by Rhonda James
“Here, let me help you,” he offered kindly. I moved aside, allowing him access to the difficult door. “Mine does the same thing, you just need to jiggle it a bit to the right.” After a few seconds, it opened. “See.” He grinned, stepping aside to let me pass. “Goodnight Brooke Caldwell. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.” I laughed softly, pausing a moment to take in his appearance. He was tall, but not as tall as Sebastian. His eyes were blue, but not sapphire, and he had blonde hair. His smile was warm, and he smelled nice, but it wasn’t a scent that I was familiar with. The ache in my heart returned with a vengeance.
“Thanks, Reid. Goodnight.” I closed the door, leaning against it for support. A tear escaped down my cheek and I wiped it away angrily, not ready to let go and allow my emotions to take over. I had nothing to feel guilty about. He was just a man, not someone I was looking to have a relationship with. Besides, I was here alone, it would be nice to make a few friends, maybe it would help the time pass. I dropped my bag on the chair, and headed to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, before going to the bedroom. I grabbed the small pull-string, turning on the bedside lamp, illuminating the lone picture frame beneath it. My eyes settled on the man in the photo, and for the first time since I had landed in London, the need to let go was too strong to suppress.
I cried ugly, allowing the pain to overtake me and break me. For years I had fought to be strong and independent, never relying on the approval of another. It was this thought that made my body tremble in realization. I had become my mother. Just as my mother had placed her career before her family and those that loved her, so had I. Sebastian had loved me, and even though I loved him, I chose to put my dreams before everything else. Even though I still loved my mother, I hated her for her selfishness. I wondered if Sebastian felt the same kind of hate for my selfish choices?
I picked up my phone, deciding that two weeks had been too long. I needed to know if he still wanted me in his life. I sent a text, afraid that if I called he wouldn’t answer.
Me: I never should have walked out that door.
I placed the phone on my chest, my head resting on the pillow. I wasn’t even sure he would respond, but it needed to be said. A few minutes later, my phone chimed.
Sebastian: Ditto.
One simple word. But, it was more than enough.
Me: I’m lost without you. Please tell me you still love me.
Sebastian: I’ll always love you.
Me: I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. It was the biggest mistake of my life. You deserved more.
My phone rang in my hand, and I started crying all over again.
“Hi,” I answered, breathlessly.
“Hi baby. Are you crying?” He asked, tenderly.
“I can’t help it. I finally broke down tonight and I can’t seem to stop. Seeing your name on my phone just started it all over again. I can’t believe I’m hearing your voice. I’ve missed you so much. Why didn’t you call me?”
“I wanted to give you space, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all. I’m sorry I made you cry. But you could have called me.”
“No, you didn’t make me cry; this was my own doing.” I sniffed, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I guess I was too afraid to call, afraid that you wouldn’t speak to me. I discovered something about myself today.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?”
“I’m just like my mother, and I hate that.” I sighed, hating that I had to admit such a repulsive truth.
“No. No honey, you aren’t your mom, she didn’t care about her family, she only cared about herself.” He replied, defensively. He had always taken issue with the way my mother had raised me, or how she failed to raise me. “You have a lot of love in your heart. I’ve never doubted your love for me, Brooke. It wasn’t right for me to want to get in your way. I’m trying to accept that you have two loves in your life, me and your work. I know that you have worked hard for this, and that it was your dream.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, crying again. “I know it was my dream, but why do I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and I can’t wake up? I love being here, what I’m doing, but I don’t love it more than I love you. Everything I achieve feels pointless without you here to share it with me.”
I heard a muffled choking sound on the other end, and then a moment of silence. He sniffed loudly, coming back to the phone. “I think I’m stuck in the same nightmare. What can we do to get out of it?”
“I need to see you. I need to feel you, to kiss you again. I think a bone-crusher is needed,” I laughed, nervously, still uncertain of where things stood between us. “That way, I’ll know we’re okay.”
He laughed heartily, making my heart swell in response. “I'm dying to kiss you again. How soon can you get to Germany?”
A new peace surrounded me after hearing his voice. It was a welcome change to what I had been feeling. Before hanging up, an act that had taken twenty minutes because we couldn’t stop saying I love you, we made arrangements for me to join him in Berlin. They would be staying there a week, performing four shows. I couldn’t believe that I was finally going to see them perform, it was sort of like icing on the cake. I would be there for two nights, and I had every intention of spending one of them in the hotel, in his arms.
The next night I arrived home from the restaurant, energized and eager to meet my neighbors. I quickly showered and changed into jeans and a Paradox T-shirt, pulling my hair into a high ponytail. I left my apartment and made my way to 3B, knocking tentatively upon arriving. The door swung open and I found myself standing face to face with Reid. When he saw me a huge smile spread across his handsome face.
“Brooke! Come in. Hey everyone, this is Brooke, she lives in 2A, across from me.” He announced, happily. Everyone greeted me heartily and I gave a small wave in return, suddenly feeling shy. “Here, come with me.” He squeezed my hand, pulling me through the apartment, until we reached the small bar set up on the kitchen counter. “Name your poison,” he offered, never releasing my hand.
“Um, I’ll just have a glass of wine. White, please.” He let go, and my skin tingled as the blood rushed back to the extremity. “Thank you,” I responded, as I took s sip.
We moved to the living room, where everyone mingled in various positions, some were on the sofa, some chose to stand, while others sat in groups on the floor. I tucked my legs under my body and joined them, Reid filled the space to my left.
“So, how was your night, did you get some sleep?”
“Oh, yeah,” I blushed. “It was a great night.”
“Oh wow, you sure are cute when you blush. Has anyone ever told you that?” His head cocked to the side, and his smile was contagious.
“Um, I may have heard that once or twice,” I replied softly, as my cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson, remembering each time Sebastian had spoken those same words to me, and the effect they still had on me.
“So, Brooke Caldwell, I want to know all about you,” he said, leaning in to make conversation easier.
“Gee, where do I start?” I laughed.
“How ‘bout telling me where you’re from?”
“I’m originally from Michigan.” He didn’t hide his grimace at the mention of his state’s college rival. “But, I moved here from California.”
“Nice. How long were you in California?” His interest suddenly peaked, and he inched closer, making me slightly uncomfortable.
“Not very long, actually. I had just moved there to work at Lardon’s when the owner asked me to transfer here and turn things around at this site.” I answered, shifting ever so slightly to the right.
“Where’d you stay in California? Aren’t they located in L.A.?”
“Yes, but I lived in Santa Monica.” I sighed, suddenly longing to be there again.
He let out a low whistle, and his eyes grew larger. “That’s a pretty pricey area, they must be paying you well.” He guffawed, shaking his head at the same time. “I think I may have picked th
e wrong restaurant owner.”
“I’m afraid not. The pay is pretty average. I was living with someone, my boyfriend, actually.” Reid seemed like a really nice guy, but he also appeared to be interested in me, and I wasn’t looking to reciprocate.
“Oh,” he pulled back slightly, his face showing proof of his disappointment. “Is he still in the picture? You two are pretty far apart if he’s back in L.A.”
“He's very much in the picture, thankfully. I wouldn’t be able to get by without him."
“Sounds like he’s the one.” He nudged me gently. “Isn’t that always the case? The best ones are always taken. I guess we’ll just have to settle for being friends. Unless you get lonely and need companionship.” He winked playfully, and I gasped in shock. “I’m just kidding!” He threw his hands up in defense as I slugged him lightly in the arm.
“Friends.” I declared, with a quick nod of my head.
“So, who’s the lucky guy? Is he a chef as well?”
“No. He’s creative, but not with food.” I chuckled, remembering the last time I’d tried to teach him how to cook, it had been a disaster. “He’s a musician.”
“Of course, all the babes go for musicians. Why is that? Is it the hair and tattoos?” His eyebrows wrinkled together, as if confused.
“More like the lips and piercings,” I muttered. Immediately, my mind drifted back to the first time I'd met Sebastian. I hadn't been able to take my eyes off the piercing on his lower lip. The way he always tugged at it with his teeth when he was nervous or concentrating really hard on something. I smiled to myself, recalling the night he'd kissed me for the first time. He was so nervous, and he kept pulling on the metal. I thought he was going to bite a hole in his lip before he finally worked up the nerve to kiss me.
That had been an amazing kiss. The best first kiss I'd ever had.
“Piercings? No kidding. The lips, now that I can understand, but tell me more about this piercing attraction. Maybe I need to consider it.” His voice pulled me out of the memory playing out in my head. I glanced up and tried to picture him with a viper bite, knowing instantly that it wouldn’t work.
“You could probably pull off a piercing, but only in the ear,” I nudged, playfully. “I don’t know. When I first saw him, in person I mean, the lip piercing did something to me. I found myself wanting to bite it.” I laughed, blushing at the memory.
“There you go again…” He sighed, leaning back against the wall. “You said when you first saw him in person, how had you seen him before?”
“Oh, on posters, cd cases, magazines. Lots of places I guess. He’s pretty famous.” Reid’s eyebrow shot up a notch in response. “He’s Sebastian Miles, you know, from--” I pointed to my shirt.
“Paradox.” He finished my sentence. “It figures.”
“Why do you say that?” I squinted, turning to face him. “Because he’s gorgeous? Talented? Has an amazing voice? Sexy lip piercing? Which is it?” I teased.
“All of the above, and then some. I don’t know, the guy just seems to lead a charmed life. He must have done something right.” His eyes locked with mine, and his gaze penetrated right through me. It was unnerving.
“Listen, I think I better call it a night. I have an early start in the morning.” I moved to stand and his hand reached forward to help me. “Thanks, for everything. It will be nice to have a friend around.”
“Yeah, friends are good. I’ll see you around, friend.” He walked me to the door, leaning casually against the frame as I passed through. “Have a good night Brooke Caldwell.” He winked, before watching me walk away.
“Wow, I’m not sure I can handle too many friends like that.” I mumbled to myself.
CHAPTER TWO
Sebastian~
The crowd was on their feet, as they had been for the past two hours. It was always the same when we performed in Russia, the fans were hardcore. We were spent, it had been a long week, and this was our second night of performing. From here we were headed to Berlin for another week of rehearsals, interviews, and performing, same as every other city we were scheduled to appear, only this stop would be different, Brooke was coming.
After finishing up the final song, we made our way to the dressing room, where another party awaited us. We had just enough time to grab a quick shower before heading into our next round of ‘meet and greet the fans’. We were only two weeks into a five month tour, and I had already grown weary, my mind wasn’t where it should have been.
“Sebastian,” called Davis, our road manager. “Kick ass show, man. Listen, I’ve got someone who wants to meet you.” He turned and put an arm around a tall brunette with the whitest teeth I had ever seen. Seriously, like these were blindingly white. “Say hello to Nadia, she’s a really big fan of yours. I’ll just let you two get acquainted.” He gave Nadia a gentle shove and she crashed into my chest. I grabbed her by the arms to steady her. The sickeningly sweet fragrance of her perfume nearly gave me an instant headache. She was far too close, invading my personal space.
“Whoa, sorry about Davis, he’s still a little rough around the edges,” I laughed, nervously.
“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ve been waiting all night to get close to you. I just never dreamed it would be this close.” She gushed, looking up at me with big brown eyes. Her fingertip traced the crook of my elbow, making its way up to my shoulder. I detected a waft of alcohol on her breath as she spoke. I made a move to back away, but she had other plans, and her arms were suddenly around my neck and her lips were pressed against mine, catching me completely off guard. I caught the flash of a camera and jerked my head in that direction, trying to catch who may have snapped the picture. I had to make sure it never got leaked to the press.
“What the hell, Nadia! That’s not cool.” I peeled her arms away from my neck and turned to leave. “You know, I have a girlfriend, I’m not interested in any hook-ups.” I left her standing there, pouting, and made my way across the crowded room, in search of anyone with a camera or cellphone in their hand, which was practically everyone. Frustrated, I turned to leave, suddenly needing to get away from the chaos.
“Sebastian, wait!” I heard Davis calling after me. I turned to give him hell. “How’d you make out with Nadia?” He slurred, breath reeking of booze.
“Thanks a lot asshole, she kissed me.” I screamed.
“Lucky! I wouldn’t mind some of that action. What are you complaining about, you’re not a married man.”
“Yet. I’m not a married man yet. I have every intention of changing that just as quickly as I can. I have someone in my life, Davis, don’t ever put me in that position again. Are we clear?” As far as I was concerned, he was lucky he still had a job. I was pretty ticked off.
“Okay, okay. No more chicks for Sebastian. More for me I guess.” I shook my head in disgust, hating the fact that I used to be that same guy less than a year ago.
“I’m out of here.” I went in search of Dek, finding him five minutes later, in a quiet room, talking on the phone with Jade. For the first time in my life I found myself jealous of his happiness. Brooke and I hadn’t spoken since the other night, but I remembered what it was like when we used to talk every day. I missed that kind of connection. I missed the texts and the little gifts. Hell, I missed her, period.
“Hey man, sorry to interrupt. Hey Jade!” I yelled into the phone.
“She says hey back. You taking off?” He furrowed his brow.
“Yeah, I need some quiet.”
“I’ll go with you. I can’t take much more of this either.” He wrapped up the call and clapped an arm on my shoulder. “It was a good show.”
“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say we know what we’re doing now.” I laughed, inadvertently referring to our earlier years of touring, and all of the near catastrophes.
“So, who was that chick you were kissing?” He teased, quickly dodging my fist.
“Stupid Davis, I swear that guy is an idiot. He brought that girl over to me knowing what she intended to do
. What an ass.” I kicked at a bucket on the floor, then watched as it bounced off the wall and rolled out into the hallway.
“Don’t worry about it, it looked harmless enough.”
“Yeah, well some jerk snapped a picture, who knows where that will get leaked. Brooke’s going to think I’m out here messing around.” I groaned.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it, she knows that’s not your style, dude. Besides, I don’t think there’s any chance of it being leaked.” He encouraged.
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m the jerk that took it.” He quipped, giving me a jaunty wink.
“That’s a good one. You know you’re going to destroy it, right?” I threatened, but he just laughed. “I’m serious, Dek, delete it, now.”
“Okay, okay, but just look at it before I do. See the look on your face? It’s priceless.” He turned the phone toward me, and I glanced at the image. He was right, it was ridiculous, even if it had been leaked it would have been obvious that I wasn’t a willing participant. “I hope that’s not the look you have on your face when kissing Brooke.” He shook his head, clicking his tongue in mock disappointment.
“Shuddup.” I gave him a shove as we made our way out the door, away from this scene, hopefully toward somewhere that offered some sense of sanity. “Delete it.” I snarled.
Later that night, I was hanging out in my hotel room, mindlessly flipping through the channels, when she texted me.
Brooke: Hi.
Me: Hey baby.
Brooke: How was the concert?
Me: Oh, it was good, pretty much the same as all the others before it. To be honest, it’s starting to get old. I’m just ready to be home. Wow, I sound totally lame don’t I?
