Kinesis

by Irene Wendy Wode

  Craig left, mumbling something that might or might not have been an insult.

  Okka looked after him thoughtfully. "David said it was important to Kemptech that we keep good relations with that man," xe said. "Did I ruin that?"

  "Nah," said Waverly, waving it away. "Me and Craig are always like that. Besides, I don't care what David says; I'd rather have you here. A thousand times over."

  Okka looked at him, wanting to see if he really meant that, and then, after a moment, xe was still looking just because Waverly was looking back at xem, a small smile on his face.

  Eventually Okka tore xir own gaze away, conflicted. Xe didn't actually want to discourage Waverly, but there was still a litany of "bad idea, bad idea, bad idea" running in the back of xir head.

  The thing that interrupted it was a flicker of reaction left over from Myrdu's lifetime.

  Xe had become accustomed, over time, to the way the wireless communications on xir phone flickered in and out without warning. It had been rough, at first, because the priority of most Cewri viruses was to cut off communications to and from the device, to prevent whoever was operating it from calling for help. This had, however, never happened while xe was inside the Kemp building, with its own cell tower and hardy Wi-Fi network.

  "What?" Waverly asked, zeroing in on xir frown.

  "I've never seen the Wi-Fi go down here," xe said. "What do you think is wrong?"

  "Oh, good catch. That shouldn't be happening." Waverly paced to his workstation, opened a window, and began typing. "Looks like a tailored virus. Probably a hacker, maybe hired by one of our competitors, maybe just in search of an independent payoff." He selected some files, then deleted them. "It's taken care of. Gotta keep a look out for that one, though. It's rare someone bothers to write a virus for anything UNIX-based."

  Sure enough, the network was back up in short order.

  Okka still worried.

  Despite every precaution the Avlan protectorates took, there was Cewri surveillance on the majority of their spacefaring worlds. The Empress would suspect by now that her missing Mimica was the runaway Avlan pseudo-noble, and that xe was on one of the non-spacefaring planets within that sphere of protection. If there was no Cewri surveillance here, there soon would be.

  Xe was just starting to get the hang of one or two of the major programming languages. There was so much more to learn.

  Okka wanted to be able to fight the Cewri on this ground. But xe had to know the systems xe was protecting. All of them.

  There was so little chance to give any trouble to the Cewri all by xemself, and so much to learn to get to the point where xe could even begin.

  Xe pushed xemself to work harder, to learn more. It was fascinating. It was also exhausting.

  Waverly passed by, about five hours into a particularly stubborn coding problem. "Hey, do you need to take a break?" he asked. "You look tired."

  "What?" Okka took a moment to parse the words. Then xe shook xir head. "No, I'm fine."

  "You're worse than me, Okka. At least have a soda." Waverly tossed a plastic bottle of Coke underhand across the desk.

  Curiously, Okka twisted the cap until the seal broke. The liquid inside fizzed and sprayed out across xem and xir surroundings.

  Xe licked xir lips. It was sweet, flavorful, and very odd. Xe wondered if it was supposed to do that.

  "That's… invigorating?" xe ventured.

  Apparently not, since Waverly's eyes had gone wide. "Ohh, shit, I hope your work was saved," he said, rushing to get a handful of paper napkins. "Let's unplug that keyboard and get you a fresh one."

  Waverly moved around xem with swift and efficient purpose, mopping up the spill from the desk, plugging in a new keyboard. Most of the soda that had hit Okka had been soaked up by xir soft maroon scarf, which didn't look too worse for wear.

  "Let me get that cleaned for you," Waverly offered.

  "Not necessary, but thank you," Okka said.

  Waverly settled into a nearby chair, studying Okka, eyes flicking to xem and away again. Okka's melancholy and exhaustion must have showed on xir face. "You know you can talk to me about stuff, right?" he asked. "Like, if there's anything you don't like about working here, maybe we can do something about it."

  Okka looked at him with fond exasperation. "Waverly. I love working here. But thank you."

  "Okay. If you're sure." Waverly's eyes lingered on xem. "Well, maybe you could use a change of pace, at least? Usually helps me." He frowned. "Maybe something slower for now. I've got some old papers that need going through?"

  "I could do that," Okka agreed. Xe looked at Waverly wryly. "I didn't know you knew what paper was."

  "Very funny," Waverly said, but the line of his mouth belied the sarcasm of his tone. He hauled out a big cardboard box. "Most of these are just scribbles I made during meetings that gave paper handouts for some reason and then failed to keep my full attention. Basically, I just need someone to go through them and find any ideas I had, jotted down, and forgot about. I'm not gonna lie, it'll probably be like panning for gold in someone else's discarded sediment. Not a lot really worth much. But you might find a speck or two that shines."

  "I'd be honored to go through your garbage," Okka replied with a smirk as he removed the box's lid. It would definitely be a welcome change of pace.

  There were many scribbles that were unintelligible. They may have meant something to Waverly at the time, but if so, Okka couldn't distinguish it. There were seemingly random geometrical patterns, dancing figures, and scribbled complaints about the nonsensical nature of whatever presentation was going on. At about the twenty-minute mark, Okka was becoming fairly certain that this whole endeavor was just make-work.

  And then xe found the back of a page full of drawings of exquisitely detailed mechanical wings, and the way which they could be attached to Toto's chassis.

  "This is beautiful," xe exclaimed.

  "What?" Waverly's head came up from the code he'd been contemplating. "Did I do something cool?"

  "You gave Toto wings."

  "Oh," Waverly said. "That. It was a stupid idea."

  "I seriously doubt that it was entirely without merit," Okka said. "Besides. I just meant it's a beautiful drawing. You couldn't make it work? I thought there was nothing impossible around here."

  Waverly sighed. "Well, of course you can't get enough lift from the wings. You'd need to supplement with VTOL engines. Even then, the energy consumption of the whole thing would outweigh the power of even the engines they put in the BigDog models, let alone Toto's piddly little battery backup. And what good is a flying robot if he's tethered to a wall by a power umbilical?"

  "You don't have any better power sources? Bigger batteries?" Okka knew there were at least a few electric cars on the planet. Xe didn't know how they worked.

  "Not my field," Waverly lamented. "And no one I've got working on the problem has really come through." He shook his head. "Psh. Couldn't get horse riding down, so of course I try to jump to the next level: robotic flying horse. Can't take a hint when the universe is shoving it in my face."

  Okka looked at him for a moment. "You're so quick to try and stop me from being unkind to myself. Right now, I would really like to return the favor."

  "You know why I wanted so badly to get in on programming for the Boston Dynamics pups?" Waverly continued, as if he hadn't heard. "'Here is a thing like a horse that I can make into whatever I want it to be. It can't stop me from learning its secrets, because they're all zeros and ones, and I know those'." He gave a brief bark of a laugh. "Then Toto goes and proves he's a person, instead, and something beyond what I can understand."

  "He was a miracle, then," Okka said. "The fact that you created something that became more than you intended can only do you credit."

  "I wanted a servant. A steed. Doesn't that say something about who I really am?"

  "I think," said Okka carefully, "that what you actually created says more about the kind of heart you have than any of the angles you started
from."

  Waverly looked down at the drawing, frowning. "I still wanted that," he said.

  "And it is a beautiful vision. It can still be beautiful, even if you'd never change Toto into your old vision, because what he's become is more important to you." Okka smoothed the sheet's wrinkles and carefully pulled out the staple to separate it from its mates. "Can I keep this?" xe asked.

  "You really want that?" Waverly's eyes went a little wide.

  Okka gave him a soft smile. "Very much," xe said.

  "Yeah, yeah, of course." Waverly waved his hand vaguely. "What are you going to do with it?"

  "Hang it above my desk," Okka said, a mischievous quirk to xir mouth. But xe meant it.

  Waverly looked thoughtful. "If you really like it that much," he said, "must be something in it."

  "There's a lot in it," Okka said, still smiling.

  Eventually xe got Waverly to smile, too.

  The next day, Waverly talked Okka through a couple of the issues he was having with the VR code, and in the process, inadvertently solved one or two. Okka didn't think xe was contributing anything much further than a blank look, but perhaps that was just what it took.

  Waverly tweaked the code appropriately and then grinned. "Okay, let's see this baby in action now. Gonna tour something super exciting. Make sure the stakes are high enough that I really notice anything getting between me and the experience."

  Okka raised xir eyebrows. "Sounds like you have something in mind. Is it nearby enough to test now?"

  Waverly snickered. "Yeah, you could say that." He closed himself away inside the booth.

  The gyro-balanced mobile array started up, its stick-like form moving smoothly across the floor, but then it seemed to just go in circles.

  "Is your robot malfunctioning?" Okka asked the figure, a crooked smile on xir face.

  "Nope," said Waverly through the array's speakers. "The tour's going very smoothly." The bot continued to circle Okka.

  "What exactly are you touring?" Okka asked skeptically.

  "You. Up for being my guide?"

  Okka just laughed. "Am I really so interesting?"

  "Well, I could be the guide, if that's okay. Notable features, points of interest, that kind of thing."

  Xe gave a "go ahead" gesture at the drone.

  "Here we can see Okka Pathfinder in xir natural habitat," Waverly said in a put-on fancy accent. "In this center of both innovation and celebration, Kemp Technologies."

  Okka struck a power pose, surveying the office as if it was xir domain.

  "Oh yeah, vogue for me, baby," Waverly said, and the 'bot body gave a little wiggle.

  Xe obliged with a more thoughtful pose. It seemed only fair, what with the amount of time Okka had spent admiring Waverly's form and motions.

  "And now we see Okka in xir element, pondering the secrets of the universe, philosophizing about the nature of consciousness and blurring the lines between the human and the otherwise."

  Okka felt a wave of longing. I want to blend the boundaries between us so badly I could never describe it in words.

  Thinking of rejoining the Collective was now strictly off-limits, not that that stopped xem in xir darker moments, but this, the desperate need to connect with someone, perhaps merely because Waverly was the closest someone, caught xem by surprise.

  "Woah, okay," said Waverly, and the 'bot froze in place as he removed the VR equipment in a hurry in favor of leaving the booth and watching xir face closely. "Just… hit the wrong spot, there, somehow?"

  Okka licked xir lips. "Yes," xe said, voice cracking.

  "Yeah," Waverly echoed. "Anything I can do to cheer you up?"

  "I don't think so," Okka said mournfully.

  Waverly frowned, then looked at Toto, flicking a finger up. Something jazzy and upbeat started up over the main office speakers. Then he waggled his fingers beckoningly at Okka.

  "What now?" Okka said.

  "Come on. Come on, Okka. You feel that beat? How can you be sad with a beat like that playing?"

  Okka's mouth quirked. It was truly hard to resist his exuberant playfulness. But xe knew that in this, playing along would only make everything worse.

  "Dance with me," Waverly asked earnestly, holding out a hand.

  Xe wished, almost more than anything else, that xe could accept. Xe wished xe could dance as xe wanted, express everything that was within xem in unfettered movement. But xe was Okka, all of Okka, in xir mind, and xe had only one body to work with. Human limitations pained xem enough without trying to express the impossible within them.

  Xe could barely breathe to make the words, "I can't."

  Waverly watched xir face, tilted his head to the side as if to get a new angle on the perplexing creature who was Okka. "Is this because you think you can't dance? I know I'm intimidating with these mad skills," he tried, the corner of his mouth quirking. "But I don't wanna be on Dancing with the Stars. I just wanna dance with you."

  Oh, he was so sweet. And xe knew that if xe couldn't force out a response, Waverly would be very worried, rightfully so, and would only try harder to help. Xe said weakly, "You're not intimidating, Waverly. You're ridiculous."

  "Is that better, or worse?" Waverly asked, eyebrows raised curiously. "Because I could work with either. Just give me a sign. Thumbs up? Thumbs down?"

  It was better, and worse. Xe loved it. Xe couldn't have it.

  "Just let me work," Okka said, pleading.

  "Okay, then," said Waverly. His eyes stayed on xem for another moment, sad and worried. Then he disappeared behind his office door.

  Xe wanted to call him back almost immediately. As much as it pained Okka to be so close to so much xe longed for, Okka realized that the distance was worse.

  Chapter Five

  David asked xem to join him for coffee in his office the next morning. Okka was happy to spend time with someone who was a good friend, but merely a friend. The whole Waverly situation was confusing, right now, and confusing meant distressing.

  They chatted comfortably about nothing much, for a while, and then there was a silence, not uncomfortable, but waiting to be filled, all the same.

  "I suppose you know something happened yesterday," Okka began.

  David gave xem a wry smile. "Waverly says you've found out just how frustrating he can be."

  Okka smirked in reply. "Oh, I'm sure I haven't hit the limits of that. Not yet."

  "A realist," David said, breath almost a laugh. "That's good." He contemplated Okka, a look that turned serious after a moment. "You can assert yourself, you know," he said.

  Okka did laugh, at that. "Believe me, I do."

  David's expression didn't lighten. "You don't have to keep working for him," he said earnestly. "We can always find you another job. I promise you that."

  "No," xe said firmly. "I want to keep working with him. I really do. It's worth it. More than."

  "All right," said David. "If you're sure. I know how he can be."

  There wasn't any one thing about Waverly's personality that stood out to Okka, not one that would merit that kind of knowing tone. He was intense, but he wasn't unpleasant. "How can he be, then?" xe asked.

  David frowned. "Well, I suppose it's more how he can be in combination with other people. There have been a lot of instances where he's tried to work with someone, or get close to someone on a personal level. And somehow the gears just don't mesh and we both end up spinning our wheels and feeling like it's going nowhere."

  "'We'?" Okka asked, raising xir eyebrows.

  "Oh, of course you're the one person on Earth who never heard the gossip about us, and then I just went and did that," David said, rolling his eyes. "You caught me. We dated."

  "And it was 'like that'? It didn't work?"

  David hesitated, then he waggled his head from side to side, as if sifting the information inside for what he wanted to reveal.

  "I always felt like I was rushing to catch up to him, or even just to keep pace. To do as much as he could, to get where h
e could go in a single leap." David laughed humorlessly. "The funny thing is, from the conversations we've had since then? He felt the same way about me. We just… never quite matched up, not comfortably."

  "And that was all?" Okka prodded a little more.

  "Oh, you don't get the specifics. Suffice it to say we work so much better as friends."

  Never matching up with anybody was exhausting, xe knew, from the experience of many lifetimes. Myrdu, most recently, had felt out of place on Avla, not in tune with his fellow beings there.

  That was not what Okka felt, in the presence of Waverly. Not at all. "That isn't our problem," xe told David. "Waverly and I have friction between us from time to time, but…" Xe sighed. "How many people truly react to him that way?"

  David looked up at the ceiling as if contemplating what to tell xem. "I'm sure you've noticed that his floor doesn't have many people working on it. That's not by design. We could certainly use more programmers in Waverly's area of specialty, to pick up some of the slack. But even if he doesn't fire someone, he somehow pushes them away eventually. I've been one of the most successful at sticking with him in a way that doesn't make either of us crazy. And it's rough for me some days." He caught Okka's gaze. "You know, I do think he's worth knowing. Very much so, or I wouldn't still work for him. But…" David moved his fingers as if trying to pull answers out of the air and reel them in around his fingers, like cotton candy. "It's like he needs to be good at everything. Which no one is. So you end up with all this… garbage information that he tries to shove at you, as if it'll make him more appealing. It's hard to get down to the real him, past all the acts he puts up. That doesn't make for an easy guy to have a relationship with. I don't know if even he knows who he really is."

  Okka inclined xir head in understanding. "Maybe so. But I would venture to say that he is not the only one on Earth."

  There was no human face, no human body, no human language, that could quite express Okka. If Waverly was the same, but had always been, and would always be, only human… Okka would cry for him, along with xemself.

  "You're just more intrigued now, aren't you?" David said, examining Okka's face.