by Alexia Purdy
Where once there was
Real and steep
Now stuck on this
Two way street…
Waiting to meet
My destiny
I thought I met…already
‘Til I got let out
One stop too soon
And watched the red lights
Speed away
Fast as you can
Off you go into the night
Down the slick asphalt
Until the moon
Swallows you up
For pay…Away…
Down a two way street
Where devils meet
And never sleep
While watching me
Waiting patiently
For me to give up
And step into the street.
Two roads, nowhere to go
Two ways to see
Where I would be
If I could move my feet…
If I could only feel
Something again
Where once there was
Real and steep
Now stuck on this
Two way street…”
The strings vibrated long after the last chord as I tapped a beat on the wood of the guitar to finish off the song. Two Way Street was another new one I’d written and would be recording for Nobel Records. That is, whenever it was that we’d begin recording for them. It would be months away.
“It’s beautiful. Just like you.” Jonas sat on an armchair watching me the whole time. He was a good listener; sitting quietly as I sang my ballad. Good thing too, because nothing pissed me off more than being interrupted in the middle of a song. His two guards stood against the door and had been my audience too, but they didn’t move from their positions. Lonzo was one of them and watched us both with studious eyes. I didn’t know the other man working with him.
“Thanks, I have no words…” I slipped off the guitar, a gift from Jonas. It was perfect—a vintage collectable Gibson acoustic guitar. Not many of these were made, making it rare. It may have been old, but it played like it was freshly constructed and looked pristine. I loved it, and I’d squealed at the sight of it, propped on a stand in the middle of the room when we’d entered.
“I thought you might like that.”
“It must’ve been expensive.”
He shrugged, reaching over for his glass of scotch sitting on an end table.
“It was worth every penny.”
He took a swallow as he watched me admiring the guitar. I wondered if he was drunk, for he reeked of alcohol, but he kept his cool and didn’t appear affected by it. I didn’t care. I was in heaven.
“Are you happy you sold us to Nobel Records?” I picked at my nail polish, holding the guitar to my chest. I was like a kid in a toy store, clutching my treasure so no one could take it away. When Jonas didn’t answer my question, I peered up to find him staring hard at me. Whatever was going through his mind, regardless of what it was, that look made me shiver and shudder all at the same time.
“I can’t say that I’m completely happy with the way things are going, but it had to be done.” He tossed back the last of his drink and slammed it back on the table. I jumped at the thump, but remained planted on the floor with the guitar in hand. His eyes were glassy, filled with the redness exhaustion brings. If he hadn’t been sleeping well, what was the reason for that?
“Why?”
He leaned forward, scratching the scruff on his face. He was looking as bad as the day he’d sent Emilio away on business and rubbed it in my face. Watching him look not so together frightened me. I had to turn this around and steer him away from any other route if he was having any doubts about us.
“I guess you could say I won’t have as much of an excuse to see you anymore.” He tilted his head as his dark brown eyes shined back at me, like an animal sizing up its prey. “But it’s for the best and made me a great deal of money. Like a great investment has paid off.”
I didn’t know whether to get angry at his remark or rejoice. “So you just held onto us for money? Is that it?”
His eyes continued to gaze at me, narrowing, with nothing but amusement filling them up. One second he looked somewhat angry. Now he looked like he was going to start laughing.
“No, not just that, but it was a very nice bonus.”
Great. We were nothing but gold bricks to him.
I frowned. I’d never been someone’s cash cow, but it felt kind of dirty. I sighed and pulled the guitar strap off me before setting my gift back on its stand.
Jonas was already on his feet and holding a hand out to me. I took it, and he pulled me up to face him, holding me so close that I could smell the alcohol drifting off his breath.
“Do you miss me, Liv?”
I tried not to breathe or swallow. If I did, he might notice just how scared he could make me feel from just his proximity.
“Of course I do. I was wondering why you’d left me alone for so long.” My breathy voice must’ve satisfied him because he let go and chuckled.
“Good. I like to hear that from you.”
I waited, frozen like a dummy as he turned back, grabbed his glass, and headed to the bar. He returned with two drinks, one for him and one for me.
“Before we go to lunch, I want you to do something for me.”
“What do you want me to do?” I shivered and hugged my arms close as I waited for his proposition.
He sat back onto his chair, sipping his drink and smirking at the same time.
“I want you to seduce me. Take off your clothes. Dance for me. Make me want to fuck your brains out.”
I drilled my eyes into him, thinking about his raunchy request.
“And if I don’t feel like it?” I turned toward the guards at the door. They would have a perfect view of it all if he didn’t make them leave. I swallowed down a lump of sand before turning back toward Jonas.
He laughed but didn’t look very happy whatsoever.
“I don’t care what you think you feel. You’re still mine. Do it.”
“Can we be alone?”
His face hardened, and if he could turn frigid to fiery in a second, I saw it flash across his face.
“My guards stay. They won’t bother us. Besides, they deserve a show for all their hard work.” He waved me on and sat back again to watch.
Shit. I didn’t want an audience. I swallowed my fear and tried to pretend they weren’t there. It was bad enough I was worried he might discover my pregnancy and didn’t want to attract his wrath while in this condition. I didn’t argue any further. The burning coals in his eyes told me it would be a dangerous thing to do. Instead, I dropped my hands and began to sway to an imaginary beat.
He relaxed and sat back, watching me hungrily.
If a lion could savor its lamb more than this, I didn’t want to know.
Chapter Eight
Saul
I sat on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands. Our bed in our apartment in New York City. I never thought I’d visit this place, but it’d been a dream come true. I’d come here with the love of my life…Audrey. Now it was all shattered, and all I could do was sit here, in my darkness, without her.
Inhaling so deeply my lungs felt like they were going to burst, I straightened. There was nothing left to do but leave.
I reached over toward the phone, feeling the buttons until I found the ‘0’, and punched it in. The line rang once before the operator picked up.
“Hotel La Cruz. How can I help you?”
“Hi, it’s Saul Halifax. I need to rent another room. Can I do that?”
“Do you wish to move from your current one?”
“No…I just need a whole other room. I can’t stay here anymore, but Audrey is still going to be here.”
“I understand. I can get your new room keys right away. Do you need a bellhop to come help you to your new room? Also, do you want it charged to your own card, or should I contact the curator of your bill?”
&n
bsp; “Yes, on both. Please contact them. I’m supposed to have a room of my own but turned it down. I’m sure they’ll agree to it.”
“Very well. We’ll see you soon.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I replaced the phone on the receiver and closed my eyes. I hated to have to do this. What I wanted to do was just wait until Audrey came back and tell her I didn’t want to leave, that I loved her no matter what, and we could get through this. We could make it.
Instead, I began packing, tossing my clothes into my bag I kept in the same place of the closet every time we went anywhere. I kept things organized by taking up the left side of the dresser, closet, bathroom sink, and bedside table. It helped me find my things easily when packing.
Even though I probably would miss something packing up so hastily, I was sure Audrey would not toss it, that she would keep it for me if I ran into her again.
But would I run into her again?
I tried to clear my mind as I stuffed away my things. Finally slipping my toiletries into a waterproof bag I then tossed into my duffle bag, I was done.
Throwing on my jacket, I grabbed my bags, one full of clothes and essentials, the two others with my keyboard and other musical equipment and cords. It wasn’t much, but it had been my entire life for a while now and all I had.
A knock on the door let me know the bellhop had arrived. I opened the door and let him help me with the bags before closing the door behind me. Immediately, the scent of Audrey cut off, and other smells from the hotel’s carpet cleaner and heavy perfumes from other guests replaced it.
We took the elevator to another floor, several floors higher than the room I shared with Audrey. Arriving at the new hotel room, I thanked the bellhop, paid him a sizable tip, and closed the door behind him.
Finally alone once more, I sat on the edge of the freshly made bed and let the ache I felt for Audrey wash over me. She owned my heart and had smashed it to a thousand pieces. How could she have done that to me? Random? Really? Of all the men in the world, she chose him.
I shook my head and laid back onto the soft comforter. Closing my tired eyes, I let sleep overcome me as I pushed away thoughts of the future and thoughts about Audrey. I’d figure it out. I always did. If Audrey and I were meant to be, love would tell me sooner or later. It had to.
In the meantime, I had to find my place in the world again. There were schools for the blind somewhere in this city. Tomorrow I’d find one and see if I could donate some time to get to know the place and maybe, eventually, find a place to help others like me there. Maybe I could give hope to those who felt as lost as I’d felt when I’d lost my vision.
That’s exactly what I’d do. As the world darkened and my heart lay in tatters, I found comfort in my new goal, hoping the music would still be a great part of it as well as Audrey.
I’d find out soon enough, that was a guarantee.
Chapter Nine
Liz
I spun the rings on my fingers, a nervous habit I indulged in often. Why life had turned into such a stack of nerves for me was beyond my reasoning. Still, sitting across from Jonas, my lover, my damnation… I wished I were anywhere but here. His association with his dangerous Cartel I’d rather not have on my back was unnerving enough. Now, I had to deal with the consequences of his fury, his vengeance upon me when he wasn’t happy.
Oh, and how he’d made me pay dearly.
I was sore between my thighs from the strip session earlier. Jonas was exhausting when aggressive. And yes, Lonzo and his partner had watched me strip down to nothing, and had probably enjoyed every bit of it. I couldn’t even look Lonzo in the eye when we’d left and he drove us here to eat. Jonas was a bastard. Still, even he had his modesty. At least he’d taken me to the room to finish it off, but had not been gentle whatsoever.
Still, it could’ve been much worse, and I shuddered to think of what could’ve happened.
Now, here we were, at the restaurant, ready to eat and gain back the energies we’d expended. I was famished and aching all over. I’d managed to reapply my makeup and make myself presentable, but I still felt awkward in a place like this.
The restaurant he’d picked was swanky, and I felt severely underdressed. I was the only one who wasn’t wearing their Sunday best in this place. My messy black hair, dark eye makeup, dark clothes with rips and studs throughout it, along with my dark boots, stacks of bangles, and sparkling oversized hoop earrings made me look like a freak. Not to mention, there were red marks across my neck from Jonas’ fierce lovemaking. I had to tie a small scarf around it to hide the marks. Luckily, I’d hidden one stuffed in my purse.
I tried to not let my insecurities bother me, straightening as I walked past tables of people gawking at us as we made our way to a corner booth. I wasn’t going to let their insolent stares get me down. Fuck them.
With Jonas sitting across from me, I could see our differences as stark as day and night. We couldn’t be more mismatched, even with his shady choice of a career. I was the one sticking out way more than he was. Still, I was a rock star now, and I was sure I wasn’t the only one to waltz through here in the years it’d been open. That had me wondering if any other rock stars had felt persecuted for what they wore, for how they looked. Maybe they had but hadn’t really cared.
Jonas was the one with the power, not me. Maybe if I wasn’t on a chain I would feel above these people without a moment’s thought? Even though I didn’t know if he was still drunk or had sobered up, he’d shaven and looked more poised than ever before.
“I see you still don’t care to wear dresses much.” Jonas shook out his dinner napkin and placed it across his lap. I did the same and glared back at him.
“This is what I wear on stage. Rock star garb. Not much room for dresses when you’re dancing around on stage, playing your guitar,” I muttered. His observation dug under my skin and soured my mood even more.
“And I like that about you. You don’t care what others think. You are your own person, even when others would like to see a change or two.”
“Those kinds of people usually need to change something in themselves before trying to mold people to their liking.” I leaned back into the booth, feeling like tossing my set of silverware across the room. I resisted, no matter how unbearable that was.
“Hello, I’m Ruth. I’ll be your server today. Can I get either of you a beverage?” The waitress’ apron was a pristine white against her black uniform. I could tell it’d been ironed to death with its slick, straight creases. Her outfit made me sweat in my own dark ensemble, which suddenly felt like I’d pulled it out from under the bed, given it a shake before I wore it.
Stop…Why was I doing this to myself? I had to shake off this criticism before I ran out of the restaurant. I couldn’t show any weakness here, especially not in front of Jonas.
“I’ll take a brandy,” Jonas said.
“I’ll have a marti—no wait—an ice tea would be great, please,” I answered.
The waitress left with our orders, and I focused my eyes back onto the brilliant white tablecloth as I picked at my black nail polish, which was already looking destroyed.
“How have you been, Liv?”
I shrugged. “Fine.” He knew how I was. The only thing keeping me here was that shiny new guitar sitting in his SUV right now.
A moment passed before he spoke again. “I’ve missed our time together. It was quite extraordinary.” His eyes burned into me enough I had to look away again. “Did you miss me too?”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I began twisting my napkin to keep busy.
“I apologize for not visiting more often, but as you can see, business has been booming, in both the music industry and my own contracts back home.”
“In Mexico?” I asked. I never really asked him about his business, not like I did with Emilio. I got the importance of secrecy of the Cartel. It was intriguing, even though I never got much out of the brothers about it.
“Yes. I’ve been down there most of the past few weeks. Emilio and I have had to deal with an opposing group who protests some of our dealings. Unfortunately, they retaliated in a most unsavory way, attacking some of our allied villages, stores and destroyed things from those who sell to us. We took a bad hit in profit, but nothing goes without a steep price for what they’ve done.”
“You mean, people died, right?”
He flicked his eyes away from me as he folded his hands together tightly. The tension in his jaw made me wonder if gone too far. He was going to lose it with me one day.
“It’s only business.”
He visibly shut down as the waitress brought our drinks and we ordered our food. I asked for a steak and lobster, a treat I didn’t usually order on my own, even though now, with the new contracts under Noble Records, I could afford it. I just wasn’t used to doing anything fancy without Jonas doing it for me.
Learning how to eat more expensively was one thing I’d learned from Jonas.
“And Emilio? Is he done with everything down there too?”
I kept my face still, hoping to not giveaway my severe curiosity.
“Why do you want to know about Emilio?” His eyes focused on me, full of suspicion.
Shit.
I shrugged. “Just wondered. Lonzo’s been pretty good to us, but I’m sure Emilio misses the easy job of security detail for a music band. I bet it was a piece of cake compared to what you guys have to do now.” I hoped he couldn’t see through my façade. I was getting really bad at disguising things lately. I hoped I hadn’t royally screwed it up.
Just shut up, Liz…I scolded myself.
Our food arrived, luckily, for it distracted Jonas, who began digging into his steak in silence. Still, the tiny line between his eyebrows assured me we weren’t done on the topic of Emilio. I cut into my steak and tried to eat something, even though it tasted like nothing in my mouth when it should’ve been savory.
Once Jonas was almost done, he set down his fork and knife, wiping his mouth on the napkin, and settled back to watch me eat. I was picking at my lobster; though delectable, it was starting to feel like I was chewing on rubber.
