Obsessed

by NJ Flatman

  “My name is NOT babe,” It was about the tenth time I’d said that to him in as many days. He didn’t seem to care about my feelings on the subject. Walking into the bathroom, I slammed the door behind me.

  Fuck him. Fuck them all.

  It didn’t matter. I was going out for the night and I had more important things to think about than Colby and her magic ability to turn heads. She was the furthest thing from my mind.

  At least until someone brought her up—which seemed to be all the fucking time. Jesus. It was like she was a celebrity or something, always on the tip of every man’s tongue. Even Spencer had decided to start talking about her. What the fuck had happened to him? Whenever I saw him he seemed to want to discuss Colby.

  “You realize she’s had most of them?” the words sounded muffled as I brushed my teeth, but in the small area of my apartment they were easy to hear.

  “Then what’s one more, right?” he laughed again. “I mean surely the money in my account will help her overlook that I can’t fit into Hollister skinny jeans.”

  Not likely Luke, I thought to myself. I wouldn’t dare say that to him for fear of offending him. He wasn’t really Colby’s type. If she had one. Seemed to me she’d done so many guys it’d be hard to narrow down what her type really was, but without a doubt Luke wouldn’t make the cut.

  “Will you shut the fuck up about that bitch?” he was sitting at the table as I walked back in. “I’m so tired of hearing how fucking hot Colby is and how everyone wants her. She’s a cold hearted, back stabbing bitch. Do guys even care about anything but bodies anymore?”

  “Don’t be jealous babe,” Luke looked up, his shaggy blond hair falling across his eyes as he smirked in my direction. “I wanted you first. I’m just dealing with the rejection in the only way I know how. Find a sexy woman and woo her with my checkbook and never-ending charm.”

  “Find another whore to mend your broken heart,” I did feel a twinge of guilt at telling Luke what he could do when he’d done so much for me. Especially since he was right. I had rejected him from day one. “And that’s not jealousy. I promise. It’s in your own best interest.”

  “Yes ma’am,” he agreed with a mock salute in my direction. “So what’s on the agenda tonight Miss Avery. Is Spencer going to join us or are we just going to sulk all night because he’s not there?”

  God, sometimes I hated him. He may have been a friend, and a pretty damn good one, but he had a horrible knack for hitting where it hurt. He didn’t even really mean to. It was just his way. He was blunt and to the point. That had taken some getting used to. I’d never been much for speaking directly when it involved serious emotion.

  When I’d met Luke in Myrtle Beach I’d wanted nothing more from him than a way to get rid of the pain. He’d offered me that and then some. I’d had to crash with him when Colby took off and left me alone. I’d confided a little here and there in him. But mostly he’d really just been a person to make sure I didn’t go all the way off the deep end. Some days it was hard to tell if that’d been a success or failure.

  It’d been a tough road for him. The first few days after I’d realized she left me I was a hot mess. All I’d managed to do was sit and cry and wish I didn’t have to feel anything. I’d lost my best friend over the dumbest reason I’d ever heard of. She was angry at me for loving someone. How fucked up was that? What kind of a person does that to a friend?

  Luke pushed me through the darkness. He’d helped me reach the other side of that depression with patience and understanding. But it’d cost him, both financially and mentally. He’d developed feelings for me that went beyond his initial flirting at the party. Feelings that I couldn’t and wouldn’t reciprocate. Luke would never be what I wanted. Still, he’d given me all he had.

  In doing so, he’d helped me find a side of me that most didn’t know existed. I wasn’t even sure I had known it existed. I did know, however, that I liked it.

  Gone was the gullible, naive and innocent Avery. The plain girl that never got noticed had been evicted and I’d taken over. A little make-up, new hairstyle and change in the wardrobe had taken me from Colby’s shadow to a spotlight of my own. People noticed me now.

  I really didn’t do it for that purpose. I was more trying to fit into a world I’d never been a part of before. I was going to parties and doing things that would shock pretty much anyone that knew me. I had to look the part if I wanted to blend in. When you danced on the fringe of the world I was entering, being out of place could cost you a lot.

  I did have to admit that underneath it all, I really kind of liked the attention. I’d never had it before. There’d never been a time when guys looked at me like that. Well, except Spencer and his look was always love mixed with regret. It was as fleeting as his presence had been.

  It was nice to have it. Sometimes I would think to myself that this must be what it felt like to be Colby. No wonder she clung to that so tightly.

  Not that I’d ever do anything about it. I wasn’t looking for a man. Hell I was still in love with the one that I wasn’t sure I wanted anymore. I couldn’t trust him, but I loved him. He kept hurting me and I didn’t know if I wanted to be hurt again. But those feelings just wouldn’t go away. No matter what I did or how numb I made myself— I still fucking loved him.

  I just wished the knowledge that he would never change could make that go away, but it didn’t. Emotions lingered under the surface and attacked me every chance they got. Which was usually whenever I was sober, although it happened sometimes when I wasn’t.

  I’d seen Spencer a few times since we’d gotten to Chicago. He seemed dead set on coming back into my world. Seemed like he wasn’t going to give up on the idea of us being together.

  He even tolerated Luke. Not that I didn’t see his fists tighten and the vein above his brow bulge. Both were sure signs that Spencer was in fight mode. He just contained it. Probably because he was scared it’d run me off. Somewhere inside he still worried that Luke was something important to me. I could see it. A man that I loved or wanted in the same way I’d once wanted him.

  Maybe I should have told him otherwise. Maybe.

  Why spoil the fun though? He’d spent all that time hurting me over and over. Let his ass hurt for once, right?

  “What’s that look?” Luke turned his head to the side, in pure Spencer style, and I felt my stomach clench as he asked the question.

  “Do you have to ask?” it was rhetorical. He damn well knew what I wanted. That was evident as he stood and walked over to his jacket. Pulling out a small baggie I heard him sigh. It almost made me tell him to leave. He was lucky I wanted what he had.

  “Maybe you should take a break Ave,” he offered, turning around and looking at me with something resembling concern.

  I glared at him for shortening my name the way they did. He knew better. Just because he’d become my friend and done as much as he had — just because he shared his drugs and showed me how to feel okay— didn’t put him on that level. He would never be on that level.

  “Sorry,” his apology wasn’t any more genuine than my coping and we both knew it. “I’m worried about you.”

  The idea that anyone had anything to worry about made me laugh and that caused him to shake his head. It wasn’t like I had a problem. People with problems spent all of their time doing these things. They lied and stole things and hid alone shooting drugs.

  People with problems craved it when they didn’t have it. They couldn’t go long without their fix. Problems caused withdrawals. Problems caused addiction. Problems involved constantly being on something.

  Mine was sporadic. Hell I’d gone two days without anything, even knowing it’d hurt me. I didn’t have a problem. I was fine.

  “I told you I’d tell you if it became an issue,” I reminded him of our initial agreement, though he didn’t believe I was abiding by it. I refused to think too much into it so I didn’t find myself in agreement.

  The truth was, that shit was the only reason I was m
aking it through the day most days. I wasn’t shooting up constantly or stealing and selling shit to buy it. It wasn’t that kind of a thing. It was just relief. Pain relief. Stress relief.

  It was just what helped me cope with the emotions. Actually, it helped me avoid them. That seemed to be what I needed most. What was the big deal?

  “Yes,” he acknowledged, “and you haven’t. Yet I keep hearing I want more. This shit’s dangerous Avery.” He held up and shook the baggy in front of me. “Regardless of what you think of me, I care about you. I don’t want to see you hooked— or worse.”

  “You think I’m going to fucking kill myself with drugs? Really Luke? I’m just trying to cope with more than I can handle,” the look on his face made me angry. “Never fucking mind. I have no doubt I can find it elsewhere. For the record, if I wanted to kill myself this isn’t the way I’d choose to do it.”

  “Don’t do that,” he warned. “Don’t threaten me. You went from occasional to daily to several times a day. I’m worried. I’ve always helped you, but I’m starting to worry about you. I may not be him, but I damn sure am allowed to care.”

  “This is not about him. This is about how you are acting. What you are saying. If you care, you will stop trying to parent me. I’m a god damned adult and I will do what I want to do. With or without your input.”

  “Here,” he threw the baggie at me and walked back to his jacket. “I’m out. You can have it. God knows it’s about all that matters to you anymore.”

  I watched as he slipped his arms into the sleeves of the lightweight jacket he’d brought with him. Apparently what was summer in Chicago was chilly for a South Carolina boy. He’d worn that jacket since we’d arrived at the airport even though I was spending my time in shorts.

  A knot of guilt was building in my stomach. I didn’t want him to leave. Not like that. He really was the only friend I had. Well, if you didn’t count Spencer and I couldn’t count Spencer because he’d never stayed around long enough to let me rely on him doing so.

  “Stop,” I pleaded. “You know I need you.”

  The words— surprising even me— caused him to freeze and look up at me. I didn’t say things like that very often. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. Luke had been trying to hook up with me since the day I’d met him. I was afraid if he knew how badly I needed him there he would think he stood a chance that he didn’t stand. We were nothing but friends. No matter what he wanted. But I needed him. Not the drugs. Well, maybe them too, but also him. I was just afraid to say so.

  Sometimes you had to let go of those fears in order to get what you need. Which in that moment was for Luke to sit his ass back down and be my friend. I couldn’t make it by myself. That’s the one thing I knew for sure. Without him, I’d be over the edge within a day.

  “Why? Scared of pushing the needle in yourself?” his sarcasm fueled both the guilt and the anger.

  “You’re all I have.” I admitted, refusing to battle the insult.

  “Then maybe you should be a little more respectful. A little nicer. Is that too much to ask?” he ran his thick hand through his mop of hair and shook his head. “I do all I can and you treat me like shit. Do I deserve that?”

  “No,” I answered with half honesty. If he wasn’t so damn pushy I wouldn’t be rude. “I can be a little nicer. Maybe.”

  “Maybe? Nice. Can you at least try?” he grinned when I nodded and pointed at the bag in my hand. “You could start by sharing?”

  “If I must,”rolling my eyes, I teased with him.

  I knew I was lucky to have Luke there. Without him I’d be halfway to crazy already and that wasn’t a place I wanted to visit again. He kept me stable and strong. If he’d just quit calling me babe, trying to fuck Colby and questioning me about drug problems— we’d have no issues.

  “It’s good to see you smile,” pressing the needle into the skin of my arm, he looked up at me with a smile of his own.

  “You did it,” I reminded him, closing my eyes and letting the feeling hit me as he pushed the plunger in. “I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t been there.”

  “You’re stronger than you like to think,” he shrugged. “You can do this alone. With or without this.”

  “No,” I shook my head. “Not without you.” A smile crept across his face though he didn’t look in my direction.

  It was the truth. Like it or not, Luke was the one that saved me. For that, I owed him everything.

  “So we going to go before you can bail on me again?”The smile on his face told me he was teasing, but his eyes let me know that it was a valid concern.

  He had a reason to ask. Several times we’d been planning to go out — I’d promised from the day we arrived — and each time we’d hear from Spencer and I’d change my mind. It was almost like reliving the days of my relationship only without the relationship. Bailing on friends to be with Spencer.

  Tonight I wouldn’t do that. I’d follow through with my word. In fact, if Spencer tried to call or text I would just ignore him. That way I wasn’t tempted. Because we all knew if I had to choose between Spencer and Luke, Spencer would win.

  “I don’t know,” I teased. “We better hurry.” Grabbing the keys I headed towards the door. “You coming, or do I need to call Spencer?” and with that I walked out, damned certain Luke would be right behind me.

  ~Spencer~

  “Hot date?” Hairs on my neck stood on end as I watched Kevin smirk in my direction— almost earning him a punch. “Another threesome, or do you get to go out with her alone this time?”

  My brother had been nothing but a jackass since I’d gotten back. Taking every opportunity he found, Kevin would throw that fucking loser she was friends with in my face. It didn’t help the situation that we had yet to really even have time alone. She acted scared to be with me. That left it almost always being the three of us and gave Kevin more ammo against me.

  “Shut the fuck up,” I snapped, turning away from the mirror and facing my brother. “I’ll do whatever I have to do to get her back. Even spend time with the little dough boy.”

  “Ever think you are fighting a losing battle, bro?” Fists clenched, jaws tightened and sweat beads forming above my brows; I had to mentally remind myself that hitting him wouldn’t change the situation. “She doesn’t seem to want to be gotten.”

  My mouth opened to speak and I decided against it. Nothing I could say would change his mind, or the reality of the way things were. I didn’t think Kev was right to say the things he kept saying, but I couldn’t deny his words either. Avery wasn’t exactly presenting herself as interested in me since she’d returned to the city. She wasn’t really presenting herself as anything.

  Something about her was different, very different, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. She was almost…aloof. Like she wasn’t really all that interested in anything. When she looked at me, I saw signs of the girl that loved me. Yet her words and actions seemed to just show a lack of caring about much of anything. I couldn’t recall seeing many, if any, emotions from her since she’d come home. I was worried about that.

  Truth was, I worried about everything Kevin kept repeating. She didn’t want to be with me. She was interested in that fucking chunky monkey she’d brought here with her. I would end up heartbroken. I was trying to force something that wasn’t there. I worried about every single bit of it. Especially with the way she was acting.

  I just couldn’t give up on her though. Not without knowing for a fact it was done and over. What Avery and I had was special. It was something that you don’t just find anywhere. Something that I’d never had before and would never have again.

  When you have a bond like the one we shared, you didn’t just walk away from it. You can’t just pretend that it never mattered and move on with your life. So I couldn’t — wouldn’t — do that. No matter what I had to deal with. I would handle whatever was thrown at me in the moment, as long the end result was that I had the woman I loved.