Conflicted Innocence

by Netta Newbound

  “Can’t you go home? Your family must be worried sick about you.”

  “I doubt it. So long as my mum has her daily fix, she worries about nothing or nobody.”

  “I see. And are you on drugs too?”

  “Am I fuck! I got out because she tried to sell me to her dealer. I would never take that shit. I know what it turns you into.”

  “Okay, calm down. I only asked.” Lee scratched his head. How the hell would he send her on her way knowing she had nowhere to go? “Well, you’re welcome to get your head down here if you promise to take a bath. We can take your stuff to the launderette in town tomorrow, but I can loan you a clean T-shirt and pair of jogging bottoms for now. They might bury you, mind, but they’re better than nothing.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. But tomorrow we need to get our heads together and work out where you can go from here. There’s no way a young woman like you should be living on the streets.”

  “Okay.” She glanced away.

  Although no psychologist, Lee knew this probably meant she wouldn’t be hanging around after tonight.

  “How old are you, anyway?”

  “Nineteen,” she said, sheepishly.

  “How old are you really? I’m not gonna shop you to social services.”

  “It’s true, I’ll be nineteen in January.”

  “So you’re eighteen?”

  “Yes. But I’ve done nothing illegal.”

  “I didn’t say you had, but you can’t enjoy living like this.”

  She shrugged. “Better than being at home.”

  “What about if we got you cleaned up and found you a job? You could stay in a hostel until you had the money to get a place of your own.”

  “Really? Would you do that for me?” Her eyes hooded over again.

  “For free,” he said. “Well, maybe you can help get this place shipshape. Have you ever decorated before?”

  “No.”

  “Cleaned?”

  “Of course I’ve cleaned, you cheeky bastard.”

  “And I’d appreciate less of the swearing.”

  “Sorry.”

  He made a makeshift bed up out of the cardboard left over from the kitchen units and some of the extra bedding he’d brought from home. He intended sleeping on it himself and giving Susie the inflatable bed already set up in the master bedroom, but she insisted she would sleep on the floor.

  The next morning they got up bright and early and, after a long soak in the bath, she changed into his clothes.

  “Wow!” Lee said, as she entered the room. “I hardly recognise you.” Her hair now shone and had lovely golden highlights through it. The once dank, grey skin now glowed, and she looked more like a teenager than ever with the crappy eye make-up removed.

  She seemed pleased by his reaction. “So what do you want me to do, boss?”

  “You can start by sanding down these skirting boards for me, and then give them a coat of paint.”

  “Okay.”

  He prepared everything she would need, and they both set to work—her sanding in the kitchen, him wallpapering in the lounge.

  The radio was on in the background, but when The Buggles came on singing Video Killed the Radio Star, he turned the sound up and sang along using his paintbrush as a microphone. Her laughter spurred him on, and he was surprised how much he enjoyed himself.

  By lunchtime, he’d annihilated several classics, and done more work than if he’d been working alone.

  Susie did a great job of the skirting boards—she worked like a machine.

  “Come on, we deserve a break,” he said. “We should go into town, now it’s stopped raining, and put your clothes in the launderette. We can grab a couple of sandwiches, too.”

  “I can’t go anywhere dressed like this!” she said, horrified.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me, haven’t you? You didn’t mind being seen in the state I found you in last night, but clean, slightly too big clothing is a no-no?”

  “You got it, boss.” Her tinkling laughter made his stomach twitch.

  He shook his head. “I’ve heard everything now. Okay, I’ll go into town and drop in your laundry. You stay here and keep working. I mean it, no skiving off.”

  “Yes, boss, no, boss, three bags full, boss.”

  “Cheeky witch,” he said with a chuckle. He’d forgotten how good it felt to laugh. And it had been too long since he last spent any time with a member of the opposite sex. He couldn’t wait for Lydia to come home—he was getting excited now.

  *

  The skirting boards were finished by the time he returned, and he found Susie sitting on the back step smoking a roll-up.

  “I paid for the service wash,” he said, sitting down beside her. “So I just have to get back there after three to pick it up.”

  “I just wanted to say thanks for this. No-one has ever been this kind to me before.”

  “Then that’s a crime. You deserve the very best life has to offer. But it’s never too late to get things back on track, you know? I’ve found that anyone who has experienced bad things in their lives make the most interesting and compassionate of people.”

  She glanced up at him. “I’m not interesting.”

  “I disagree. Put it this way, I’ve had the best time today. It’s been years since I laughed like that.”

  “Same.”

  “Come on in,” he said when she flicked the last of the cigarette into the garden. “I bought us some sandwiches, and treated you to a cream cake.”

  He heard her stomach growl and they both laughed.

  Inside, he handed her a ham salad roll and filled the kettle.

  “Look what else I got.” He picked up a bag from the floor and pulled out several plates and bowls, two cups and a handful of cutlery. “I got them from the charity shop—they’ll be okay with a good wash.”

  She smiled and nodded as she took a huge bite of the sandwich.

  “Tea okay? I got some milk and sugar.”

  She nodded, her cheeks resembling a hamster’s.

  When he sat down beside her a few minutes later, she’d devoured every crumb.

  “Go and get the cakes. They’re in a bag on the side. You take your pick which one you want—I don’t mind either.”

  She didn’t need telling twice. Choosing the jam and cream filled donut, she returned to the same spot on the floor.

  “So, have you had a chance to think about what you want to do?”

  She nodded, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I like the idea of what you said last night. To get a job and eventually a place of my own would be cool.”

  “And in the meantime? Is there anybody who could take you in?”

  “Can’t I stay with you? I’d help you do this place up. I’m a good worker.”

  “I know you are, but it’s out of the question I’m afraid.”

  The hooded eyes suddenly returned. “I thought you wanted to help me. But no, you’re just like all the rest.” She threw the half-eaten donut, cream side down, onto the floorboards and got to her feet.

  “Susie, wait. It’s not that simple.” He followed her back outside where she pulled out another dog-eared rollup from her pocket and proceeded to light it.

  She leaned against the side fence and looked away.

  He felt awful for upsetting her. He’d been gaining her trust, but now they were back to the hostilities of last night. “I do want to help you, Susie. It’s just that... well, it’s complicated.”

  “Where have I heard that before?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s true. I do intend to help you, though. Depending on how well you manage with the swearing, we could do with a hand at my office. The pay won’t be great, and it’ll be a bit of everything, from answering the phone to making tea, but it’ll be alright to start off with.”

  She squealed and launched herself at him, kissing him full on the lips.

  Although surprised by her actions, he didn’t pull away at first. It had been
such a long time since someone had kissed him like that, and he could still taste the donut, tainted by the disgusting smell of tobacco. However, he was ashamed to say, he actually enjoyed it. He soon came to his senses and, holding her by the upper arms, he gently pushed her away and cleared his throat.

  “Okay, now I’m not promising anything at this stage. Don’t forget, you’re still on trial.”

  She almost sprinted inside. “What shall I do next, boss?”

  Chapter 6

  “I still can’t get hold of him. His phone is going straight to voicemail,” James said, ending the call on his mobile for what appeared to be the fiftieth time since yesterday afternoon.

  “Maybe the cottage is out of range?” I volunteered, and turned back to feeding Grace her breakfast.

  “Can’t be. I’ve spoken to him lots of times when he’s been there. He said he was wallpapering when he got the call from the prison.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know then.”

  “We could run over there when I get back from work?”

  “It’s up to you.”

  “Okay, well I won’t be late home. I’m hoping Lee’s still got the agency taking his appointments. I don’t want to end up being an unpaid secretary all day.”

  “An agency working for an agency?” I asked with a frown.

  “Yes. It’s pretty common I hear.”

  We kissed, and I had another mini panic attack.

  James sensed this. “Hey, you’ll be fine. You and Gracie will have a wonderful time exploring. And we’ll start looking for a car for you later on.”

  “Okay. Have a good day, and we’ll see you later.” I plucked Grace from her highchair and followed him to the door to wave him off.

  Once he’d turned at the end of the road, a feeling of desolation came over me.

  “Well, come on then, Missie-moo. Any suggestions what we should do?” I asked, as I closed the front door.

  Grace babbled.

  “I see. The park it is, then. Let’s get changed and we can go exploring.”

  It wasn’t long before I’d cleaned up the breakfast dishes and dressed us both ready for the off.

  Grace was excited, as if she knew where we were going.

  As we passed Lee’s house, a feeling of grief washed over me. I hadn’t been able to shake off the sadness after learning what had happed to Lydia and her poor little son. And now, the house I first thought looked inviting and well cared for, suddenly seemed dark and sinister. I shuddered and looked away.

  The street was pretty, as residential streets go. There was a grass verge in between the road and the footpath, broken outside every property by a concrete drive. Each section of grass had an established oak tree, which had clearly been there long before the road and pavement had been laid.

  The sun was shining, and the wind had died down from last night’s terrible storm. A couple of the neighbours waved and a few curtains twitched as I passed, probably wondering who the strange woman was who came out of the famous crime writer’s house.

  We turned the corner and crossed the road to the store where I picked up the local newspaper from the stand.

  “How are you settling in?” The woman behind the counter must have recognised me from the other day.

  “Oh, yeah, good thanks.”

  “Where did you live before?”

  “Cumbria.” I didn’t mention the years I’d lived in Manchester with Simon.

  “I love Cumbria. I stayed with my aunt in Bowness-on-Windermere when I was a girl and vowed to return one day.”

  “Yeah, it’s lovely there. We lived further north than that, in a small village not quite as popular with tourists.”

  “Ah, yes. It was overrun with tourists and I’m talking...” she looked up to the ceiling and tapped a pen on her chin, “...gosh, it must be fifty years ago now.”

  “Probably hasn’t changed much, to be honest. You should go back—fifty years is a long time.”

  “You know, you’re right. My Craig’s been trying to talk me into a holiday. But with all the airport security and terrorism in the world nowadays, it fair puts you off travelling. I never thought about holidaying in our own country.”

  “Oh, you should. There are some lovely places. I’m like you. I think holidaying abroad is overrated.”

  Grace began to fidget.

  “I’d best be off. Just this, please.” I placed the newspaper on the counter.

  “Good idea. You’ll find lots of classes and ways to meet people in there.”

  “It’s a job I want. Just a few hours a day once I get Missie-moo in a day-nursery.”

  “Really?” she said, walking around the counter. “Do you believe in fate?”

  “Eh?” I looked at her as though she’d lost her marbles.

  “Two minutes before you arrived, I put a card in the window.” She pulled a piece of yellow card off the back of the door and handed it to me.

  Part Time Vacancy

  Part-time salesperson wanted for three afternoons a week.

  ENQUIRE WITHIN

  “Here?” I asked.

  “Yes. I need someone to help out when we get our deliveries. What do you reckon?” She looked as though she might burst with excitement.

  “Yes. How do I apply?”

  She blew a raspberry. “I’m offering you the job. If you want it, of course?”

  “Yes. I want it. But are you sure? Don’t you want to check references or anything?”

  “Positive. I go off my gut, and I can tell you’ll fit in nicely here.” She held her hand out. “I’m Erica.”

  Grace, sick of sitting in her pushchair facing a stack of crisp boxes, began to scream the place down.

  “I’ll have to go. When do you want me to start as I need to enrol Grace into a nursery?”

  “Tell you what, you pop in when you get her enrolled. The afternoons I need cover for are Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and maybe the odd morning here and there.”

  “Great. I’ll get onto it today. And thanks so much, I won’t let you down.”

  *

  On the way back from the playground, Grace fell sound asleep.

  Thrilled with the morning’s developments, I couldn’t wait to tell James I’d bagged myself a job. So it wasn’t the job of the century, but it was exactly what I needed to get me out meeting new people.

  But my stomach dropped to my feet when the crazy old man from the other day appeared and began walking towards me. I contemplated running away, but I couldn’t. We lived in the same street, for God’s sake. I could hardly run away every time I bumped into him. So, I gripped the pushchair handles tight and urged myself forward.

  I braced myself for some abuse, either verbal or physical, but the man didn’t even glance in my direction.

  He shuffled along the verge peering into the road. Then he stopped and picked up a discarded cigarette butt, putting it into his mouth a couple of times before sticking it behind his ear.

  Finally allowing myself to breathe, I laughed at how much one little old man was able to terrify me. I shook from head to toe with the jitters.

  I was at the gate before I realised he was behind me again, and I almost died on the spot.

  “Lots of daddies. Lucky, lucky girl,” he said, without turning to face me.

  A cold shiver ran through my body. How would he know Grace had lots of daddies? It was something I joked about to family, but I’d barely spoken to anyone since I arrived. I watched as the man shuffled to the next gate and up the path to the rather shabby house next door.

  I shook my head, relieved, much preferring the ramblings of a mad man than having him spitting and hurling abuse at me, any day.

  The phone rang as I walked through the door. I left Grace, snoring softly, in the hallway and ran to answer it.

  “Hello, gorgeous. Thank goodness you’re okay. I’ve been ringing for ages,” James said.

  “Hi. I’m sorry, I forgot to take my mobile. Is something wrong?”

  “No. Nothing at all. I wa
s just checking how you are. I sensed you were a little freaked out this morning.”

  “I’m fine. And guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t sound so worried. It’s a good thing.”

  “Go on. Spit it out.”

  “I found a job. Obviously, I need to arrange childcare for Grace, but Erica said I can start as soon as I do. Just three afternoons a week so it shouldn’t interfere with us. Are you laughing?”

  “Take a breath, woman. So, I take it you’ve got a job in the store. That’s great, and Erica is hard case. You’ll love her.”

  “I know. I’ll call the nursery this afternoon. Gracie’s fast asleep in her pushchair right now. She’s had a great time on that bloody swing again. She screamed blue murder when I took her off after almost an hour. My arms are aching.”

  James chuckled. “She’s funny. I’ve never seen her like that before.”

  “I know. Oh, and I had another run in with the crazy old man.”

  “Oh no. What did Thomas do this time.”

  “Nothing really. He’s odd and gives me the heebie-jeebies, but all he did was make a comment. I wouldn’t even know if it had been directed at me except for what he said.”

  “And that was?”

  “Something about Grace being a lucky girl for having lots of daddies. Have you told anybody?”

  “No. Maybe he saw us all the other day when Simon and Kevin arrived?”

  “No, that can’t be it. Remember, we bumped into him moments before, and he was at the end of the street.”

  “Strange. But it’s not a major—so long as he didn’t upset you again.” He paused. “Oh, my mobile’s ringing. It’s Lee. I’ll call you back in a sec.”

  I ran to the bathroom and then filled the kettle before the phone rang again.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “His phone had died, you were right.”

  “Is he okay?”

  “Yes. He’s coming back tomorrow night. He has to pick Lydia up in London on Wednesday morning. I thought he’d go over on Tuesday night and stay in a B&B, but he plans to leave early Wednesday morning instead. It should only take around two and a half hours to get there, so long as there’s no traffic.”