Children of Avalon

by Meredith Bond

  Sir Dagonet’s chuckle came from behind us as we began to wind our way up the path that led to the top of the hill.

  We soon fell into the silence of the procession, and I was overcome with the incredible smell of flowers. Someone had strewn wild flowers all along the path. As the feet of everyone walking up the hill crushed them, they released a heady scent. I couldn’t imagine ever smelling wildflowers again without remembering the beauty of this night. Feelings of hope and happiness, of a positive future flowed through me. They were coming from everyone around me and I, too, was filled with the same optimism.

  Scai would understand that the rumors were just that and nothing more. And I would prove to her—I would show her—later just how much I cared for her. I was determined that by the end of this night, there would be no doubt in her mind about what I felt for her.

  I took a deep breath, allowing the intoxicating smell to filter through my mind, calming me almost as much as swimming did. The relaxing silence that I had only found under the water felt near at hand, as the only sound was the quiet shuffle of so many feet—the constant rumble of the waterfall was still too far away to be heard here on the other side of the hill. The gentle warmth of the air kissed my face as softly and sweetly as Scai had once done—and would again, I was certain.

  I maneuvered myself so that I was walking next to Scai. I noticed a sly side–glance from her before she turned her eyes forward again. I took that as a good sign.

  As we reached the top of the hill, the sound of the waterfall reached up to join us. Slowly, the two lines wove in opposite directions through a circle of standing stones, creating a circle within and a circle without so that everyone could see the couple standing in the center.

  Although I was standing in the outer circle, I had a magnificent view of the couple and deepening sky behind them. They stood facing each other, their white robes glowing in the light of the setting sun.

  “Tonight is the start of something new,” the woman said in a quiet, clear voice that carried all around the circle.

  “Tonight we leave our old lives behind and forge a new life together,” the man replied, holding out his hands, palms facing up.

  “Tonight I devote my life to you, for you are my life,” she said, placing her hands upon his.

  “Tonight I devote my soul to you, for you are what makes it complete.”

  “Tonight I devote my body to you, so that we may join as one.”

  “Together we shall live, breathe, and be as one.”

  “Together we will create, work, and die.”

  “We join our lives, our souls, and our minds.”

  The woman lifted her hands, took a ring from her finger, and placed it on the groom’s finger.

  As the man did the same, he said with finality, “We are one in our love.”

  Behind them the brilliant red sun slipped into the sea, pouring its fire into the depths until the very last touch of purple was extinguished from the sky, leaving only the calm deep blue pricked with the stars of the night.

  Silence wove us all together as the man leaned down and touched his lips to his bride’s. Only a small sigh escaped from somewhere to my right and a movement caught my attention. Scai was brushing a hand across her cheek.

  I reached out and took her tear–wet hand in mine, reveling in the warmth and magic that moved between us. I didn’t need to look at her to know that her face was calm and happy. Her pale blond hair shifted in the almost imperceptible movement of the air, tickling my arm.

  How could anyone think of another woman when Scai was so close by? She was the most wonderful thing about this whole adventure we were on. She was kindness and light. She was the epitome of compassion, sweetness, and intelligent as well. I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d hurt her in any way. And I would do everything I could to make things right with her this night.

  Bridget stood on the other side of Scai, the sweet little sister who was trying hard to make things right between the two of us. Even though I didn’t like that she pointed out what an idiot I was being ignoring everything going on around me and only focusing on my own training. Still, Bridget knew how much Scai meant to me. I recognized that she was trying to help—and appreciated it, especially considering the clashes we’d had. I would make things right.

  Scai slipped her hand out of mine as we began to wind our way around the circle and follow the line as it wove its way back down the hill. I let her go for now, knowing that she would be mine soon enough.

  Torches had been lit so that we would be able to find our way in the dark of the new night. I thought all the way down and by the time we reached the green, I had an idea. Before joining the others as they headed toward the dining hall for dinner, I pulled Scai aside.

  She looked up at me, scowling. “Dylan, I told you I didn’t want to discuss this with you. I didn’t want to before the hand–fasting, I definitely don’t—”

  “I don’t want to discuss Morwen with you either,” I interrupted. There went that plan. I scrambled for another. “I was just wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me?”

  She looked at me skeptically.

  “With the magic Merlin taught me,” I clarified.

  She looked confused for a moment, as if she’d thought I was going to say something different. But then she gave a little shrug. “All right. I’ll help you tomorrow.” She started toward the dining hall once again, but I grabbed her arm.

  “Now. If you don’t mind.”

  “Why now?”

  “Because everyone is busy. I, I need for there to be absolutely no one else around.” I paused, looking into her wary eyes. “Please.”

  She turned and watched everyone else filter away, laughing and chatting. Bridget passed us with nothing but a meaningful glare.

  “Coming to dinner?” Sir Dagonet asked as he reached us.

  “We’ll be there in a little bit. Scai’s going to help me practice my new magic,” I answered, hoping she wouldn’t disappoint me.

  Sir Dagonet gave a “Pip pip, then, wot?” and moved off to catch up to Bridget.

  I took Scai’s hand and led her down to the lake. This might be a better idea than I’d realized, I thought as we walked. It was both something I truly needed to work on, and it proved how much I trusted her.

  We sat down on the soft grass by the lake. “Merlin told me that I need to lower the wall inside of me that holds back my emotions. It also holds back my strongest power, but if I lower it, I feel the emotions of those around me. I need to learn to let them wash over me and not be affected by them. Would you mind trying this with me and seeing if I’m able to do it?”

  “Why do you want me to help you? Why not”—she paused—“someone else?”

  I knew exactly what she was saying and I was determined to get those stupid rumors out of her mind for good. I took both of her hands in mine and turned to face her fully. “Because you are the only one I trust. The only one I know who is the right person for me... to do this with.”

  Wow, that was close. Just what and how much did I want to reveal to her now? I wanted to show her how much I cared. I wanted her to know that I loved her. But I didn’t want to scare her off, and I didn’t want to burden her either. I was teetering on the edge here with my fears pulling me toward an inevitable fall.

  Her shoulders relaxed, and a smile teased the corners of her mouth. “You’re certain?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Her smile grew and she nodded her head.

  Her happiness filled me, warming me and giving me confidence. Asking her to help me with my magic had just been a pretense at first, and I was pretty sure she knew it, too, but I did really need to practice. I needed to let down my emotional wall, and Scai was the only person I would dare to do it with. Not only was she calm, especially right now, but she was also a comforting presence. And she was someone who wouldn’t judge me too harshly no matter what I did. No, there was no one else I trusted as much as Scai. There was no one else in front of whom I could comp
letely bare myself—because when I did this I would be completely naked.

  The thought worried me. Would all of my fears show? Would I blurt out that I loved her? That I was scared? I didn’t know what I would do. What if my dam exploded like it had when I had been under water? What would she do if I suddenly started laughing and crying, screaming and goodness only knew what else? My God, she would think me a raving lunatic and run away. She would never speak to me again. Fears began mount, to tear through my calm.

  What had I gotten myself into?

  I dropped her hands. I couldn’t do this. At least, not in front of Scai. She meant too much to me. I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she turned her back on me. This was a really stupid, stupid idea. I couldn’t believe I came up with this! Well, it was a spur of the moment thing, but really. I could not do this.

  I glanced at Scai sitting next to me. She actually looked like she was looking forward to this. She was expecting me to trust her. How could I not do so, when I just said that I would? I couldn’t turn around now and tell her I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt her that way. She would think that I didn’t trust her, that I cared more for Morwen than I did for her and that would be far, far worse.

  “Are you certain you’re all right with doing this?” I asked, giving her a way out. “You don’t have to. I could ask Sir Dagonet.”

  “Oh, no. I want to do this. I really want to help you, Dylan.”

  She was so earnest. So wonderful.

  I was so doomed.

  I nodded my head. “All right, then, if you’re certain?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  There was no choice. If only my stomach hadn’t just turned into one big hard knot.

  I was alone with Scai on a romantic night, and I was about to destroy the very tenuous, wonderful relationship I had with her. Why was I such an idiot?

  But there was nothing I could do.

  “All right. Are you ready?” I asked, quietly praying that I didn’t make a complete fool of myself, or that Scai would understand if I did.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Nothing, I suppose. I’m going to lower my wall and allow your emotions to wash over me and let my emotions out.”

  Scai nodded and sat quietly.

  I closed my eyes.

  I can’t do this. I can’t!

  No, I have to.

  I cleared my mind, imagining my wall. Solid stone. Slowly, ever so slowly, I made the top stone disappear.

  And there I stopped and waited.

  It was all right. Nothing was happening.

  I removed the next stone. This was where the explosion had happened before.

  I waited for it.

  Nothing.

  This wasn’t at all the same feeling I’d had when I’d been under water. Then, there had been a great crashing of emotions against the wall the minute the first stone had disappeared, but now there was nothing.

  I started to laugh. I couldn’t believe I’d made such a big deal of this. It was nothing. Tears were streaming down my cheeks I was laughing so hard...until the tears of laughter turned to true sobs.

  Oh, my God, I was crying. I was crying like a wounded child. And that was just how I felt. I curled up into a little ball on the ground sobbing into my knees.

  Scai began rubbing my back making comforting noises.

  “No,” I began, trying to tell her that I didn’t need her comfort. “No.” The word came out more forcefully than I’d intended. And in a moment I was suffused with an anger I didn’t think I’d ever felt before. “No!” I shouted, jumping to my feet and glaring down at her.

  “NO!” I doubled over with the force of my scream.

  Scai jumped to her feet as well, grabbing my shoulders as I straightened and inhaled to scream again. But before I could, her lips glued themselves to mine. My scream died in my throat. The passion boiled down from my lips, to my chest where I could feel her breasts pressed against me, down to my cock that was suddenly hard with wanting her.

  She pulled her lips away. “People will hear you,” she whispered.

  “Let them.”

  She smiled, but I didn’t give her time for much of one before I kissed her again, pressing my body against hers, letting her know exactly how much I wanted her.

  She pulled away much too quickly. “Dylan...”

  “I want you.”

  “I know you do.”

  “Of course you do. You can feel me.” I took her hand and led it to the hard ridge tenting my breeches.

  She pulled away before it got there though. “No, Dylan. This isn’t you. Well, yes, I know it’s you, but you’re not thinking. You’re not in control...”

  “No. I’m not. How can I be in control when you’re right next to me? Scai, I want you so badly.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “No buts. This is me. These are my true feelings, my most honest emotions. I’m not hiding anything. I’m not holding anything back. I’ve taken down my wall, Scai. I’m naked.” I could feel the tears beginning to slide down my cheeks again. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want her to turn me away. I just wanted to make love to her like I’d never made love to anyone in my life. “Please...” Let me love you.

  The words nearly slipped from my mouth.

  She stopped them with a movement so small I nearly missed it. She untied her laces.

  I swallowed. My hand was practically shaking as I reached for the tie holding the neckline of her chemise closed. Slowly, I pulled the bow free. Sliding my hand along the top of her chest, I let it slide lower, pushing the material covering her breasts out of the way. My hand cupped her small, perfect breast. My thumb teased her hard nipple just before my mouth came down on it, suckling, licking, even taking little nibbles. Her moans of pleasure spurred me on.

  I moved to her other breast, relishing her taste, her smell—like summer, as always. I loved her scent. Like wild flowers on summer’s day, only now it was tinged with desire. The smell of her desire drove me further. The taste of her in my mouth—I wanted more. Needed more.

  I scooped her up into my arms and carried her toward the waterfall where I knew the sounds of her pleasure would be drowned out by the noise of the water. And I intended to make her scream.

  Gently, I laid her down on the soft grass. I didn’t want to go too fast. I wanted her to know how much I loved her by making love to her with a slow passion. I didn’t know if I’d be able to hold myself back, especially without my emotional wall there to shove my feelings behind, but I would do my best. I needed to.

  I moved back to touching her with my fingers, with my lips, with my tongue. She arched her back, and I felt her enjoyment. Just as before when we’d made love, I could feel everything she felt.

  This had never happened to me before when I’d been with a woman. It was such an incredible experience. Feeling my hand on her breast both from my own perspective—the softness of her skin, the hardness of her nipple—and from hers. Tingles shot through her as I toyed with her body. I could feel them as well as I could feel my own. It made me love her all the more. And it made me want to make her feel good.

  I wanted, no needed, her to know how fantastic she felt. How much I loved her. How much I needed her.

  And so I showed her. I kissed my way down her sweet body, over her taught stomach, skipping her delicate female parts to lick and nip my way down one thigh to her knee and then back up the other. Shifting her legs apart, my kisses trailed up the inside of her thigh, her breath hitching the closer I came to the juncture of her legs. But I didn’t stop gently licking and sucking at her most delicate parts. She climaxed forcefully into my mouth and was still whimpering when I climbed her body, separating her legs further to allow for mine to rest in between.

  Her heat was intense as she sheathed me, and I paused to just feel her. I couldn’t believe the magic that flowed between us. It was incredible, and this night it was even more so because I had no shield for my emotions or to protect me from hers.

 
My feelings for her were so powerful. The love I poured into her. The love I received in return. A small piece of sanity in the back of my mind reminded me that we couldn’t risk creating a child. But the thought nearly stopped me.

  I loved Scai. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted her to bear my children. Why should I pull out?

  Because, reason argued, there was still Nimuë who needed to be fought and defeated. I pulled back and then plunged myself into Scai one last time before giving in to reason. It was almost painful and I wanted to cry as I did so, but reason prevailed—reluctantly.

  I held my breath and pressed my face into her hair until the tears dissolved within my throat and my breath came back to normal. Her arms held me tight, and that would have to be good enough, for now.

  Wiping a stray tear from my cheek, I lifted myself onto my elbows and looked down into her beautiful face as it shown in the moonlight. I loved this woman. I loved her with all my heart.

  “Scai...” I began, wanting to tell her, to be sure she knew.

  But she stopped me, pressing her finger to my lips. “No, Dylan, it’s all right.” Her eyes looked serious and worried.

  I was confused. “What’s all right?”

  “We’re going to be all right. This was a slip. A mistake. You were emotional from lowering your wall.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but she stopped me again.

  “We’re just friends. That’s all that we can be. You know it and I know it. And it wouldn’t be fair to Bridget if there was anything more between us.”

  I swallowed.

  “There is nothing more between us,” she said again, much more firmly this time and with absolute sincerity in her voice and in her heart.

  “Nothing?” I asked to be sure that the sound of my breaking heart, which was now filling my ears, hadn’t drowned out anything else she’d said.

  “Nothing.” The finality of the word was punctuated by her sitting up and reaching for her dress.

  I pulled my leggings back up, which I’d only hastily shoved down and out of the way earlier. By the time I was on my feet, she was nearly dressed and just tying her laces.

  She gave me one last quick peck on the lips before running off and leaving me alone by the water.