by Alexia Purdy
“This thing isn’t fucking working.” Liv pressed the PCA pump button over and over, and I peered over at the pain injection device that supposedly gave her a dose of painkiller each time she pushed the button. I doubted they’d been generous with the dose, that or Liv was just used to taking too many Percocets when she shouldn’t have, so the medicine wasn’t strong enough for a pain in the ass like her.
“It says your dose has been injected and you’re locked out until the next one in ten minutes.”
“Fuck.” Liz laid her head back against the pillow, adjusting in her bed for the umpteenth time. Her arm was in a sling and wrapped up in a protective bandage. The bullet had to be fished out of her arm and the limb immobilized. It had traveled deeper into her limb toward her chest. If it had been on a slightly different trajectory, it would’ve been in her chest.
I didn’t want to think about that.
“Want me to get the nurse again?” I asked.
She shook her head. Her face was a perpetual scowl.
“When did they say I’m out of here?”
“They said it might be another day or so.”
“They better give me the good shit when I leave because this stuff isn’t cutting it. My arm is killing me.”
“Your arm saved your ass. You could be on a chest tube and ventilator from what the Doctor told me. Count yourself lucky, Sis.”
Liv squeezed her eyes together before she fluttered them open. Tears lined her lids and sparkled as she gazed at me.
“I don’t feel so lucky.”
“Oh, hush. We’ll get through this.”
Large tears slipped down her cheeks, spotting her gown as they fell.
“I’ve got stuff to do,” she muttered.
“What do you mean?”
She closed her eyes. “Nothing. I’m babbling. Have you heard from Lonzo?”
I sighed and fished out the letter which was dropped off at the house earlier that day.
“No, but there’s a letter here that someone tossed on our doorstep today. Along with a twelve pack of beer. I’m thinking it might be from him.”
She opened her eyes, which were swollen with dark circles under them. She was anemic for losing a lot of blood, but wasn’t in the range for a blood transfusion. I wasn’t sure if that was good or not.
“Can you read it to me?”
I gave her a sweet smile. “Of course. You sure you want me to read it?”
She nodded, and I proceeded to rip the envelope open.
“Dear Liz…” I peeked up to my sister to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind. She often did, so I wouldn’t be surprised, even though I wanted to know what the note said too.
“Go on.” She closed her eyes, lying back again, probably from exhaustion.
“Dear Liz, I’m sorry about your injury. I hear you’re doing fine, and that makes me happy. I hope you don’t get angry with me for telling you this with a letter, but I can’t risk contacting you with Jonas still fired up and upset about the shooting. Everyone left before the cops got there, but Emilio was hit in the chest and died on the way to the hospital. Jonas has left for Mexico and will have his brother’s body shipped there, which is what I’m still doing here, making arrangements.
“I’m forever tied to this family, in more ways than I could ever tell you. Though you and your sister have touched my heart with your music, talent, and beauty, I’m afraid our paths must differ from now on. I’ve convinced Jonas to allow Noble Records to take over your contracts immediately with an adjustment in the contracts, and leave you to your best. He’s devastated with his brother’s passing and losing you too, even if you may not believe it. He wanted to find you after hearing Emilio died, but doesn’t want to be reminded of him, so I talked to him and convinced him to leave you be, as a token of his affection.
“I’ll miss your company and music, but I will check up and see how you’re doing.
“Also, a word of caution. When I told you I knew everything. I meant everything. Do not give Jonas any reason to return to you. You can’t stay alive in this life. Keep him away from you and those you love the most. Do whatever it takes. You won’t hear from him again if you do that. Figure it out. I know you will.
“Take care of your lovely sister Audrey. You need each other more than you will ever realize. I can only hope that in another life, we will meet again. Take care, Lonzo”
The note ended, and I stared at the words feeling confused but comforted. I never knew he cared so much. Maybe he was a good man stuck in a violent job. Regardless, I liked his note and felt he would keep his end of the deal.
“What did he mean by he knew everything, Liz?” I inquired, staring at the neat handwriting of our ex security guard. “What else does he know?”
She shrugged and turned away from me.
“Just what I had with Emilio and all. Guess it’s over now.”
I nodded. “Sorry to hear about Emilio.” I placed a hand on her good shoulder, but she faced away from me and let her tears soak her cheeks. It made me feel terrible for her. Her heart was as shattered as mine. Both of us were left broken beyond repair.
“Hey, you want anything to drink? They said you need to get more fluids in before they can turn off the IV.” I wanted to lighten the mood and placed the letter on the bedside table where her phone sat and my purse teetered on the edge.
She flipped her eyes open and looked over toward me. For a moment, she studied me hard, like she wanted to say something. I waited patiently, hoping she’d tell me anything she was holding back. She let her eyes drop to the table for a moment and then back up. This time, her eyes shined with the familiar light I was used to seeing in them. I hoped that meant she was getting back to herself.
“Yeah, can you get the nurse to give me some more cranberry juice? That stuff is good. Icy cold, you know, with the chunks of ice in it? Almost frozen?” She smiled and licked her dry lips.
“Sure thing, Sis.” I turned and headed out to the nurse’s station, glad to have something useful to do. She’d been so quiet since she woke up after her surgery last night, even after I asked her over and over if she was okay. I was more than happy to be doing something for her now.
Saul had gotten there late that night, and his presence had been a huge comfort. Now, he was resting at our house, and I would be heading there soon to get some rest too.
“Excuse me?” I tapped on the counter, hoping to get someone’s attention.
“Yes? Can I help you with something?” A young blonde nurse with brilliant glassy blue eyes and red scrubs came up to me expectantly.
“Yes, my sister, Liv, in room 409 would like more cranberry juice. The more ice in it the better.”
She nodded. “Let me check her chart to make sure she can have that, and I’ll get that right to her, okay?”
I smiled and thanked her before heading back to the room. There, I found Liv asleep, or at least pretending to be.
“She’ll bring it over in just a few.”
Liv peeked through the slits in her eyelids. “Thanks, Sis. You should get some rest now too.” She closed them again and sighed.
I rubbed my face, knowing how exhausted I must look. We both looked like hell on earth.
“Alright, well, I’ll be back later, okay? You need anything or the nurses aren’t bringing you enough icy juice, let me know, okay? I’ll bring a hell storm before they know what hit them.” I stepped forward to hug her, and she reached her arm around me in response.
“Oky, doky.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too, Audrey. Don’t forget that.”
I stepped back and scanned her face. Liv was already softly snoring, but something in the way she said her last words made my sixth sense spike up and worried me.
I waited a moment before I grabbed my purse from her bedside table and took one last look at her. Shaking off the dread, I let out a soft breath, feeling a slight resemblance of peace again for the first time in weeks before I turned to leave.
&n
bsp; “I won’t forget.”
Chapter Nineteen
Two months later…
Audrey
I stared out my window, always waiting, always hopeful.
I hadn’t seen my sister Liv in months. When she’d gotten released from the hospital, she hadn’t let me know what time to come by to get her. She left without phoning me.
Without me.
I still didn’t know where she was.
All she’d left was a letter in a sealed envelope at the nurse’s station, which I’d had a hell of time getting because I’d lost my I.D. and had to get a new one at the DMV to prove who I was before they would surrender it to me. Once I got hold of another ID, I was given the letter the next day, but what Liv wrote in it left me in another cold desolation.
She left without me and wasn’t coming back.
Dear Audrey,
Don’t try to find me.
I won’t let you.
I’ll find you when I’m ready. I have stuff to take care of, and I can’t involve anyone. I’m sorry if this hurts you, and I know you won’t understand, but I hope you will forgive me when I come back. You don’t have to wait for me. I’ll find you. I’ll always find you.
What I do want you to do is be happy. I know Saul still loves you, and I know he’ll see beyond the past and love you even more. This comforts me because I hate leaving you. I love you, and you’ve always been there for me, no matter what mess I’m into. I appreciated it all, even if I never told you. You are my rock. Always.
Can’t wait to see you again, someday soon. I promise.
Love,
Liz
I crushed the letter and flung it across the hospital hallway when I’d finished reading it. How could she do that to me? I didn’t even cry, for I was so full of anger. Eventually, I picked up the balled up note and left the hospital.
I already missed her, and the drive back to the house was bittersweet.
After I told Saul what Liv had done, he took it way better than I had. He’d pulled me into his arms and let me cry ugly sobs that shook my body and dampened his shirt until I ran out of tears. He stroked my long dark hair until he led me to bedroom and laid me gently on the bed. His arms became a warm cocoon that I promptly fell asleep in, dreaming of better days—days where there was nothing but highway to watch fly past and music blasting from the speakers of our station wagon.
Liv took that car from our storage since she had a key to it too. I’d just returned it the day after she was shot because Saul had a rental car we could use. I didn’t even discover what she’d done until I took the last of our belongings to the storage unit when we were finally moved out of the L.A. house a few days later. There, I found our station wagon gone and another note from Liz that said she’d take good care of it.
“How could she leave without me? I’d go anywhere with her. She knew that.” I spoke out loud one day, sitting across from Saul in a diner in New York City as I stirred my coffee relentlessly.
“She’ll be back.” Saul placed a warm hand on mine and pulled mine onto his lap as he pushed a loose strand of my hair to tuck behind my ear.
“I kind of feel lost without her.” I sighed, trying to shake off the worry—my constant companion.
“I know. She’ll come back. She’s probably feeling the same exact way.”
“I just don’t understand.”
“Let her go. You’ll understand why soon enough.”
“You think so?” I met Saul’s eyes, their smooth surface reflecting the kind man beneath them. A man I loved more than my soul.
“I have a really good feeling about this.” He grinned his sheepish grin that melted the frost on my mind, lifting the gloom immediately.
I wanted to believe him. The way he said things made me believe it.
“Okay.”
We were now living together in the city, enjoying the sights and writing music like crazy. We were due to record again in four months, and I was worried we would have to go on without Liv. I hoped not. She was as much of this trio as either of us was. Each one of us was irreplaceable, and I’d never want to go on with the music without her.
In the meantime, the royalties from our previous record were pouring in, allowing us to take extended vacations and rent a flat in the city. Each day, I looked in the hundreds of faces for the one that would find me Liz. Every day, I failed to find her. Even when we’d gone abroad to relax on the beaches of Spain and enjoy the cuisine of Italy on a nice tour of Europe, I still scanned each face that walked past me for her.
Sooner or later, she’d come back, that was for certain. I just hoped she’d find me again with ease. I didn’t want to make it difficult for her, so upon return from our trip, we settled in the city of New York until we were due to record new songs again.
I would be here, waiting for her always, with open arms.
Epilogue
Four months later….
Audrey
“I’ll get it!” I headed toward the door and peered through the hole. Blinking, I saw a dark figure with their head lowered and a hoodie covering their features so I couldn’t tell who it was.
“Who is it?” I asked through the door.
“It’s Liv.”
I scrambled to unlock the chain and several bolted locks before I swung the door open in disbelief.
“Liv? Is it really you?”
She peeked up at me and grinned, flashing her pearly white teeth at me.
“The one and only, in the flesh.”
My mouth hung open, unable to put into words anything.
She answered it by tugging me over to crash into her in a fierce hug. Her frame felt the same under my arms, maybe with a bit more meat on it. It was a relief to not find her as a bag of bones.
After a few moments, I finally pulled away to get a better look at her. She yanked off her hoodie to let her long curly waves tumble about her beautiful face. Her features were filled out, and her skin tone was a vibrant pink. No longer were there circles under her eyes, and her skin glowed with life I’d missed seeing.
“Come in! Oh, wow, this is great! Saul! Liv’s here!” I called back into the apartment.
“Okay, wait a sec…” Liv turned back to grab a bundle behind her. Err…rather two bundles. One was a large duffle bag, and the other was a stroller sitting behind her.
“What’s that?”
She handed me the heavy duffle bag, and I backed up to give her room while clasping the bag, allowing her by as she grasped the handle of the stroller and pulled it in, kicking the door softly shut behind her.
“This…” She pulled off a blanket covering the car seat fixed onto the stroller “…is Rose Elizabeth Westing. Your daughter.”
My eyes slid from the beautiful cherub face of a sleeping baby girl back up to my sister’s expectant eyes.
“Wait…what?”
She bent down and pulled out a folder and handed it to me.
“I had her a month ago. She was a bit premature, but is totally fine. I brought her here because you’re the only one who can take care of her. The only one I trust.”
I stared at her in disbelief before I flipped open the folder. In it was a birth certificate with little Rose’s name on it, including her birth information. It all looked fine, except when I scanned the name of the mother, expecting to see Liv’s name, it said something else entirely.
“Why does it say my name here, Liv?” I looked up to my sister, my little baby sister who always seemed to keep my life a lot more interesting than I could’ve ever made it. “It says my name under birth mother…”
I stopped talking as it dawned on me what Liv had done.
“Hey, Liv! You’re really here,” Saul called out as he entered from the bedroom. He had thrown on some pants over his boxers since he’d just woken up. The early morning had me awake hours before him, even though he didn’t really sleep in late.
“Saul!” Liv grinned wider as she ran over to give him a tight squeeze. “I’m so glad to see you guys!�
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“Liv,” I groaned. I wanted answers, but she wasn’t giving me any fast enough. “What the hell is going on?” I held out the folder back to her.
“Shh…you’ll wake her up. Let’s sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down.” I crossed my arms and planted myself in the hallway. She wasn’t going to get away so easily this time. I would chain her down myself if I had to.
“Okay, okay. Look…” She ran her hand through the long waves of her hair. It was longer, like mine, and shiny. Hell, it looked even thicker. She looked eerily like me with it styled like this, even though mine was straighter.
“I stole your I.D.”
“I knew it.” I exhaled loudly and squeezed my eyes shut.
She sighed and continued. “Look. I don’t know if Jonas or Emilio is the father, but either way, Jonas can’t know about her. I can’t have Jonas coming after me if he finds out the baby is related to him. Especially since Emilio is dead. I just can’t. So…” She let out a shaky breath as she paused.
“Come on, let’s sit down. She’s not going anywhere. Let’s let her sleep.” Saul tugged me toward the living room right next to the hall, and I let him. Liv followed and settled in an armchair right near the stroller.
I sank down on the couch, still drilling my eyes into her.
“So…what did you do?” I asked.
“I stole your I.D. so when I had her, I could say I was you. We look more alike than you know. She’s now officially your daughter, Sis. Saul can sign an affidavit as the father and be put on the birth certificate. No one has to know any different.”
“What? But…but…What the fuck, Liv?”
“I’ll sign it,” Saul interrupted. I gawked at him in disbelief.
“What?”
Saul turned toward me, looking calmer than a still lake in a bright summer’s day. I envied how relaxed he was about all this.
“You said you wanted a child, but the doctors said you can’t have any. Liv wants you to be the mother of her child. Why not, Audrey? Everyone wins and little Rose gets to stay with us, safe from all that Cartel business.”
