by S. M. Butler
Danny moved around to the side, taking in the sight of the chubby-cheeked, jet-black-haired infant, whose little arms crossed under his chin as his little body was arched over Luci’s shoulder, his fingers barely moving. His eyes were tightly closed.
“I didn’t know, Luci,” he found the courage to utter.
“Of course not. How could you? Not like you’ve been around much, or much that I saw anyway.” Her clear black eyes still speared him like they’d done a year ago.
He let the mild insult wash off him. “How old is Griff—”
“Griffin. It’s Griffin. He’s three months. He’s big for three months.” Luci gave him a short smile, which ended quickly.
“Well, congratulations, then. So who’s the lucky guy?”
“I’m afraid Griffin’s father has been out of the picture since the night he was conceived.”
Danny felt like he’d been hit in the gut. His legs wobbled. The chanting began a shrill refrain. It was accusatory, a warning. The sound sucked up all the air in the corner and made the back of his neck tense. He swallowed hard and, not knowing what else to do, he sat down.
He felt eyes on him from customers waiting in line at the registers. The barista even glanced over at him with a frown. Was it his imagination, or had he just stepped on a cat’s tail?
Luci let him squirm. He could tell she was waiting for him to form the question he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to. “Where is his father?” he asked, and then did a quick scan of the store as if he’d find him in the liquor shelves or tucked neatly in the bread section. Luci waited. He felt her examining him, watching him.
At last, he had to look back at her. She had the same full lips, the high cheekbones, and wide, smooth flat forehead of his people. Her dark eyes sparkled, her face beautiful in the late afternoon sunlight, flawless, without any makeup at all. Her honest eyes pulled something deep from inside him, laying it on the table between them as if she had unfolded a sacred cloth. The chanters whispered and hissed reproaches in his ear, scolding him.
She took in a deep breath. “If I tell you, it doesn’t change anything.”
He found himself nodding. Did he want to nod? Did he want to know the answer to his question?
“Griffin is yours, Danny.”
It was news he should have had in some intimate, quiet moment alone with her, some place where he didn’t have to couch his feelings. But what were his feelings? How did this news affect him?
Being completely honest with himself, he felt numb. Should he feel numb? Shouldn’t he say something? She was waiting for an answer, and she was judging him, evaluating him. He felt like an insect in a shadowbox with a pin stuck in his heart.
“How?” It was the only thing he could think to say.
Luci angled her face and frowned, patting the baby’s back, slightly rocking him up and down against her. “I’m pretty sure, Dine man, you know how it’s done. You seemed to be pretty well schooled in the subject matter.”
“But we—”
“Had sex several times. Yes. One time, and I guess you’ve forgotten, without protection.”
He saw the vision of her rising body in front of him. Images of her tanned flesh flooded his head. He could smell her arousal again, the way she tasted when he kissed her, the way she softly purred as he ran his fingers down her backside, down her thigh. He knew now that he remembered every moan, every detail of how his skin felt against hers, every ache of his heart as he merged with her body and soul. He hadn’t allowed himself the luxury of these fine details, but they all came flooding back to him now, as he sat in the noisy supermarket, the intercom blaring in the background.
His grandfather chuckled. Odd that it took a fantasy to bring him back to reality. He mentally told his grandfather it was not a convenient time to come calling.
“This is what I meant, my little Ch’al grandson. You know what you must do.”
What?
Wilson bounced up to the three of them with Jeffrey in tow. They held four grocery bags between them. Luci nodded. “Hello, Wilson.” Then she looked up at Jeffrey whose face showed confusion.
“Luci, this is my teammate from the Navy, Jeffrey Parker.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said, then turned her gaze back on Danny. She was enjoying the moment way more than Danny was. “I’d heard you joined the Navy like your cousin.” Her eyes flashed up a smile in Wilson’s direction. His cousin moved behind her back, as if looking at the baby’s face. He shrugged his shoulders and widened his eyes like a crazy storyteller shaman he’d seen on TV.
Everyone was waiting for Danny to say something. He’d rather jump out of an airplane at thirteen thousand feet without a parachute than say what he knew he was going to have to say. As if his grandfather put the words into his mouth, he gulped in air and said, “This is my son.”
His grandfather squealed laughter and started singing with the chanters. He could see them in long robes, the feathers making a spiked row up over their heads. Eagle feathers, not able to be used by anyone but his people.
He mumbled something he remembered as a child, a song he’d been sung or a verse Grandfather had whispered in his ear. Wilson heard him say the words. His arms remained crossed as he scowled. Jeffrey was scanning the steady passage of customers in and out the front doors. He jumped as the squeal of the espresso machines also took up the chanting chorus.
Luci rocked back and forth with Griffin still on her shoulder, in perfect cadence with the chanting as if the music was in her too.
And then everything stopped. He was going to say something in English but his grandfather interrupted him with a giggle. “Grandson! You remembered the words of our tongue! But you got it wrong. You quoted what our own Senator Lopez told us that day during our awards ceremony.”
Danny knew he didn’t want to hear the rest. Fuck. He’d gone and fucked up his sacred moment.
Grandfather continued, “You just said, ‘Give back the sheep’.”
Chapter Fourteen
‡
Luci was grateful Danny put his plans on hold to spend a little time with her and the baby. They sat in silence as she drove Danny back to her house. She saw her mother’s car in the driveway and knew there’d be a house full of women to outnumber Danny, and she knew it wouldn’t be fair to put that much pressure on him.
He was around the back of the car and had opened the baby’s door before she could unstrap and exit the driver’s seat. She leaned in front of Danny, her arm grazing against his rock hard chest, the scent of him making her dizzy. She heard him inhale her perfume. The dance to intimacy had begun, as much as she’d told herself if she ever saw him again, she wouldn’t allow herself to throw her body at his feet. This wasn’t what she was doing. But the sight and smell of him was more than she could tolerate.
Holding Griffin, with his fresh baby smell and little pudgy cooing, seemed to be so natural, like she’d been doing it for years not just mere months. Danny was attentive, retrieving the large diaper bag from the floor of the second seat, asking her nervously if she needed anything else from the car. It was not the reunion she’d envisioned, but it was something that felt right all the same.
Before she opened the front door, she heard voices inside. Men’s voices. She heard the voice of her Uncle Corwin.
Turning to Danny, she whispered, “My uncle. He’s required to stay at least a thousand feet from this house, from any of us.”
“Why?”
“Trust me, Danny. Him being here is not a good sign at all. He’s violating every stipulation in his parole.”
“Okay, get behind me, Luci. Or, better yet, take Griffin and go some place safe. Go get the police.”
“Good idea.”
But before she could make it to the car’s rear door to place the baby back in the car seat, the front door opened and Uncle Corwin barked a demand. “Get your ass back here, missy.” As an afterthought, Corwin examined Danny, who towered over him by at least five inches.
“Who the hel
l are you?”
Danny was quick. He pulled Corwin’s arm behind his back and lifted up, causing her uncle to cry out. She had just placed Griffin back in the car seat when she heard the click of a gun and saw someone had come up behind Danny and was pointing it at the back of his head.
Danny let go of Corwin and was pushed into the house, followed by a many-inked guy in a stained wife-beater tee. This left Corwin leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and in considerable pain. He was rubbing his elbow and shoulder joints. His quick perusal made her want to take a shower.
“Well, aren’t you the little mama now, missy.” He rolled his neck and Luci heard a loud crack. She hesitated.
“I said get your ass in here right now!” Corwin snarled.
Luci swore under her breath, considering whether or not she could make a run for it. She had decided to go for it when she heard Corwin.
“I’m not saying it again. Your boyfriend is gonna be missing some brains in a second if you don’t get yourself inside this house – right now!”
She made a mental amends to Griffin, who was alert and stirring. Perhaps he sensed her tenseness. She gathered him up in her arms and hugged him to her chest, placing a palm at the back of his head.
The closer she got to Corwin, the more dangerous he looked. One eye had the remnants of a shiner and was still bloodshot. He was missing one of his front teeth on the right, and he had fuzzy tats halfway up his neck and on all fingers. Just under his left eye there was a small design of a lightning bolt.
She gave him the widest berth she could as she slipped past him into her mother’s house. The stench of sweat and alcohol stung her nostrils. Corwin was an angrier, slimmer version of who he’d been when he went into prison.
The scene inside the house was pure chaos. Sarah was in tears, sitting next to her mother on the couch. Zelda appeared to be in shock, but Luci was relieved to see the two women holding hands. Maybe, just maybe, if they could survive the next few minutes, or hours, or however long it was going to take to bring everything to a head, maybe there was a chance for her little family.
Danny was sitting in her mother’s rocking chair, being duct taped to it. His captor had tucked the gun into the back of his pants and another gun lay on the coffee table amid the little gathering. She recognized it as a SigSauer, and Luci knew it either belonged to her uncle or to Danny. Without Griffin, she’d have made a play for it and would be willing to risk her life. But that was out of the question now. The stakes were too high.
She remembered she had slipped her cell phone into her diaper bag. Bouncing Griffin, she reached into it and brought out a burping towel with the cell tucked inside. Using the flannel material to wipe up an invisible burp up off Griffin’s chin, her thumb clicked the ringer on the phone to silent. Then she firmly pushed down the divot in the bottom of the cell, bringing the screen to life. Still moving quickly, she dialed 911 and then tucked the phone into Griffin’s tee shirt at the back. She heard the faint answer from an operator and prayed Corwin didn’t.
But Danny’s head whipped up and he stared at her.
The baby registered the cold plastic surface against the warm skin of his back and started to cry.
“He’s hungry.”
“So feed him,” Corwin said as he slithered his way across the living room toward her.
Careful not to expose any more of her breast than she needed to, she held little Griffin to her nipple and immediately felt the let down of her milk and a slight relaxation of the tension she’d been carrying in her body.
“Ahhh. Isn’t that beautiful, Luci,” Corwin said as he looked at the baby nurse. “He’s so soft—”
He’d started to reach out to touch her, but she jerked the baby away by turning and earned a slap across the cheek for it, startling Griffin, who began to wail.
“Corwin, you asshole!” Luci’s mother shouted. “Get your fucking hands off my daughter and grandson.”
Corwin didn’t pay any attention. She could see the wheels turning in his head as he watched the nursing. He fisted and unfisted his palms. Luci calculated what it would take to toss Griffin to her mother and decided if Corwin went for her, she’d do it.
All of a sudden, Danny stood up, toppling his captor and taking the entire rocking chair with him. He took one step toward Corwin and landed a kick in the man’s kneecap. The whole room heard a snap as her uncle’s leg hyperextended backward and he fell to the ground in pain. The accomplice reached for a knife tucked under his shirt, but Danny head-butted him, sending him flying backward. The knife fell at Luci’s feet. Her mother scrambled to retrieve it, but Luci shoved Griffin into her mother’s arms. In a flash, she picked up the gun, knowing it had no safety, praying that there was a round in the chamber, and held it out toward Corwin in a two-handed stance, like she’d been taught.
She heard the whisper at her side. “Well done, my princess,” Danny’s calm voice washed over her. She dared not look at him. Adrenaline was pumping so fast she was worried she’d discharge the weapon by accident. “Sarah, get him untied.”
Corwin’s helper had started to scramble to his feet, blood trickling down his forehead from the head-butting.
Luci trained the weapon on his chest. “Don’t even think about it. I don’t need much of an excuse to shoot you, and trust me, I will.”
Chapter Fifteen
‡
The lights were flashing all around them, the dusty street looking like a police and fire rally yet Danny was blinded by the bravery and cool confidence of the woman who had borne his child. She held the baby in her arms, patting his back while she answered questions, looked at pictures, and checked on her little sister. The whole incident had happened quickly, like it was supposed to happen, like what they’d been taught in SEAL training. He never expected to find such admiration for a woman. She’d said nothing to him about why she didn’t try to contact him when she learned she was pregnant. She’d borne the burden quietly, making the very best decisions out of a bad situation.
Several times she’d caught him looking at her. He liked the way her hair draped over the back of her shoulder when she pulled it aside so it wouldn’t fall on Griffin. Like his, her hair was heavy, containing a second layer beneath the heavy outer layer which had served his people for generations, protecting the head and body from the elements they lived in.
He admired her slender frame, her long legs, and the simple, white ruffled top she wore over her jeans that couldn’t hide her round bottom. He loved how her light tan skin contrasted with the bright white cotton. Her dark eyes took in everyone and everything, and she still had time to coo and play with the baby. His baby.
The only part of her that was flashy was her turquoise cowboy boots with the red lizard trim. The pattern was stitched intricately, but someone had painted flowers in bright colors at the toes and up the outside edge where they hugged her calves.
See me.
The air was thick with the connection he felt for her as if a wedding blanket had been draped over them both. He thought about making love to her by moonlight on the banks of a babbling stream, the lights from the stars present in her eyes. His lovemaking would make her cry, like it did the first time. He knew what that was. She didn’t have to tell him.
See me, Luci, he willed in his mind again. Do you know how much I want to hold you in my arms? Can you feel the vibration the singers are bringing to you? It’s a message, my love.
And just as his ancestors had given him the gift of his heritage, he was granted the gift of her attention, for she turned slowly, at first looking at him from the corner of her eye. She bent her head down, not because she was shy, as someone outside the community might misunderstand. She bent her head to acknowledge the deep rumble in her own belly. He knew that was the case.
Her neck was long as she peered over her shoulder, one breast pushed up, as she nursed his young son. Just as she was giving her body to the child for strength, he knew that some night very soon, she’d give her body up to him again.
Like the night they’d made Griffin.
And all would be right with the world.
Lucy had gone to the hospital to be with her mother and Sarah. He spent the rest of the night with Jeffrey and Wilson and the three of them hadn’t slept more than an hour, they were so pumped up.
The crowd of rescue vehicles and the curious onlookers had dissipated. He felt like a boy of fifteen again with a new crush, filled with emotions he was deliciously enjoying, but unable to categorize or manage. So he let them run free. He found it difficult to speak.
He was filled with anticipation as he saw her again at first morning’s light. She’d worn another white smock, but this time adorned it with a silver and turquoise belt that gathered the white material in a flair over her hips. Her light blue denim skirt had been adorned with beadwork he knew to be hand done.
Jeffrey had watched their gazes toward each other, and he’d caught his SEAL buddy whispering things to Wilson. Luci’s mother was still in the hospital. That left Sarah in the company of Wilson and Jeffrey, something Sarah was enjoying immensely. Jeffrey acted the perfect gentleman, bringing her water, smiling down at her, and patting the top of her head as if he was her big brother. Wilson had stopped swearing. Danny felt a balance had returned to his world at last. Less than twenty-four hours ago he’d learned he was a father. He also nearly lost it all within that same stretch of time. Now equilibrium was returning. A new future was blooming right in front of him.
The three of them watched TV, Sarah sitting proudly between the two Navy men. It seemed important to resume something of a normal routine after a day of such high emotions.
Except Danny welcomed the emotions. They were elixirs and concoctions he felt could heal him. Part of his spirit was expanding, and he could see things he hadn’t noticed before. Little things like the sweet peas along Luci’s back fence he remembered from his own grandmother’s garden. The little blue lizards that hid whenever he walked in her backyard. He saw the streaks of pinkish clouds in the now-fading afternoon sun. The warm rosy hue of the soil contrasted with the bright blue of the sky in this land of the changing woman, his people, his land. The colors were more vivid than he’d remembered.
