by Mj Fields
���Is it him?���
���Yes,��� he hugged her.
���Let me go Lucas,��� she pulled away frantically.
���I���ll go with you,��� he said holding her as she tried to run.
Chewy was panting slow, shallow breaths.
���Hey Chewy, you shouldn���t have run off,��� she dropped to her knees and pet him.
She saw blood coming from his mouth.
Tessa looked at Lucas, ���Call Alex and ask him what to do.���
The couple in the car stood silently.
���It���s not your fault,��� Tessa held his head on her lap, ���He���s a stubborn boy.���
They left and Tessa and Lucas lifted him on a blanket and loaded him in the back of the SUV. Alex was waiting outside when they pulled into the driveway of the farmhouse. Alex opened the hatch as soon as Lucas stopped. Tessa was holding Chewy. He was taking his last breaths, and Alex looked at Tessa.
���Can you help him?��� Tessa wiped her face.
���Tessa, no one could right now,��� Alex pet him behind the ear.
Lucas walked back over, ���I���m so sorry.���
Chewy whimpered and tried to lift his head.
���Get in here he wants you,��� she said sternly.
���I don���t know what to do.���
���Pet him ��� talk to him,��� she said and scooted over, ���Right here.���
She took his hand and put it on Chewy.
���Sorry Chewy, I should have listened to your Momma,��� Lucas kissed his head.
���And your Momma should not have let you out of her sight.���
They sat next to each other and pet him, and within minutes he was gone. They hugged, and Tessa cried. Alex helped Lucas carry him into the barn until they could bury him the next day. Tessa sat and pet him.
���Can I stay?��� Lucas asked.
���Yeah,��� Tessa wiped her face.
He grabbed a sweatshirt and put it over her head, she remembered the first time he had done that. It still felt the same and smelled the same. He leaned on a bale of hay, and she fell asleep on his lap with her hand on Chewy. He watched her sleep feeling accountable.
In the early morning, Lucas woke to Tessa crying
He hugged her, as she wiped her face, ���Good morning.���
���Good morning, are you okay?���
���No, this kind of sucks and I feel like it���s my fault,��� she took a deep breath.
���How is this your fault?���
���If I never went there, I would���ve never known,��� she looked at him.
���Tessa it wasn���t your fault,��� Lucas looked at Tessa. ���Why do you do that? I did this. I fucked up everything.���
���I knew better from the start I needed you, I knew who you were, and I loved you, but more so, I needed you at that moment in my life. I���m just as guilty if not more so I needed you, no matter what happened I feel like I made sure you needed me to. I���m as fucked up and nasty as you ever thought of being.��� Tessa laughed softly. ���Lucas Links you���re off the hook now, that was a total moment of self- realization.���
���No, not actually.���
She laughed ���Yes Lucas, don���t you see? When did you tell me you fell in love with me? Wasn���t it when you saw me with my family?���
���No, Tessa I don���t think it was that it was���.��� he started.
���It was exactly that, and that was what you were missing, not a piece of ass. We are going to be fine��� she hugged him. ���You are going to kick ass in San Francisco, and I���m going to become a practitioner, did I tell you I started classes online through SU?���
���You���re going a hundred miles an hour and I���m having a hard time keeping up.���
���Shall I slow it down for you?��� she laughed. ���We were supposed to be in each other���s lives Lucas. We both desperately needed each other at the exact moment we met. But we should have stopped when it hurt, we could have been friends��� we like each other. If I had let go you would have never been tricked by Sadi, you would have never had been in Syracuse and Tommy. You should hate me Lucas. ���
���I can���t believe what is coming out of your mouth right now.��� Lucas���s eyes showed confusion and hurt. ���If none of that happened I would���ve never known real love. My Dad wouldn���t have been with Audrianna, I wouldn���t know my sister���s. My Mom would be a mess still. I wouldn���t have gotten this far in football. Ryan and Jade and all those kids wouldn���t have happened. Tessa��� you need to stop. You���re scaring me.���
���Lucas you’re scared because you know I���m right, come here please and sit down.��� He did.��� We met for a reason and all the voids were filled. Things don���t happen by chance, there���s a verse on it. Psalms 139:13- 16.���
���Tessa that���s your thing��� it means nothing to me its just words baby.���
���Then I failed you again. Lucas I remember those verses those beautiful words are etched in my heart forever. I���m sorry Lucas��� she hugged him.
He pulled away and looked at her.
���This was already written all of it. We just changed it, we screwed up. Don���t get me wrong it was a lot of fun, and I love you but we served each other���s purpose, and he has given us plenty of reason and warnings to stop this, look at our dog.��� She laughed, ���What more do we need?���
���I���m going to get Alex, so we can bury our dog and maybe a freaking priest for your crazy ass head,��� he messed up her hair.
She sat back, and pet Chewy and cried. Lucas and Alex walked into the barn.
���See she was laughing, and reciting verses a minute ago now she is crying, she needs some help.���
He reached out his hand and pulled her up and looked at her like she was crazy. Alex drove up with the tractor, and they lifted Chewy in the bucket. Tessa sat with him and pet him and talked to him the whole time. Alex and Lucas sat in the tractor and Lucas just shook his head as he looked at her.
The whole family came down, and Tessa started ���Yay though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death.���
They all joined in and Tessa looked at Lucas, and he rolled his eyes and she grabbed his hand and smiled. When they finished, they left Lucas and Tessa alone down by the woods.
���You look happy again.���
���Oh, that can switch in 2.2 seconds��� she smiled. ���But I know you are going to be okay, and I know I will be too.���
���I wish I knew that, so if God was up there writing a book about my life, what happened did he wake up on the wrong side of the thrown or maybe have a bad beard day? I mean this is what he really wanted for me because if so I don���t want any part of him,��� Lucas looked down at the ground and she knew he was searching.
���Oh, my beautiful boy��� she hugged him, she put her forehead to his, ���he gave us free will, we make the choices, and we screw it up. Life isn���t easy until we follow the path he has written��� she said, and he kissed her lightly.
���Did he know I was going to do that?���
���Yep and he knows you���re an athlete, but more important than that your very smart and love to help people. If you continue using the gifts he gave you, you will be perfectly fine and happy.��� She quickly kissed him back and let go of him.
He grabbed her and pulled her
against him, and she felt him against her belly and gasped. ���He knows I am good at this too, it���s a gift right?���
Tessa closed her eyes and pulled away.
���Yes it certainly is,��� she started to walk away. ���Come on Lucas.���
���So you���re going to let one of my God given talents go to waste?��� he laughed and then froze when he looked at her, ���Why are you crying?���
���That was never for me, but if you try to listen to him and follow that path whoever you marry is going to have a very full happy life and I���m human and desperately want you and you���re not mine to have.���
He smiled and hugged her, ���Get through it whatever way you need to Tessa, it will be you when it���s the right time.���
���Lucas I don���t think it is.���
���Okay, don���t cry please��� he hugged her, ���And don���t give up on me, or us, please.���
���Sorry.���
���So I need to find Jesus,��� the corner of his mouth curled up and they both laughed.
���You need him to help you find you,��� she grabbed his arms and put them around her and kissed his cheek. ���You���ve got a good start, it shouldn���t be all that hard.���
���There are certain words you should not say to me.���
���What word?��� she laughed and let go of him.
���Hard,��� she slugged him in the arm.
They walked in the house hand in hand laughing. John looked sternly at him.
���It���s not like that John, she���s going to make me find Jesus,��� they both laughed.
���Well Amen,��� Maggie said.
���Can I see you again before I leave?��� he asked.
���Maybe,��� she hugged him.
Lucas reluctantly let go when he felt John���s eyes boring into him, ���Goodbye,��� he smiled and walked out the door.
���Lucas,��� Maggie yelled out the window. ���Tessa is working today and tonight, but if you���d like to come to dinner you’re more than welcome to.���
���Thank you,��� he said, ���But I think I���m going to see my Mom tonight.���
���Okay son, have a good time.���
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Lucas went to see his mother who he knew was worried. She saw him and smiled.
���Mom I���m fine and Tessa is fine, we���re not fighting or have any need to try to hurt each other, we just need to find who we are before we work towards being whoever her God thinks we should be,��� he laughed.
���You���re going to church Lucas?��� Kate smiled.
���No mom I���m going to find Jesus,��� he said and laughed out loud.
* * *
Tessa worked for nine days straight she was physically exhausted but needed be emotionally as well. She ran for five miles and was almost home when she heard a car slow behind her, she turned to look, and it was Lucas.
���That ass is shrinking, too small girl,��� Lucas pulled over and smiled at her.
���Hi Lucas,��� she said trying to calm her breathing.
���You want a ride?���
���No, I didn���t come out here to get picked up,��� she laughed.
���Can you come for dinner?���
���Will it be just us?���
���If that���s what you want.���
She missed him, his smile, his voice, and the way his eyes sparkled, him making her forget the pain immediately with just his touch, and that couldn���t happen, not again.
���What I want and what I need are two different things,��� she looked away.
���Okay, so what about tonight?���
���I���m going to help at the fair.���
���Of course, you are,��� Lucas smiled softly at her.
���You can come help.���
���Maybe,��� he looked annoyed causing Tessa to laugh, ���What?���
���Your bottom lip is going to hit your lap,��� she smiled.
���If only that were possible,��� he took a deep breath.
���And on that note I need to go, you first,��� she motioned for him to pull away.
���No, you go ahead,��� Lucas winked.
She scowled at him, ���Fine.���
Tessa started to run he passed her and pulled over about a hundred feet ahead of her.
���Everything okay?��� she stopped when she reached his SUV.
���Yeah, read this,��� he pointed to the mirror.
���Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are,��� she said, ���Yep it���s on all of them.���
���And it���s very true,��� he said and smiled, ���Watching you run Tessa is an experience all in its self.���
She smacked him in the head.
���Ouch,��� he laughed.
���Did you find Jesus yet, Lucas?��� she ran ahead.
���No, but I just saw two perfect reasons to believe,��� he yelled out the window.
Tessa flipped him off.
���That���s not very Christian- like,��� Lucas laughed out the window.
���No, but I���m human!���
* * *
Tessa and Kendall were having a great time at the fair. Phoebe, Jade, and Cassidy were there too. They took a break and danced. Tessa smiled and waved to Adam, and he smiled back. He point at her and the stage and she shook her head no, he smiled and shook his head yes.
���I need my favorite student on stage,��� Adam spoke into the mic.
Tessa walked up and hugged him, ���it���s been awhile.���
He showed her the song, and she shook her head no, the band started playing Don���t Speak by No Doubt.
���You and me, we use to be together, everyday together, always. I really feel like I���m losing my best friend. I can���t believe this could be the end,��� she started. When she saw Lucas and Jose she kind of flubbed through the next part and Adam stood next to her, nudging her and smiled, she continued, ���Our memories, well they can inviting, but some are altogether mighty frightening. As we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands I sit and cry. Don���t speak I know what you���re thinking������
Tessa ended the song fighting impending tears. She looked down, and Adam hugged her. He motioned for his band to play, and he walked off the back of the stage with her. She cried, and he hugged her.
���Not easy, huh Tessa?���
���No, it sucks,��� Tessa forced a laugh.
���You���ll get through it, but you need to stop turning away from what you really want in life and its right in front of you Tessa, you just have to grab it,��� Adam lifted her face and smiled.
���She���s going to be fine and you certainly aren���t what she needs or wants,��� Tessa turned, and Lucas was standing there all sorts of messed up.
���Is this the asshole that broke your heart Tessa?��� Adam glared at Lucas.
���Yeah, but I can fix it, you on the other hand need to step off of what was and will be mine again, ��� Lucas walked towards them.
���Where is Jose?��� Tessa stepped in front of Lucas.
���Tessa move!���
���I don���t think so there, killer,��� Tessa laughed nervously, ���What���re you going t
o do fight him one handed?���
���Cool one- handed, Lucas. I���ll keep one behind my back��� even the field,��� Adam teased.
���Adam you have a little girl!���
���Is that what it is with this tattooed freak, a ready-made family?��� Lucas pushed into her.
���What are you talking about?���
���Is this really why we can���t fix this, this punk ass bitch?���
Adam laughed, ���Did he hit his head a lot last season Tessa?���
���No, Lucas it was because as you told our families, you were balls deep in the bitch in San Francisco the same one you had at our house the day I left. It has nothing to do with Adam or anyone else, but you and I. Haven���t we gone through this already!���
���Tessa he���s an asshole, if you want me to take your mind off him for a couple hours I can squeeze you in, she any good Lucas?��� Adam goading him on.
���That���s it,��� Lucas pushed past Tessa, and she fell down ���Let���s go freak!���
Jose grabbed Lucas and Kendall helped Tessa up.
���Tessa he any good with his mouth? I have a tongue ring��� you���re going to love that,��� Adam laughed.
���Adam stop it! Lucas what are you doing! Does it have to be like this? I quit!��� she ran out from behind the stage and into Phoebe, ���Can you please take me home?���
���Sure can,��� she grabbed her hand, ���Kendall could you tell Alex I will be at the farm?���
���Tessa��� don���t leave,��� Lucas yelled from behind her.
���What did you do now jackass,��� Jade biffed him in the back of his head.
���Seriously what is wrong with you two?��� he rubbed the back of his head and ran to Tessa, ���Baby I���m sorry.���
���Don���t call me that! It doesn���t make me feel good or special. It reminds me of the girl you were screwing when I walked into your fuck pad in San Francisco! It pisses me off! And when will you stop being sorry? Lucas, I hoped better for us, I wanted to be your friend! Adam is my friend nothing nasty and you just made it feel��� dirty,��� Tessa kept walking.
