“I’m at the hospital with Ella. Sarah had a complication and needed to have emergency surgery. I couldn’t leave her alone. Want to talk about the dream?”
“Is Sarah okay?” The concern in her voice makes my heart melt. My kids were raised to show compassion for others and they go above and beyond for those they care about.
“Yes, she needs to be monitored a bit more than she would get on this floor. So, tell me about the dream.”
“Daddy, I was about seven years old. We were sitting in the living room watching a movie while we ate pizza. She barged in and started yelling at you then grabs me by the arm to drag me out.” She, being Michelle. I sigh because this is where she climbs into bed with me and I pull her into my arms to squeeze her tight to reassure her that will never happen.
“You know Janabanana that daddy would never let that happen. You are stuck with me so get used to it.” I laugh. “Seriously Jana, I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I think we need to meet up with your mother and maybe you can put closure to the past.” Jana starts to interrupt me, “Baby girl, listen to me. We, me included, sit down and see what she wants and go from there. You can choose not to have her in your life or you can try to repair the relationship.”
“Would you be mad if I want a relationship with her? Do you think Sarah would be mad?” Jana asked the one question that made me the most nervous. Do I want them to have her in their life? No, if I’m being honest.
“Jana, I want what makes you happy but why are you worried about Sarah?”
“Daddy.” Jana’s tone was one of annoyance that she loves to use on me so much. I can almost see the eye roll. “Sarah is going to be my new mom and if I want a relationship with my biological mother, would it hurt her?”
“Would I be mad? No because I know how much you want that relationship but I'm afraid that she isn’t going to live up to your expectations which will crush you. Sarah might not be your new mom. I know you want that but we need to take our time. Sarah loves you and you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to her about this.”
“I love you daddy.”
“I love you too. Are you sleeping in my bed tonight?”
“Is it okay?” I nod even though she can’t see me.
“Yes. Do you want to talk about Ella?”
“I,” Jana sighs, “how are things going to change? I don’t handle change well.”
“Don’t I know that one.” We laugh, “I don’t know how it’s going to change. It’s always been the three of us and now there is a new baby.”
“And Sarah.” Jana reminds me.
“I’m assuming that you and Bennett talked, do you want to be involved in this baby’s life?”
“Yes, we do and we want you to marry Sarah. We love her and were hoping when you met her after the baby was born that you two would hit off face to face. She lights up when she talks about and you do the same.”
“Marriage is a big step. Why don’t I see if we can go steady first?” I laugh.
“Dad you are a dork.” Jana yawns. “I’m going to bed, I have school in the morning.”
“I love you.” Jana mumbles something unintelligent and hangs up. Ella starts to stir so I move the box onto the floor to check on her. Ella is looking up at me with a smile on her face.
“You are going to be such a hellion.” Ella coos. I let the nurses know that I need another bottle for Ella since they could pump a lot of Sarah’s breast milk. I lay down on the bed that Sarah was sleeping on to feed Ella. “I never knew that I wanted another baby until I saw your mommy doubled over in pain from you wanting to make a grand entrance into this world. You brought us together and we will be a family. I made a promise to your big brother and sister a long time ago that you will never know a day without love. We will fight, not get a long and yes it’s true that you and I will not like each other but we will love strong my little one.” Ella decides she's had enough and after I burped her, she closes her eyes and falls asleep. I don’t think my heart could swell anymore with love and pride. I get out of the hospital bed to grab the rest of the box. With Ella on my chest, bed back a little, I open more letters to read.
Doc,
Max and Reagan got engaged tonight. I’m so happy for them but I’m so lonely. The apartment is quiet as everyone is sleeping. This is the part of the night that’s the scariest for me. I feel alone and sad all the time. Sure, I have my little girl growing inside me but doing this alone sucks major donkey balls. I’ve been thinking a lot about my life here in Miami and if I should find a new place to live but I want her to grow up surrounded by love. Dr. May is amazing and so concerned for me. She overheard a conversation that I was having with Abby and made me feel better about how in my mind I made you this amazing guy, prince-like even but I need to keep you like that because it doesn't hurt as bad knowing you are not here. How could you just have sex with me and then leave like I was nothing? I waited about fifteen minutes before getting a shower, hoping that you would come back and you never did.
I guess this is where I get the emotions out while I’m pregnant and hormonal. I felt so many emotions that day. I felt love, euphoria, sadness, used, and alone but the depressing fact is I still feel the love, sadness and alone. I hate it. Thank you for my gift of her but I hate how you are missing out on things. Oh here is a silly picture that Jana took of me. I can’t see my feet so I was wearing one red and one blue shoe. We laughed so hard that I peed myself which made us laugh even more. Jana, Bennett, and Jonathan all take turns reading a fairytale to my stomach. When they talk, she loves being active. I’ve been playing a lot of old school rock, 90s (I so love my boy bands) and of course country music.
As soon as I found out I was having a girl I decided on a fairy theme for her nursery. They are so cute and magical where you can make a wish. I can’t wait until she is here so I can draw her into her very own fairy. I’m sure when she is a teenager and wants nothing to do fairies so we can change it. Life is going to be so different. I never had to worry about another life before but my own.
Do you have children? If you do, what are they like? Are you married is that why we haven’t seen each other? See where my mind runs when it’s up to no good.
Max and I redid the office since they bought the building next to the store so we expanded the bedroom and even the office upstairs to put in a bedroom, nursery and office for me. I think they want to keep me close. I’m good with being here or upstairs but I will eventually want a yard for her to run around and a swing set to swing so high that she can touch the clouds.
I lay in this bed on my side, rubbing my belly while I’m crying through this letter. The thought of you being married, having this whole other life that doesn’t even have anything to do with me and this child makes my heart ache. Where are you Doc?
With love,
Sarah
I’m sitting here staring down at my new daughter who is sleeping with no care in the world. “Your big brother and sister were reading to you before they knew you were family. I think I did something right with them.” I let out a big yawn. I see the clock says it’s 6:15 a.m.
“Can I see my sister?” I turn my head to where the tiny voice is coming from to see my mom, dad, grandmother, Jana and Bennett standing with smiles on their faces.
“Sure come in.” I use the bed to sit us up as Ella starts to stir. “Ella, this is your other family, my family. This is grandma and grandpa. Gram Gram, now with this one you need to watch out for her, because she likes to teach the bad stuff but look cute doing it so we forget to punish you, and these two you already know, Jana and Bennett.”
“Hi pretty girl.” Jana grabs her from me and walks around the room talking to her. I smile watching all of them interact. I snap a few pictures when they are not looking at me.
“Here, kids get on the bed with your dad. I want a picture.” My mom grabs my phone from me. Jana hands me Ella as she climbs on to my right side and Bennett on my left. “Smile big for the camera guys.” We all smile as I cradle Ella to show he
r looking at the camera.
“I just wish Sarah was here with us.” Bennett says sadly.
“Me too buddy. She should be out of recovery tomorrow so we can visit with her and get lots of pictures.” I lay my head onto his.
“Alright you saw the baby and now it’s time for you two to get to school. Gram Gram, and grandpa are taking you to school then we will see you after school at the house.” My mother points at the kids. They kiss Ella and me good bye. “Now give me that baby so I can hold her and teach her all of the fun stuff that Gram Gram, taught me. You close your eyes and rest. I will wake you if they need anything from you. I love you my sweet boy.”
“Mom, I love you too but I’m worried. How is all of this going to work?” I ask trying to keep my eyes open.
“Honey, talk to Sarah when you are both rested. Sarah is the mother and you are the father so take cues off each other.”
The last thing I remember before falling asleep was my mom thanking Ella for coming into our lives when we needed some joy.
Beep
Beep
Beep.
My eyes start to flutter open and it’s almost like they are taped shut because I’m struggling to get them to stay open. My body is in so much pain and all I want to do is sleep. My heart is telling me there is somewhere that I need to be but my body and mind are telling me to rest. I can’t fight all three so I stop struggling to open my eyes and fall back to sleep. I don’t know how long I was asleep for this time but I wake to a man’s voice whispering. I try to keep listening closely but the damn beeping of the machines is making it difficult.
I groan out in pain when I move to get into a better position.
“Careful love. Do you need me to get a nurse to help you move?” The calming voice of the man makes me smile.
“Jensen,” My voice is hoarse and groggy, “what’s going on and where is Ella?” I wiggle my nose as the oxygen tubes feels weird and I start to take it out but Jensen puts his hands on mine to let me know to stop.
“Ella is right here in my arms and you had emergency surgery. Everything is okay.” I smile and I start to look around the room but don’t recognize it.
“Where am I?”
“You are in the recovery room and they are going to move you back to the room with Ella and me.”
“Is she okay?” I try to move around quickly so I can see my bundle of joy. I punch the bed as Jensen uses the bed to sit me up slightly. He is wearing a smirk that I want to punch off his face. “Shut up.” Jensen laughs.
“Look Ella there’s mommy.” Jensen holds Ella up so she can be looking at me which makes me cry a little. “What’s the matter?”
“I felt like I haven’t seen her in months. I’ve missed her. Can I hold her?”
“I already talked to May and she gave the go ahead.” Jensen leans down to hand me my daughter.
“Hello my precious girl. Have you been spending time with daddy? Does he snore? Did he read you a story?” I sniff her head and all is right with the world. Ella smells like baby powder and lotion.
“My family came this morning to visit before the kids went to school.” Jensen brings out his phone as he pulls the chair closer to me as he starts showing me picture after picture. “Jana and Bennett are so excited to be a big brother and sister. My grandmother had so much fun. This is my favorite picture of these two.” Jensen shows me there is a picture of his grandmother laughing in the picture with Ella. Jensen tells me that her grandmother will teach her all the bad things and how to use those eyes against daddy like she did with the older siblings.
“Jensen, how are we going to do this? We barely know each other. Are you going to take her from me?” I start to cry.
“Hey hey,” Jensen gets on the bed by my knees to grab my free hand, “Ella is yours. No, she is ours and we will figure it out. I don’t know how to do this. Do we move you into my house so we are all together? Do I have Ella on weekends? How does Jana and Bennett fit into this? There is a lot and we will take it one day at a time. Calm down. I’m not a bastard.”
“I didn’t think that you were a bastard but come on, I spent the last nine months thinking I’m doing this all on my own and now you are here. I’m scared.”
“I read your letters and I am so sorry for how I treated you that day. I had a run in with my ex-wife and her cousin. I can handle my ex fine because we don’t hate each other but her cousin Robin just drives me to want to hit a woman. When I ran into you, my world stopped. I saw a sadness in your eyes that I felt that you understood and I needed to feel a connection to someone even if it was just physical. When you spoke, and smiled at me, I couldn’t resist you. I had to have you there. I am not the man who does that sort of thing, sleep with someone then leave without even knowing their name. I could have held you all day. I didn’t want to let you go but when that pager went off my mind instantly went to doctor mode. Can you forgive me?”
“Jensen, I forgave you the moment that I found out that I was pregnant. I know in those letters I was angry and I needed to get it out for the sake of this baby and my mental health so to speak.”
“Am I still prince like?” Jensen wiggles his eyebrows at me and I roll my eyes. “When I read the letters about how Jana and Bennett were so important to you and Ella, I think I fell more in love with you and I didn’t think that was possible.”
“I would look at Jana and Bennett and see you in them and I silently hoped that you were ‘Doc’ but I was afraid to ask for a picture. I wanted to be a family with you and the all three kids.”
“I want that Sarah! I would give anything to have that with you. If you want to get married now, I can make that happen.”
“One step at a time. What’s that song, Jensen and Sarah kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. We went straight to baby; I think we skipped a couple of steps.”
“We hit two steps, love and baby.” Jensen winks at me. There is a knock on the door before I can respond to see a nurse coming in.
“I need to check your dressings and get you ready for transport back up to maternity and labor. Can you take the baby and step out please?” The nurse is short and to the point. I nod as I take Ella.
“I’m going to go up to the room so I can get her fed. Since you can’t breast feed for a few more hours, okay? Rest, because this will be the only time you get any peace and quiet.” Jensen kisses me as he walks out of the room.
“I can’t believe Dr. Causer is off the market. So many hearts are breaking around Miami.” The nurse mutters to herself.
“Is he a lady’s man?” I ask wanting to know more but afraid of the answer.
“Not really. He doesn’t really date much because of his two kids. Dr. Causer has always put his kids above everything and that’s what most women find attractive about him. They want him all to themselves and he won’t do that. He went on a date with my cousin about five years ago. They were in the middle of dinner when his phone rang so he answered it which pissed her off but it was his daughter who wanted daddy to read her a bedtime story. My cousin was left hailing a cab as he went home. Dr. Causer paid for dinner and the cab and from what I heard, he waited until she got into one.”
“He sounds like a great guy. We just started to get to know each other over the last few months.” The nurse looks confused and I blush. “Hook up one night and we formed a friendship through email, and text messages so we didn’t know it was each other until he delivered the baby.” I laugh and groan. I smack my forehead because I gave up too much information.
“You are going to be sore for a while. I think that when you go home, you will be restricted to bed and have to have others help you out until you can get out of bed and laugh without the pain.”
“I spent most of my pregnancy on bed rest what’s a few more weeks.” I smile as someone comes to tell us they are transport. He looks mean and I keep my mouth shut just to get away from him. As he rolls me into my room I see Jensen and a woman whos
e back is turned to me so I don’t know who is holding Ella. I go on high alert.
“There she is mom. I knew Sarah would be coming up soon.” I feel my body begin to relax which makes me feel better.
“How are you feeling? You had a lot of people scared.”
“Am I interrupting something?” My dad stands in the doorway staring down Jensen and his mother as I peek around him.
“Dad, come in. This is Jensen, Ella’s dad and his mother, Holly, and my dad Francis and my mom Elizabeth.” They all do the polite greeting towards each other but I can see the jealousy in my mother’s eyes. I think Holly, felt the tension. “Well I need to get to work. I have a busy day of paperwork. Elizabeth, here’s our beautiful granddaughter. I would love to have dinner with you two and my husband Stanley since we’re grandparents together now.”
“Yeah sure.” My mom’s dismissive tone wasn’t lost on anyone and I will talk to her when we are alone but my mom grabs the baby and cradles her to her like she was preventing her from being stolen. I roll my eyes.
“Listen to the doctors and get lost of rest and I’ll bring the kids over after school. They wanted to skip school to see you.” She squeezes my hand and I smile back at her. “Jensen, walk me out and then you can stop at the gift shop to get Sarah something real to drink and eat.” Jensen didn’t understand that his mom was getting him out of the room so I could have the you are not the only grandparents talk to my parents.
“Can you believe the nerve of that woman?” My dad starts the conversation as he shuts the door for privacy. “I want a DNA test to prove that man is her father.”
“I agree with your father. You are a very wealthy woman and we wouldn’t want anyone taking advantage of you.”
“That’s your job,” I mutter under my breath, “First; Jensen is the only man I have ever had sex with so I know he is the father. What did you think when I found the father that he wouldn’t have parents? Mom, dad, you are not the only family this baby has. Jensen has two kids, two parents, and a grandmother who will be involved in Ella’s life. If you don’t like it, then you can leave. Abby and Max are my family too and with that comes their partners and their circle of friends too. We made a community here with all of us. I want Ella to have everything she could dream of especially people around her that love her without conditions. You are going to need to learn to share her.”
As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4) Page 15
