by Mj Fields
Yet try to make it come clear in the minds desire.
On more drop, one more flash, the sun���s warmth creeps through the blackened hole,
Days to weeks, weeks to months almost a year, not enough for the emptiness in my soul.
The sun finds the clouds have been pushed away,
Seeking and searching for its way to stay.
Shining so hot it enters my breath,
Filling completely the emptiness in a heart near death.
The crack the pain the darkness that follow
Made strong enough to step back and swallow.
The Phoenix to the Sun
Warmth I will seek until it���s all done
Blue turned to Red
Hear all what I���ve said
I am back from the dead.
Blue turned to Red I am back from the dead.
The crowd cheered loudly as Brody looked sternly into the camera and let out a breath and then down. He set his guitar down and finally looked up and smiled and waved to the crowd.
���Thank you,��� he bowed slightly.
���What���s up next for you Brody?��� The woman anchor asked grinning, obviously smitten with him.
���Well I���m going to take a break for a bit.���
���What? We have a tour,��� Oliver gasped.
���You all go ahead, I���m sure Zach willing to fill in, I need to clear my head,��� Brody smiled and walked off stage.
���Brody what the fuck are you doing?��� Lila grabbed his arm.
���Lila, I���m taking off for a bit, to take care of my girls,��� he walked to the car and got in with Clive.
Brody grabbed his phone and sent a text to Emma.
- Em���trust no one, you���re the only one aside from Clive who knows where I���m going. I mean this Emma as much as I mean it when I say I love you Always and Forever. Trust no one. Delete this message���Yours MM
His phone immediately rang and he ignored his call.
Clive���s phone rang and he answered.
���Clive let me talk to him now!��� Emma snapped.
���I���m sorry ma���am I���m unable to���
���I���m on my way to the airport now,��� Emma shouted.
His phone rang.
���Ma���am he won���t be there, it���s important, no one can know,��� Clive said calmly.
���LET ME TALK TO HIM!��� she screamed.
Brody sat in the back listening to her over the speaker.
���Ma���am������ Clive began.
���Don���t ma���am me damn it!��� Emma shouted.
���Emma you need to shut up and calm the fuck down,��� Clive snapped.
���Excuse me?��� Emma gasped.
���Shall I repeat that?��� Clive asked.
���Shall I kick your���Clive put him on the damn phone,��� she growled.
Clive looked in the rear view mirror and Brody smirked.
Clive pushed mute, ���Do you want to fucking handle this?���
���No you���re doing great,��� Brody tried not to laugh, ���Did you hear her growl? Fucking sexy.���
���You���re an asshole,��� Emma���s voice rang through the speaker, ���You have to hold the mute button, how about reading that manual Clive.���
Clive gasped, ���Sorry ma���am.���
���BRODY!��� Emma yelled.
���Yes love,��� he said with a smile in his voice.
���COME HOME NOW!��� She screamed.
���I can���t Em, trust me…just trust me,��� he said softly.
���No���no I don���t,��� Emma began.
���Emma please, kind words and trust. I can���t take it otherwise and I need your strength now������ Brody said softly.
���Then don���t, whatever it is don���t!��� Emma sat and waited.
���Em I���m not going to have my phone but I���ll text often from different lines, you���ll know it���s me. Clive���s going to be unreachable as well. This is going to make things better for all of us. I love you, please don���t argue with me just trust me. I. Love. You.���
* * *
The phone went dead and Emma sat and sobbed.
���Where the hell is he going Emma?��� Lila���s voice came through the phone.
���I have no idea,��� Emma said softly.
���I���m going to go into labor over your asshole husband!��� Lila snapped.
���I���m sorry, Lila please calm down and know there isn���t a damn thing we can do about it,��� Emma whispered.
���I���m sorry are you okay?��� Lila asked.
���I have to be,��� Emma said softly.
Emma called Brody���s phone again, he didn���t answer, ���I know you���ve made up your mind, but I need you Brody. Lexi���s needs you and so does London,��� Emma paused and took several deep breaths, ���I love you more Brody. I love you more.���
Emma hung up the phone and sobbed.
* * *
They pulled into the school to pick up London.
She slowly opened the door, ���Are you mad at him Mom?��� London asked.
���Who honey?��� she asked and smiled.
���Brody. He said you might be mad but he would make it okay like he always does,��� London smiled up at her.
���No not mad,��� Emma smiled and hugged her.
���Disappointed then right?���
���Well I suppose���a little,��� Emma smiled, ���But it���ll be alright.���
���Can we do something fun this weekend?���
���We sure can, what were you thinking?��� Emma smiled.
���The lake,��� London smiled.
Emma took a deep breath, ���Alright, sounds good.���
���Can Daddy come?���
���Yeah, it���s his weekend, if he would like he can come.���
* * *
Troy pulled in and London ran out and hugged him, ���Took you long enough.���
He laughed and picked her up and swung her around.
���Come on Dad,��� she wiggled her way out of his arms.
They walked in the house and London counted to three, ���Happy Birthday!��� Emma and London cheered and Lexi clapped.
���Wow, I didn���t expect this, thank you,��� Troy smiled.
���We made cake Daddy!��� London giggled.
���How about������ Troy began.
���And cookies, your favorite,��� London clapped.
���Mom make them?��� he smiled.
���I helped,��� she put her hands on her hips.
���Wow you made the cake and the cookies?��� Troy winked at Emma.
���And dinner, which by the way is going to get cold,��� London dragged him to the table.
* * *
- Things are taking longer than expected, Always and Forever, soon love���MM
- Take your time I���m at the Lake with the girls and Troy���X
Her phone rang immediately.
���Are you intentionally antagonizing me?��� his voice was harsh.
���Wow, haven���t heard from you in a week and that���s what I get?��� Emma snapped.
���
�And what did you expect!��� he sneered quietly.
���Maybe something along the lines of: ���Hey Em, how���s my daughter?��� ���Hey Em I can���t wait to come home I���ve been doing X Y and Z.��� Or maybe ���Hey Em let���s move along with the divorce because you married an asshole���,��� Emma snapped.
���Are you getting back together with him?��� Brody snarled.
Emma laughed, ���I can promise you I don���t move backward, once my mind���s set its set. Regardless of what else changes, when I���m done I���m done. And Brody right now I���m telling you������
���How���s my daughter, how���s London?��� Brody whispered softly.
Emma let out a breath, ���We celebrated Troy���s birthday tonight, it was London���s idea. On Monday, five days ago Brody, she asked if we could come to the lake with it being Troy���s weekend we invited him. Lexington���s great and happy and causing all sorts of trouble, genetics I guess.���
���Ok, and you Em, how are you?��� Brody asked.
���You don���t get to ask that, and I promise, you don���t want the answer. When will you be back in the States?��� Emma asked.
���I���m not positive yet, there���s a lot going on now Em���But when I come back I will be HOME, do you understand that?���
���I understand that I married someone who gave me hope of something true and real. Who made me believe again, and who doesn���t trust me or believe in me,��� Emma swallowed hard, ���I hope whatever it is your searching for is enough for you, because apparently I���m������
���Em stop, I love you. I trust you, I believe in us. Please let the girls know I love them as well. Goodnight Em,��� and he hung up.
Emma sat a cried into her hands, she wanted to scream but if she did, she would wake them and scare them. She wanted to sleep, it had been a week and she couldn���t stay asleep at night, her heart ached, like it was empty and ready to implode.
���Emma?��� Troy put his hand on her shoulder.
���Sorry,��� she wiped away her tears.
���Don���t be sorry, come here girl,��� Troy sat next to her and held her as she cried.
When she was finished, she sat up. ���Sorry.���
���Hell no ��� don���t be, I owe you this,��� he smiled down at her and kissed her head, ���You want to talk?���
���I don���t know. You tore me apart with all your crap,��� Emma slugged him in the stomach, ���Either he���s a damn good liar or he loves me as much������
���Emma, I know you love him. Go on,��� he smiled.
���I fucking trust him Troy, I don���t feel like he���s out screwing around, but my God, am I going to feel stupid,��� Emma laughed and so did Troy.
���Well if it doesn���t work out you and I could hang out, I already know what stupid feels like, I���ll get you through it, I think I���m an expert,��� Troy laughed.
���I want you to love again Troy, you���re truly the man I knew you could be,��� Emma smiled.
Troy smiled, ���When I do Emma, it���ll be because you taught me how.���
Emma smiled and looked down and swallowed, ���I���m going to head up to bed.���
���You sure Emma, you don���t want the master suite?��� Troy looked confused.
���No, I���m going to sleep with Lexi, she���ll be up early and if I���m really lucky, she���ll snuggle with me for an hour longer so I may get six or seven hours of sleep,��� Emma laughed.
Troy stood up and pulled her up into his arms and hugged her, Emma smiled up at him and went to kiss him on the cheek as Troy tried to kiss hers and their lips met. Neither of them pulled away. Emma let out a breath and hugged him tightly around his neck and grabbed his face and kissed him harder.
���Emma,��� Troy groaned, ���Baby, this isn���t what you want.���
Emma pulled back and looked at him and started to cry.
���Now don���t do that,��� Emma pulled away, ���Stop and sit.���
���No,��� Emma started to walk away.
Troy grabbed her and pulled her onto the couch and smiled, ���Wow.���
Emma hid her face in her hands.
Troy started to laugh, ���It���s not funny Troy.���
���You���re so pissed at him right now,��� Troy said rubbing her back.
���No I���m pissed at you right now,��� Emma said softly.
���Why���s that Emma?��� Troy lifted her chin so their eyes met.
���Because���because you���re right. What the hell did I just do?��� Emma started to cry again.
���Tried to disappear, to stop the shit flying through your head,��� Troy explained.
���Is that why you������ Emma stopped.
���Yes, you took care of everything, spoiled my ass Emma. I took you for granted. He���s doing the same thing and you just���you���re hurt Emma,��� Troy explained
���I���m such a slut,��� Emma whispered and Troy laughed out loud. ���It���s really not funny.���
���You are far from a slut, God Emma ��� you made me wait two years, how long did you make him wait?��� he laughed.
Emma looked up at him and frowned.
���Wow, that bad huh, you can���t even tell me? You ARE a slut,��� Troy looked at her and Emma gasped, ���Baby, I���m just joking.��� Emma���s lip quivered and he hugged her, ���Damn it, I was joking.���
���How did you do it and not feel like a dirty������ Emma stopped.
Troy laughed, ���I numbed it.���
���I���m sorry, I���m really sorry. Please don���t make this change all you have accomplished������ Emma started.
���Shut up Emma,��� Troy smiled, ���We kissed, not even the tongue although I have to say when you grabbed my face…you���ve gotten bold Emma.���
Emma���s face turned red and she whispered, ���Can we talk about something else?���
���Can we forget about it please, for both of us and those little sleeping monkeys up there?��� Troy smiled.
���Thank you,��� Emma smiled softly.
���Again Emma, I owe you.���
���Please you owe me nothing, you gave me London, and a friendship I would never want to lose,��� Emma hugged him.
���I���m going to kiss your cheek, so don���t move,��� he laughed.
CHAPTER NINE
���Unreal,��� Brody flopped back on the bed of the sleazy motel he had been holed up in.
���Everything okay?��� Clive asked as he continued scouring the internet trying to find Brody���s old band mate Max.
���They���re at the lake house, and when I say they I mean the girls, Emma, and Troy,��� Brody let out a deep breath.
���She���ll be fine. She waited months Brody for your ass. Okay ��� now focus, does this woman look familiar?��� Clive asked.
���Looks like Elizabeth, Clive where the fuck is Elizabeth?��� Brody snapped.
���I���ll look into it. But who are those people, that young guy with her?��� Clive wondered aloud.
���I don���t know but, damn it she better leave him the hell alone,��� Brody frowned
.
���So we have a lot of information, and Max isn���t surfacing, do you think we should head back soon?��� Clive asked.
���I want this fucking wrapped up, she isn���t going to put up with much more of this Clive,��� Brody snapped.
Brody opened yet another prepaid disposable phone.
- Should be home in less than a week, hope all three of you are well. Miss you so fucking bad���MM
* * *
Emma read his text and felt sick to her stomach, she had not slept in a week and hated what she had done.
- We need to talk when you get home���
- Your sister, where is she?...MM
- Not about her I…we���ll talk when you get home, I don���t think we can do this anymore���
Emma���s phone rang and she jumped.
���What���s going on Love?��� Brody sounded exhausted.
���No not now, when you get home,��� Emma���s voice broke.
���Em please stay strong,��� his voice was near a whisper.
���I kissed Troy������ Emma clasped her hand over her mouth shocked that she had just blurted that out.
There was silence on the line and Emma began to cry.
She heard him clear his throat, ���Your still there?��� She whispered.
���Yes,��� he said slowly.
���It wasn���t planned, he and I both tried to peck each other on the cheek and well������ Emma whispered.
���Are you going back to him Em?��� Brody said through his teeth.
���No, no it���s just, well, when he pulled away I kissed him again,��� Emma said in a bit of a bolder tone.
���I don���t need this right now Em,��� Brody snapped.
���I don���t either, I just thought maybe you should know,��� Emma snapped back.
���Oh yes, I should know, I should know that my fucking wife doesn���t believe in us. I should know you would rather be with someone like him������ Brody yelled.
���Don���t it wasn���t������ Emma started.
���I don���t want to be here any fucking more! You should keep the girls close until I find out if Elizabeth is here,��� Brody said in an all business tone.
