by Mj Fields
They cleaned, and with each new song, he shook his head and smiled at her; Respect by Aretha, Hate Everything About You, by Ugly kid Joe, I Hate Men by Cole Porter, Love Song by Tesla, Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam.
Tessa forced a smile. ���You happy now?���
���Not yet. I added a couple for you, just in case you ever wanted to hate that jerk even longer.��� Pearl Jam���s Black played, and she sang along with it. ���Good Song,��� she said. ���A little dark, though.���
���Black actually,��� he grinned, raising his eyebrows.
The next song was Hate Me by Blue October.
She smiled. ���I like that song. I don���t think I���ve ever heard it before.���
���One of my favorites right now,��� he jumped down from the ladder. ���Loft is finished TT.��� He snapped her in the butt with a towel. ���You���re slacking.���
She laughed.
Far Behind by Candlebox played. She listened and scrubbed the walls by the fireplace that were caked black with soot. She heard him singing and smiled.
The music stopped.
���Did you like them?��� he asked.
She nodded.
���I���m hungry, are you?��� She shook her head. ���You haven���t eaten shit in two weeks, Tessa.���
���I haven���t been playing sports. I don���t need as much,��� she said, defending herself.
���Okay, as your friend, I am telling you that you���ve lost weight. Before you know it, those are going to disappear.��� He pointed to her boobs and she slapped his hand. They laughed. ���Come eat lunch with me,��� he asked. ���Please?��� He gave her puppy dog eyes and stuck put his lower lip.
���Fine.���
He grinned and held the door open for her.
She jumped in the SUV and he got in and buckled. He stared at her.
���What?��� she asked.
���Buckle up, baby,��� he said. She rolled her eyes. ���Sorry. Buckle up, TT.���
* * *
They drove to town and stopped at the pizza place. He ordered for both of them, brought her milk, and opened it and put a straw in it.
���Does the body good.��� He winked.
He brought back a large chicken salad sub and two slices of cheese pizza. He put a plate in front of her and half the sub. She took a deep breath. She really had not eaten much in the past couple weeks and she knew she couldn���t eat all that.
���Tessa, just eat what you can,��� he whispered.
She took a bite. It tasted good. She smiled and chewed obnoxiously while he watched her.
He laughed. ���Is it okay?���
���It���s good, thank you.��� She ate half of it and sat back and finished her milk. She watched him eat, and he crossed his eyes, she smirked and got up and went to the counter.
���Hey, can I get some paper to wrap the food up, and a bag, please?���
���Anything else you want, Tessa? My number maybe?��� Matt winked. She shook her head. ���One of these days you���re going to accept and make me the happiest boy in the world,��� he said.
���Don���t plan on it,��� she laughed.
She walked back to the table. Lucas was glaring at the kid behind the counter. ���Who is that?���
���The boy I���m going to give myself to first,��� she whispered. He turned toward her and scowled.
���Not funny, Tessa,��� he said.
���You���re my friend, right? So maybe we should be able to talk about stuff like this. What do you think?���
���I think no,��� he said.
She was still laughing when they got to the car.
���What?��� he asked. He buckled the seat belt and waited for her to.
She looked at him. ���What to you?���
He reached over, grabbed her seat belt, and buckled it.
���You���re a little obsessed with my seat belt.���
���You���re the one who wakes me up screaming every night after that dream you have,��� Lucas said, looking away.
���I haven���t had that dream in a couple weeks.���
���You���ve had it every night,��� he looked serious.
���Oh, I didn���t know,��� she said quietly.
���The first night I left it alone, and the next day Kendall asked me why I didn���t help you anymore. She looked at me like she was pissed ��� you know, a lot like you do most of the time.��� He smiled. ���So I���ve come in every night at about 2:30 in the morning. You really don���t remember this?���
���No,��� she said quietly.
���Well, we have had some fantastic conversations.���
���Like what?��� she asked.
���I���ll never tell.��� He raised his eyebrow.
���That���s not fair.��� She looked away from him.
���No, what���s not fair is the things you say and ask me to do to you while you���re sleeping,��� he laughed.
���Like what,��� she gasped.
���You getting mad, TT?��� he asked. She narrowed her eyes at him. ���Let���s just say you���re in safe hands, even when I have to pull them away from your body as you ask me to, well, you are an absolute dream in your sleep.���
���Has anything happened?��� she asked softly.
���No, baby. I would prefer you coherent, but my hands have been very close to your heart for many nights, and you won���t let them go,��� he said softly. ���You also say some pretty sweet things in your sleep.���
���Hey, Lucas?��� she swallowed hard.
���Yes, Tessa,��� he responded.
���I���m very embarrassed, but thank you. Do I talk about what���s bugging me?���
���Just four people in an accident, that���s all you���ve said besides you love me. And you make me promise to be safe,��� he said softly.
���Every night?���
���Every. Single. Night.���
���How long does it last?���
���Until I hold you, kiss you, and you fall asleep,��� he said.
���So when do you leave my room?���
���When I wake up an hour or so later,��� he said softly.
���I���m sorry,��� she said. ���Can you do me a favor?���
���Anything,��� he said.
���Can you wake me up next time?���
���If I have to.���
���Thank you.���
She remembered some of the dreams about the accidents, and the erotic ones about him. She blushed and was quiet.
���Tessa, that���s all okay?��� he said reassuringly.
���You sure?���
Lucas nodded.
���So you���re not playing basketball?��� he asked changing the subject.
���Nope, the musical.���
���So that���s where you go every night?��� He laughed, as if he didn���t know that already, ���Evita.���
���That���s me,��� she smiled.
���I can���t wait to see you on stage. Who is the lead guy?���
���The pizza boy,��� she said laughing.
He groaned shaking his head. ���No shit?���
���None,��� she laughed.
���Maybe now is a good time for me to give you some advice about boys, since I am your friend and all.���
���Okay, let���s start with the pizza boy,��� she suggested.
���No, that wouldn���t work; he would bore you to death. He���s the exact opposite of me, I mean, of what you need.��� He smiled.
���So what do I need? And do you really want me to meet someone like you?��� she asked.
���That���s two questions and we are not talking about your ex. He pisses me off,��� Lucas chuckled.
���Okay, then what do I need?���
���Well let me see… let���s start with the obvious. Someone who like���s sports, you are competitive and would be very bored with a science geek or a boy who sings and dances on stage as a way to meet girls. You need someone who is fit, because you apparently like boys that are in shape.���
���Oh, yeah? What makes you think that?��� she asked, smiling.
���There���s only three guys I have seen you look at twice; that LL guy, he���s smoking hot. GI Joe, although he���s way too old for you. And that Ben character,��� he said. ���However, if you can kick his ass at archery, you would easily tire of him.��� Tessa giggled and he continued. ���Someone who likes music and can move.��� He grinned. ���They have to be intelligent. Someone who is funny. Your laugh Tessa should never be stopped, it���s infectious. It has to be someone who shares your values and loves family. Someone to let you explore who you are and when you���re ready and sober, to explore them. They have to love to talk or at least love you enough to listen. They need to enjoy every part of you. From your perfect face, flawless skin, tight body, eyes they could sink into forever and perfect hair that just begs their hands to touch it, to your wit and voice and even your little tantrums. If they don���t crave you every second of everyday, they don���t deserve you. If they succeed in life and they don���t search for you to share that with them, they don���t deserve you. If they don���t need you by their side during every part of life, they don���t deserve you. If when they fuck up they don���t love you enough to let you go, they don���t deserve you.��� He looked at her like she was the only thing on the planet that mattered. His eyes burned through her, and she finally breathed.
Every part of her wanted him. How the hell is that possible, she thought. She was breathing harder and faster. She wanted to kiss him and never stop. She clenched her jaw and finally looked away. He started the car and reversed, but Sadi had pulled up behind him. She got out of the car and started hitting his window.
���What���s going on?��� Sadi asked Lucas.
���Holy buzz kill,��� Tessa let out.
He smirked at Tessa. ���Just had lunch with my friend, Tessa. You two have met, right?��� he asked coldly.
���So does she know?��� she asked again.
���She knows everything, absolutely everything,��� Lucas said.
���He���s having a baby with me, farm girl,��� she yelled.
Tessa leaned forward and smiled. ���I am well aware of it, Sadi.���
���What the fuck do you think you���re doing with him?��� she yelled.
���He just told; you we had lunch, we���re friends. Do you understand that? Shit, Sadi��� I was hoping you and I could be buddies, with all that crying you did on my shoulder and the shocking confessional and all. I really was hoping we could all hang out sometime. Oh, and I was hoping for an invite to the baby shower.��� She sat back, trying her best to hold it together.
���Fuck you, white trash. I wouldn���t invite you to a rock fight,��� Sadi yelled.
���Hey Sadi, do you have any parenting books? You should know that all this stress is not good for your baby,��� Tessa was getting angry now. ���So if you give a fuck about that little life growing in your belly, you may try to get into a yoga class or something to teach you how to relax. Lucas and I are friends. I plan to stay that way, and you need to accept it. I���m not like you; you have nothing to worry about. He will be a good dad if you don���t drive him over the edge, so just leave us the fuck alone.���
���Tessa,��� Lucas whispered, ���don���t waste your breath.���
���Lay with pigs Lucas, and you���ll start smelling like them,��� Sadi yelled.
���I think that���s bullshit. He doesn���t smell like a crazy ass whore,��� Tessa screamed and started to open the door.
Lucas reached across Tessa and held her in the car. ���Sadi, move your car now.���
They sat in his SUV while Sadi peeled out of the parking spot.
Lucas looked at Tessa. He hated the constant pain he caused her. He certainly didn���t deserve her. How could he?
���You okay, Tessa?��� he asked quietly as he backed out.
���Fuck, no!��� she yelled. ���Who the fuck is she? The farm girl remarks were already getting old and now white trash?���
���I���m sorry she makes you feel bad, and I���m sorry I brought you into this mess,��� he held her hand. ���This is okay, right? I���m trying to comfort you now.���
���Yes, as a matter a fact, why don���t you go pull in her front lawn so I can fuck you on the hood of your car until your eyes pop out. That stupid bitch can watch.��� She looked down, shocked at her behavior.
���Will that make you feel better?��� he asked, trying not to laugh.
Tessa looked at him and let out a breath. They both laughed. ���I mean, Tessa anything I can do to help, I will, but could you stop right before my eyes pop out?��� he asked. ���Please, cause I really would love to watch your face when you������
She interrupted him. ���Where are we going?���
���I am only doing what I was asked.��� He smiled. ���Now try to calm yourself. Here, pick some music,��� he said, handing her his iPod.
She leaned back and cranked up Steve Miller. ���Nice, Lucas,��� she said admiring his music. She closed her eyes and sang along.
She opened her eyes as they pulled into his house. ���I will be right back. I need to grab a few things.���
���Do you need help?���
���No, thank you. We are friends and all, but I don���t think I need you in my bedroom unsupervised. I don���t think I could trust myself,��� Lucas said seriously.
He came out with a brief case.
���What���s this?���
���Banking stuff and bills.��� He headed in the opposite direction than they needed to go.
���Where are we going now?���
���Do you have plans?��� Tessa shook her head. ���Good, can we go grocery shopping together?���
���Sure, I guess.���
���Okay, I want you to check out the third house on the left, up here,��� Lucas pointed.
She looked and saw a tiny white ranch with a small garage attached to it. It sat on about a quarter acre. ���Okay, why?���
���That���s Sadi���s house,��� Lucas said. ���She lives there with her mother and younger brother. Her mom works two crap jobs to be able to pay the mortgage and provide for her very spoiled, expectant child. Sadi is mean as shit to her. Should I turn around and park on the front lawn?��� he asked, grinning.
���She lives close to you,��� Tessa said, feeling a bit jealous.
���Yes, she does. I used to pick her up for school every morning and she blew me
all the way there,��� he said quietly.
���Wow, TMI.���
���No, Tessa that was honesty, the basis of our relationship. Sadi���s not nice, funny, kind, or caring. I was always with her for sex, and companionship, I suppose. When she got pregnant after missing her pills ��� the ones I took her to get every month ��� I knew I wanted more than that for my child. She was pissed because she would have responsibilities. She hit me a few times, and I got sick of her shit. I tried to love her��� well, the best I knew how, and she just whined and took pity on herself. It got old. We broke up, I called the girls, she drove by and saw Jamie���s car and walked in on our um��� party,��� Lucas said. ���The rest you already know. My point here was not to tell you all that but to show you; you have absolutely no reason to get upset when she makes the farm girl cracks. Alright? She has nothing on you. Nothing.���
���You���re beautiful,��� she said and immediately wanted to take it back.
���And you ,Tessa Ross, made me that way in less than three months. The day I saw you getting out of the pond, the very first time, I knew I wanted you. The way you seemed annoyed with me was not a reaction I ever got from any girl, which made me want you more. And then when I saw you at the farm, I offered to do hay just so I could see you. I truly saw who you were and I believe that day was the day I knew I loved you.��� Lucas smiled at her. ���So now with all this, I know what I have to do for my child. I have to try to figure it all out and make life okay for that little life so that he or she can someday hopefully be half as perfect as you. And that means I lose what I want more than anything in this world.���
Tessa was numb again, then she felt the lump in her throat and she asked him to pull over and he did. ���You okay?���
���No!��� she yelled. ���I am not okay. I am crushed and I am even more in love with you now than ever. I just want to scream and cry and I don���t know��� I need this pain to go away, Lucas. I love you and it hurts so bad to love you.���
He had tears in his eyes as he watched her struggle. ���I can make it easier for you. I can make you hate me,��� he said. ���I���m good at that.���
