Crash Into You

by Ellison, Cara

  “Okay, I guess. Seth got my spleen.”

  “I know,” she whispered. She didn’t trust her voice. Didn’t trust that she wouldn’t burst into tears.

  “It’s funny, isn’t it? You had broken ribs and a lacerated spleen when I found you…”

  “And now you do.”

  He squeezed her hand. “You did good up there, Aimee.”

  She shook her head, sudden tears coming to her eyes. She had thought she was too tired for tears, but apparently she had an infinite capacity for them.

  “Is he dead?”

  “No,” she said. “He’s up at the resort with that guy. And the money was fake. Seth counterfeited it to pay that guy. That guy was apparently setting up some blackmail for Seth.” She shook her head, not understanding any of it.

  “Crazy,” he said softly, with a weak, drugged up smile that made her heart crack.

  Aimee heard footsteps marching up the hallway and then pause outside the door. A sharp knock followed.

  Before she could answer, the door opened.

  Aimee gasped. Kimberly stood in the doorway. She had not seen her sister in two years and it took a moment to really take her in, believe that it was really her. “Oh my gosh,” she moaned, and rushed to hug her.

  She hugged her hard, giving up the fight to hold back her tears. After a moment, she pulled back. “What are you doing here?”

  “Long story,” Kimberly said. “Seth came to our house to find you… I had to get here before he did… the news in town was that there had been a shoot out at Mark Spanner’s ranch and I put it together to find you here.”

  Grabbing her wrist, she pulled her to Mark’s bedside. “This is Mark.”

  “How are you feeling?” Kimberly asked.

  “Great. I’m alive.”

  Kimberly smiled gently, and looked to Aimee. “I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ll wait for you outside.”

  After she left and they were left along again, Mark smiled at her again with a kind, sad smile that sent an dagger of pain to her heart.

  “You’re heading to Portland,” he said.

  She looked down at her hands in her lap and nodded. Tears dripped off her cheeks and her throat shook with agony. “You are the right guy,” she whispered. “The best guy. But…”

  “You want to experience the world.”

  She nodded.

  “Experience it, sweetheart. Enjoy every minute of your life.”

  “You aren’t angry with me?”

  “Angry? No.” He shook his head. “I love you. And when you love someone, you want them to have the best possible life they can. I told myself I would not hold you back, no matter how I feel. And I plan to keep my promise.”

  “I love you too, you know.”

  “I know.”

  Pain gripped her heart, sucking, awful. There was suddenly nothing else to say.

  “I should sleep now,” Mark said.

  She nodded, thankful for him offering an excuse for her to go cry her heart out in peace.

  She bent over him, kissed his forehead, then his lips. She lingered at his lips. Then she left.

  Twenty

  On the large island table in the kitchen, Mark Spanner unfurled the architecture plans for the Resort at Starlight Lake. The artist rendering was dazzling, an almost photographic representation of his and Aimee’s vision of raw timber and glass elegance. She’d been right about the pitched roof, he saw; it did echo the peaks of the mountains in a very pleasing way.

  The aerial view of the complex was a little daunting. It was going to be a serious, major investment. It was too late for second thoughts. The loans were in place, the contractors were lined up. It was all set to go. He would need to hire a company to manage it, but that had been pushed onto the back burner. His time had been eaten up at the clinic. It seemed everyone in town was coming down with a winter cold. A few grisly fishing injuries kept the work interesting. After McKinsey retired, Mark took over the practice and hired two new doctors – a full time pediatrician and another family doctor. He’d also hired two new nurses.

  Life had been busy since summer, just as he liked it. It helped keep thoughts of Aimee at bay, though never he was never entirely successful. It seemed like he was always trying to forget something, he realized wryly. First it was his life at the Salt Pit in Afghanistan, and now it was the sensual, sweet memories of Aimee Baxter that vexed him, woke him in the middle of the night, leaving him smarting with that searing, insatiable missing.

  May seemed to miss her too. She spent the first few weeks sleeping on the guest bed where Aimee had spent her convalescence. Now she just seemed as listless as her master.

  He looked down at her on the kitchen floor, watching him. She slowly began to wag her tail. “It’s not so bad,” he said aloud. “It’s very peaceful here without her, don’t you think?”

  That was what he told himself. But it didn’t soothe the empty ache in his heart. The years before Aimee felt like useless playacting, empty of significance. He could not let that happen again. He wanted to believe that happiness was still possible. In some ways it was. He did enjoy his work at the clinic. His psyche, and sense of karma, was soothed somewhat by providing excellent medical care to the citizens of Spanner.

  He hoped Aimee was happy, out there in the evergreens of Portland. He could imagine her teaching her yoga and pilates classes, spending time with her sister… possibly dating?

  No. He didn’t dare imagine that. There was no reason to torture himself. The very thought made him sick.

  He ached for news about her. A text, email, phone call. But she had not reached out to him at all. He hadn’t reached out to her because he flatly refused to become another man in her life who refused to let her live her life.

  It was more loving to give her the freedom she craved.

  He forced his attention back to the project in front of him, skimming the description at the bottom of the aerial rendering of the Resort at Starlight Lake complex:

  Set on seventy acres of natural terrain, The Resort on Starlight Lake stands at the doorway of Jubilee Canyon, surrounded by towering peaks known for inspiring the mind, body and spirit.

  He pushed it aside and found the blueprints. It really was going to be amazing. The current structure was going to be razed next month, during the first week of the New Year. The new foundation would be poured in February, with the grand opening planned the following year.

  The peaceful silence of the house was suddenly interrupted when May lifted her head and let loose with a shrill bark that sounded almost painful. “You okay, girl?” he asked. Outside the window, he spotted a Chrysler sedan making slow progress to his driveway.

  There had been very few visitors lately; the frequent snow squalls sent most citizens hunkering down in the warm confines of their homes. Probably some lost tourist, he figured. Or, god forbid, some medical emergency.

  Aimee slowed the rented Chrysler on the road that led to Mark’s house. It was different than the last time she’d seen it. It was now the winter wonderland she had visualized the first time she saw it. Roof covered in snow, with snow-dipped Aspens out front, the sky a bleak soft gray. There was only one horse grazing in the paddock. Judging by the middling size and the beautiful coloring, that was Miss America. She had grown so much, Aimee realized with a little flutter in her heart.

  She was afraid of Mark’s enigmatic silence. Afraid to speculate on what the silence meant. She had hoped he might send her a message to let her know he had recovered and was fine, but there was nothing. For a very long time, there was nothing.

  Oh how she missed him.

  She drove the Chrysler into the drive and turned it off. Be strong, she ordered herself, and stepped out. The wicked Montana wind gusted at her, fulfilling the promise of that winter wonderland.

  Mark had cleared the pathway to the door but it was still deep enough that her boots sank in with every step. She tromped up to the door, and heard May barking like mad inside.

  She felt a confusing
mix of joy and heartbreak. She wanted to cry suddenly, but wouldn’t dare. She lifted her hand and rang the bell.

  She heard the door unlock, then it cracked open.

  Mark.

  The world tilted on its axis. Warmth bloomed through her body, like she was coming back to life.

  He said nothing, just gazed at her.

  His hair was a little longer, the sandy golden strands curling just over the tops of his ears. He was a little thinner. His eyes were shadowed, and his skin was paler, his jaw sharp. But it was him.

  His mouth twitched.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi.”

  “Can I come in?”

  Mark opened the door for her. She stepped inside. The familiar space should have looked smaller, but it didn’t. It looked even bigger. Big enough to hold them all. It was welcomingly warm; a fire roared in the grate.

  May instantly jumped on her, and she hugged the dog, petting her and pressing her face into the puppy’s soft fur. May jumped down and wiggled and whimpered with pure puppy joy. Aimee got down on her level and let May cover her with doggy kisses. “I missed you too, girl,” Aimee said into the thick fur of her neck.

  It took all her mental discipline not to show her feelings as baldly for Mark.

  Mark’s expression remained impassive and stoic. She remembered that expression, and it pained her at the same time it made her heart soar with joy. It was the expression he wore when attempting to mask his deep feelings.

  Standing up, she asked, “How have you been?”

  “Good. You?”

  “Good.”

  He nodded as if this were a satisfactory answer.

  She thought her heart was going to shake out of her chest. She couldn’t stand the politeness. Her throat tightened in frustration. If he was going to keep it on this level, it was up to her to force them to the next one.

  “You look… so good.” Such an understatement. She had no defense against it. All those intense male vibes went straight to her core, rattling her like nothing else.

  He met her eyes with the look of a man facing the firing squad. “Why did you come back?” he asked flatly.

  She blushed under his penetrating gaze. She wasn’t sure how to answer. She struggled to think over the roar in her head. It felt like the most important answer she would ever utter in her life, but she could not muster eloquence through her panic. She forced the words past her trembling lips. “I came to ask you to take me back.”

  For a moment nothing happened. He looked at her with neutral grey eyes, as if she’d never spoken. Panic climbed into her throat. Then, the rush of words was unstoppable. “I was doing so well in Portland. I found a cute apartment near the university. I was enrolled in MBA classes at night and had some web design clients. And I… I… realized that my life was not nearly as much fun or meaningful as when I was here. With you.” Her voice faltered with grief.

  Something flinched in his eyes. Something tender. “What about your independence?” he asked. “You dreamed of living your own life on your own terms. A noble objective, incidentally.”

  “I realized that as long as I was here, you never asked anything of me. You never tried to restrict me in any way. You made me grow, in fact. You taught me how to ride horses and go kayaking and make friends, all of which I was afraid to do on my own. You encouraged me to teach yogalates at Glacier Outfitters. Those things were on my terms. I was so afraid that falling in love with you would mean that I was giving up myself, but I was wrong. So wrong.”

  “What about your life in Portland?”

  “I gave it a whirl. I really tried. It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And… you weren’t there.”

  Mark began to shake his head slowly in a way that broke her heart. Oh this was not going at all how she had hoped. She had hoped – unrealistically – that he would have felt the same longing for her, that when she appeared at his front door, he would embrace her in his warm eyes, take her to bed, and never let her go. Obviously, that was a very foolish dream. There was no embrace. Only his cold gaze that left her trembling and terrified that he really didn’t love her anymore.

  Sudden tears filled her eyes.

  “Oh damn it Aimee,” Mark said softly. “Don’t cry, you’re going to kill me.” Before she could stop the tears, he was gathering her into his arms. A volcano of feeling erupted at his touch. She burrowed her face into his warm neck, breathing in his wonderful scent, that beautiful mix of aftershave, detergent and the tang of male sweat that scrambled her senses like an electrical storm. The smell of home.

  And yet he was holding her in a different way. Like he was consoling an old, dear friend. There was no urgency in it. A cold breeze blew at the back of her neck. “It isn’t going to work, sweetheart,” he whispered.

  Oh God, why did it hurt so much? Her heart was going to break and she was going to fall apart right here. It was so undignified, so horrible to break apart in front of him. She dipped her chin to try and shield herself while she recovered from the blow. On the flight from Portland, she’d tried to remind herself that rejection was a very real possibility. There were all kinds of bad outcomes that she should intellectually prepare herself for. But nothing could really prepare her for the withering shock and heartbreak of the visceral pain of being told no by the man she loved. By the only man she had ever loved, and would ever love.

  “I don’t want any lies. I don’t want to worry that one day I’ll find a stash of counterfeit Benjamins in my barn,” he went on tonelessly.

  Aimee’s tight throat was burning with unshed tears. To allow him the opportunity to speak his mind, she remained silent, though her heart was breaking. She owed him that. Hell, she owed him her whole life.

  Mark cupped her face, gently forcing her to meet his gaze. Unexpected gentleness shimmered in the mica depths. Something shy and eager and hopeful began to throb between them. Her breath hitched in her chest. “So I want you to pledge to me that you will never lie to me again about anything.”

  “Wh…what?” Dazed, her stammering inflection mangled with hope so painful it hurt.

  “I love you, Aimee. Don’t ever lie to me again. Don’t hide anything from me. Don’t… just don’t.”

  And then she did break open wide. The tears she’d been holding back began to roll down her face.

  Mark pulled her against his hard chest, wrapping her in the steely strength of his arms. So warm. So safe.

  She couldn’t stop weeping. Ignobly, she wiped the tears on his soft cotton shirt, trying to get control of herself. There was a lot to cry about: all the lies she’d told him, all the time wasted on trying to hide parts of herself in an effort to show herself in the most flattering light. All the time when they were apart that she would not let herself call to see how he was, causing untold suffering to them both. The sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling.

  She’d tried so hard to let him go. But she couldn’t.

  And she wouldn’t. The relief of giving in was so sweet, such a liberating rush of emotion, she thought for a moment she might swoon. But Mark held her up. He didn’t get impatient with her crying either. He seemed glad for the excuse to hold her. He buried his face in her hair, his body shaking against hers. He clutched at her like he was afraid she’d be ripped away, and though she could barely breathe, she loved it.

  The tears trailed away, leaving her transparent and cleansed. Baptized by love. Tilting her shin up, Mark looked into her face. It was only then she saw he was transformed too. The hot glow in his eyes was familiar, but the undisguised love blazed out of him, naked and raw. That was new.

  He bent his head to tenderly kiss her lips. Aimee’s knees almost gave way. This swooning Victorian maiden phase had to pass, but right now, she needed Mark’s reliable strength.

  “No more lies?” He said gently, with a sweet teasing smile on his lips.

  “I promise,” she sniffled. “But you’re not exactly innocent in that area either.”

  “I confessed my darkness. Not im
mediately. But I came to trust you with everything I had, Aimee. But if it makes you feel better, I promise to be transparent sooner.” He smiled in that knee-weakening way that seemed at once sugary sweet and lethally sexy.

  She nodded, her heart quivering with outsized joy. “It’s a deal.”

  “No, it isn’t. Not yet. There’s more. I want the promises, the strings attached, the wedding, children. The whole damn thing. If you’re going to be here, we’re going to do this right. Give it to me, Aimee. I’ve earned that much.”

  She laughed, suddenly as light as air. “Oh, Mark. Yes, yes, yes. Yes to all of it.”

  “You think you can really be happy here in Spanner?”

  “I can be happy anywhere you are. And I love it here. I never should have left.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “So sure. Positive. I love you. I love May. I don’t ever want to leave.”

  “Not even to see the world?”

  She shook her head. “We can experience it all together. But first show me what I’ve been missing these long months, Mark. Remind me why I fell so irrevocably in love with you.”

  He scooped her up with a graceful motion that made her squeal with delight, and made her heart beam with unbelieving joy, and headed up the stairs to the bedroom. And on the big iron bed, he did just that.