Living the Dream

by Lyla Payne

  His head swivels back my direction. “You think I’m being a baby.”

  I hesitate, unsure whether to be honest, knowing what he could do if I piss him off and all. Then I shake off the trepidation just as quickly because if we’re going to be spending time together for months I’m not going to walk on eggshells during every conversation. “Kind of, yes. It’s not your thing, fine. Why does that mean you can’t enjoy yourself?”

  “I’m not not enjoying myself. This conversation, for example, is halfway amusing.”

  His attention is back on the event, leaving me unable to determine the truth or sarcasm behind the statement. Something about the way it tumbled freely from those full lips makes me think he means it, and that leaves me flustered.

  Instead of embarrassing myself by asking him to clarify or revealing that I can’t read him as well as I’d like to, I keep my mouth shut for the rest of the meet—which only buys me about ten minutes. Ruby gives us the side-eye as we sidle past her toward the exit.

  “Where are y’all headed? Somewhere private?”

  Sebastian stops and gives her a smile that’s not the least bit scary. “No, I think we’re going to stop by the student art exhibit at my father’s gallery and then maybe have a cup of coffee at the Grind. Maybe you and Cole would like to join us?”

  “Um, no.” She shoots me a glance. “Thank you. We have plans and he’s got to finish up here.”

  “See you later,” I mumble, tugging Sebastian toward the parking lot before the interaction can go bad.

  Sebastian follows my lead but slows his gait once we’re free of the stifling building. The air outside has stayed crisp from last night. Nothing like winter in Scotland—which isn’t something I ever thought I would miss, but I do—but better than dealing with ninety degrees at the end of February.

  “Why’d you hustle me out of there? I thought I was doing a good job acting jovial and normal.”

  “You were,” I assure him, wanting to giggle for some reason. “I wasn’t sure how long it was going to last.”

  He frowns, wrapping his fingers tighter around mine. They’re warm and soft. Definitely the hands of a boy who hasn’t spent any time working outside during his lifetime. “I’m not a true antisocial. I understand and respond to cues like a real live boy.”

  “So you’re saying your nose doesn’t grow when you lie?”

  He laughs, a startled sound that reminds me of a sparrow launched from its perch by the sudden approach of a hawk. As though he didn’t know it was there or expect to use it.

  “Not that I’m aware of. I always thought I could use a bit more of a nose, anyway. The too-proportioned dimensions of my face make people hate me more.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “If you say so.”

  We stroll in silence toward the art gallery for a while, even though we haven’t discussed our plans for the rest of the afternoon. It seems as though he’s been thinking about it, though, since it rolled right off his tongue when Ruby asked back at the gym.

  “Maybe you’re right,” I allow as we hike up the gallery steps. “Maybe people judge you before they meet you or really talk to you but, in your case, we both know you’ve earned a good portion of that reputation.”

  “Point taken.” He pulls open the heavy door and sweeps a hand toward the heated interior. “Shall we?”

  The gallery is a new space to me even though it’s close to campus and the art students use it for shows. The only artist I know is Emilie Swanson. We’re acquainted, but mostly through Cole through Ruby, so it’s not like I’ve felt any obligation to attend.

  Now that we’re here, though, the desire to check out her work rises up and I ask Sebastian to show me the student paintings.

  “We don’t keep them all on display all the time, but there is an aspiring artist room upstairs. Follow me.”

  He leads me into a medium-sized room with gorgeous polished oak floors and high, high ceilings. The air temperature isn’t as warm as it could be, especially since I’ve spent the better part of the afternoon sweating, and a shiver zips over my arms and down the back of my neck.

  I’m staring at a really weird modern piece that does nothing for me when warmth slips over my shoulders. It startles me and I reach up to feel Sebastian’s peacoat. The wool scratches my fingertips and I look over at him in surprise to find him studying the painting in front of us with a distaste similar to what he displayed at the meet.

  A thank-you withers on my tongue because he obviously wants to pretend the courtesy is an everyday occurrence. Some part of me is okay with that because it’s nice to pretend that it is. That we wander together on a regular basis and he is both attentive to my needs and challenging as a partner.

  That the smell of him wrapped around me always sends shivers of desire down my spine.

  We amble around the room in companionable silence, alone in the space and with our thoughts. Emilie has three pieces displayed, and none of the others in the space compare. The truth in each of them—naked, raw, vulnerable—takes my breath away.

  “She’s talented. Extraordinary, really.” Sebastian’s at my elbow, his arm brushing mine. “She has that something that can’t be taught. It reaches straight off the canvas and grabs you by the gut. Forces you to pay attention.”

  I nod, swallowing the emotion her canvases inspire. He’s right again, and Sebastian’s uncanny knack for cutting right through all the bullshit and to the heart of things keeps surprising me. “Yes. It’s so honest you can’t ignore it. I think that’s what it is.”

  “I mean, she’s still a bitch. But you’ve got to respect her. Are you ready for that coffee?”

  The right response to his last observation stumps me so I nod again, shrugging out of his coat and trying to hand it over.

  “Keep it. It’s chilly out.”

  “Which is why you brought a coat.” I give him a thin smile. “I should have been so smart.”

  He tips his head, his expression confused. “You’re upset with me.”

  “You can read social cues!” I exclaim, resisting the urge to pat him on the head.

  “Why?”

  “You seriously think it’s okay to call someone a bitch and then ask if I’m ready to go?”

  “Who, Emilie? She is a bitch. It doesn’t mean I don’t respect her.”

  “In some circles calling someone a name is exactly what that means, Copernicus.”

  We’re back outside now but I hardly notice the temperature or the fact that the closer we get to campus the more people stop or do double takes at the sight of the two of us together. His brain is a puzzle. Combined with his behavior and reputation, Sebastian is more than a mystery—an enigma—and I have four months to kill.

  I like puzzles.

  “It’s just a word, Audra. Society gives it one definition. In my mind it means she doesn’t take any shit, she knows what she wants, and she’s hard as nails.” He shrugs. “I’m not going to stand here and tell you I haven’t been awful to her. I’m not even going to lie and tell you she’s not a pain in my ass or that we’re going to be exchanging Christmas gifts anytime soon. But we understand each other and there are no hard feelings. I think if you asked her she’d say the same thing.”

  “Or you could play by the rules and not use words that you know trigger animosity in other people.”

  Confidence straightens his shoulders and he glares at a kid I don’t recognize—he’s gangly and pimply, maybe a freshman—until he turns white and scurries off. Ruby made a comment the other night to the same effect. Not that Emilie and Sebastian were on good terms but that he’d apologized and had been acting more appropriately in the past several months. I wonder if his turnaround has anything to do with the reason he’s asking me to put on this whole show.

  Which reminds me that I’d really like to know what that is.

  “So, what’s new in your life?” An exasperated sigh follows the question when I don’t answer right away. My mind has drifted, conjuring stories and
scenarios that might make a person change their whole personality. “We’re supposed to be dating. I should know these things.”

  “The Kappa president wants me to run for her seat next year. I think she’s crazy.”

  “You do? Why?”

  I give him a long look but can’t detect any sarcasm in his tone. Which is when the discomfort trickles in, because Sebastian is the last person I’d choose to share my insecurities with if I had a choice.

  But you don’t have a choice, because you spread your legs for the wrong guy.

  I remember Blair’s words. Tell myself to focus on them, to remember it’s not my fault Logan is a dick.

  “I don’t know. I’m only a sophomore.” I gulp a few deep breaths and tell my nerves to chill the fuck out. It’s no big deal, telling him any of this. “People like me but they don’t, you know, look to me for direction or anything. I won’t win and it will be this whole embarrassing thing.”

  A pause lengthens between us, breathing softly like a tired puppy at our feet. A gush of warm air billows out of the Grind when he pulls open the door and ushers me inside. When we get to the counter he asks for a café au lait with two percent milk and then glances at me, waiting for my order.

  “Um, a tea, please. Small.”

  Sebastian pays and then grabs the pretty ceramic cups and saucers a few minutes later, leading me to a round two-person bistro table by the front window.

  “Why are you even considering running for president if you don’t think people listen to you?”

  It’s not the question I expect; I thought he would drop it because the conversation has nothing to do with him, but whether or not he’s acting, Sebastian keeps surprising me. “Who said I’m considering it?”

  “You wouldn’t have brought it up if you weren’t. I asked what’s new in your life and that’s what you said.” He shrugs. “Simple deduction.”

  “I don’t know, maybe I am. I like the idea of being in charge, which is an odd realization.”

  “Because you let your brothers push you around.”

  “No.” I glare at him, feeling as though family is off-limits for a fake relationship. I’m not asking about his crazy dad or about his missing-in-action mother. “I’ve always been the one people take care of. The baby. I never thought about a career where it would be the other way around, but it sits pretty well with me.”

  “Then you should try. You’re smart, you’re pretty. I think more people value your opinion than you think. I bet you’d be surprised.”

  “That sounded surprisingly genuine.”

  “Don’t get used to it.” He smiles and takes a long pull on his drink.

  “Ha. So, I guess now it’s my turn to ask. What’s new with you, Sebastian?”

  He finishes his coffee and pushes back his chair, the wooden legs screeching across the tile floor. “I’m sorry, Bug, but we’re out of time.”

  I shake my head and swallow the last of my own beverage, standing up and handing over his coat. “Of course we are.”

  Chapter Nine

  Audra

  The afternoon with Sebastian energized me for some reason. We have a strange synergy, and the way that he understands what it feels like to be moving out from under my brothers’ thumbs is uncanny. It leaves me feeling lighter but, at the same time, burdened with curiosity. There’s so much I don’t know about Sebastian Blair—so much that no one knows, I’d bet.

  We all hear the rumors and listen to our older, wiser friends when they tell us to stay away, but maybe that means he’s made up of nothing but hearsay and exaggerations.

  Or maybe he’s as bad as everyone says. The thing is, there’s no way to know, and I’m more than a little intrigued by the possibility of being the one to peel back the layers. It’s an advantage, him being forced to spend time with me for appearances’ sake. One no one else has ever managed.

  I get the feeling that Sebastian takes care to ensure his hold over all the people in his life.

  It’s family dinner night at the house my brothers are sharing while they all finish graduate school, which should help take my mind off my way-too-vested interest in getting closer to Sebastian—in several ways. The house is a pretty two-story with landscaping my parents pay for as part of a tuition deal for all of us, but the inside always smells more than a little bit like boy no matter how clean their maid manages to keep it.

  The twins and Cole each hold identical double degrees in public policy and nonprofit management, which will make them all ideal candidates to take over my parents’ empire in a few years. Which also leaves me out in the cold even though I’m as good as any of them at raising money.

  It’s okay; running the nonprofit has never been an option in my mind or a dream in my heart, so I’m happy that they’re all up for continuing the legacy. Kind of lets me off the hook to figure out what it is that I love—a task that’s proving more elusive than I figured.

  Law meets me at the front door, taking my coat and tossing it over the back of the chair in the library to the right. The scent of garlic and onion hovers in the air. My stomach grumbles and my brother and I both laugh—it’s a running joke how I could eat all of them under the table if we were inclined to have contests.

  “I guess you’re hungry. Shocker.”

  I give his arm a light punch, then shrug. “Starving, actually. All I’ve had since breakfast is a tea.”

  “Your new boyfriend is kind of cheap when it comes to lunch, huh?” Law tosses the insult back over his shoulder, striding into the kitchen before I can reply.

  Of all the jabs people could take at Sebastian, accusing him of being cheap or not having spare change isn’t a likely one. It was a throwaway comment, so I let it fly right over my head. There will be more—I’ve been dreading the evening, actually, when it’s one of the brightest spots in a normal week.

  There’s no point in defending against every barb. If he was really my boyfriend some of them would have to slide off. Ribbing one another about our relationships is something we all do.

  The kitchen is warm, with fragrant steam spooling off a bubbling pot of tomato sauce and disappearing into the stove vent. A giant vat of spaghetti noodles bubbles on the back burner. Cole’s at the table with his nose in a textbook while Ruby peers into the oven, keeping an eye on slices of garlic bread. Nox and his girlfriend, Jenna, man the hot burners. Nox turns around and raises a sauce-smeared spoon in greeting and Cole smiles from his spot, appearing a little distracted by whatever he’s reading.

  It would fill me with love and gratitude and all kinds of other sappy crap, my sweet family gathered in one place, except for one thing—we never invite significant others to these things without talking about it first. Which means they talked about it without me.

  I sling my purse onto a tiny, unused spot on the counter and slide into the chair opposite my closest-in-age sibling. His gaze meets mine and guilt oozes toward me.

  So I’m not imagining the feeling of being ganged up on.

  “When did we decide to invite Ruby and Jenna tonight?” The atmosphere in the room changes. Tightens until the sound of the popping bubbles hurt my ears they’re so loud. “I mean, no offense to you girls. You know I like you. It’s just, I would have brought a date, too, if it was family date night.”

  “It was kind of a last-minute decision,” Nox soothes, glancing at Jenna to make sure she’s okay after my rudeness or whatever. They’ve only been dating a few months. “Let’s just sit down and eat, yeah?”

  “Whatever.”

  Annoyance trickles into my belly, which is so stupid. Sebastian’s not my boyfriend, so it shouldn’t matter whether or not they invited him. It’s confusing, is all, having to react like he is my boyfriend and I should be insulted while remembering in the back of my mind that he’s not.

  Everyone sits down at the oversized round table with plates full of noodles and meat sauce and a giant basket full of garlic bread. Ruby gives me a small smile full of apologies and stays quiet, which is so not like her.
At least she and Cole seem to realize the inappropriateness of this ambush couples’ dinner.

  “I saw you at the meet today,” Law begins, twirling a massive bite of spaghetti on his fork. “With Sebastian.”

  “Yes.” I eat half a piece of garlic bread. “I am dating Sebastian Blair. No, you can’t change my mind, and no, I haven’t experienced recent head trauma. I like hanging out with him.”

  I pause mid-chew at the realization that it’s the truth. He says the rudest shit sometimes, and the only reason he wants to get to know me is so that we can fool people for whatever nefarious plan he has working, not to mention the guy could ruin my reputation with the click of a mouse. But I do enjoy his company.

  Maybe because he doesn’t expect me to be any certain way. Not the helpless baby sister or the aimless youngest child or the funny wallflower at the sorority house. Just me.

  Whoever that is.

  “You like hanging out with him.” Nox doesn’t even pretend to eat, just stares at me with disbelief written all over his face.

  “Yes. And if you’d let me know that tonight was bring-a-date night maybe you could have enjoyed it, too.”

  “Not likely,” Cole replies, tossing his napkin onto the table with a resigned expression. “Audra, we wanted you to be here alone because the five of us want to talk to you about dating this guy.”

  Ruby clears her throat and crosses her arms over her chest. “The four of you. I’m not a fan of organized bullying, regardless of how noble the intent.”

  A glance at Jenna, who refuses to look up from her plate, suggests it’s probably more like the three of them. As usual. My oldest brother Gavin isn’t here or it would be four.

  My stomach churns under their gazes, making it impossible to put food in my mouth, but I can’t show any weakness. My whole future depends on these three adorable morons believing this story, because if they don’t, if they suspect something else is going on, then they’ll never let up until they find out what it is.