Heart of a Traitor

by Aaron Lee Yeager

  “And what is that?”

  “You believe that you are special,” Nariko said as she stood up. “That you are capable of great things. That you are completely unique and irreplaceable. You are just too young to know any better.”

  “And just what am I supposed to know, oh wise one?”

  Nariko paused what she was doing and looked at the shiny cave floor.

  “That you do not have a divine destiny,” she said quietly. “You are a blank face among countless trillions. You could cease to exist and nothing would change. The universe wouldn’t even notice that you were gone.”

  By mid-day, enough of the equipment had been set up that they could afford to take a few hours of sleep before beginning preparations for the following morning. The last few hours before a crucial mission were never that productive, anyway. Waiting around had the effect of wearing down on peoples’ nerves, so sleeping was a much better use of the time.

  Nariko couldn’t sleep a wink, however, and was busying herself in a side cave that had been designated as a makeshift kitchen when Don Kielter walked in groggily.

  “Is something burning?” he asked as he rubbed his face.

  “No!” Nariko said, kicking something aside.

  Don Kielter paused, becoming suspicious. “What are you doing in here?”

  “N-nothing,” she said, grabbing the first thing she saw off the counter. “I was just about to heal the timing circuits on this...demolition charge.”

  “In the kitchen?” he poked.

  “Yes,” she said, fiddling with the demo charge and kicking something farther away with her foot. “Demo charges are very persnickety if you heal them anywhere besides...a kitchen.”

  Don Kielter grabbed a mug and filled it with ale from the tank. “All these lessons I’ve been giving you each night and you are still such a rotten liar.”

  Nariko deflated.

  “Come, let’s see what you’ve got there,” he said, walking around the counter.

  “I was trying to make pork dumplings,” she conceded as she lifted up a burnt tray of misshapen dumplings.

  Don Kielter looked up, eyes alight. “Look at you, branching out, being all domestic. I’m proud actually.”

  “Well, we didn’t have a wooden steamer, so I tried baking them...it didn’t work.”

  He chuckled to himself. “I’m just trying to reconcile in my head the fact that the warrior who single-handedly cleared all the boarding parties off my ship is sneaking around at night trying to teach herself how to cook.”

  “I thought it might relax me,” she admitted, sitting down at the table. I always get nervous before a big mission.”

  Why am I being so open with him?

  “I can understand that,” he said, sitting down at the table with her. “Traditionally the best way to relax before a battle is with women and ale, which, ironically, is the reason most wars are fought to begin with.”

  Nariko laid out a red silk sheet and prayed to the spirit in the machine to begin the Rite of Chronomitration.

  “So, explain what it is you are doing there,” he asked, sipping his ale.

  “After declaring your intention to the spirits within, you remove the clamps and open the housing,” Nariko said as she worked, almost chanting to herself. “Disengage the power source and prepare it for cleaning, remove the timing crystal and check it for flaws. Striations to the left, place the vibration node at the cleft, striations to the right, position at the center site...Although I’m told some sects omit this step.”

  Why am I sharing this with a puerile?

  “Fascinating,” he acknowledged. “All this time I thought all belt-munchers did everything the same way.”

  “Belt-munchers?” she asked, looking up.

  “Ahem, sorry. I meant Technologists,” he coughed, taking a hearty swig of ale. “So, there is actually more than one way to perform a particular rite?”

  “Quite a few, actually, depending on which temple you follow. Jobians normally have about twice as many steps as Carthans, for example and the Hebremns sect has quite a few rites that are unique to it.” Nariko now had the timing mechanism completely disassembled and went about cleaning and anointing each piece. She looked up and saw that something was bothering him.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Hmmm? No, it’s nothing, I’ve offended you enough already.”

  “It’s okay; you should hear what we say about you when you are not around. Go ahead and ask your question.”

  “Okay, now keep in mind I don’t know anything about any of this...”

  “Obviously.”

  “Right, but just looking at it pragmatically, if there are two ways to fix something and they both work and one has extra steps, then that would mean at least some of the steps are unnecessary.”

  Nariko stared at him, confused.

  “Think about it,” he said. “It indicates that some of these steps you memorize might do nothing at all.”

  “Of course they all do something,” she defended. “Showing respect to the spirit of the machine is essential. Nothing will respond to your touch without it.”

  “Yes, but see, we could test that, too. You could teach the steps to someone who had no respect and see if the pattern still works under his touch.”

  “We would never do that. That would be blasphemy,” she said, growing annoyed.

  “Okay, you win,” he said, placing his hands up in surrender. “I’m gonna grab me another ale, you want one?”

  “No thanks,” she declined, returning to her work.

  As Don Kielter turned around and walked over to the tank, Nariko glanced up and looked at him. He is so different than the first impression I had of him back on the Scavenger. He really is quite well built, with broad shoulders and a strong jawline. He has a good sense of style and the clothes he wears flatter his physique very well. He seems to prefer pants that are on the tight side. On most men this would be unflattering, but on him...

  Nariko looked up. Don Kielter had craned his head back around and was looking right at her.

  “What are you looking at? he asked coyly.

  “Nothing,” Nariko peeped, dropping her head and blushing.

  “Uh huh,” he said, a wry smile on his lips.

  Don Kielter walked back over and sat at the table, a smile on his face. “Since you are the squad’s gun show...”

  “Gunsho.”

  “Right, then that means you are the one I should go to with any complaints.”

  “I’m sure you have some,” Nariko grumbled as she worked.

  Don Kielter leaned in close. “I’m not really sure how to say this this, but there is like mold everywhere in the men’s room.”

  Nariko snorted. “It’s a cave! What did you expect?”

  “I’m just giving my opinion,” he said. “Just a slip for the suggestion box.”

  “Yeah, well, we really haven’t had a lot of male guests around here lately.”

  “I know, right?” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Six women and me? Who could ask for better odds?”

  Nariko laughed out loud.

  Why am I laughing so hard? It wasn’t even that funny.

  Don Kielter smiled and took a long draw on his mug.

  “So, Nari...are we becoming friends?” he asked.

  Nariko stopped working and looked up. She could feel her face flushing. A part of her wanted to get up and leave, but another part of her longed to be honest.

  “Okay, yeah, I guess we are,” she admitted.

  “Good, in that case I have something for you,” he announced energetically and strolled over to a storage locker

  He pulled out a bundle of yellow flowers, wrapped in paper and placed them ostentatiously in her lap, as was the Arduran custom.

  Nariko drew her breath in sharply and placed her hands over her mouth.

  “I got these for you Nari,” Don Kielter explained, “I saw you looking at them the other day at the flower shoppe.”

&n
bsp; Nariko suppressed a snort, then began laughing

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, suspecting he was missing something.

  “These are chrysanthemums,” she clarified. “On Correll you lay these flowers on graves and you just laid them on my lap.”

  Don Kielter examined the flowers suspiciously.

  “Oh...sorry.”

  Nariko chuckled again and placed them on the table.

  Don Kielter was abashed.

  “It was a nice gesture,” Nariko consoled. “Severely awkward...but nice. I don’t really need dead plants, but you can give them to Ami, she likes that kind of thing.”

  Don Kielter chuckled. “Ah, thanks but no thanks, I don’t want to give Ami the wrong impression. A girl like that sinks her claws into you and never lets go. Believe you me.”

  “The squeaky little thing gets on my nerves,” Nariko grunted, reinserting the power supply.

  “Are you kidding? I find Ami fascinating. She’s like a case study in neoteny.”

  “I have no idea what that word means,” Nariko said, placing the crystal into its housing.”

  “I know, but if you did, you’d realize how brilliant that statement I just made was.”

  Nariko clasped the casing and chanted the terminus litany.

  “All done,” she announced happily.

  Before she knew what was happening, he was leaning across the table and kissing her gently on the lips. Nariko gave out a muffled protest, too startled to do anything more. Her first kiss had been with Louie Faust and that was really an act of desperation more than an expression of affection. It had been slobbery, pinched, and cold.

  Nariko raised up her hands to push him off of her, but this kiss was completely different. His lips felt warm and wonderful against hers. Soothingly calming yet startlingly exciting at the same time.

  Nariko’s arms slowly came down and her expression softened. She could feel her heart beating rapidly and timidly inside of her. His strength seemed to encircle her. It made her feel protected. It made her feel safe. She could not recall ever feeling so utterly feminine. Her entire being felt warm and alive. Nariko’s heart was beating even stronger now, like waves of energy that moved through her body.

  Nariko closed her eyes. This was a true connection with another person and her feelings of loneliness seemed as if they never happened at all.

  Nariko wrapped her arms around him and began kissing him back. The sensations were overwhelming. It felt like she was standing on a precipice and about to fall. This was all too new, happening too fast. It frightened her.

  Nariko gasped for air and leaned back, her eyes wide with shock.

  “I-I can’t do this,” she stuttered, scooting out of her chair and standing up.

  He chuckled, obviously a little befuddled. “Um, you already did, Nari.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself. “Don’t say that. Nothing happened, okay? You and I are just friends, that’s all.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t think friends do that, even on your world.”

  “Stop saying that!” she hushed, sitting down. “I just...I need to know this didn’t just happen.”

  “This what?” he said, letting his arms fall to his side. “Nari, this is the most natural thing in the world.”

  “Not for me, it isn’t,” she said, biting on her thumbnail.

  Don Kielter got quiet and nodded slowly. “Okay, I think I understand now.” He stood up and walked over to her. She scooted farther away from him.

  “It’s okay, you’re just inexperienced,” he said. “I understand, it can all feel very daunting at first, maybe even a little frightening, but if you just relax and let it happen...”

  “Like a kusottare?” Nariko criticized, looking up. “You know, you Ardurans kind of make me sick sometimes. In spite of all your irrationally absurd courtship traditions, all you ever do is casually hook up with each other. You don’t take any of your relationships seriously.”

  Don Kielter turned to her and pointed his finger. “A serious relationship? Listen here, little missy. I’ll have you know that in my day I took casual hookups very seriously. Do you have any idea how much work and planning and practice is involved in...”

  “In your day?” Nariko interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

  Don Kielter sighed and rubbed his palms together. He seemed to be struggling with something. He looked up at the ceiling and tugged a little on his black goatee.

  “This is kind of embarrassing,” he said at length, “but, um, despite all my bragging, I haven’t been with a woman in a long time.”

  “How long?”

  “Since I met you.”

  “But what about...”

  “A few winks and an arm around the shoulder, nothing more,” Don Kielter admitted.

  Nariko studied him intently for several moments. “Why?”

  Don Kielter shrugged and sat down next to her. This time, she didn’t scoot away.

  “I’m really not sure,” he admitted. “When you came on my ship, you were just so strong; I had never met anyone like you. I mean, you took on Volaf, a man three times your size, without even blinking. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Even when you were reduced to being my slave you found a way to win your freedom almost immediately. You were so clever, so capable, you felt unstoppable. I dunno, I guess...I guess I kept comparing the other women I met to you and that would make me lose interest in them.”

  Nariko was flabbergasted and could only listen to him silently.

  This is no act; he is really being honest with me.

  “No, I’m afraid you have spoiled other women for me,” Don Kielter admitted, with a weak little smile.

  “Wow,” Nariko said, resting her chin on her knees. “That must have been really hard to admit.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  A little grin formed on Nariko’s lips. Hearing him admit that made her feel a lot calmer, even pleased. She couldn’t fathom why it pleased her so much, or why it should matter, but she knew that it did.

  “Lock one, click,” Don Kielter said to himself.

  “What was that?” Nariko asked.

  “Nothing,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand.

  “I guess I am just over-reacting a bit,” she admitted. It’s not like this can go anywhere, anyway.

  “Why not?” he asked, placing his hand on his chest and feigning injury. “Am I not good enough for you?”

  She rocked her shoulder into him playfully. “Because I’m a Senshi. Senshi just don’t have relationships. It’s not part of the plan.”

  “Maybe, but things have changed,” he retorted. “I mean, I was born, what? Four centuries or so after you were and half way across the quadrant. If things had gone according to plan we never would have met at all. But, here we are.”

  “Yes, here we are,” she sighed.

  Don Kielter turned to her, his face quite sincere. “So, why not just throw out the plan and make our own? Eh? Be free.”

  Nariko hid her face behind her knees and lowered her gaze. “There is no such thing as freedom. Besides, no one would want someone like me anyway.”

  “And why not?” he challenged.

  She looked up at him with her red eyes and felt a little defensive at his confrontation.

  “Well, besides the obvious,” she began, “I wasn’t raised to be a woman; I was raised to be a warrior. I can’t do any of that stuff that Arduran women...”

  “Nari, Nari, Nari...” he said, cutting her off. “You’ve got all these twisted ideas in your head. “A woman isn’t something you train to be, a woman is something that you already are.”

  Nariko furrowed her brow and sat there quietly, contemplating his words carefully.

  “Besides, why would I mind? You’re an extremely attractive woman who thinks like a guy. Think about that. Don’t you realize that is every man’s dream? That means that I can talk to you about war history and sports and you won’t drag me to go shopping with you. That means you won’t get all
naggy at me when I go out drinking with my guy friends and play violent holo-games. Instead, you’ll be the one who out-drinks and out-fights everyone in the group. And I won’t have to talk to you about your feelings for hours, but you’ll still look amazing in a bathing suit. It’s like you’re all of the upsides without any of the downsides.”

  Nariko began laughing out loud, shaking her head.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Oh, by the throne, I can’t believe how much thought you have put into this,” she teased. Nariko laughed until her stomach hurt. She could not recall the last time anyone had made her laugh that hard. Wiping a tear from her face, she subconsciously scooted a little closer to him.

  “Lock two, click,” he said.

  “You just did it again, what does that mean?”

  He shrugged. “It’s just something we Ardurans like to say for good luck.”

  The pair sat there for several minutes in comfortable silence. Every now and again a drip of water would land in a puddle or pool, echoing off the rock walls. Nariko found herself pondering how strange it was that Don Kielter wasn’t afraid of her. After all the things he had seen her do, he certainly had reason to. It felt as if he simply accepted her for who she was, which was a new experience for her. She couldn’t recall ever having been regarded that way by anybody. What little she could recall or look up about her family indicated that they ignored her almost completely. She was something to fulfill the family tithe, something that either succeeded or failed, but was never truly a person.

  She felt so content with him, as if the rest of the universe didn’t exist, or at least didn’t matter. The entirety of existence consisted of this room and the two of them.

  “You know, it’s strange,” she said, breaking the silence.

  “What is? My hair?”

  “No, I just realized that just now was the first time you’ve ever complimented me on my looks.”

  Don Kielter sat there thinking. “I’m sure I have at one point or another.”

  “All these lessons, all this courtship training. All the time we’ve spent together when I’m all dressed up like an idealized doll and it seems like you went out of your way to never compliment what I looked like.”