What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “Date’s over. Get up; help me get this shit.” He starts throwing the food in the cooler; his frantic state has me panicking. He grabs my trembling hands as I reach for the blanket.

  “Hey, calm down. I’m sorry I’m freaking out; it’s just that it’s not safe here right now. Your safety matters more to me than anything.” He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, waiting for me to respond.

  “I understand.”

  I understand he cares for my safety, but it sucks our date has to end. I want more of Shadow, and when we are at the club we have to hide and sneak. I hate it. Here we can be as open as we want, and don’t have to worry about someone seeing us.

  “Hey, I’ll make it up to you later tonight.” He grabs each one of my ass cheeks with each of his large hands and pulls me forward; he towers over my small frame. Leaning down, he bites my bottom lip hard, making me taste blood. The pain is a welcomed feeling; it reminds me how alive Shadow makes me feel.

  “Come on, Firefly,” he teases as he grabs my hand. The name Firefly catches my attention.

  “How could you agree on everyone calling me that?” I ask, smacking his arm playfully.

  Shadow pulls me close and looks at me intently. “Because, I can tell you have had it rough and still you have this fire in you.“ He caresses my cheek with his rough fingertips. “That night you were dancing in the kitchen and singing... the shit storm that was around you and the way I was treating you... never put that fire out.”

  “You have had it rough, too. I can tell.” I say the words before registering them and instantly regret it.

  Shadow shrugs. “I have.” He looks out at the water with a far-away gaze. “There are many forms of neglect, Dani. Your mom neglects you emotionally; my mom neglected me literally. I, however, have no fire left in me.”

  Thinking on Shadow's and my stories, I can see why we are so strongly attracted to each other; it makes sense now. We feel the damage in each other, like two wounded animals looking out for each other; for survival. Shadow's past is dark; his name justifies that. My past has also negatively affected me, yes; but hope in a different future still burns bright. I can be the fire; the light that Shadow needs to come out of the darkness in which he lives. Hearing Shadow's reason behind me being called Firefly makes me like the name; gives me hope for us.

  We arrive back at the club just in the nick of time. As we pull into the courtyard, the sky opens up and it begins to pour rain. We both start laughing and run toward the clubhouse. Even with the short distance, we end up soaked. When we walk in Bobby is getting licked and grounded on by some girl I don’t recognize. A couple of the prospects are at the bar hooting and hollering at each other. Only Bobby looks our way for a split second before turning back to his female companion. Walking down the hall toward the bedroom, I glance over my shoulder and see Shadow admiring how my wet clothes cling to my body. I turn and walk backward, playing with the button on my jeans. I bite my bottom lip, my wet hair falling in front of my face as I gaze at him lustfully. He’s rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb.

  As soon as we enter the room, he slams the door shut and shoves me against the wall with his body. He smashes his mouth onto mine hard, bruising my lips. I instantly wrap my arms around his neck wanting more, as he trails his tongue along my jaw bone to my ear. He sucks my earlobe into his mouth, making me moan lightly. Like a fire has been lit, we start pulling and tugging our shirts and pants off, they're heavy as bricks being as wet as they are. He picks me up and throws me on the bed.

  With horny expectation, I watch as he crawls up me like a slick panther. His head stops at my panties and he tugs on them with his teeth. I bend my knees; the temptation almost too much to handle. He reaches his hands to the side of the panties and rips them to shreds; his muscles bulging in the process. God, he is so sexy. I can feel my body winding up even more just by looking at him. His wolfish gaze shifts from the torn panties to the look on my face. I meet his eyes with my own beastly needs. “Shadow,” my voice trembles. I'm not sure how much more anticipation I can take.

  Shadow growls and grabs me by the hips; his fingers bruising me with his manhandling grip. He flips me over and throws me on my chest. He pulls my hips up, making my ass stick up into the air. In seconds, he pulls his briefs to his knees and slams his massive length inside of my wet core, making me yell out in pleasure. He reaches his hand around and cups my mouth as he thrusts in and out, his hips jack hammering my delicate sex. I can feel the bed moving back and forth to our rhythm.

  He reaches his hand back and slaps my ass; the sting a pleasurable pain. Blood rushes to where he smacked me, making my lower half hypersensitive and making me even wetter. I arch my back and my ass sticks up even further in the air, inviting him to spank me again. I throw my hair to one side of my head and look over my shoulder to peer at Shadow. He’s looking right at me; his mouth is hung open in that sexy way.

  “Say it,” he pants between thrusts, knowing I want him to spank me again.

  “Spank me, Shadow.” I say, breathlessly. My voice is heavy with lust. I sound so erotic, I don’t even recognize my own voice.

  He pulls his hand back and slaps my ass again. My head drops back and I moan. I can feel myself trying to plummet over the edge of ecstasy. He reaches down and tangles his fingers in my hair, pulling lightly.

  “Fuck yeah, just like that, baby,” he grunts as he starts thrusting even harder. I can feel his length pulse inside of me; the fit tight. My body starts to shudder with warmth. I whimper as the heat spreads to my sensitive spots. He moans as I clench around him, pushing us over the edge together. Our simultaneous explosion is so toxic, animalistic and raw. He falls on top of me, causing us both to collapse.

  “Fuck, that was great!” he pants. All I can do is nod; I’m so out of breath and instantly feel exhausted. My eyes close; all I can hear is Shadow’s deep breathing and my pounding heartbeat, lulling me to sleep.

  I lay watching Dani; her silky skin, spotted with sweat beads, rises and falls rapidly. She’s breathless. Seeing her dripping wet from the rain was the most erotic thing I have ever fucking seen. The blatant teasing made me want her even more. So I fucked her until I thought she was going to combust at my fingertips, leaving us both gasping for air. Her breathing evens out; she must be asleep. I brush her long, curly hair out of her face; she truly is beautiful; crazy as shit, but beautiful. I lay there for twenty minutes staring at her, wondering what the hell she sees in a fucked-up biker like me. My junkie of a mother threatening me today has me livid. She ruined the alone time I had with Dani.

  “So you do have someone special? Better deliver or she’s mine.”

  The simple call replays in my mind over and over. I won’t deny that Dani is special to me and just the thought of someone doing harm to her makes me want to burn this whole fucking town to the ground. But I've got to keep a straight head on. There’s no telling what this junkie will do. I sit up and see Dani’s olive-colored ass is cherry red from spanking her. Who knew she was such a freak in the bed. That shit was hot as hell. I remember trying to spank Candy once and she cried like a little bitch; I barely touched her.

  I slip off the bed and notice my briefs are still around my ankles. I was in such a rush to be inside of Dani, I didn’t even bother taking them off. I pull them up and start picking up my jeans and shit when I notice a pair of pink, ripped panties. I grin as I pick them up and inhale; they smell of Dani’s peachy perfume. I stuff them in my pocket and proceed to put my shit back on. I walk over to Dani and kiss her cheek lightly before heading out the door. I need to go home and get some clean clothes on; maybe even shower. I hate to leave Dani, but being here overnight is too risky.

  -------------------------------------

  Walking into the clubhouse this morning, I smell coffee and head straight to the bar. I need something to wake me up after thinking about how to find that bitch of a mother of mine all night.

  “Here, Hun, just the way you like it,” Babs says, handing me a mug of coffee
. She always hooks me up. Love this woman; I don’t know why she puts up with Locks' bullshit. She truly is an amazing woman.

  “Thanks, babe.” I take a sip; it’s perfect; straight with two tablespoons of sugar. I go and sit down at the bar next to Bull. He’s munching away on toast, getting crumbs all over.

  “Got another call last night from the bitch.” I blow gently on the hot java in my cup.

  Bull finishes the last bite of his toast and looks over at me; he rubs his scruffy jaw in thought. “Let’s go, boys. Got shit to talk about.” Time for church.

  I enter the meeting room and sit down next to Bull, as the rest of the boys follow in behind me. When Bobby comes in, I glance up and see purple spots on his neck.

  “What the fuck happened? You look like a God-damned leopard,” I ask, not holding back.

  He rubs his neck as if he can rub off the hickeys, his cheeks turning red. “Damn bitch was like a fucking vampire. It look that bad?” he asks insecure.

  We all start to chuckle. Bobby is always showing up with some kind of out-of-this-world sex story. I have no doubt he probably found some chick who thought she was a vampire. One time, he missed church and we found him in one of the clubhouse bedrooms, cuffed to the bed with a gag in his mouth. He never did tell us who did it to him. That shit was funny, though.

  “New business.” Bull lights a cigarette and nods his head my direction.

  “Junkie mother of mine threatened that if we don’t supply her with money or drugs, she’s taking Dani”

  “Your mom must be tailing you?” Locks speaks up, telling me something I have already figured out. I hate when they refer to this cunt as my mother; it makes my blood turn cold.

  “Yeah, I assume,” I reply, coldly.

  “I don’t get why she hasn’t done anything; just threatened.” Bobby makes a good point. Why hasn’t she tried to take Dani, or even show up here at the club?

  “Yeah, it doesn’t seem right. Just stay close to Dani, Shadow,” Bull says. If only he knew how close I was to Dani; he would freak. “Old business?”

  “Lady?” Locks asks.

  That bitch is definitely old business. She would do good to stay far away from Dani. Something about her is just … off. I don’t hit women, but I would make an exception for that one.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that bitch is gone. Can’t say I’m sad about it either. She ain’t the same woman she used to be; she’s all kinds of fucked up now. Not sure if I did it or if it was just life in general, but let that be a lesson to all of you and your gals.” Bull's face falls; I can see the regret about what went down with Lady.

  “Lust like a saint; trust like a sinner,” Bulls speaks out in regret. We all nod, knowing Lady was one time he didn’t follow his own advice. Lady looked like a saint from afar, making it easy to trust her, but deep down she was anything but a saint.

  “So Stevin?” Bobby asks, wondering if he is still a threat.

  “Fuck him; he’s Lady’s problem. She left here of her own free will,” Bull says spitefully. His face went from hollow to steel in a split second.

  “I got some news for you. You might find it interesting,” Hawk chokes out from the back of the table. Everyone’s heads turn waiting for the ol’ bird to spit it out. “Some locals said they have seen some guys called the El Locos running around town.” Hawk's voice is so scratchy, it’s often difficult to understand the fucker.

  “Makes sense. Bet they were fucking pissed because we declined their shitty service. The drive-by was amateur, and they definitely seemed very amateur,” Bobby says, indicating they might have been the ones responsible for the drive-by.

  “We take care of this today. Bobby, Shadow, Locks, you're with me. Locks, have Babs get some of the girls, Dani too, to get food and stock up on more booze. When we get back I wanna let loose.” Bull lifts his eyebrows in a lewd gesture. Retaliating against the El Locos and then partying all night is a perfect day for Bull, and when he wants to let loose, he really means let loose.

  “Hawk, where can we find these El Locos? “ Bull asks, smashing his cigarette into the ash tray.

  “They are staying at some hotel; about a twenty minute drive.” Hawk hands Bobby a map; fucker hasn’t heard of GPS apparently.

  I walk out of the room and see Dani sitting at the bar eating eggs. She looks over her shoulder and her eyes instantly connect with mine. Every time she does that, I feel like my fucking stomach just went through the floor. That woman makes me feel unspeakable things. She has on a black, fitted tee with blue jeans; her hair pulled up high. She is simply beautiful.

  “You boys be careful!” Babs squawks even while Locks is kissing on her and shit.

  The ride to the motel takes twenty minutes, just as Hawk said. It is the typical fleabag place with chipping paint and missing shingles. There are about twenty rooms in all. We circle the motel to try to locate which rooms the El Locos may be staying in, but only find a car or two. I look over at Bull and he points to the main office.

  “See what you can find out,” Bull says to me and Bobby. He always sends Bobby and me after information. Sometimes we can charm the person; sometimes it takes a little more force. I, personally, prefer force over charm. Through the glass doors, we see a young girl with dark hair in a ponytail and thick, black glasses. Even though she's alone in the office, the look on her face is one of fear. God only knows what those fucking assholes have said to her. We push the door open and a bell tinkles.

  “Can I help you?” the young girl asks, her voice shaky. She can't be more than sixteen; why her parents would let her work in a place like this is beyond me.

  “Why yes, you can, pretty girl,” Bobby says, laying on the charm. She instantly blushes; her face of fear turning into a shade of flirtatious red. Obviously Bobby's the charming one and luckily the clerk is, no doubt, a hopeless romantic.

  “Cindy is a pretty name,” I say, reading her name tag and making her blush even more.

  “Thank you.” She smiles, showing a mouth full of braces.

  “You got any other bikers staying here, Doll?” Bobby asks her.

  “Um... I’m not really allowed to give out information like that,” she replies, twirling her hair.

  I lean over the counter and brush a stray hair behind her ear. “We won’t tell anyone, if you don't,” I clearly flirt with the underage girl. I would never mess around with a girl of her age, but if flirting with her gets the information we need, then so be it.

  “Yeah,” she stutters, “we have some called the El... El... Locos.”

  “What rooms are they staying in?” Bobby asks.

  She bites her lip, looking around her before continuing. “Rooms ten through fourteen,” she responds quietly.

  “How long they staying?”

  “I think I've already said too much; I could lose my job.” Honestly, if she lost this job, it wouldn’t be the worst thing for her.

  “I wouldn’t ever let that happen, I promise,” I wink at her, making her eyes light up. Girls can be so clueless sometimes. I think if I acted this cheesy around Dani she would laugh in my face. Maybe that’s what I like so much about her; she's not like most girls.

  She starts flipping through some book, trailing her finger across rows of writing. “They don’t have a check out date,” she responds.

  “Thanks, doll,” Bobby says, before winking at her.

  We walk out to Bull and Locks chatting about something in the parking lot.

  “Rooms ten through fourteen; no check out date,” Bobby says, interrupting them.

  Bull sits there scratching his scruffy cheeks for a second, thinking about what we should do next.

  Whistling sounds from behind me make me turn to inspect where it’s coming from. A young boy wearing an El Locos' cut comes walking around the corner. The El Locos' logo is some weird-ass eyes that appear to be going around in circles. The eyes represent the crazy that the Spanish word “loco” stands for. I hit Bobby's arm and nod my head toward the boy. Bull and Locks get of
f their bikes when they see what we’re looking at. I pull my pistol from my holster and quietly catch up to the boy. When I’m close enough, I push the head of my gun into his back.

  “Don’t you fucking say a word or I will shoot you in the spine. You’ll be shitting in a bag for the rest of your life. Nod if you get that!” I whisper from behind him; the surge of aggression making me high. He nods his head.

  “There anymore of you?” Bobby asks, drawing up beside me.

  The kid shakes his head no. He is being compliant, but I want him to fight back. I want to pull this trigger so bad my finger is tensing.

  “Take us to your room, now,” Bull demands. Bull, Locks and Bobby walk beside me to hide us from passing cars until the guy walks us to Room 13. His body trembles so hard he has tripped twice. He’s so pathetic, I think I might actually feel bad if I kill him; then again, probably not.

  I'm not programmed like others; things that most people have a conscience for, I don’t. Killing and torturing others, makes me feel alive; gives me a control I long for. Growing up with a junkie as a mother, even though she was rarely around, fucks with you. I shut down, I went numb. I’ve seen things I can never un-see and I have learned to cope with that. The only time I feel alive now, is when shit like this goes south.

  Once we are in the room the young guy turns around. The room is filled with beer bottles and fast food trash; it smells terrible. I look down at the boy's cut and notice his name is Chad. What a dip-shit name. I push him down to the mattress with the muzzle of my gun as I check the room to make sure we're alone.

  “What the fuck are you guys doing in my town?” Bull asks, his voice deep and smooth.

  “Fuck you!” Chad spits. My adrenaline spikes, eager at his defiance. He clearly doesn’t know who he is fucking with. He is lucky I don't kill him now.