into another room to meet with another patient. I go through the normal tests, heart rate, blood pressure, how I’m sleeping, fever and all those questions for my file.

  “Your blood pressure is still high.” The nurse who I’ve never met mentions as she writes everything down for the doctor.

  “I’m not under any more stress than when I first started coming here. I don’t understand why it’s happening now.”

  “I don’t know but I’m sure the doctor will find out what we can do about it.”

  “Thanks, but is this normal?” The nurse sighs and turns to me.

  “It is more common than women realize but it’s not ideal and very important that we get it under control before the baby is born.” I nod. This is so frustrating and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to hurt the baby. “She will be in soon.” The nurse leaves the room.

  “Well wasn’t she pleasant?” Max says. I can’t help but laugh. “She scared me and I’m a guy. Don’t worry Sarah, I’m sure it’s just her personality and that there’s nothing wrong.”