Her mother badly wanted to take care of her, but tried so very hard to walk the fine line between loving concern and smothering her only daughter. That mutual respect was part of what kept them so close.
"I know. Thanks for thinking of it, Mom. And I really appreciate you doing all the work to get this place rented and ready. I couldn't have done it without you."
"Well, I liked having you staying with us, but I know you wanted some time to just heal and think. Your brothers weren't exactly helping you rest while you were here."
Her warm laugh made Kayleigh smile. Cell phone tucked precariously between her ear and shoulder, she logged onto her laptop and started it downloading her email. “I should go, Mom. I need to eat something, then I want to look around outside before it gets dark."
A pause clearly communicated her mother's reluctance to let her go. “Okay. Please call or email me so I know how you're doing. I know you fell in love with that old house and all the trees, but I'm not really comfortable with how isolated it is. Especially with the weird weather we always seem to get this time of year."
"I know and I promise to get in touch at least once a day. I'm only a few miles outside Snohomish, though. It just seems more isolated because of the woods and private road. The generator's been checked and I have several fireplaces and lots of wood if I need it. And I have my cell phone. Don't worry, Mom."
After a few more reassurances, Kayleigh was finally able to get off the phone. Sheer force of habit had her starting to log into her work email. Stopping in mid-password, she had to remind herself that she was on medical leave until February first and had been specifically told not to log into her email or access the company's network. No work. Not even a brief hello.
Only a few new messages were in her personal email, nothing that couldn't wait a bit for a reply. Kayleigh slowly shut the laptop. A sense of unease, of being idle for the first time in many years, caught her by surprise. She didn't have to be anywhere or do anything. Nothing really marked her days. No crises needed attention. No errands needed to be run. The only thing needing attention was herself. How often had she ever been so free? Or felt so adrift?
Technical writing and the documents that seemed so urgent, so important only a month ago now seemed like vague tasks that belonged to someone else. Even her passion for her chosen profession seemed to have evaporated.
A glance out the window showed an overcast sky but there was still enough light for her to take a short walk through the woods behind and around the bungalow. The stairs down from the back deck led to a path she'd been curious about ever since she noticed it. She'd better get going soon, though, the light wouldn't last long.
Draining the glass of water, she returned it to the kitchen before stopping in the mudroom to put her on her winter boots, coat, and a warm hat. At the last minute she tucked a flashlight and her cell phone in her coat pocket and snatched up her gloves.
She loved fall and winter, especially the nip of the colder air and the smell of potential snow, but she couldn't afford to get too cold right now. Once the door was locked and the house key safely in her pocket, she pulled her gloves on and slowly walked out onto the deck.
Eagerness to see the land made her almost antsy. When she'd toured the bungalow before she rented it, she felt something here. Something she didn't recognize but felt drawn to. She lifted her face to the sky for a moment, just to enjoy the fresh air and smells of the evergreens.
What a beautiful day.
Already chilly, the lack of any cloud cover was a certain sign that it would get far colder overnight. The weather had been unpredictable and there were already dire warnings that this winter would be a record breaker.
She made her way down the wooden stairs from the deck to the ground, keeping a tight grip on the railing and testing each step carefully before putting her full weight on it. The mere thought of getting hurt again made her stomach churn. She wasn't about to risk a tumble down the steps.
The carefully groomed gravel path started at the base of the wooden stairs and meandered in swoops and curves toward the woods, following the slight contours of the yard on its way to the woods. Its organic flow made it seem like it might have always been there, despite the fact it was clearly manmade.
The crunching sound of her footsteps drew her to the brink of a different state of awareness. Her stomach gradually relaxed and her hands unclenched. Her mind stilled as she focused on her feet and the path, each slow step taken with care. Each deliberate stride pulled her deeper into her light trance.
At the edge of the grass lawn, she seemed to cross from one world to another in the space of a few steps. The light breeze rustled the few remaining leaves on the branches of the maples and oaks. The gravel path changed to a rougher trail of packed earth with a layer of leaves and needles. The trees grew thicker, larger, and nearer to the small path. The scent of the cedars was both sharp and comforting, overlying the musty and rich smell of the thick layer of decaying vegetation that filled the floor of the woods. Screened by the woods, the breeze was replaced by a quiet stillness, not even broken by the sound of birds or squirrels she'd heard in the yard.
The path was well-defined and Kayleigh continued along it, sinking a little deeper into her trance. She loved the feel of nature and the trees around her. Alone in the woods, she could have been the only person in the world, at home with the Goddess and the sense of impending Yule.
Though not a major sabbat, she'd always had a special place in her heart for the Winter Solstice and the trappings of Yule. The knowledge that she was witnessing the longest night of the year always gave her hope. The adage that tomorrow would be a sunnier day was really true.
Tugging off her gloves, she reached out to caress the wide, craggy bark of a pine tree that had to be a hundred years old. She wouldn't even be able to get her arms around half the trunk. Fingers quickly growing cold, she stuffed them and her gloves into her coat pockets.
Her steps took her further down the path, touching bushes and dodging the few spider webs that impinged on the trail. It seemed like she walked forever—away from the loud modern world and into a timeless, primeval realm.
Her breath caught, a sense of excitement flooding through her newfound peace. A shiver traced down her spine and goose bumps rose on her arms. A presence, an ancient, inhuman sense of wisdom and power, flooded over her mental shields. It seemed somehow masculine, deeper and rougher than the feminine Goddess energy she usually felt. And it was very close.
What is out here?
A blind turn in the path, around a large maple, brought her to the edge of a clearing. The crowded woods abruptly gave way to a grassy open space with a huge holly tree in the center, flanked by two smaller holly trees.
"Goddess, where have you brought me?” Her own whispered, reverent words seemed to flow out into the still otherworld of the clearing on the fog of her breath, twisting and turning as she stood in awe of what she saw and felt.
Every instinct and training told her this was no ordinary landscape feature. This was a sacred place of some sort and it belonged to the presence she felt. The huge, ancient holly tree in the center seemed to be the focus.
The longer she looked at the tree, the more she felt a need to touch it, to be near it. The smooth bark almost glowed in shades of tans, browns, yellows and golds. The spiky leaves were a glossy, dark green and created a lush canopy that overshadowed two smaller holly trees.
The overgrown grass, yellowed from the cold fall weather, was wet. It seemed deeply wrong to just walk into the clearing. That space belonged to the presence and no matter how much she wanted to get near the huge holly, she needed to remember she was only a visitor—an uninvited one at that. A wave of tingling electric sensations ran over her skin and just under it, an eerie sensation made it clear that whatever lived here had noticed her.
* * * *
Ilex slowly drifted to consciousness. The wonderfully chilly air caressing the leaves and limbs of his tree, a hint of the winter just setting in. The cold and
the dampness of the ground all reinforced that it was very late in this reign. Almost the end of another cycle of the year. He would soon be locked within his tree, unaware of the world passing him by until he woke again with the approach of the Summer Solstice to continue the endless cycle of victory and defeat.
His world had been quiet for many years. The humans living nearby seemed unable to sense his presence, if the house was actually occupied at all. His forays into the ever-increasing crowds of other humans had become less and less frequent over time until he rarely cared to leave his clearing, even during the height of his reign. His tree, his companions and his sacred clearing had become his whole world.
Except over the last nine cycles of his reign, it felt more like a prison. An increasingly lonely prison.
Ilex stretched his awareness out. What had roused him? It was still days away from the Winter Solstice and he was already very weak, very tired. Can I even leave my tree?
He tried to step away from his shell of bark, wood, and leaves but couldn't quite separate himself from his physical form. It was too late in the year.
He settled for stretching his awareness out as far away from his tree as he could and discovered a human standing at the entrance of his clearing. She wasn't very tall and it was hard to tell her body shape in the bulky clothing she wore. Her face was thin with dark circles under her hazel eyes, but her cheeks and nose were pink, probably from the chilly air. Straggling strands of brown hair escaped from under her knitted cap to soften the angles of her face.
She seemed very tired.
Ilex looked more carefully and managed to bring her aura into view. Weak and a bit chaotic, it was a fascinating swirled mix of purples and golds.
"Spirit of this place. I seek entrance in peace and in love.” Her clear, confident words shocked him. She was aware of him? At the very least she was aware that this was a sacred place.
It took him a moment to respond, wondering if she would be able to hear him. All may enter and be welcome, if they wish no harm here.
She nodded and walked slowly into his clearing.
She could hear him. How long had it been since a human heard him, been able to interact with him? Ilex watched her, fascinated.
Her circular path took her three times around the clearing in a tightening spiral until she stood directly in front of his tree. With her now so close to him, he could feel the full force of her energy. She was strong, but wounded. The tiny lines around her mouth hinted at her pain. Something had happened to her that she'd not recovered from.
Her heavy sigh caressed his trunk with warm, moist breath and she reached out to trace a bare hand down his smooth bark. The lightest of touches, yet it set him on fire, nearly making all his limbs shake in reaction.
The woman turned and gingerly lowered herself to the ground in front of him, seemingly uncaring of the damp ground. She squirmed a little, then crossed her legs before her, set her hands on her knees and assumed a rhythmic breathing pattern that gradually slowed and evened.
Ilex reached a little of his energy out and raked it through her chaotic aura. The vortexes smoothed out and the flow of her personal energy strengthened. It seemed important that he help this woman, but he couldn't tell why. He soothed away traces of injury before weakness overcame him and he was forced to retreat back to his tree.
She remained sitting for a long while, still and quiet, while the evening mist rolled in and covered the faded grass of the clearing with a blanket of mystery. Eventually she uncrossed her legs and knelt, then placed the palms of both hands flat on the ground. “Thank you, Goddess,” she whispered.
Rising to her feet, she turned back to face Ilex's tree again. A peaceful smile lit up her face and she seemed to see him, not just his physical tree. “Thank you, Spirit. Your gift is generous and welcome."
She reached her arms wide and hugged his tree. Hugged him. In that instant, his world seemed to shift and resettle. For the first time in his nearly century-long existence, he felt connected. Was this ... love?
At the very least, he knew this human was special. This human was his.
Chapter Two
Surprised and relieved by how much she'd managed to eat, Kayleigh finished rinsing her soup bowl, then loaded it and her silverware into the dishwasher. Her two day's worth of dishes didn't even half fill it.
I won't have to run it more than once a week, even though I am actually eating more.
Her doctors kept telling her she needed to eat, even if she wasn't hungry, so her body would have enough energy to heal. Up until the last couple of days, she'd had to force herself to eat much more than a few bites at a time. Today she polished off an entire bowl of soup with no problem. Another small victory to add to her list.
It the midst of wiping down the beautiful granite counter, she heard the soft lyrics of an old Irish folksong her mother always sang while she worked in the kitchen. Shocked, she stopped in mid-wipe. It was her. She was unconsciously singing that same song. Shivers ran up her spine at the strong sense of déjà-vu.
Her accident had changed her in some fundamental way. Kayleigh couldn't pretend anymore that she was the same person she was before. It had changed her outlook on life and her appreciation of the little things. Things she'd discovered she took far too much for granted. Ever since she'd been released from the hospital, she'd been struggling to return to her normal self, her normal life. It wasn't working.
A niggling thought kept resurfacing. What if she wasn't able to return to her prior self? What if this was the person the Goddess meant her to become?
Yet another item to add to the list of thing that changed. Housework was incredibly low on her list of enjoyable tasks. Maybe a root canal was lower on the list, but at least that could be made less horrible with modern pharmaceuticals and nitrous oxide. Now, for the second time today, she'd found herself cleaning while humming and swaying in time to her own inner music. First dusting the mantle, now scrubbing the kitchen counter.
It was weird, like she was channeling her own mother. Or some aspect of her.
Last night she'd slept better than before she'd weaned herself from the heavy painkillers that made her sleep, but left her feeling like she lived in a heavy fog. She'd dreamed, but not the recurring dream of her accident. Instead her dream was of the ancient holly tree in the clearing behind the house and the amazing presence she'd felt there. A replay of her discovery of the sacred space and the incredible sense of ageless wisdom and comfort that permeated it, except she dreamed of it overlaid with a love that enfolded her spirit and began a healing she'd not realized she needed. An acceptance she'd not realized she craved.
Had the Goddess brought her here deliberately?
Startled by the cold water dripping onto her bare foot from the sponge still clutched in her hand, she finished wiping the counter. The sponge returned to the sink; she used a paper towel to clean the dripped water off the rich wood floor.
Making her way to the office, Kayleigh stood in the doorway and stared. It was still tidy and she'd been there almost an entire day. That had to be a new record. Her laptop was not only closed but turned off and she didn't feel any of the previous driving need to constantly check her email or read her newsgroups.
What in the world was going on? Her stomach clenched with unease. This was just too weird, even for her.
She plucked her cell phone off the charger on the desk and reflexively pressed her mother's speed dial number. While the phone rang, Kayleigh moved back into the living room and, unable to sit still, paced back and forth behind the leather sofa.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom.” Kayleigh's voice sounded strained, even to herself.
"Kay? What's the matter? Are you okay?” The panic in her mother's response made Kayleigh's guilt flare. Her mother had already been through enough on Kayleigh's behalf.
"I'm okay, Mom. I'm just feeling ... well ... weird. Not physically, but like I'm not myself anymore. Almost like something inside me changed and I can't figure out what."
"You've been through a lot and so has your body. You nearly died.” Her mother's voice calmed a little but the trace of fear remained. “The doctors said it might be a while before you fully recovered."
"I know. I'm just not sure who I am now. What if I've changed in ways that my friends can't accept? What if you can't love the new me the same way you did the old me?” Kayleigh's voice broke and she sobbed.
"Why? Have you turned into an axe murderer? I know you often said you'd like to off a few developers but maybe you shouldn't admit it if you actually have.” Her mother's voice lost the edge of fear and panic and took on a more teasing tone.
Kayleigh choked back another sob.
"Kay, I'm your mother. I love you no matter what. You never have to worry that I'll change my mind or my feelings.” Her mother's faint Irish accent revealed her own strong emotions. “Do you want to come home? Do you want me to come get you? Or your father?"
The knotted tension in Kayleigh's abdomen slowly released, replaced gradually by the warmth of her mother's certainty.
"No. I'll be okay. I need to work this out. Maybe this is part of the process. It's really close to Yule and I always tend to be a little uneasy and off balance until the Solstice is over."
"True. And the presents seem to cheer you up, too.” Now her mother was definitely teasing her. “You were the worst one for trying to figure out what they were ahead of time. None of your brothers ever managed to find my hiding places."
They both chuckled at the memories. It was only a few years ago that Kayleigh finally confessed to slitting open wrapping paper and peeking before carefully resealing the gifts. In turn, her mother confessed to planting decoy presents that Kayleigh could peek into without spoiling all her surprises.
"Thanks, Mom. I'm already feeling better."
"You sure? Are you having a Yule ritual with your pagan group this year? I'll come if you are."
"Not this year. I think it's better if I don't stress over how other people are doing or playing hostess to something. I'll probably just have my own private celebration to honor the Oak King's defeat of the Holly King and the darkest day of the year. There's even a gorgeous old holly tree in the woods behind the house I can use as a focus."
Babes in Toyland II Page 36
