by Rhonda James
“Wow, those all sound really dangerous. I’m not sure how I feel about you putting your life at risk. You say you hadn’t sought out the thrill in more than two years, would that have anything to do with the accident, and Charlotte?”
“Yeah, it had everything to do with it,” I said, quietly. “After the accident I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do anything dangerous, although there was a period of time that it appealed to me. I found new ways to reach the same high, different danger level, but nearly the same euphoria during and afterwards.” It’s hard to look directly at her, we’d never really discussed my addiction before, and we’d just recently opened up a line of communication. I was terrified that she would shut down on me if she learned the ugly truth. “I was in a really bad place. The guilt and shame that I carried nearly destroyed me. We talked before about not feeling worthy of living, remember that day? We were on the couch?”
“Yes, I remember that day. So, with the drugs and alcohol you were essentially trying to kill yourself? Is that what you’re saying?” Her question is timid, but the look in her eyes is strong, though fearful.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. My rehab counselor seemed to think that I was just angry that I survived and she didn’t. I believe that it was mostly guilt driven, but the need to push the limits has always been there. Believe me, if I had wanted to end my life I could have. I have too much to live for, even in my darkest moments I never forgot that.” I paused for a moment, clearing my throat before I continued. I held her gaze, not wanting to break this moment of honesty. “Now, I have so much good in my life, thanks to you, I never want it to end. I want to be able to love you forever.”
“I’d like that very much,” she whispered, taking my face in her hands and giving me an openmouthed kiss. “I love you, Sebastian Miles, and I want you to be able to do things that make you happy, but the thought of you doing something as dangerous as cliff diving or motorcycle racing scares me to death. I’m probably the most unadventurous person you’ll ever meet. I’m scared to death of most things.” She huffed. “I‘ve lost so much in my life, I can’t stand the thought of losing you too.” She whispered against my lips.
“I’ll stick to the safer stuff,” I chuckled.
“I can’t imagine anything on that list being considered safe, but I’ll have to trust you. If you ever get the wild urge to go thrill seeking again just pull out a photo of us together, maybe that will serve as a reminder of what you have waiting for you at home.”
“Speaking of home, does it still look like you’ll be in London the full nine months?”
She sighed and sat back in her chair. “For now that’s the way it looks, but things are going really well so you never know.”
“Will you be coming back to L.A. when you’re done?” I asked, silently hoping that the answer was still yes.
“If I’m still welcome, I would love to come back home to you.” I held out a hand to her, and she took it. I guided her over to me, pulling her into my lap, where she placed her head on my shoulder.
“Honey,” I smoothed a hand down her hair. “You will always be welcome in our home. I just hope we don’t have to wait the full nine months before we’re back there together. I hate being without you.”
“Well, we’ve got four days together, I think we need to make the most of it.” She lifted her mouth to mine and gently tugged on my bottom lip, signaling that she needed me, so we spent the next few minutes doing what we did best, not stopping to care about who might be watching.
Brooke~
The flight back to London had been hard, reminding me of the times Sebastian and I had said goodbye at various airports. It never seemed to get easier. When we parted this time, we promised to talk more often, like we used to do. We both seemed to be committed to making this work, no matter how hard it may be. The remaining time I spent in Berlin had been filled with rehearsals and the concert. I was still floating from seeing them perform live, it had been unbelievable and so much more amazing than I’d ever imagined. The after party was loud and entertaining. We managed to sneak out early, partly due to the excessive amounts of alcohol present, but also because I had an early flight the next morning and we wanted to stay up all night talking. We’d almost made it, except we both dozed off at some point, and by the time we woke up this morning we had to scramble to get me to the airstrip on time.
I slept through most of the flight, dreaming of our time together and what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with him.
I stopped by the bakery to pick up some chocolate filled croissants and coffee for the morning staff at work. I hadn’t heard anything while I was away, so I assumed that service had run smoothly in my absence; a fact that left me with mixed emotions. Part of me was glad they could manage without me, making it easier for me to depart at the end of my term, but another part of me was saddened by the reality that they could now run things efficiently without me. I guess that said a lot about my strong desire to be needed. That realization led me to another question. Why was it that I craved being needed by my work, and would I ever be able to find the same contentment if the only one that needed me was Sebastian? If that were all that I had, would it ever be enough?
“Well, well, look who’s back. Hello Brooke,” Max exclaimed, pulling me into an embrace. “How was your time in Berlin? You seem lighter, like maybe a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. How is Sebastian?”
I laughed, shaking my head at his rapid fire questions. Only Max could pull off the supportive boss and concerned, self-appointed grandfather role, all at the same time.
“My time away was amazing, thank you so much! The flight there and back was beyond anything I could have ever wished for. We had a really good visit, got a lot off our chests, and I think we’ll be able to move forward with our relationship.” I moved to take a seat in front of the desk. “Sebastian seems to be doing well, although I am worried about his safety.” I sighed, thinking about all of the dangerous stunts he’d taken part in over the last five years, silently praying that his recent skydiving jump hadn’t sparked a sudden desire to chase after the thrill high he’d spoken of.
“Why, is he in a dangerous area? Surely they have security with them.”
“No, it’s not other people I have to worry about. Apparently, I have to worry about him hurting himself. I’ve recently learned that my boyfriend is a thrill seeker. He and his best friend like to chase after the high they receive performing dangerous stunts. I still can’t wrap my head around it.” I went on to tell him about the various acts that he’d taken part in.
“Oh Brooke, boys will be boys. That’s how most of us were when we were younger. I’m sure he’ll grow tired of it, eventually.” He chuckled, heartily.
“He’s not a boy, Max, he’s a grown man!” I argued.
“He’s twenty-five, in my eyes that’s a boy. Hell, I didn’t feel I had fully become a man until I married Laura and had a family. Let him have his fun, but it never hurts to remind him of what he has waiting at home.” He winked.
“Don’t tell me you were a thrill seeker too?” I groaned, finally realizing why I had lost this argument.
“Guilty,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Jumping out of airplanes was always a favorite of mine. Maybe I’ll have to look Sebastian up when he returns to the states.”
“Ugh! You two will be the death of me.” I grabbed a pastry, pulling it apart to reveal the gooey chocolate center. Max reached over and grabbed a half out of my hand. “Hey, there’s a whole box of these on your desk.” I balked, guarding the other half.
“I know, but you’d already done all the hard work, and it looked too good to pass up. Yum.” He rolled his eyes, licking chocolate from the corners of his mouth.
“Boys will be boys,” I mumbled, making him throw back his head and laugh heartily, showing his newly chocolate covered teeth.
“Don’t you forget it, kiddo.”
It was pouring rain by the time I reached the door to my apartment bu
ilding. I made a left turn to stop at the row of mailboxes and ran into Reid as he was leaving the laundry room.
“Brooke.” His eyes warmed, and he shifted the basket of clean laundry to one arm in order to hug me with the other. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all week.”
“I know, I’ve been away in Berlin visiting Sebastian. How have things been around here?” I turned to unlock my mailbox, sensing a shift in his mood at the mention of Sebastian’s name.
“Oh, you know, same as always. Hey, you missed a great party last Friday. We all got together in 4D.”
“4D? Isn’t that Vincent’s apartment? I thought he was out of town.”
“No, he’s back, and we’re all meeting there again this Friday for drinks if you don’t have plans.” He leaned against the wall, basket braced on one hip. He really was an attractive man, and I definitely felt that he harbored an attraction to me, but I needed to set him up with one of the girls at the restaurant. I needed to help him realize that we would never be more than just friends.
“Maybe, I know I have to work that night. Hey, I have an idea. Would it be okay if I brought a friend?” I asked, sweetly.
“What, is Sebastian coming to town?” He asked sarcastically, making what I was about to say that much more important.
“No, and try not to say that with such contempt next time.” I rolled my eyes at him. “I was thinking I could bring a friend, you know, introduce her to you, maybe you two would hit it off.”
“Suit yourself, but I won’t make any promises.”
“Okay, well maybe I’ll see you there.” I started up the stairs, with him following closely behind, and suddenly I was painfully aware of each swish of my hips as I ascended the steps. We reached the top and started to part ways before he spoke again.
“Listen, Brooke, there’s something I think I should tell you.” I felt a tightening in my stomach as I feared he would start sharing about his feelings for me. I wasn’t in the mood to hear this, not now, not ever.
“Reid, I’m kind of beat, can we talk about it some other time?” I deflected.
“I’d rather say it now, while I have the courage. I really…” The ringing of my phone cut him short. I held up a finger, cutting him off, and pulled the phone from my pocket.
“Oh, listen, this is Sebastian and I really have to take it He doesn’t have a lot of time to talk before going on stage. I’m sorry. Can we do this another time?” The phone rang two more times before I picked up.
“Sure, another time.” He muttered.
“Hi baby, it’s so good to hear your voice.” I gushed, making my way through the door, leaving him in the hall, still holding the basket on his hip and staring after me. A stab of guilt shot through me as I closed the door, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Are you home from work?” He asked. I could hear rustling in the background, and deep breathing on the other end of the phone.
“Yeah, I just walked in. What’s going on over there? I hear a lot of crinkling.” I tried to imagine what he may be up to.
“Oh, nothing much, just working on a little project. So, how was it going back to the restaurant, did the place fall apart without you?”
“No,” I whined. “Quite the opposite, they managed just fine without me.”
“You sound disappointed. Isn’t the goal to get them to be self-reliant? If they were successful that only means you’re doing a great job. Besides, Max was there to work out the kinks. Honey, I’m sure they still need you.” He reassured.
“I supposed you’re right,” I sighed deeply. “I guess I should look on the bright side, this means that I can come see you more often.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that. What do you have in mind?” His voice lowered an octave, sending a shiver throughout my body.
“I was thinking maybe we could go skydiving together, you know, you can teach me how it all works and I could be fitted into one of those harness thingies that attaches me to you.” I grinned widely, pleased with myself for coming up with such an amazing idea, not for one minute considering how deathly afraid I was of heights.
“Are you serious? You would do that? That would totally rock. Let’s see, we’ll be in Switzerland next week, think you can get away that soon? The views there are breathtaking. We could set up a tandem jump over the Alps.”
“Wow, that soon. Okay, I think I can get away, it would probably only be for a two-day visit though. When are you in London? I want to be able to show you my restaurant, and my apartment.” I found myself fantasizing about all of the places I wanted to take him. Even though he’d been here before, and had probably seen all of the sights, I wanted him to share them again, with me.
“We’ll fly in early next month. I’ll only be there a few days though.” He groaned.
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it all out. I’m just glad that we are able to make time for one another. I love you baby.
“Love you too, sunshine.”
“Sunshine? Where’d that come from?” I questioned.
“Well, I’ve been thinking, been doing way too much of that lately I guess. Anyhow, my world was darkness for almost a year before I met you. Then, you came into my life and brought the light back to me. When you left, it all went dark again. I can’t live like that, not after knowing how good the light can be. You give me reason to go on each day. You give me hope. You are my sunshine.”
My heart swelled, and my favorite butterfly friends picked that moment to drop by and say hello, creating a nervous stomach and a tingling sensation in my lower region. I’d never had anyone profess something so poetic. “That’s beautiful, but I’m not sure I can take all the credit for that. You worked really hard to pull yourself out of that abyss, you said so yourself.” I argued, feeling unworthy.
“Brooke, stop, it’s you. It’s always been you. You’re my whole reason for being.”
“I don’t know if I’m worthy of that title, Sebastian. You make me out to be some kind of saint. I’m human and I’ve made a lot of mistakes, ones that have hurt you. How does that fit into your reason for being?” I questioned, not wanting to argue, but trying to grasp a love such as this. I had never known anything like it.
“Well, you and I both know that you’re definitely not a saint,” he snickered. “I don’t care about the other stuff, what happened is in the past, we need to keep moving forward. You represent everything good in my life. You bring out the best in me, my family loves you, Gibson most assuredly misses you, and the little things seem to mean so much more whenever you’re around.” He paused a moment, as if collecting his thoughts. “Remember all the little gifts we used to send each other? How excited we were to open them, never knowing what we would find. Being with you makes me feel that way everyday, each day is another gift I can’t wait to open.”
By now I can’t stop the tears, they’re falling in a puddle on my shirt. I wasn’t sure what I had ever done to deserve a love of this magnitude, or a man this wonderful, but if I needed to I would spend the rest of my life on my knees in gratitude for a blessing such as this.
“Wow,” I whispered, “you really know how to make a girl speechless. I don’t know what to say, except that I have to be the luckiest woman in the whole universe. What you just said, I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to live up to it, just as long as you’re there with me. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. All of the success I’ve achieved, it doesn’t mean anything without you.
“I’m not going anywhere, ever again.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” He chuckled.
CHAPTER SIX
Sebastian~
“Hey Sebastian!” Dek barreled through the door of my hotel room, catching me off guard. I had been lounging on the patio, with the music blaring, thinking of Brooke. “Dude, what on earth are you listening to?” He groaned loudly, his face grimacing as he picked up my iPad. “Who the hell are The Vamps? And why would you be listening them? This isn’t y
our kind of music.” He grunted, tossing the device back onto the table.
“It’s one of Brooke’s favorites, and don’t knock it, it has a really catchy tune.” I raised an eyebrow at his mocking tone.
“When do you see her again?” He asked, sitting back in the chair opposite me.
“This week, she’s coming in for two days to go skydiving. She’s never been so we’re going tandem over the Alps.”
“Do you think that’s a wise choice for her first time? If you remember, that jump can be a bit tricky to land. I just don’t want her first jump to freak her out, or break her legs.” He shrugged, apologetically.
“I think she’ll be fine, she’s tougher than she appears. It was her idea, she was asking me all about our adventures and at first I thought it spooked her, but then she called and offered this.”
“Maybe its her way of trying to make up for your crappy birthday party. You know, a peace offering of sorts.”
“Well, whatever it is, I’m going to enjoy it. I get to jump out of a plane, experience an amazing view, all with a gorgeous woman strapped to me. I’m not complaining.” I smiled, smugly. “Do you and Jade have any plans to hook up while the tour is on?”
“Not yet, we’re still feeling our way around this relationship stuff.”
“Wait, I thought you two were getting serious.” I questioned, throwing my hands up, as if trying to understand. Just last month he’d made it sound as if they were a sure thing. By the look on his face, and the tone of his voice, I was starting to wonder if this sudden shift in their relationship hadn’t been entirely his idea.
He shrugged his shoulders, avoiding direct eye contact, very un-Dek-like. He was the most confident guy I’d ever met, sure of his direction in life, staggeringly confident with women, and never one to fall too hard.
Until he’d met Jade…
