by Hazel Kelly
“Other good things came out of being an escort,” she said. “I could list them until I was blue in the face.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Your Chanel wallet, for example.”
“You mean the wallet I use to carry around all of my dirty money? That wallet?”
“Calm down.”
“I will not calm down,” I said. “I’ve been calm. I’ve been so calm no one can even tell how much my whole life has blown up in my face. It’s your turn to be calm now.”
She swallowed.
“Now you are going to march in there, tell the officers what happened, and give them your clothes.” I shoved the Ziploc bag in her direction, hoping they wouldn’t pull her crumpled panties out in front of her.
Her eyes started to water.
“Damnit, Vivian. Get out of the car.”
I got out and waited for her to collect herself.
“I don’t want to make a big deal out of this,” she said in hushed tones as I marched her to the station entrance.
“You know who else doesn’t want you to make a big deal out of this?”
She raised her eyebrows.
“The assholes who held you down and forced themselves on you. Who could’ve killed you or worse. Who could be planning on doing the same thing to another woman tonight for all we know.”
“Please,” she said, her eyes glassy. “You’re scaring me.”
“Good. You should be scared. You should be fucking terrified to not go in there and file a report.”
“You don’t understand,” she said, stopping as I reached for the door handle. “Where I come from, you can’t trust the police. Nobody can.”
“Stop making this about you, Vivian. It’s not. It’s about the women you might save just by putting on a brave face for five minutes.” I put my hands on her shoulders. “I would do anything to take back what happened to you. I know how unspeakable it is for someone to touch you without your consent, how much of a violation it is, how much it will haunt you.”
She stared at me. “You do?”
I nodded. “I do.” I pulled her to me and hugged her hard. “I know, okay?”
She squeezed me tight and dropped her voice to a whisper. “What did you do?”
I leaned back to look at her and set my hands on her shoulders. “I put my trust in the police.”
She pressed her lips together.
“And it saved my life.”
She tightened her grip on the plastic bag. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s do this.”
I led her inside and my stomach dropped when I saw the handsome man behind the desk.
“Lily?”
My breath escaped me. He looked more weathered than the last time I’d seen him, but he had the same kind eyes, the same bright smile.
“I would stand up, but—”
“I heard,” I said, reaching across the desk for his hand.
He wrapped both of his around mine and gave me a kind squeeze, a safe squeeze. A squeeze that made my heart ache for the past, when this man was like a brother to me.
“You look great.”
“So do you,” he said. “My brother wasn’t exaggerating.”
I smiled.
“What can I do for you?” he asked, letting go of my hand.
“My friend was assaulted. She wants to file a report.”
His face fell. “Certainly.”
I rubbed Viv’s back while Javi picked up a walkie-talkie and called another officer to the front desk. “This is Officer Valdez,” Javi said, extending his palm when the other man arrived. “He’ll help you file a report.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Actually—” Vivian put her hand on my arm. “I think I’d rather do this myself.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “Don’t go anywhere in case I change my mind, but—”
“I’ll be right here,” I said. “Take your time.”
Her eyes smiled.
“And if you need me—”
“I know,” she said.
I watched her walk away through some double doors, my heart swelling with pride at her courage.
“How about a proper hug?” Javi said, wheeling around the desk.
I stooped down to hug him, my heart aching at the untimely memory of the day he set the long-jump record. Back then he was the star of the track team. He could run and run and run for miles, and as I tried not to stare at the place his muscular legs used to be, I couldn’t help but feel his sacrifice had been too great. “It’s wonderful to see you,” I said. “Sebastian told me you’d followed in your dad’s footsteps, but I didn’t realize you were stationed in the city.”
“I’m only here two days a week,” he said. “I like to mix it up.”
“I heard you’re a father now.”
“Can you believe it?”
“Of course,” I said. “I’m sure you’re a natural.”
“I don’t know about that now, but Lydia is.”
“How’s she doing?” I asked.
“Good. Tired. Happy.”
“Please tell her I said hello.”
“She’ll be jealous I saw you,” he said. “You should come by some night. We can talk about how freaking cute my kid is and two hours later—if you behave—I might even let you change the subject.”
I laughed.
“I’ll set something up with Sebastian. Maybe next week?”
My face fell. “I don’t think that’s going to work out, unfortunately.”
He furrowed his thick brows.
“He’s not really taking my calls at the minute.”
“What?”
“He hasn’t said anything to you?”
He shook his head. “Last I heard he was over the moon that you’d hooked up again. I mean, crossed paths. He didn’t actually get into whether or not you guys were literally hooking up. I’ve said too much.”
“It’s okay.”
“You didn’t break his heart again, did you?”
I bit the inside of my lip.
“Oh shit. I meant that as a joke.”
“Not your best.”
“What happened?”
“Just a misunderstanding,” I said. “But it looks like it’s one more than he’s willing to forgive.”
“I’m sorry, Lil.”
“Don’t be. It’s my fault. And don’t say anything to him. I’d be mortified if he knew I’d mentioned it to you.”
“Of course.”
“But feel free to say nice things about me when he’s around.”
“Always.”
“Thanks.”
An awkward moment of silence lingered in the air between us, but I didn’t interrupt it. I figured he was probably trying to suss out if being buddy-buddy with me was the wrong approach now that he knew I was in the dog house.
“Would you feel better if I told you something he’d kill me for saying?” he asked.
“So much better.”
“It’s always been you, Lily.”
My heart squeezed in my chest.
“There’s never been anyone else.”
I wanted so badly to believe that.
“So be patient with him. He’ll come around.”
“I don’t know. I screwed up pretty big this time.”
“He will,” he said, nodding. “Trust me. The guy doesn’t even know how to want anyone else.”
T H I R T Y T W O
- Sebastian -
I was on my way to confront Lily when I got the call.
“Dad’s had a heart attack.”
I nearly drove off the road.
“He’s been admitted to Queens,” Javi said. “Mom’s already there.”
“What?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m on my way,” I said, pulling into the far left lane to search for the next exit. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “But this one was worse than the last one.”
“
The last one?”
“I didn’t know until two minutes ago either. I guess they didn’t want to worry us.”
“What the fuck?”
“Focus on your driving,” he said. “I’ll see you there.”
I kept my eyes on the road and fumbled for the cold coffee in my drinks holder, desperate for anything that would drive the dryness from my mouth.
Fuck it. It’s not like Lily was expecting me. I just figured I’d show up at the Lotus Center and ask her to tell me everything. On the spot. Just like that. I didn’t want her to have a warning. I wanted the truth, unfiltered and unrehearsed. Once and for all.
And I wasn’t going to make any rash decisions until I heard what she had to say.
After all, I was sick of being rash. I’d spent the last two weeks pretending I could stop loving her cold turkey, and I was kidding myself. My feelings for her ran too deep for too long. They were too complicated.
Besides, on some level, I still wanted to rescue her. I still believed she could never be happier and safer than she was by my side. Furthermore, I refused to believe she wanted to be an escort, that she’d ever wanted it, that she’d ever wanted anyone’s hands on her but my own.
Which meant I’d worked myself up into a mood that was totally inappropriate for my new destination.
I redirected my GPS and was pleased to find I was closer than I thought to the hospital. Thank God. It was about time something went my way.
***
“Mom.” I threw my arms around her and squeezed her tight. “What happened?”
“He knocked over his drink,” she said. “I heard from the kitchen. I knew by his eyes to call 911.”
“I’m so sorry.” I pulled her to me again and rubbed her back.
“Where’s your brother?”
“He’s parking. Lydia was going to come, too, but they couldn’t find someone to watch the baby on such short notice.”
She nodded.
“How’s Dad?”
“Okay,” she said, stepping back so I could look through the windows behind her. The blinds were open, and there were three medical professionals tending to him.
I don’t know what I was expecting to see, but I was relieved that he was awake. “He looks okay.”
“The color came back to his face in the ambulance.”
I could hear in her voice how nervous she was and tried to imagine the frightening thoughts she’d had on the way over. “Javi said this happened once before?”
“It was only a little one.”
“What does that mean?”
“We didn’t even know it happened until the doctor saw the damage during a routine check.”
I furrowed my brow. “Are you trying to tell me Dad had a heart attack and didn’t even realize it?”
She smiled. “Quite the stubborn ox, eh?”
I wanted to be amused for her sake, but I could barely force a smile. All I could think about was how shitty it was that this would happen when he was finally starting to enjoy his retirement, a retirement my mom had waited so patiently for.
He wasn’t even old. In fact, it was only the second time the subject of his mortality had been rudely shoved to the front of my mind.
The first was the morning after Lily’s dad was killed. When I learned that whoever shot him wasn’t caught, that they didn’t know for sure whether the accident was random or personal, the sickening realization that it could’ve been my dad crossed my mind.
But I’d forgotten all about that. Sure, we started locking our doors at all hours, but my dad went back to being the immortal hero he’d always been in my mind. So the idea that he could be taken out by something as trivial as a clogged artery had me reeling.
Had God forgotten who he was dealing with here?
This man had faced down criminals, put men behind bars, organized sting operations, and tracked cold-blooded killers. This man had exposed corruption in the most unlikely of places and devoted his life to keeping the peace in some of the most unpredictable areas outside the city.
Was this not a man who deserved to enjoy a few dirty burgers without consequence? Was this not a man who at the very least shouldn’t have to feel guilty about a few greasy bacon strips? Seriously, was there no fucking justice in the world?
Did the man not have enough to worry about without his diet being a source of stress? To be honest, the unfairness of it all really got my back up. I knew stress was a silent killer, and if that were true, it made sense that he might not escape unscathed, but still.
Surely it should’ve been someone else’s dad in a backless dress on the gurney in the next room. Surely it should’ve been someone else’s family standing around with pale faces and dry mouths, their heads full of beeps and blips and the eerie buzz of florescent lights.
Yet despite everything, Lily still interrupted my thoughts.
What if it were her in there lying on a hospital bed? What if it were her, and she thought she couldn’t call me? Thought I wouldn’t want to know?
Could I live with that?
What if she were on her deathbed, and I wasn’t there to hold her hand?
Were her mistakes, her lies, and her secrets all really so offensive that I didn’t still want to be that guy?
T H I R T Y T H R E E
- Lily -
“He still hasn’t called, huh?”
I looked up from my phone and leaned against the kitchen counter. “No.”
Vivian’s mouth turned down at the corners. “I’m sorry, Lil. I feel personally responsible for getting you into this mess.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It sort of is, though,” she said. “I’m the one who got you into the business. I’m the one who begged you to take that last job.”
“You didn’t make me do any of those things.” I set my phone down.
“Would you do it all again?” she asked. “If you knew you’d run into him again someday? If you knew he’d be at the party?”
“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it happened, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to be able to forgive me for any of it.”
She twisted her mouth and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl.
“Why did you make that face?”
“No reason.”
“Vivian.”
“Maybe it’s not meant to be.”
A heart attack couldn’t have caused a sharper pain in my chest. “Sorry?”
“Well, I’ve never been in love so I’m no expert, but I thought a real soulmate could forgive anything.”
I furrowed my brow.
“Like, if true love is unconditional and he loves you as much as you thought, shouldn’t he be able to get over this?”
I cocked my head.
“Honestly. So you slept with some guys for money? It’s not like you killed anyone.”
I cast my eyes down at the counter.
“Everyone makes questionable choices when they’re young.”
“Not everyone.”
“Fine. Everyone who grows up to be an even mildly interesting adult.”
“I think you’re just desensitized to what we do, Viv. I think most normal men would be absolutely horrified to find out the woman they love worked as an escort.”
“I think a strong enough man could handle it,” she said, sticking her thumbnail through the orange peel. “Obviously I have to believe that so I don’t get despondent about my future, but still. Either a man loves you or he doesn’t, and if he does, I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to forgive your mistakes.”
“I can see the benefit of that attitude, but I can’t get him to take my calls so I’m thinking forgiveness is out of the question.”
“Then forget him.”
“I don’t want to,” I whispered, remembering how we’d joked about getting married as teens, how we’d laughed about getting fat and old and slow together while we raised dark-haired babies with big black lashes.
“Then don’t stop calling him. For all
we know, he’s one of the strong ones. Maybe that’s why you’re having such a hard time wearing him down.”
“All the men in his family are stubborn. It’s actually kind of cute when you’re not on the wrong end of it.”
She held out a palm full of orange slices.
I took one and let the juices burst against my tongue. “Mmm. That’s perfect.”
She extended her palm again, encouraging me to take another. “It’s a sign.”
I grabbed another wedge. “What?”
“That you should call.”
I squinted at her. “Because the orange is ripe?”
“Trust me. It’s a thing. A ripe orange is a good sign.”
“Of global warming?”
“No, of good things to come.”
I took another slice. “I have a job interview tomorrow.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. It’s for a P.A. role.”
“That beats a call center,” she said. “At least the people you phone will want to hear from you.”
“Hopefully.”
“It’s funny you mentioned that because I found an apartment online this morning that I think we should look at.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Did you?”
“I know we’d both rather stay here, but it might be better to start fresh, ya know? New jobs, new digs.”
“I like that idea.”
“Thought you might,” she said. “So now that you believe me about the lucky orange…” She nodded towards the phone.
“He’s not going to pick up,” I said, dialing his number and lifting the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Sebastian?”
“No, it’s Javier.”
That explains why I got through. “Is Sebastian around?”
“He just went to the bathroom. We’re actually at the hospital.”
My eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.”
I crushed my ear against the phone.
“My dad had a heart attack this morning, but he’s stable and making jokes and being a genuine pain in the ass again so—”
“I’m so glad he’s okay.”
“Why don’t you come tell him yourself?” he asked. “I’m sure he’d love to see you.”
