by Rhonda James
“You’re not backing out are you? Sebastian has finally been tolerable, don’t back out, not now sis.” He pleaded desperately.
I laughed, giving him a moment to breathe. “I’m not backing out, I promise. I’m actually here now. I flew in early. I was hoping to surprise Sebastian, but I don’t know what room he’s staying in. Do you know where he is? He doesn’t answer his phone.”
“Well, I know where he is, but I don’t think you’re going to like it very much.” At the sound of his words I am instantly scared, my mind assuming the worst, given that we have been apart for a month.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask, hesitantly. “Is there someone else? Please tell me if there is another woman. I can’t take that kind of surprise Chris.”
“Easy sunshine, there’s no one else. You’re the only one for him, trust me, we all know that.” His declaration calms me, but I am still left wondering what it is that I won’t like.
“So where is he?”
“He and Dek went skydiving.” He blurted out.
“What?” I ask, dumbfounded. I had no idea that Sebastian was that adventurous. I found it odd that he’d never shared this information with me. I suddenly wondered what other secrets we may have inadvertently kept form one another. “Has he ever been before?” My heart was racing a mile a minute, and I felt beads of perspiration forming on my forehead.
“Oh yeah, for awhile there he and Dek were major thrill seekers. They’ve done a lot of stupid stunts in their time, but nothing since the accident two years ago.” His voice softened at the mention of the accident. So, Sebastian had been one for pushing limits, risking his life for a thrill. It appears that the accident may have taken one life and saved another. It frightened me to think that he would risk injury or death again, after what we were trying to rebuild.
“When do you think they’ll return?” I asked, trying my best to remain calm, though my hands were visibly shaking.
“Are you okay? You sound scared. I’m sorry Brooke, maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. Where are you now?”
“In the hotel lounge. I’m going to have to leave soon though, the desk clerk is going to boot me out, along with my luggage. She’s not very nice.” I forced a laugh.
“I’m just upstairs, I’ll be down in a minute.” I heard a click and the line went dead. I made my way back to the clerk and collected my luggage, thanking her as I walked away. I turned and saw Chris standing there, arms open wide, waiting to embrace me in a brotherly hug. As his arms wrapped around me I could no longer hold back the tears, and my body shook against him as I let go of four weeks of hurt and regret. He stroked a hand over my back, muttering soothing words of affirmation. We remained there, tightly bound together, for quite some time. He didn’t rush me. He just held me.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he smiled, warmly.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” I sniffed. I pulled back, seeing wet splotches on his shirt where I had fallen apart. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”
“Pfft. This old thing? Don’t worry about it sweetie. Let’s get you upstairs. I’ll call those lunatics and see where they are. It’s getting late, so I assume they must be on their way back by now.”
We were sitting in Chris’ hotel suite when the call came in. He had been trying to reach them for the past thirty minutes, but they hadn’t answered. We’d finally given up and tried watching television to pass the time.
“Yo, where are you guys?” Chris asked, nonchalantly. The conversation went on, with a few uh huhs muttered, then he casually asked them to come back to his room before heading to their own. He told them he had something to show them. Something really important. He winked at me as he spoke, doing his best to keep the surprise alive. After he hung up he smiled proudly and patted himself on the back.
“I am so good,” he beamed. “They’ll be here in fifteen. Man, they sound wired up. Freefalling used to give them such an adrenaline high. I guess it’s a good thing you’re here to pacify him. He used to get all sorts of antsy and drive us insane.”
My nerves kicked in again and I felt the hairs on my arms standing at attention. “Should I be worried about his behavior? I’ve never been around someone on a thrill high, or whatever you call it.”
“No, it’s nothing bad. Although I should warn you that he may be very touchy-feely. I heard it used to scare poor Charlotte sometimes.” I cringed slightly at the thought of him being intimate with her, even though I knew it was a long time ago. “Shoot, I’m sorry Brooke. It was out of line for me to say that. I sometimes run my mouth without thinking. Forgive me?” He groaned, and raised a hand to his mouth as he fought with himself internally.
“It’s okay, no big deal. We all have a past.” I smiled, doing my best to hide my unease.
“Yeah, well I didn’t need to go an throw it up in your face. I’m sorry. That was a long time ago, and you mean so much more to him than she ever did.” He said, doing his best to reassure me.
“Chris, it’s not a contest. I know he loved her, and I know that it’s over. I have to accept that the same way he has to accept what I shared with Devon. I’ll be okay.” I squeezed his hand lightly before moving over to the window to gaze out at the vast city before me. I suddenly wished I were back home, back in Michigan, back in the safety and security that I had built for myself. Even though Chris was like family, without Sebastian here I felt very much out of place.
I excused myself and went to the bathroom, feeling a pressing need to splash cold water over my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and took note that I should fix myself up a little before seeing him for the first time in a month. I pulled a few items out of my purse and went about reapplying mascara and blush. I touched up my lip gloss and then blotted most of it off, knowing that a few kisses would obliterate it anyhow. I washed my hands and as I turned off the water I heard voices in the main room. One voice in particular pulled at my heart strings, setting off a whole new wave of emotions, bringing back the butterflies in my stomach that always seemed to appear when we were first together. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my nerves.
“So, what’s this important thing you have to show us? Let’s get on with it, I’m too wired to just sit here.” Sebastian blurted out. I opened the bathroom door, making my way to him silently, and Dek’s jaw fell open, alerting Sebastian that something was up.
He turned around, and fire blazed in his eyes when he saw me. He was upon me in two quick steps, wrapping me in the warmth of his strong arms, erasing any doubt I’d had about this reunion. Our lips found each other, tender flesh pressing firmly together, both of us fighting for control of the kiss. Four weeks had passed since I’d had his lips on mine. Four long weeks. Thirty days of absolute heartbreak. Thirty days of fear and regret. Thirty days of longing for him, needing his touch. One kiss was all it had taken to erase all of it. One swipe of his tongue made me forget the pain. One brush of metal against my quivering lip was all it had taken to remind me of what it was that I had walked away from, and what I never wanted to lose again.
I reached behind him, pulling him tighter against my body, feeling all of him, yet still needing more. The intensity of the kiss was unlike any I had ever known. It was out of control and yet it centered me. Our tongues swirled together like a finely woven fabric, each turn and stroke relying on the other. I was mildly aware that I was breathing, yet somehow breathing felt unnecessary. In that kiss I felt as if he was giving me all of him, yet I still craved more.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, pulling away breathlessly, lips still mere inches from mine. The electric charge I felt coming off him was exhilarating, and I couldn’t stop touching him.
“I wanted to surprise you.” I brushed my thumb over his piercing. “Surprise.” I whispered, pulling his lip between my thumb and forefinger. I brought my mouth to his for one more round before I remembered that we had an audience.
“Oh, don’t mind us.” Dek laughed. “We love wat
ching Sebastian get the girl, nothing new here.” He teased.
“I told you I had something important to show you.” Chris smiled, smugly.
“Something important is right. Hey guys, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to take Brooke down to my room. I think we have a lot of catching up to do.” The sound of his voice made my body surge with anticipation. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him, but I also couldn’t wait to just be in his arms. I had missed him so much more than I’d even realized.
Sebastian~
We had so much to talk about, yet I couldn’t stop kissing her long enough to speak a complete sentence. I had missed her, there was no denying it, but I didn’t fully realize just how much I’d longed for her touch until I turned and found her standing behind me. The first press of her lips was ecstasy. Coming off the thrill high, and then finding her there in front of me, I couldn’t have asked for a better ending. My lips explored every part of her skin. I think I just needed proof that she was, in fact, here with me, and not just another dream. When I closed my eyes and got lost in the kiss, everything was perfect, but I couldn’t stop thinking that when I opened them she would be gone, and the nightmare would return.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, coyly. The lilt in her voice told me that she already knew the answer and just wanted to hear me say it again.
“Because.” I teased, and she crinkled her nose. I kissed the tip of it before continuing. “I love you.” I trailed my lips to kiss along her jaw, ending with a nibble on her bottom lip. “And, I’ve really missed you.” She moaned softly with each spoken word.
“I’ve missed you too. And, I love you.” She pulled my piercing between her teeth, tugging lightly, smiling against my lips. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Hurting us.”
“I won’t lie, it’s been really hard living without you. I’m sorry I didn’t call, I was just so hurt.” I threaded our fingers together, wanting to keep her close. “I was going to propose, I had it all planned, then that damned doorbell rang and rocked my whole world.” I laid my head against her chest, listening to her heart, finding comfort in the soft rhythmic beat. “I felt betrayed.”
An audible groan escaped her throat just before the soft sobs began. I lay there quietly, allowing her to let it out, holding on to her tightly as her body shook against me, and heaven help me, but I couldn’t hold back tears of my own. Hearing her let go, telling me how sorry she was, her body heaving against mine, it changed something within me. My own tears were a way of letting go of the hurt, allowing me to fully forgive.
Later, when we were lying in bed, lips swollen and tender from making up for lost time, I held her in my arms and sang her softly to sleep. I didn’t want to move, afraid of ruining the moment, so I just kept singing until I fell asleep beside her. It was the first night of restful sleep I had gotten since the night before my birthday.
The next day was dedicated to spending time with Brooke. After last night’s breakdown, for both of us, nothing else mattered except spending quality time reconnecting. I rolled over to find her awake and watching me.
“How long have you been awake?” I asked groggily, reaching for her hand, and pulling her into my warmth.
“Not long, I’m just enjoying being this close to you. It’s been too long." Her hand cupped my cheek and she offered a small smile. "Can you ever forgive me?”
“Honey, I already have. I just need you to tell me why you made that decision without talking to me.” I urged, gently rubbing my fingertips up and down her spine.
She sighed, resting her forehead on my shoulder. “I’ve never had to ask anyone’s permission to make decisions. I’m not wired that way, so it wasn’t my first reaction. But, I can’t say that it didn’t cross my mind soon after, then I didn’t know how to tell you. I was afraid of how you’d react.” She replied, nervously. “I’m still scared.”
“Babe, I don’t expect you to ask my permission, that’s not what this was about. I need you to see this from my perspective, just for a moment. I had a ring in my pocket, and I was going to ask you to marry me. To be my wife. To share my life. Our life. Knowing that you made a decision that was going to change all of that just threw me for a loop. I freaked out. I’m sorry that I didn’t let you explain yourself, and I know that I probably jumped to conclusions. I assumed the worst. I was afraid that you didn’t love me the way that I love you.”
Her body tensed as I spoke, and she hesitated before speaking again. “And what about now? Do you still feel that way?”
“No, I don’t. For the record, I never doubted your love, just the extent of it. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, regardless of how I’ll react. I’m not always going to like what you have to say, but I will always try my best to be supportive. I think we both deserve that.” As I spoke those words I began to realize that time apart may have been a good thing, no matter how much it had hurt. Standing on the other side of the issue, where the pain wasn’t as raw, I was able to maintain a sense of calm. If we’d have had this conversation four weeks ago, or even three weeks ago, this may have gone another way. There’s an old saying about time healing all wounds, maybe in this case it actually worked.
She lifted her eyes to meet mine, and I could see the pain that she’d been through. This separation hadn’t only been hard on me, it had nearly destroyed her as well. The physical distance wasn’t something we were unfamiliar with, we’d damn near mastered that. It was the emotional distance, the uncertainty we both felt every time we would pick up the phone, only to put it down because we were afraid that no one would answer. I never wanted to feel that way again, not with her. I leaned in to kiss her but she pulled back, covering her mouth.
“What?” I asked, puzzled by her response. She never pulled away from my touch, especially when it came to kissing.
“Morning breath.” She let out a soft giggle, sounding completely adorable. Man, I was in deep.
“I don’t care, I still want to kiss you, so I will.” I grinned mischievously, capturing her mouth with mine. The glide of her soft tongue against mine elicited a low moan from her, further igniting my desire. By the time I finally pulled back, we were both breathing heavily, and a crimson flush had spread over her cheeks. I didn’t care, morning breath or not, that kiss was hot. When it came to foreplay with Brooke, one thing was certain, we’d definitely perfected the art of kissing. I recalled the first kiss we'd shared, in my parent’s shed. I told myself then that I could kiss her for the rest of my life, even if that was all she could offer me. Don’t get me wrong, the physical contact is amazing and the best I've ever had, but kissing her still rocks my world in the best of ways.
CHAPTER FIVE
“So, are you going to tell me about skydiving?” Brooke asked, gazing lovingly at me from across the table. We’d spent most of the morning locked away in the hotel room, but after awhile we both agreed that food was in order. We had walked around town for a bit, taking our time as we strolled hand in hand. It felt nice to move at a slower pace. I’d spent the past month in high gear, moving from city to city, stage to stage. I had already grown weary of it, and still had four months to go. This was one stop where we had a buffer of down time built into our schedule, and I was grateful to be able to share that time with the woman I loved. So far the reunion had gone smoothly, even with the tears, but then her question came out of the blue, it hadn’t even dawned on me that Chris would have told her where I was yesterday afternoon. Between last night's reunion, and again this morning, I'd almost forgotten the jump entirely.
“Chris told you about that, huh?” She nodded, a small smile filled her perfect face. “Ahem,” I started, suddenly nervous. “Well, Dek thought I needed to unwind, so it seemed like a perfect way to cut loose.”
“I’m sorry, but how does jumping out of a perfectly good airplane at 15,000 feet help you unwind? I would think it would have the opposite effect.” She seemed bewildered by the fact that I would do something so dangerous.
�
�13,000 feet.” I corrected her.
“Excuse me?” She responded, brows fully raised.
“We jump at 13,000 feet, you said 15,000. I was just correcting you.” I mumbled.
“Oh, I’m sorry, my mistake.” She quipped, somewhat sarcastically. “You still haven’t answered my question. How did it help? And what were you so wound up about?”
“Us, mainly, and the tour. Traveling and staying in strange places isn’t always the easiest on me, but last night and this morning were good.” I winked, and reached for her hand. “Let’s see, how do I answer your question? I guess the best way to describe it is that when you suit up and board that plane, knowing all the while you are going to be hurling yourself out an open door, it takes all of your focus, eliminating all of the other junk weighing you down. Dek and I started jumping out of planes right after the band was discovered. We’ve always been adventurous, it nearly drove our mother’s insane with worry.”
“When you say adventurous, what kind of things do you mean? And why am I just now learning about this?” She tilted her head innocently, and a large chunk of hair fell over her eyes. I leaned forward, tucking it behind her ear. I skimmed my thumb over her lips and she kissed the pad tenderly.
My free hand nervously dragged across my neck, and I pulled on the metal rings with my teeth as I thought about what details to offer her. This wasn't a topic that had ever come up, I wasn't really sure why. I guess it was mainly because once I had slipped into the drugs and alcohol I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be performing dangerous stunts. “Let’s see, drag racing, repelling, parasailing. We did some mountain climbing, but it wasn’t really dangerous. There was a bungee jumping excursion, motorcycle racing, and cliff diving in Italy. Yeah, I think that’s about it. We used to dare one another, always seeking the next thrill, the next big rush of adrenaline. We haven’t been in two years, until yesterday that is.” I nervously rolled the piercing between my teeth, uneasy about how she would take this new revelation.
