by S. M. Butler
He shook his head. “As much as I’d like to, it isn’t wise, Luci. I just wanted you to know, and to try to convince you to get out of Dodge—”
“I do have a gun for protection.”
“Luci, that may not be enough. You need to get away from all this.”
“Both my mom and Sarah know how to use it.”
“Then let’s hope they use discretion as to who they tell.”
He stood, walking back to the front door.
“James, you’re kinda acting like a cop or something. You don’t look like someone who would be hanging around Yellowhorse. You’re not Dine, and you don’t appear to know much about us. So what gives?”
He chuckled. “That’s ridiculous.” He left without explaining himself further.
Sarah and her mother arrived just past lunchtime. Luci offered to prepare lunch for all of them. Sarah made a point to get her alone to whisper something private.
“She had me go see the doctor, too.”
“You okay?”
Sarah’s eyes widened. “I’m fine!”
“So why—”
“She wants me on the pill. Can you believe it? I’m a virgin and she wants me on the pill.”
“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I’m sure she’s doing what she thinks—what she’d hoped her own mother would have done when Mom was a troubled girl your age. Don’t read anything into it.” But the words James had spoken echoed in her head.
“I don’t know. Luci, I don’t want to go places with her anymore. She’s just not thinking straight, and she drives funny. If they pick her up, what happens to me?”
“You have them contact me. You always have them contact me, Sarah. We hope we remain under the radar, okay?”
They heard Zelda approaching and separated, Sarah pretending to help with Luci’s salad.
“Luci, since I know your little sister has probably told you about what I insisted she do, explain to her why it’s a good idea.” Zelda pointed to Luci’s growing belly. “Sarah, I had the talk with Luci, I guess a little too late, though.” Her thin, penciled-in eyebrows had always accentuated her round face and large almond-shaped eyes. She was too heavy to have real cheekbones, but Luci knew even if she were thin, the roundness of her body would remain regardless of her weight.
“I’m still not so sure it was a good idea.” Luci briefly thought about her night with Danny, and the lack of protection which had caused her pregnancy. “She’s young, Mama.”
“You’re talking about me like I’m not in the room. I’m right here.” Sarah’s eyes shifted between Luci and her mother’s. “It was horrible.”
“I took her to a woman doctor.”
As if that made any difference.
Luci wondered if her mother ever thought about either of their feelings or anybody’s feelings but her own. The callousness of her mother’s behavior shocked even her sometimes. She’d heard a lot from the parents at the school and the administration. Rarely did she find something in her own family that was worse than what she’d experienced at work. But today, she found herself hating her mother with every fiber of her being.
Sarah ran to her bedroom, slammed the door, had difficulty locking it, and finally gave up.
If her mother were even a month or two sober, this would be the time Luci would have that heart-to-heart. She’d tell her about how she was losing whatever relationship she had with both her daughters. She’d tell her that Sarah needed a mother, not a slutty roommate. She’d tell her how she was putting her life on hold so Sarah had a chance to get out. And if, the woman who had given birth to her cared, cared just a thimbleful of how Luci felt about this upcoming baby, just maybe she’d begin to understand and find it in her heart to mend her ways.
But none of that was present when she looked into her mother’s eyes. Her focus was glassy and otherworldly, the expression on her face like she was being forced to sit through one of Mr. Carpenter’s boring geometry lectures.
Zelda didn’t have the guts to be a parent, a true parent, Luci thought. Maybe it was because Luci had stepped up to the plate and did so much of the mothering for her. But one thing was for sure. Her mother was waiting for recess. A nice, long recess.
Luci knew her wish would be granted, maybe soon.
In the intervening months, as Luci’s pregnancy continued, she noticed a marked change in her mother. First, she broke off her relationship with Yellowhorse. Then she stopped her serial dating cycle, which ended her late nights in local bars, and eventually her getting help in some programs to end her drinking. The coming baby seemed to reacquaint her with a side of mothering she’d long forgotten. Even her uncle stayed away from them. It was said he relocated to Las Vegas to pursue his criminal enterprises there. James’ dire predictions were proving inaccurate, after all. Luci began feeling a little safer.
Luci prepared herself for the possibility she’d see Danny some day. Though he’d said he would never return, he still had family on the res and nearby. She mentally told herself that if he had been interested in a relationship with her, he’d have called, or sent word to her somehow. She learned he’d enlisted in the Navy, following in the footsteps of his cousin, Wilson, whom she didn’t know.
There had been days when she wondered how she’d feel if he did return. What would she say? Should she hope for that eventuality? Though she tried to put it out of her mind, she could not forget what it felt like being with him that one night. Why she wasn’t too surprised when she found out she was pregnant. The most difficult part of it all was that she knew deep down inside, she still harbored feelings for the Navajo man, and held a candle at the possibility of his return.
Luci began building a new respect for her mother. Even Sarah warmed to the woman’s changes. Without the interference of Yellowhorse and Corwin, the three lived in relative peace all throughout the winter months, looking forward to a new spring with the birth of the child.
The baby came one rainy day in late February. Zelda and Sarah both were at her side and took turns competing for Luci’s affection, as well as competing for time holding little Griffin. Luci felt Danny’s absence that day more than ever, but she kept her thoughts private and hid her tears. The three women continue to repair what they could of their family unit, for the sake of the baby. Luci took the balance of the school term with a leave of absence while continuing to apply for work in California.
Being home, Luci was around her mother for longer stretches of time than she could ever afford before. She accompanied Zelda to AA meetings, bringing the baby. Zelda had found her own reset switch and started dating a nice carpenter, not Dine, who lived in Phoenix.
It looked like everything would turn out closer to the picture book story Luci had always secretly wanted, but never dared to dream of, even if the story was minus one character.
Until the day Uncle Corwin inserted himself back into their lives.
Chapter Eleven
‡
Danny was looking out at the waves and the long stretch of beach in front of him at Coronado Island. It was funny how natural this landscape now seemed after nearly a year stationed here. He would have never pictured himself basking in the sun, watching girls in swimsuits try to be eye candy for all the young sailors who happened to look their way. The parade was endless, and several times, some nice, tanned, long-legged, blonde girl would just make him stop breathing for a second or two. He’d never known this existed.
He heard his grandfather chuckle. He knew better than to look for the old man. The chats with Chester had been a daily occurrence now. He had started looking forward to them, no matter what he was in the middle of at the time.
“Still playing cowboys and Indians, little Ch’al.”
Ever since he’d passed the BUD/S training, Grandfather referred to him as Ch’al, or frog.
Danny remembered the old story about the frog and the crane working together to bring rain to a burning mountain to save the village in the fire’s destructive path. He could use a little cold water right about
now. He was split in two, half of him wanting to follow someone down the beach for some fun and the other half knowing he should listen to the old man. He’d learned that if he fought the man off, it would only get worse.
“It takes a frog and a crane to save a village, Grandfather,” he whispered to the wind and the sea. A couple of stark white and light grey seagulls swooped down and landed ten feet away from him as if he’d called them. One of them inclined its head, studying Danny carefully.
“That you?” Danny said to the bird.
His grandfather chuckled again. If he could see the little man, Danny knew he’d be on his butt, feet in the air, holding his belly, like he used to do when Danny pretend shot him with his rubber-tipped arrows as a youngster. Overcome with laughter, the voice of his grandfather had to try several times before getting a word or two out. “If I was going to be a bird, Danny, I’d be an eagle or an owl. Not a seagull. They eat garbage.”
But the seagull still kept his black, beady eye on Danny.
“You know what you’re supposed to do, Danny. You’ve got that Trident. Now it’s time to go back home and tell The People.”
Neither Jeffrey nor Danny had a single family member at the Trident ceremony two days prior. He’d watched the parents and siblings, occasionally a wife and children, greet the new baby SEALs around them, and he felt a pang of guilt at not informing his mother or Wilson or anyone else that he’d passed. He’d been feeling melancholy before Jeffrey came up to him and whispered, “Wanna hold hands?”
Jeffrey’s polished white smile was just begging for a chop to the jaw, but with all the women and children present, it wasn’t a very good idea.
“Gotcha, big guy, for all those imaginary scalpings I’ve been receiving for the past few weeks.”
While other families celebrated at local restaurants and stayed together in local hotels, he and Jeffrey spent the remainder of that day looking at expensive sports cars that Jeffrey could afford. One of the dealers allowed his friend to take a Ferrari for the weekend, and Danny knew he was going to enjoy every minute of it. They agreed to meet up today, Monday, at the water’s edge and make plans for their break.
“You have a strong friend and someone you can trust, Danny,” his grandfather’s voice could barely be heard over the sound of the waves crashing. “Time to let him see. Maybe a friend can help you bridge the gap between your old self and the man you have become.”
He doubted this was anything even close to being on Jeffrey’s radar screen.
Jeffrey snuck up behind Danny while he was deep in mental conversation with his grandfather, the sound of the ocean masking his footsteps. Within seconds, they were tussling in the sand, rolling toward the surf. Even the splash of cold ocean water couldn’t stop them. They drew a small crowd, which quickly dispersed when Danny gave a hand up to Jeffrey, both of them voluntarily wet and sandy, laughing so hard they didn’t notice the sleeper wave that drenched them and nearly toppled them both.
“Show’s over, folks,” Jeffrey said with a bow. He wiggled his eyebrows toward a female contingent that hovered. He flicked away salt water and pieces of seaweed and reached for two long-necked beers inside a plain brown paper bag Jeffrey brought. He handed one to Danny, sat down in the sand and Danny joined him.
The ice-cold brew tasted divine. Danny caught his breath, occasionally shaking his head and swearing in tandem with his teammate. He enjoyed the celebratory moment after the yearlong ordeal of their SEAL training. They would have a week off before they had to report to workup. Some of his BUD/S instructors had reminded him he wasn’t a true frog yet. Maybe a tadpole with legs.
“So, what are your plans?” Danny asked.
“Oh, thought I’d drive up the coast to San Francisco and hang for a few days. Still a couple of girls there I haven’t met,” answered Jeffrey.
“How about coming with me back to the res, back to Arizona? Need to stop by Eureka and beg forgiveness from my mom, but after that, my cousin and a few friends are at the res near Flagstaff. Could stop off in Sedona. You feel like tagging along?”
Jeffrey finished the rest of his beer, depositing the bottle and grabbing another, before answering. “I’m not very good with the family gathering type of thing. You know that, Danny.”
“Not sure I know much of anything about you, Jeffrey. That’s okay, though. What I do know I respect and trust. We all have our private places.”
“My mom’s a nut job. Got herself mixed up in some religious apocalyptical group during my high school years. Dad took off. Can’t say as I blamed him. I actually spent most of my time away from the house as much as possible.”
“Now I understand your concern for me talking with my ancestors.”
Jeffrey shrugged. “In my case, that would be very scary. I survivived, got a scholarship to college and then got into this game stuff, and, well, took to it.”
“You have any contact with your parents now?”
“Nah. My dad showed up after he read an article about me in the paper making all that money. That jerk. Not ready to repair that old truck yet. Maybe some day.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, there’s not much of any real gathering planned since only my mother and cousin know I even enlisted, but I owe a visit to a couple of people.”
“Okay. I’m game. Was going to offer to fly us to some place tropical. You sure I can’t twist your arm?”
“No, man, you go ahead then. I gotta settle some things back in Arizona.”
“So does the rest of your family go all stealth, scaring unwitting white boys like you do?”
Danny chuckled. “You did a pretty fuckin’ good job of that just now, frog man. I’d say you’ve gotten broken in a bit.”
“Okay, I’m game. Let’s go see your people for a couple of days, and then I’ll fly us someplace nice for the rest of the week.”
“As long as there’s no sand. I’ve eaten enough sand to last a lifetime,” said Danny.
“As long as you protect me, then from all those spiritwalkers you talk about.” Jeffrey grinned, his white teeth flashing as if they were lit from within.
“Nah. You’ll be okay. You’ll see. Hope you like dusty roads, war paint, and feathers, though.”
Chapter Twelve
‡
Luci met James at the local supermarket and agreed to have coffee afterward. Griffin and his big dark eyes studied James like an old soul, frowning as if judging him not worthy.
“He’s probably got a load coming, James. Not to worry,” she said to him.
Looking at him across the tiny Formica tabletop, she saw he was a good man. She was sure there was something he wasn’t telling her.
“You ever have kids?” she asked him.
“Nope. Never been married.”
“Really?” It genuinely surprised her.
His eyes searched her face, landing on her lips. “Some day. Not right now.”
“Work?” She knew if she asked him what she suspected, he’d lie again.
“Something like that.”
“Me too,” she admitted as she gave Griffin her forefinger and coaxed a smile from the baby’s round Dine face.
“I have no right to ask you this, but who’s the father?”
“A friend. Sperm donor.”
“Ah,” he said and leaned away from her. His smile snagged her.
“What? You have a problem with that?”
“And what if I did? Does it really matter?”
“Of course not.”
“It’s just that some of us guys kinda feel a little useless. So you call us sperm donors now? You want the baby, but not the man. I guess I’m a bit old fashioned.”
The look they shared opened some doors inside her heart. There was a wounded little boy there somewhere. She also recognized in herself some loneliness, though she’d told herself having Griffin cured most of that.
James got a ping on his phone, checked it, and then stood. “I have to go.”
“Thanks for the coffee.”<
br />
“You’re welcome.” She could see he was hesitant to leave, wanting to say something else. “Luci, I think Corwin’s coming back to the res. You remember what I told you?”
“I do.”
“Pay attention to everything. Especially now. Stay close to your mother and Sarah, keep track of one another.”
“Noted. Thanks.”
He looked like he wanted to shake her hand for a second but he turned, and she watched his tall frame walk outside into the sunny parking lot. He put on his thin metal shades, checked both ways for traffic, and headed to his car. The grocery bag he carried could have been a child, but it was just groceries. She wondered if the stories and chanting were starting to rub off on her. Was she seeing part of his future? And if so, how come she felt he was the real one in danger?
Chapter Thirteen
‡
Danny, Jeffrey, and Wilson dashed into the supermarket on a mission to get pizza, beers, fresh fruit, and TV dinners for Wilson’s sorely abandoned bachelor pad. Wilson and Jeffrey found a quick friendship. Danny was happy.
He glanced in the corner as they passed the coffee bar and saw Luci focused on what appeared to be a nursing baby discretely tucked under a large privacy sling. He stopped dead in his tracks.
Wilson ran into his backside. “Fuck it, Danny. You’re as clumsy as Emma Barnowl’s potbellied pig.” He followed the trajectory of Danny’s line of sight. “You know her? Luci?”
Danny nodded. “I’ll catch up with you. Give me a minute, okay?”
Jeffrey tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, looking between Danny and Luci. “Catch ya later, Chief.”
Danny paid no attention and walked toward the corner. “Luci?”
Her face registered shock at first and then softened.
“Hi, Danny.” She brought the groggy baby from her chest, covered herself up, and put him over her shoulder to burp him. “This little fellow is Griffin.”
