Forbidden Desires

by Jodie Griffin

  During training hours, he locked his feelings about Bella deep in the recesses of his heart. He needed to pay attention and focus on lessons and procedures and techniques, because anything less could be deadly, not just for him, but also for those he worked with. But in his free time—little as it was—Bella was first and foremost in his thoughts.

  “She’s a lucky woman.”

  He wished. The only thing he’d given her so far was grief. But the longer he thought about her admission that she’d been aroused by his dominance but took exception to the way he’d gone about it, the more he realized he wanted her, needed her like air to breathe. But he needed to make it up to her, and he thought he knew how. First, though, he had to repair the breach he’d made in her trust.

  “Earth to Aiello.” Liv knocked on the table. “You disappeared.”

  He grimaced. “Yeah, sorry. Things with us are complicated. I was just trying to figure out how to fix the mess I made before I left for this training.”

  “What’d you do?”

  Oh, he was so not going there. He searched for a good, reasonable, non-soul-baring explanation and decided to go for a version of the truth. “I didn’t listen. I did things my way, and she got hurt in the process.”

  Liv nodded sharply. “In other words, you were a man.”

  He winced. “Guilty.”

  “Apologize, and mean it. Give her some time to accept it. And if she gives you another chance, for God’s sake, pay attention. You don’t pay attention, and people get hurt, just like at work.”

  Those were the same thoughts he’d just had, and it was a good plan. “Thanks, Liv. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He slipped his phone free from its holder and held it up. “Going to go see if I can get ahold of her.”

  Outside the pub, he walked to his truck and leaned against it. It was only eight, so it wasn’t too late to call. He waited, one ring, two rings, three rings.

  “Hello?”

  His agitated brain calmed instantly at the sound of her voice, but as always, his dick got hard. “Hi, Bella. It’s Marcus.”

  Her sigh was soft, resigned. “Hi.”

  He ignored the sigh, along with the slight tinge of irritation it raised. She was allowed. He’d been a prick and she had every right to feel the way she did. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I’m up in Emmitsburg for the first week of my refresher training before I start my new job. I’m staying up here for the week, but I’ll be home Friday night, off for the weekend. I was hoping to see you.”

  There was silence on the other end. “Why?”

  He swallowed hard. “I thought maybe we could talk.”

  “About?”

  He stifled his frustration at her one-word replies. “About what happened last week. And whether or not we can have a future together. I won’t ask for an answer today. Just think about it. Please?”

  She hesitated for a moment. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

  He supposed he couldn’t ask for more than that. Before he could say goodbye, though, she spoke again.

  “How’s the training going?”

  Relief almost knocked him over. He’d been concerned he’d harmed their friendship beyond repair. “It’s good. Intense, though. I forgot how much more physical this part of the job was. The last time I was a line firefighter, I was in my mid-twenties. Now I’m thirty-two, and I feel every day of it. They’re working us hard, but it’s all good.”

  He shifted against the truck. “How are you? How’s Alice doing?”

  She ignored the question about herself. “She’s doing fine. They gave her a different medication, and the dizzy spells are gone. She’s still got a knot on her head, but she likes the scar. She says it makes her feel like a daredevil. She’s even made up a story about how she got it, and it has nothing to do with tripping over her own feet.”

  Bella’s words were dryly delivered, and Marcus had no problem imagining the amusement dancing in her beautiful blue eyes.

  He laughed. “That sounds like Alice. I told her scars add character, but she’s got plenty of that on her own.” He heard a scuffle to the left, and saw his classmates on their way over. “I have to go. Will you think about what I asked?”

  “I will, but—”

  He cut her off, not wanting to hear anything negative. “That’s all I wanted to know. Good night, Bella. Dream of me.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Bella woke with her covers twisted around her legs and need humming through her like a live wire. Marcus’s parting words had been a curse. For two nights, she’d dreamed of nothing but him. In one dream, he was nude and on his knees, hands clasped behind his head. His thick, aroused cock jutted straight out from his muscled body, his balls full and heavy. In another, he wore nothing but a collar, with his wrists and ankles bound to a St. Andrew’s Cross. Sweat slicked his skin as she teased him with a suede flogger in the middle of a club.

  But those weren’t the only images of him that occupied her dreams. From one minute to the next, things changed, and then she was the one restrained on the cross, her body trembling with excitement and nerves as she awaited his next move. He was still Marcus, but now he was in charge, dressed in leather pants and loose white shirt, a look of dark need on his handsome face.

  She looked at the clock and groaned, then wrestled herself out of her covers and headed for the coffee machine on autopilot. While it brewed, she pushed the images of that final scene around in her brain. She couldn’t decide if the feelings she’d had—excitement, anticipation—were real or just a figment of her fertile imagination.

  Her cell phone beeped, and she frowned. She’d forgotten to take it with her to her bedroom when she’d gone to sleep last night. She hit the voicemail button and listened as Marcus’s deep voice filled her ear.

  “I dreamed of you last night, and I woke up wishing every moment of it had been real. Please think about what I asked. I’d really like to see you tonight.”

  His rumbled words were interrupted by a siren and a viciously creative expletive.

  “I’ve got to go. They just called a drill. Before coffee, damn it.”

  Bella couldn’t help but grin at how put-out he sounded. There was a slight pause, and his voice dropped into a low, sexy hum.

  “Ciao, Bella mia. I’ll call you this afternoon.”

  She poured a cup of steaming hazelnut coffee with shaking hands. Did she want to risk it again? She had to be honest with herself. He wasn’t the only one with issues that had to be resolved. It hadn’t been until Trent that she’d really wanted to be the one in control all the time. What she had to figure out was whether her sexual tastes and preferences were evolving or her desires were a knee-jerk reaction to Trent’s unrelenting need to dominate her. Jerk being the operative word.

  * * *

  “Okay, people, heads up.” Captain Bryce, head of the training center, strode into the room. “Good work this morning, but we still have a lot to cover in the next couple of weeks. Next up, we’re doing a hazmat drill. Things have changed in the last few years. Take five minutes, then meet out at Building A.” He gathered up his papers and started toward his office.

  “Any chance we’ll head to the scene?” Judd Cassidy spoke up from the seat behind Marcus, asking the question he’d wondered himself.

  For past half hour, they’d been listening to the live feed from a house fire on Seton Avenue in Emmitsburg, and Marcus itched to be out there, fighting it. In the old part of town, houses sat close together, and a fire from one structure could easily spread to another. This one sounded bad, fully involved and in danger of spreading. All trucks from both stations in town were on-scene battling the blaze, with help on the way from other parts of the county.

  Bryce shook his head and kept on going. “Not unless it becomes a necessity.”

  Fuck. More drills
, when real lives and property were at stake. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t all worked the line before—they had. And he wasn’t the only one thinking it, if the muttered grumbles around the room were any indication. He shoved himself out of his chair and, lost in his own frustration, nearly knocked Olivia over. He reached out to steady her. “Sorry, Liv.”

  She nodded absently and sidestepped around him.

  He grimaced. Since he’d turned her down the other night, she’d kept to herself. She was a hundred percent there during training, but he felt bad that she’d backed away from the camaraderie they’d had before he’d said no, thank you. He followed her toward the break room. “Hey, Watterson, wait up.”

  She stopped at the door and turned back. “Yes?”

  “I don’t know about you, but damn, I wish we were there.”

  She didn’t even ask where. “I know what you mean. Ten trained firefighters, gear and equipment, and we’re doing nothing to help. Frustrating.”

  “Agreed. Not that we can do much about it.” Marcus bumped shoulders with her. “Ready for the weekend?”

  “Oh, God, yes.” Liv grinned, and Marcus felt the tightness in his gut ease. “I’m going to sleep for half of it. It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve been this tired. And then I have a family thing on Sunday. Had hoped to bring a date, but I don’t suppose your girlfriend would be willing to share you?”

  He laughed, even as he let that erotic picture flash through his head. “I don’t think so.”

  They grabbed their coffees and headed over to Building A, which they used for practicing entry into a manufacturing or office building. It also housed the locker room where they kept their turnout coats, boots and helmets.

  “Suit up,” Bryce said. “Standard gear. Then we’ll look at the extra equipment for hazmat calls. Three minutes.”

  Marcus stepped into his pants and boots and hiked the suspenders over his shoulders, then pulled on his coat and fastened it. He grabbed his hood and his helmet and clomped outside. Liv, whose locker was at the far end of the room, was already out there, looking smug. She was always the first one done, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how. “How the hell do you get done so fast?”

  She just grinned at him and answered in her crisp British accent. “Trade secret. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

  He grinned back, but turned all business as Bryce started pulling gear from the back of an open truck. He’d seen it all before, but hated to admit he didn’t know how to use some of it, so he’d damned well better pay attention.

  They were just finishing an exercise laying down chemical foam when the loudspeaker over their heads went off.

  “This is not a drill. Report of a barn fire on Old Emmitsburg Road. All units from Training Center respond. Captain Bryce is incident commander.”

  “You heard the man,” Bryce said. “Let’s roll.”

  * * *

  The hay barn looked bad, and flames licked at the walls of the animal barn just a few short yards away. Marcus could see the animals out in the pasture, but they’d still have to check for people.

  Bryce assessed the situation and barked out orders. Marcus grabbed a hose and laid it out, grinning as he and his classmates got to work as if they’d always been a team. Damn, but he loved his job. He pulled his mask on and made sure his SCBA was giving him air. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Olivia doing the same.

  He planted his feet against the pressure of the first rush of water through the hose. Olivia was right behind him, making sure it didn’t get snagged on anything. He looked over his shoulder once to make sure she was okay, but even through her face shield he could see her roll her eyes at him.

  Fuck, he knew she’d spent as much time on the line as he had, but he couldn’t help it. Yeah, there were women in his station’s crew, but he knew them, and what they were capable of. So sue him for being watchful. She’d get over it.

  They entered the barn, and the searing heat was intense, like walking into a wall. He stopped in his tracks for a brief second, but once his body adjusted he put one hundred percent of his focus on getting the job done. Making sure no one was inside was his number one priority.

  They moved forward, searching as quickly and efficiently as possible for victims, sending streams of water into the flames, but the fire seemed to be getting worse. Not unexpected, though. All the wood and hay was fuel for it.

  The captain’s voice came over his radio. “Situation?”

  “Barn’s clear.”

  “Time to get out. We need you out here.”

  From the outside, it was even more obvious the hay barn was a total loss, and all they could do was try to keep the fire from spreading.

  They weren’t that lucky.

  The crew Bryce had near the animal barn gave a shout as the wind shifted and flames breached the open space, greedily racing up the wooden walls of the structure.

  “Watterson and Aiello, I want you up on the ladder, hitting it from above. Cassidy, help them set up. Soak that roof, people.”

  Marcus waited until Judd maneuvered the truck’s ladder against the side of the barn, and then he extended it. He uncoiled the hose and turned with it in his gloved hands.

  “Ready,” Olivia called. Shit, she was already halfway up the ladder.

  Marcus frowned. “You sure you want to go up first?”

  She cocked her head at him and made a give it here gesture, so he climbed up behind her and passed her the dry hose.

  She scaled it quickly, like a cat, and his breath eased. At the roof level of the barn, she made a turning motion, asking for water. He planted himself on the ladder a dozen steps below her, feeling the hose expand as water rushed through it.

  A few seconds later, Liv’s frustrated voice came over his radio. “Damned nozzle is stuck. We need to switch hoses.”

  He looked over his shoulder to signal Judd to cut the water, but before he could do anything, a horrified scream rang out.

  Chapter Twelve

  Water shot into the air and Olivia tumbled backward off the ladder, over Marcus’s head. Blind instinct made him grab for her, but she fell too fast. The spray of water pulsing from the hose made everything slick, and all he got was a fistful of the very edge of her turnout coat. He tried, but he couldn’t brace himself fast enough to grab her with both hands, and then his hand was filled with nothing but air.

  “Oh, God. Liv!”

  Time seemed to slow as she hit the edge of the truck, then rolled off it and landed on the ground with a sickening thud.

  “Jesus.” He scrambled down the ladder and screamed into his mike. “Watterson is down! Get a backboard!”

  She lay crumpled on the ground, unmoving, her body tilted at an odd angle. Fuck, she’d dropped right on top of her oxygen tank. His stomach heaved and spots flew in front of his eyes.

  He tore off his helmet and gloves and dropped to his knees beside her as two of his classmates ran up, carrying a backboard and a med kit. Bryce was shouting into his radio, calling for a medevac helo.

  Liv was still as death, her eyes closed and her face pale behind her protective mask. But as much as he wanted to, he didn’t touch her. Not until she was immobilized. He didn’t dare risk injuring her any further. “Where the hell’s the cervical collar?” he shouted, nervous sweat slicking his skin. Fuck, he should’ve insisted Liv let him take point.

  Melanie Gibson ran up with the collar and knelt above Liv’s head.

  “Hold her steady,” Marcus ordered. While Melanie kept her head immobilized, Marcus carefully removed her helmet and applied the collar, working as quickly as possible. Liv didn’t cry out in pain, didn’t flinch. She was completely unconscious, totally unresponsive but breathing.

  The fire still raged behind them, the heat of it intense and getting worse. �
��We need to move her, fast,” he muttered, and Mel nodded.

  While Judd maneuvered the backboard, Marcus took responsibility for ensuring Liv’s body was moved as little as possible. He’d done this before, more times than he cared to count, but this was someone he knew. Gently, he rolled her onto her side as Mel kept her cervical spine in the same alignment.

  While she was on her side, Captain Bryce cut through the straps on Liv’s SCBA and cautiously pulled the tank free, shoving it out of the way. Judd slid the spinal board under her, and as a team, he and Mel carefully rolled Liv back. Once she was on the board, he buckled straps around her to keep her safe if she woke, and packed extra supports around her head.

  “Okay, she’s secure,” Marcus shouted. “Let’s move her away from the scene.”

  He shoved himself to his feet, grabbed part of the backboard and lifted her from the ground. She still hadn’t moved, hadn’t made a single sound.

  Please, God, let her live.

  The loud whump-whump of Trooper 3, the state police medevac, reverberated through his body as it started its descent to the field just beyond the pasture. Bryce, Gibson, Cassidy and he ran toward the ambulance waiting to take Olivia over to the chopper.

  He jumped into the ambulance beside Liv, and it sped off toward the medevac helo. He took her vital signs and relayed them to the flight paramedic who would fly with her to the trauma center, then started an IV. Once he’d done everything he could for her, he held Liv’s hand. She had to be okay. He didn’t think he could live with himself if she wasn’t.

  * * *

  Bella changed out of work clothes, made herself a pot of tea, sliced some bread and cheese, and sat down in front of the television with her late afternoon meal. She’d made it through the day and had even managed to put Marcus out of her mind for a whole hour while she worked with her homeschooled book-club kids. So what if she’d checked her watch every half hour?

  She left the news on low in the background while she started reading the latest erotic romance by her favorite author. Five pages later, she couldn’t remember a single word she’d read. Her mind was too unsettled, too full of unanswered questions. Not just ones for Marcus, but for herself as well, the same questions that had dogged her all day. She tried to reread the pages but her mind refused to focus. She dropped the e-reader on the sofa, picked up the remote and turned up the volume.