by Hazel Kelly
“What are you, FBI? What the hell do you need a cover story for?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m a smart guy,” he said, his jaw hardening more all the time. “Try me.”
“Can we talk about this later?”
Sebastian squinted at me. “Are you asking me to pretend I didn’t just catch you on a date with another man days after we—”
“You said some nice stuff to me in a supply closet,” I said, trying to hide how nauseous I was. “Let’s not get carried away.”
“Like we did in the closet, you mean?”
I looked up at the flag on the ceiling.
“Are you fucking Hugh Dresden or not?”
“No,” I hissed, looking around. “Keep your voice down.”
“Oh right,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to blow your cover.”
The irascibility in his voice was making my blood run thick.
“Seriously, Lily. What are you doing here?”
“Do you promise you won’t freak out?”
“Only because I’m surrounded by all my fucking colleagues right now.”
“He hired me, okay? He hired me to be his date tonight.”
“You’re right. I don’t get it.”
“Well, I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“So you’re…working right now?”
I nodded.
“I can’t be hearing this right. What am I missing?”
“Nothing. That’s it. This is a job for me.”
“A job,” he echoed, looking me up and down.
“Yeah.”
“I thought you worked in a call center.”
“I did. I’m…between things right now.”
“So he’s paying you to be here? He’s paying for your company?” he asked, making air quotes.
“Yes, but you needn’t employ the air quotes.”
“How much is he paying you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
He shook his head. “You must think I’m a fucking schmuck. I’m patient as hell with you and your walls, and then the shit you do tell me is nothing but a heap of lies.”
“That’s not true.”
“What are you really doing here, Lily?”
My eyes watered.
“Come on. I’m asking for one straight answer.”
“I told you. Hugh hired me. I’m an escort.”
His face fell and anger flashed in his eyes. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that?”
It felt so good that he didn’t. So, so good. “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t rather tell you anything else?”
“You’re an escort?”
“This is my last job. I swear. I’m only doing it to help a friend.”
He scoffed. “Some friend.”
“Please don’t say anything. I’m obligated to respect Hugh’s privacy.”
His eyes drooped at the corners as he raised his palms. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to offend Hugh.”
“Please don’t be upset.”
“I’m so far past upset I don’t even know what to call this feeling.”
“Sebastian.”
“And you’re worried about showing Hugh enough respect? Do you even give a shit about me?”
“Of course I do,” I said, lowering my voice. “You’re the only man I give a shit about, the only man I’ve ever given a shit about.”
“You have a really fucked up way of showing it.”
“The last thing I want is to hurt you. Please believe that.”
“Hurt me again, you mean?”
My eyes pleaded with him to be patient, to find some compassion in the midst of this messed up situation.
“I’m at a loss, Lil.”
I swallowed.
“I don’t know if I’m more disturbed about the pile of lies you’ve told me or that you’ve sunk this low.”
My lips fell apart.
“You put a price on your own head? On your own company?” He rubbed the side of his face. “On who knows what else?” His eyes went glassy as they fell down my body.
“It was only ever going to be temporary,” I whispered. “I only ever did it for Paige.”
“It never had to come to this, though. You could’ve come to me anytime. Instead, you’ve been choosing this over me for years. And you still are.”
“No—”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accept that, much less understand it.”
I stared into his eyes—hoping he’d see in mine how my heart was breaking—until a leggy blonde draped herself on his shoulder out of nowhere. “There you are,” she said, holding out a few slips of pink paper. “Raffle tickets as requested.”
She was wearing the cutest fucking dress I’d ever seen, and I hated her instantly.
“Lily, this is Tiffany,” Sebastian said, sloughing her arm off his shoulder.
“Tiffany Kincaide,” she said, handing me a card.
I took it and looked between them. “How do you two know each other?”
Sebastian’s face paled. “We used to date.”
“Now we’re just roommates,” she chimed in, making pistol fingers at both of us. “Drinks, anyone?”
I shook my head.
“Whiskey,” Sebastian said.
She grinned and walked off, her sequined mini-dress sashaying below her ass all the way to the bar.
“You live with your ex?” I asked.
“It’s not what you think.”
“No?”
“It’s a long story.”
I raised a palm. “One I won’t be sticking around to hear, I’m afraid.”
“Lily—”
But I’d already turned my back and started walking away, convinced it was the only way to prevent him from doing the same to me.
F L A S H B A C K
- Lily -
“Will you put that down for two seconds and swing with me?”
I ignored him and tried not to lose my spot on the page.
“Don’t even pretend you’re enjoying that book. You and I both know it’s the most boring one yet.”
I closed The Grapes of Wrath around my fingers and glanced over to where Sebastian was sitting on the tire swing. “It’s supposed to be a classic.”
“Yeah,” he said, pumping his legs to swing higher. “According to a bunch of dead guys whose attention span was never ruined by TV and books that are actually good.”
“If I don’t read it, how are we going to do any of the assignments?”
“We’ll watch the movie.”
“Sounds romantic.”
“It will be. We’ll make it a drinking game.”
I cocked my head. “How do you suppose we do that?”
“Simple,” he said, his hair shifting with each swoop of the swing. “Every time a character looks depressed or thirsty, we’ll take a shot.”
“We’ll never make it through the first half.”
“The quiz is only on the first five chapters.”
I closed the book and followed him with my eyes.
“I know you want to join me for a swing.”
“You’re just trying to trick me into doing that thing we did last time.”
“Obviously,” he said. “That was the most fun I ever had.”
I licked my lips and stood up. “Fine. But only one time.”
He jumped down to the wood chips, keeping his hand on the chains so he could bring the tire to a stop.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
He looked so happy it was hard to feign annoyance.
I sat on the tire and swung my feet around to the inside.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Try not to slobber so bad this time.”
He laughed and started spinning me in circles.
“I already feel sick.”
“You do not.” The swing jerked when he hoisted himself up.
I squeezed my eyes shut as we spun round and round, knowing it was useless
to try and focus on anything. “That’s enough!” I squealed finally.
I heard him dig his feet into the woodchips below, effectively hitting the brakes. Still, I was far too dizzy to let go of the chains on either side of me.
“Three, two, one,” he counted, grabbing my face and kissing me.
I laughed and stuck my tongue in his mouth, giving him the sloppiest, dizziest kiss yet, our tongues and heads swaying as we came to a stop.
When our laughter overpowered our desire to messily make out, we both leaned against the chains and smiled at each other.
“What a bunch of idiots we must look like,” I said, shaking my head and wiping the sides of my mouth where his lips had strayed.
“You’re the most fun person I’ve ever met.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously. I wouldn’t want to share dizzy kisses with anyone else.”
My brain still felt like it was rattling in my head. “Because no one else would be up for it.”
“Want to go again?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Absolutely not. You’re lucky I didn’t yarf in your mouth the first time.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” I dug the tips of my Converse into the pale woodchips below and swayed us side to side.
The sound of a sliding van door preceded the shrieks of two kids racing for the teeter-totter.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked after a while.
“How much fun I am,” I joked.
“Speaking of fun, my parents are going out to dinner tonight with the Brooks.”
I bottled my breath.
“Which means they probably won’t be back till late.”
“I can’t,” I lied. “My dad’s expecting me home tonight.”
Sebastian’s face fell. “Can’t you come for a little bit? Tell him we have to watch The Grapes of Wrath or something?”
I shook my head. My father’s wrath was the only thing I’d be privy to tonight. Plus, if I went over, Sebastian would want to fool around, and I didn’t want him to see my fresh bruises.
His mouth twitched with disappointment.
“I have my period anyway,” I said, hoping that would make him feel better.
“You know I don’t care about that.”
“I do, though.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’ve had it for a while. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
I nodded. “It’s just a little irregular lately. Nothing to worry about.”
“Okay.”
“If you don’t feel like fooling around you could just tell me, you know? I could keep my hands to myself if I had to.”
“Yeah right.”
“I could.”
I lifted a hand to his cheek. “I wouldn’t want you to.”
His dark eyes searched mine.
“I just promised my dad I’d make something nice tonight, since we didn’t do anything last week for—”
“I understand,” he said, not making me finish the sentence. “Do you need to get home then?”
I shook my head. “Paige has a ride home from All Stars today so I can stay out a bit longer.”
He wrapped his hand around mine where I was gripping the chain. “Don’t forget to tell your dad that I’d be happy to help him fix your mailbox if he needs an extra pair of hands.”
My cheeks burned with relief when I realized Sebastian didn’t know my dad was the one who mowed it down in the first place when he drove home drunk the other night, which was all he ever did anymore. Come home drunk. Knock me around. Tell me it was my fault my mom was dead.
He’d basically become the worst father on Earth, if father was even a title he deserved anymore. Monster seemed more fitting nine nights out of ten. “I’ll tell him,” I said, knowing I wouldn’t since every time Sebastian’s name came up my father called me names, names he used to call my mother when she’d have the nerve to so much as smile at another man.
Fortunately, my father hadn’t broken me yet. Deep down, I knew I owed Sebastian for that because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t know what love was supposed to look like, what it was supposed to feel like. Thanks to him I had a happy place to go in my mind when my dad dragged me to hell and back, making me wish my mom hadn’t hit the brakes when she found herself barreling towards that tree.
But I didn’t wish for death. No matter how bad it got. Because of Sebastian. Because he was the light at the end of the tunnel, the source of love that made me feel like I could survive anything.
Yet I didn’t know how to tell him the truth. I knew I should. I knew that what my father was doing to me was wrong, that Sebastian’s family would do anything to protect me if I could just find a way to ask for their help.
But I liked the way Sebastian looked at me, the way he treated me.
And as afraid as I was of my father, I was far more afraid of losing that.
I mean, what if I told him the truth about my dad, and he looked at me like I was damaged goods? For even one second?
I couldn’t risk it.
Not when I knew that would break me more than my father ever could.
T W E N T Y E I G H T
- Sebastian -
I watched her walk away, feeling as small as I had all those years ago when I first realized that I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did, that she had a life outside our private happiness.
That she didn’t need me like I needed her.
I stared at the curved white column of her dress as she drifted across the floor and disappeared into the crowd, trying with everything to convince myself her words hadn’t been true.
But I wasn’t as naïve as I used to be. Too trusting, yes. Obviously. Especially when it came to women. But I wasn’t naïve.
I knew there were women who could be bought. In my professional circle, it was surprisingly common. Hell, I worked with guys whose entire marriages seemed built on a foundation of mutually beneficial cash transactions.
But that wasn’t what Lily was involved in.
I tried to put the pieces together, rearranging the information in my mind in the hope that it might start to make sense…
She was here with Hugh, pretending to be with him, in exchange for payment. If that was true, it meant she was an escort. Like she said. An escort.
My throat closed up, and my chest tightened like it was in a vise as I tried to keep my mind from running away with the idea, from drawing conclusions I didn’t want to draw, but it was no use.
She slept with people for money. Maybe not all the time. But it had happened. It must’ve. To believe anything else would be to bury my head in the sand.
Granted, I wanted to believe she’d never taken it that far, that she never could’ve sunk so low as to let a man pay for the right to touch her. But the bitter taste in my mouth rising up from my guts suggested otherwise.
And the signs were all there. The clothes, for example. No call center worker with student debt could possibly afford any of the outfits I’d seen her in. And the Lotus Center? It was one of the most reputable care facilities in the state. It must’ve cost a few thousand dollars a month to keep Paige there. Why hadn’t I questioned that?
But of course I knew.
It was because I was seeing what I wanted to see, which was the Lily underneath the façade, the Lily that lay behind what she presented to the world. And I knew now that I’d made a terrible mistake. Because sometimes the masks we choose to wear say more about us than the fact that we choose to wear them.
“I got you a double,” Tiffany said, holding up a glass of golden liquid. “Since I’ve never seen you that color before.”
I tore my eyes from the place where Lily had disappeared into the crowd and knocked half of it back.
“You okay?”
“No,” I said. “I think I’m going to go home.”
Her thin eyebrows lifted. “What? But we just got here. I’ve only given out five cards.”
“You can stay,�
�� I said, dying to get out of the suit that was suddenly strangling me from head to toe.
“What happened?” she asked. “Was it that woman? Did she do something to upset you?”
I laughed at the understatement.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” I said. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t have the words.”
“Sebastian, look at me.”
I found her clear blue eyes and was surprised at how calm they looked.
“Take a deep breath.”
I did as I was told.
“Maybe take a few more since you still look absolutely murderous.”
I held her gaze and took three more uncomfortably large breaths.
“Better?”
I nodded.
She gripped one of my shoulders and kept her eyes on mine. “Be the duck’s back.”
I furrowed my brow. “What?”
“The duck’s back doesn’t absorb the bullshit that surrounds it. It lets it roll on by.”
“Is this the kind of shit your counselor says to you?”
“Would you rather be a mirror?” she asked.
I cocked my head. “A mirror?”
“A mirror merely reflects what’s in front of it, but it does not become ugly simply because it reflects ugliness.”
“Does this bull actually help you?”
“Sometimes.”
“When?”
“When my ex proceeds to have a meltdown at his annual Fourth of July work party.”
I pushed her arm off my shoulder. “I’m not having a meltdown.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m staying here.”
“Sebastian, please. I need you to stay. You’re my rock.”
“I can’t be your rock right now, Tiff.”
Her face fell.
“I know what this event means to you, but there will be others. I’ll bring you to something else another time.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Because I need to leave if you do,” she said. “Three people already offered me stuff, and I don’t want to fall off the wagon when I’ve been working so hard.”
“Jeez, really?”
She shrugged.
“How come no one ever offers me shit?”
“Because everyone knows you’re a narc.”
My lips thinned.
