I caught my breath on the bottom of the stairs. I looked up and it was quiet. He didn’t follow.
I snuggled into my blanket and built a small fort with my pillows. I grabbed the T.V. remote and without needing to see the buttons, navigated my television to a flick. I caught the middle of the movie Dogfight. I realized it was River Phoenix’s death anniversary this month. I loved the flick to no end, but sleep beckoned me. The last image I captured was of Eddie dancing with Rose before I drifted off.
I had left my Blackberry on my nightstand upstairs as usual and should have plugged it in next to me. But, I had my single habits to blame for that. An hour into my slumber, Thomas sent another picture and text to my phone. I was the second one to see it that night, since Bradley was in the bedroom when it arrived. I guess my little green monster hopped out of my body and entered Bradley’s. And, he rode a jealous wave downstairs.
“Nix!” I was yanked to the surface of consciousness, but didn’t respond fast enough. Bradley knelt by me and held the glowing screen of the Blackberry two inches from my eyes. “Phoe-nix Farmer!” I thought I was in a nightmare as the glow of the television set and Bradley’s menacing glare greeted me. Once I focused my eyes, Thomas’s smile filled my vision. He posed with the Guam flag on his rearview mirror.
“Who the hell is Toe-mas?” He said it like we do on the island, “Toe-Mas,” and it irked me to full awakening. I realized that I wasn’t dreaming and sat up. I dove for my phone, and Bradley and his new military skills averted my attempt.
“He’s a friend. Why?” I asked.
“Why is he sending you pictures and texting you?” I hoped Bradley didn’t really analyze the picture and see the flag.
“Because. He’s. My. Friend. That’s what friends do sometime.” I explained. Bradley slammed my Blackberry on the coffee table and sat next to me. “Damn it, Bradley! You better not have broken my phone.” He muted the television set just as Eddie Birdlace was returning from the war to embrace the love of his life, Rose. That was my favorite part. I continued to watch the television screen reading their lips and savoring the romantic moment.
Bradley’s knees hopped up and down as he waited for further explanation. I didn’t owe him any, but I also didn’t want Bradley to jump out of our bedroom window from depression, so I gave him a minute. I reached for my phone and checked it for damage in the faint light.
“Are you seeing this Thomas guy?” Wow. Friend must mean something different to Bradley. But, then again coworker meant sack buddy, didn’t it?
“No. He’s just a friend. I barely know the guy.” I grabbed the remote control and turned the T.V. off. We sat in the near darkness, the only light trickled in through the blinds. I pulled my legs up and tucked my Hello Kitty blanket tighter around me. Bradley’s hand lingered near my feet and he looked so dejected as he stared at my newly pedicured toes, a tiny hummingbird painted on my toenails. It looked like he wanted to touch me, and then he sobbed. His body convulsed. I had never seen him this emotional, even when his beloved grandfather died. I closed my eyes to block out his face and I nearly drifted back to sleep.
Bradley’s fingers tickled my toes and in a second his hand moved up my leg to my knee. I froze. The familiarity of his touch caught me by surprise. I didn’t want to enjoy it, but my body had only known his moves, his hands, his general mode of operation when we got intimate, so I did not reject him quickly enough. Bradley took this as an invitation to continue. I held his eager hand at my thigh firmly.
“No, Bradley.” I whispered. Was I trying to convince him or me? I felt a pang of guilt, remembering Thomas’s picture. Bradley drew close and his hot breath was in my ear.
“Nix, please. I still love you.” He kissed my cheek, then my neck. I felt like I was sinking into quicksand. If I sunk any further, I might surrender to him. I hadn’t been touched in so long. I would have to grasp for the surface, a branch or something to pull me out of this gunk and I would be able to push Bradley away. I clutched my phone.
My self-control wavered again and Bradley’s hot mouth met mine. I let him kiss me for a few seconds and then shoved him away. He kept his face near mine and his hands started for my robe. He pushed the yellow silk off my shoulder and proceeded to indulge in my neck, my chest and my collarbone. I again made a misstep and groaned. As Bradley became stronger in his will, I became weaker. Before I knew it, he laid me on my back and opened my robe. His familiar hands traced over my bare breasts and his warm palms felt my abdomen. I suddenly became self-conscious like the old me. Bradley’s body tensed and his eyes soaked in my body. He seemed to realize my body transformed. He registered the changes, my sculpted abs, my smaller hips, my strong thighs. His dark smile drew me in. I made a useless effort to sit up, looking like a new born fawn.
Bradley cradled my butt and pulled me closer to straddle him. I felt his solid intentions in between my legs as he pressed into me through his boxers. He wasn’t wearing his shirt and his chiseled chest was emphasized by the moonlight. I breathed deeply and yielded. My brain and my heart had an internal debate about whether giving in to Bradley tonight was right or not. I would still be laying with him as his wife, wouldn’t I? But, my heart was being whisked away in a vibrant blue chariot driven by Thomas. I wanted to be with him already, despite our agreement to remain friends.
“Bradley, please stop. I don’t want this.”
“Um, are you sure?” He kissed my belly and tugged at my flimsy expensive panty. How I missed my sturdy cotton panties right about then. His rough hands placed pressure on my hips and in one swift motion I was naked aside from my splayed robe. I closed my eyes and let Bradley’s mouth have his fill of me. I writhed with pleasure all the while thinking of the last four months alone. I felt the heat of his mouth warm me from within. His darting tongue was different, more expert and as I climaxed Jem’s glaring face appeared in my mind. Rachel’s voice invaded my moment of pleasure, “You don’t know what he caught from that whore.” Then, Thomas’s lingering touch on my hand from this afternoon brought me back to earth. I dove into the water from the crest of a wave. I pushed Bradley’s head away from between my legs and ungracefully fell off the couch. Bradley sat back and groaned unpleasantly, tugging on the bulge between his legs. His sneer made me think that he just got away with something.
I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I sought refuge in the shower. I’m not sure how long I stood there rinsing the last few disgusting moments off of me, crying in the spiky hot water. I heard Bradley knock twice, but ignored him. I couldn’t stay in this house anymore. Where would I go?
I cracked open the bathroom door. The room was clear. I heard the garbled sounds of the T.V. I looked at Thomas’s picture again. I knew what I wanted. I needed out of this house. I dressed silently and called my Uncle Tony, my dad’s first cousin. It was nearly midnight, but he invited me to stay without question. My clumsy fingers grabbed a stack of clean clothes and I shoved them in my gym bag. I grabbed my laptop and Blackberry and tiptoed downstairs. Bradley emerged from the office and begged me to stay. He didn’t follow when I told him I was going to my uncle’s. He knew better than that.
My uncle was a retired Marine who would pummel Bradley if given the chance. When I got to uncle’s house, he said he knew about my separation from my dad. He had been placed on defcon Phoenix 1 status, his obligation as my Chamorro uncle to not only protect me but to destroy the threat. That threat was Bradley.
I didn’t visit my dad’s cousin often. I didn’t really grow up with Uncle Tony’s kids either. His two sons were both in the service. David was currently in Iraq and Ty would return soon. Uncle Tony’s wife died a few years prior from cancer. I had attended the funeral with Bradley. After seeing him again, I felt guilty that I didn’t make more of an effort to visit my uncle and vowed to do so from then on.
Uncle Tony gave me a tentative hug when I arrived, telling me that he liked my old hair better. He wasn’t a man to ever mince words. We shared a cup of decaf and I got him up to
speed about my love life, the rated G version. He was extremely patient and surprisingly understanding. He reminded me so much of my dad and I decided to call my parents and Rachel after I bid uncle goodnight. He had offered me the guest bedroom after explaining the set up of the house. He welcomed me to whatever was in the fridge and I promised to do some grocery shopping with him in the morning.
As I lay in David’s old room—the designated guest room, my body was still humming from Bradley’s touch. I felt guilty for having that encounter with my own husband. I expelled the last of my energy with phone calls to Guam…dad and mom and Rachel.
I pulled my blanket over my head, the only light from my phone. I stared at Thomas’s picture and read his message.
You like me, you really, really like me. Goodnight, Phoenix. Thomas
No wonder Bradley was enraged. I lay my Blackberry near my face and drifted off to sleep.
The next few days, Uncle Tony gave me my space. He offered to take me to the military legal office to look into the divorce paperwork too. I passed. This was something I needed to do myself I had told him. I continued with my evaluations for the week and asked Angelica to tell Bruce to sign me up for phone evaluations as well. I could use the extra money and distractions. Uncle worked mostly to keep himself busy. He was a grounds keeper at a golf course, swapping the mundane work for an employee discount for golf. I didn’t see him much aside from breakfast and dinner.
Three days into my stay at my uncle’s, I searched for a place of my own. As much as I liked Pacific Beach, I didn’t want to run into Chazzer or other beach boys like him. I yearned for a nice, quiet community perhaps with a lot of seniors. Eventually, I decided to base my decision on the quality of the library. By the afternoon, I narrowed my choices to Bonita or La Mesa. I continued my hunt for small studio apartments. I didn’t want a condo or an entire house. Luckily for me, it was a buyer’s and renter’s market. I knew Bradley would be at work so I stopped off at the condo to refresh my supply of shoes and clothes.
There lay a sloppy stack of mail on the kitchen counter. Bradley hadn’t washed the dishes it seemed like since I left and there was a funk in the air that I didn’t recognize. I grabbed the mail and headed for my office where I found two open letters on my desk. My Hello Kitty doll looked at me, but she wasn’t a reliable witness. The corresponding envelopes had the beautifully written script from Thomas. The envelope for one of the letters was with it, but one envelope was missing. I panicked and thought that maybe Bradley read these letters, words intended for me. I channeled Sherlock Holmes and collected my mail. Thomas was in danger. Bradley wasn’t expecting me to return to see this. A jolt of fear gripped me.
Who would I call first? Thomas to see if he was still alive or Bradley to stop him from doing anything stupid? I grabbed my Blackberry and dialed.
“Thomas?!” I squealed.
“Hi, Phoenix. This is unexpected. A real phone call and not just an e-mail or text from my dear old friend.” He sounded unharmed so I relaxed.
“Where are you?”
“At work, on a break, why? Everything okay?”
I explained the jealous carnage I discovered and how I was worried for his safety. Bradley was a trained soldier now. He never really had a history of violence, but he was a different beast. I begged Thomas not to go home until we saw each other. I knew I had to protect my new friend from my own husband. What a screwed up notion. Thomas didn’t deserve this.
“So, you read my letters?” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Of course not. I mean I want to. I will. I’m worried about your well being, Thomas.” I hoped Bradley’s years of not ever being jealous in our relationship didn’t equate to him being as crazy as a nuclear bomb now.
“Why are you so calm?” I asked finally.
“I’ve been through worse. This is nothing. Please read the letters and call me later, if you want, of course.”
I smoothed out Thomas’s letters and folded them neatly with the one envelope. I decided to savor them later and made it my mission to search for Bradley now. He wasn’t at the office and his cell phone was off. I guess now was a good time as any to see Thomas’s place since he would be at work for another couple of hours. I promised to call him back when I located Bradley. I didn’t understand how Thomas could be as cool as a cucumber during all this. He really didn’t know the potential danger he was in by crossing a Chamorro man. Jealousy is a strong trait in most.
I drove up to Thomas’s condo. It was a newer development and must have cost almost a hundred grand more than mine. Mine, not ours, the idea settled around me. Thomas said he was still rooming with his Chamorro college friend, who attended USD. His name was Tano Dela Cruz. Dela Cruz was a distant relation on Bradley’s side, but I never met him or heard of him. Tano in Chamorro meant jungle. I had a feeling things were about to get wild.
I saw Bradley’s Lexus parked along the street. Number 513 was indistinguishable from the other condos except for the wooden sign that read, “This is a Chamorro home, please remove your shoes, fan.”
I knocked. I heard thundering footsteps and a deep, Chamorro accented voice called out. “Yeah, hold on!” Tano opened the door and the familiar smell of barbecue wafted out from behind him. Tano was attractive. He had short hair and caramel colored skin. Tano was a massive islander, with the Fokai tank, board shorts, and tribal tats. He smiled widely. Maybe he thought I was a haole. My sunglasses were on and nothing on my persons declared I was from Guam.
“Well, hello there. Can I help you?” His Chamorro accent was notably muted. Yep, he thought I was a white girl. His elevator eyes seemed to appreciate what he saw. He lifted his arm and placed his elbow on the door jamb giving me the full view of his hairy armpit. It was perhaps a pose he used to impress unsuspecting San Diego sorority girls, but I was immune to his native charms. As he did this, I peered around him and saw Bradley’s disgusting profile. The fool, seated at Thomas and Tano’s dining table was eating. The coconuts on this man!
“Hafa adai, Tano. I’m Phoenix. I’m here to check on my ex-husband, Bradley.” I pointed to Bradley with a nod of my head as I removed my shades. Tano’s demeanor shifted and he relaxed, looking like my little brother for a second. He looked over his large brown shoulder at Bradley and then back at me. He seemed uncertain about how to proceed.
“Oh, hi.” The reality of who I was dawned on jungle boy. He whispered, “Thomas’s friend, right?” I nodded and smiled. “Well, you’ll never guess, but good old Brad back there is my third cousin.”
“I guess that explains why he’s raided your barbecue stash.”
Tano invited me in, finally. I removed my ridiculously expensive Gucci boots and placed them by the door. I thought about how many college textbooks the cost of my boots would get Tano. Bradley finally turned to me and smiled. Machismo was so ugly. I hated his cavalier attitude. I wanted him to choke on the sparerib he was eating. His mouth, the same mouth I allowed on me made me sick.
A thick silence settled in the room, and the only sound was Bradley sucking on the rib. Tano looked at Bradley with a sneer and made an excuse to go upstairs.
“So, do you like reading my mail? You know that’s a federal offense.” I said.
“Hey, you’re still my wife and letters from strangers, well, it’s my job to look into it.” Bradley stated while his mouth was still full of minced meat and red rice. Tano must be a good cook, since Bradley didn’t have an appetite just the other day.
“Did you not understand that Thomas is a friend?” My voice bubbled with anger. “How convenient that you happen to be related to his roommate. Do you plan on harassing my friend in his own home?” My mind began to wonder about the contents of Thomas’s letters. They must have been harmless enough since Bradley was calm so far.
For a few moments, I allowed my eyes to take in Thomas’s sanctuary. It was definitely a bachelor pad. I saw opened bags of chips on the counter, several kids’ cereal boxes aligned on the refrigerator, plastic plates and cu
ps. There were latte stones, symbols of our Chamorro culture and pictures of different women underneath Guam magnets on the white stock refrigerator. My eyes scanned the many attractive faces and I was secretly relieved that Thomas was not in any of them. There was a framed picture of Thomas and his sister, and what looked to be his parents on a bookshelf. He looked barely eighteen. I smiled at how cute he was then and Bradley caught me and he cleared his throat.
“Want some ribs?” Who was Bradley to offer food? I shook my head no and continued to stand away from him keeping the counter between us.
“Bradley. Please do not come into Thomas’s home again. I don’t care if Tano is your cousin. This is just not right!” I wondered how Bradley explained his way in. Did he recognize Tano right away?
“So, Thomas works at Bag It by the base, huh?” Evidently, he did a lot of talking with Tano. Some friend Tano was to Thomas, I thought.
I gritted my teeth. “Bradley. I’ve set up an appointment for military legal to draw up the divorce papers. It’s set for next Monday. Please. Don’t make this difficult.”
Bradley’s eyebrows furrowed and he stopped chewing. Then he smiled again. A piece of charred flesh stuck in his teeth. I didn’t think it was possible for him to be more repulsive.
“Oh, Nix, I don’t want to make anything difficult for you. I love you.” He said melodically, mockingly. I cringed. “But, babe, the divorce will have to wait. I’m off to training again by next week.” It had been almost two weeks since he returned, and it wasn’t odd for him to go off to specialized training again. I didn’t care what it was for or where, I hadn’t planned on keeping in touch, but I needed to reset my target for freedom.
“When will you be back?” I sounded like I was begging. Bradley seemed satisfied and he resumed eating.
“Oh, you know maybe the end of November, but definitely by Christmas. Do you really want to get a divorce before the holidays?” I wanted to get divorced last week. I resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to get my way this time. Another six to eight weeks, I thought. I wanted to be released and open to more, to being me, to knowing Thomas. How long would he be patient with this friendship clause I put in place? Why was I being such a goody two shoes? Bradley promised to stay away from Thomas after I assured him for the hundredth time that we were just acquaintances.
Secret Shopper Page 12
