What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “Nice try, bitch. I worked hard on that chain. You’re staying in here where you can’t escape,” Ricky says, pointing the phone in my direction. My gut wrenches; Shadow will never know where I am. They will give a drop location and never deliver me. They will sell me to Poppy and I will never be with Shadow or my dad again.

  “Shit, she’s right. This damn lighting in here sucks. We are going to have to take her to the other room,” Cassie says, looking at the picture. My heart resumes beating; a flicker of hope springs to the surface.

  “Shit,” Ricky says, agreeing with her after looking at the picture. He walks over to me and pulls a key from his pocket. He leans over and takes off the metal cuff suffocating my ankle. Once released, the relief makes me moan in gratification. He grabs my forearm hard, his fingers bruising my delicate skin.

  “Don’t fucking try anything,” he hisses in my face, his breath so deadly it brings bile to my throat.

  He pushes me into the other room. My eyes sway around the room taking in anything I might be able to get my hands on to help my escape. The floor looks like it has never seen a broom or mop, the only furniture is an old ripped blue couch and an oval kitchen table with two rickety chairs around it. Ricky pushes me in front of the table with used drugs littered across it. His grip tightens making the circulation difficult in my arm. I wince. I notice behind the table is a window; it has a blind halfway torn down and I can see pink and blue lights illuminating the dark sky through the window. It’s not much, but maybe the odd, “Miami Vice” looking building will give Shadow a clue as to where I am.

  Ricky stands behind me. His arm snakes around the front of me and grasps my throat tightly. I wince from the harsh contact, my skin still sensitive from when he choked me earlier. I can still breathe, but his grip makes it difficult and my panic rises. His dirty fingernails cut into my skin and I can feel my blood rush to the small nicks he is causing.

  “Yeah, I think we should still sell her to Poppy. Give some poor bastard an early Christmas,” he snarls in my ear while thrusting his hips into my lower back. His erection is evident and I gag. I look up at Cassie, wondering if she is seeing this, but she is messing with my phone and not paying attention.

  This is it for me. I'm going to die in this shit hole. I will never see Shadow or anyone again. I feel a tear slide down my cheek, making me feel vulnerable. Ricky turns my head to the side and snakes his tongue out of his dry cracked lips. I whimper and try to pull free but he grips my throat tighter forcing me in place. His cold, slippery tongue darts to my fallen tear and licks its presence, leaving behind his slimy trail of an existence. I look into his eyes; the eyes of an empty shell with no remorse or regret.

  “Yeah, I bet he would pay more than Adrian; would get us a lot further,” she answers Ricky as she points the camera in my direction and takes a picture. Looking at these two, reality sets in. What if Shadow doesn’t come quick enough and this Poppy comes to get me? I can see some Cuban man named Poppy smoking on a cigar, laughing in excitement at how much I would sell for. I have to try and fight. I can’t just let these junkies sell me into sex slavery so they can run from whatever it is they can’t face.

  Without thinking, I rear my head back and bust Ricky in the nose. He bellows out in pain and stumbles back. I see my chance to run for the door and take flight, not thinking about Cassie. As soon as I round the table, she grabs me by the hair, “Oh, no, you don’t, bitch!” she snarls, halting me in my run for safety. The door only feet away from me, I can almost taste my freedom. I can’t stop fighting; I have to get out of here. I bust my elbow in her nose, making her scream out in pain and she lets go of my hair. I push her bony body away from me and run for the door.

  Just as my hands grab for the door's golden handle, I feel my body push toward the door unwillingly. Before I can look back at what is happening, my forehead bashes into the door. I whelp in pain, grabbing my forehead. Ricky snatches me by the hair, pulling so tight I can feel my hair snapping and breaking and my new injury bursts with pain.

  “Let me go!” I scream, my hands clawing for his hands, my nails scraping and tearing at his arms.

  “You’re not going to sell well if you’re all beat up, I hope you fuck as hard as you fight, princess.” Ricky whispers in my ear. His hot, sticky breath makes my spine stiffen in alert. With his dirty fingers tangled in my hair, he throws me to the ground like a wet mop. My ribs scream out in the most excruciating pain imaginable. My body can’t take anymore. My vision is blurry and my body screams from every angle in pain.

  “You stupid bitch. I can’t wait to sell your sorry ass to Poppy!” Cassie yells, holding her nose up high to stop the bleeding. She stumbles over to me and kicks me in the ribs. Her blow is not as forceful as Ricky’s, but it’s enough to make me see black spots. I try and fight the darkness invading my vision, scared of what Ricky might do if he gets the chance.

  “Shadow will find me and he will kill you.” I whisper, delirious with pain. They both start chuckling at my response.

  “Oh, honey, you’re a hoot. Once we get our money, your ass is sold and we are gone.” Cassie laughs between each word.

  “Then I will find you and kill you myself.” My voice trembles, revealing how scared I truly am. The darkness finally pulls me under, the pain is too much for my body to tolerate.

  -------------------------------------

  In my darkness, I see Ricky’s nasty tongue swimming around like a serpent. Cassie’s raspy laugh cracks black walls. My mother’s face telling me, “I told you so”. I’m swimming in a darkness that’s my hell; no Shadow. Where is Shadow? He has to come. He wouldn’t leave me here; my dad wouldn’t leave me here, would they? Is this my fate; I’m either going to die or become a slave. The darkness that swims within me is weak and hiding, giving up and wanting to die before it’s dealt a fate it has no control over.

  I open my eyes. My vision still blurry, I see Shadow’s face. His blue, smoldering eyes are blazing with fire and rage. His cheeks are full of stubble and his jaw set to worry. His lips part to allow his harsh breathing. His black hair, thicker on the top and shorter on the sides, make my fingers itch for it. He’s so handsome. Clearly this is just a dream, my pain induced state making me see things. I reach out, trying to feel for his face, as I sob.

  “My beast,” I breathe, still lying on the dirty floor where Ricky and Cassie left me.

  “Dani, I’m here, baby. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore.” His voice is full of emotion; he seems so real I can even smell him. He wraps his bulky arms around my frame, picking me up from the floor. I yell in pain as he lifts me.

  “What is it, baby? What’s wrong?” he says, worry etching every word.

  I can’t speak so I just point to my ribs; my eyes squint shut with such pain. He gently pulls my shirt up and I not only hear him gasp, I can feel his chest rise and fall rapidly.

  “Fuck. Okay. Just wrap your hands around my neck. I’m going to get you out of here. It’s going to hurt, but I’m getting you out of here.” He places my hands above his head and cocoons my body with his arms. My head falls into the nook of his neck. I feel safe; my body relaxes knowing Shadow has me. If this is hell, I want to live here forever.

  “Are you real?” I sob.

  “Yes, baby, I’m real,” he whispers into my hair and then gently kisses my head. He turns toward the door; my prince charming rescuing me.

  “What the fuck?” Ricky hollers. My body immediately tenses; images of him thrusting his pelvis into me and his slithering tongue make my spine go straight. I lift my head to see him and Cassie entering the front door. Bobby is standing next to us, along with Bull and the crew. The whole gang came to save me.

  “Hold on to my neck, Dani,” Shadow whispers. I tangle my hands together and try my hardest to hold my weight as Shadow reaches for something behind him. In a millisecond, he is stomping toward Ricky. He points an unforgiving silver pistol and without a second thought, pulls the trigger. Brains, skull, and blood spatter across the room
. Gun powder and something metallic, caress my senses. Cassie screams and runs from the house.

  “Shit!” Bobby yells, running after her.

  With a deep sigh, I replace my head in Shadow's neck. I think I just saw the beast that masks him from being normal.

  He climbs in the back seat of a car, never letting me go. I wince with pain as he adjusts us; his hand brushes the hair away from my face. His thumb planting circles on my cheek, he leans in, “don’t you leave me again.” I just nod, my head thumping with pain as I do so. Did Shadow save me? Is this real? I try to open my eyes and look at Shadow, but blackness snakes its way around and takes me into a deep, unforgiving pool.

  “I... I fucking love you, Dani,” Shadow whispers in my ear.

  This clearly is a dream; Shadow doesn't love.

  -------------------------------------

  I’m sitting in my bed at the clubhouse; the sight and smell of the old place makes me feel at home. I wonder if they ever caught Cassie; the question makes me uneasy. Fear rattling my cage, I gulp a dry swallow, trying to stomach it all.

  “Doc’s here, Dani,” Shadow says, brushing my hair away from my face. I have never seen such a caring side of Shadow. I turn, wincing from just the slightest movement.

  “Hey, Dani, you can call me Jessica.” The blond beauty struts into the room wearing white scrubs and carrying a black bag. When they said Doc was coming, I envisioned an old, bald guy with nasal hair.

  “What hurts, honey?” she asks, pulling out a stethoscope from her black bag.

  “I have a headache and my ribs,” I rasp. Just talking makes my head throb and my ribs bite with torturous pain.

  “What about your neck?” she asks, nodding toward my neck.

  “My neck?”

  “It looks like you were choked; were you raped?” she asks with sensitivity.

  “What?” Shadow steps up next to Jessica.

  She stands up and places her arms on Shadow's shoulders pushing him back. Just the simple gesture makes me jealous.

  “I need you to go stand outside, Shadow. All of you need to give us some privacy,” Jessica says, still pushing Shadow toward the door. For the first time, I see Bull and Bobby standing in the doorway.

  “Yeah, I need to talk to you and Bobby anyway, Shadow,” Bull says, grabbing Shadow’s shoulder roughly.

  Once Bobby and Shadow leave the room, Bull pops his head back in. “Uh, Doc?” Bull asks roughly, his voice full of authority and hostility.

  “Yes?” she answers, sitting back down on the bed. She looks at my dad over her shoulder.

  “When you're done with Dani, you may want to stick around.”

  “Hmm, I wonder what that's about.” She looks at me with her left eyebrow lifted.

  -------------------------------------

  When I received the picture of Dani beaten within an inch of her life and saw the way Ricky had his fucking hands on her, the beast was released without thought. I'd know that ugly pink and blue lighting in the background of that picture anywhere; it's a bar Bobby dragged me to years ago. After finding the bar, it was only minutes before we found the house. I had my head so wrapped up in Dani, I didn’t even wait for Bull to give orders. I just went in, ready to blow anyone’s head off that stood in my way. When I saw Dani on the floor beaten, I lost all thought. I felt like I had no control; hopeless, afraid, and in love.

  I still can’t believe I told Dani I loved her. I didn’t realize the feelings that had been stirred up were ones of actual love. Can a guy like me love, is it possible? Is it possible to love a guy like me? After saying the words without meaning to, I know I feel deeply for Dani, but I just don't trust her, not fully anyway. In the world I live in, trust is harder to earn than love. Take me sitting here at this table, all my brothers eyeing me, because I broke the law of trust among us.

  “You fucking Dani?” Bull asks, his voice bitter and cold.

  Not all that happy to give all my brothers images for their spank bank, I grit my teeth and answer, “yes.”

  “You know about this, Bobby?” Bull asks. I feel regret wash over me for bringing Bobby into this, but I tried to warn the fucker.

  Bobby looks over the table at me, his stare held straight. We were brothers before this club, and I knew he had my back to the grave.

  “Yes, I did.” He speaks with courage but we both know we are only minutes from pissing ourselves. Bull is not one to be messed with, especially when it comes to trust. One time we had a prospect get arrested and all the boy did was mention the club was having a party, that Bull had lined it up for us to have some coke and whores to relax with. Thankfully, we had the cop in our pocket so nothing came of it. Sadly for the new prospect, though, he was put six feet under, but not before Bull tore his tongue out with an old rusty knife for ratting.

  “Trust like a sinner,” Bull mutters under his breath.

  “I'm not someone you would normally trust; hell, I'm the biggest sinner there is, but I thought this club had a circle of trust. You broke my trust, boys, something that’s not easily earned.” Bull speaks with primal authority.

  “You think Dani is tough enough to live in this world? Her mother wasn’t. What makes you think I want the likes of you being with my little girl? I know the fucked up world you live in. The darkness that rattles your cage is not something I want around my daughter,” Bull roars as he pounds his fist into the table. I forget that Bull knows a lot about my shadows; shadows I will have to reveal to Dani eventually.

  “She hasn’t been here a month, and just a piece of you nearly gets her killed, maybe even raped. She may leave, my daughter I just met, might leave because she can’t stand to be around you, one of my best men. What am I supposed to do about that?” Bull asks, his voice calm and smooth. It was as if he was bipolar, one minute yelling and slamming tables, the next quiet and cool.

  Dani is a big girl, maybe for once she would like to make her own choices and her own life. Sadly for her, if she is mine, that will never happen.

  “I think-“

  “You don’t get to think,” Bull yells, cutting me off, “thinking has you fucking up my club and having brothers lying for you. You broke a law!” he screams. “Fucking with the president's daughter and lying behind my back!

  “Candy the other day, was over you, wasn’t it?” I don’t answer; I know it’s a rhetorical question and nothing I say will help anyway.

  “Bobby, Shadow, outside,” Bull snaps, standing up, his chair skidding across the hardwood floor.

  “What? Why?” Bobby asks.

  “You boys broke laws, time for justice,” Bull clarifies, “and I don’t want blood on my fucking floor, that’s why,” Bull hisses.

  The last thing I will do is be sorry for wanting to be with Dani. If Bull kills me, it was worth it. Dani is the best thing that's happened to me; she's brought me out of the shell I lived in, brought me fire to show me a path I have never known. She may even be able to bring me back from the shadows that follow me, my shadows that lurk in the dark.

  Bobby and I are standing out on the courtyard as Bull walks up to us, the rest of the boys come in from behind him. I’m curious at what his next move may be; he wants blood for betraying him, that’s obvious. Is he going to kill us? Nah, if he was going to kill us he wouldn’t do it here in the open, would he? I suddenly feel regret consume me; betraying my only family for a bitch is not something I would ever do. Yet here I am, and dragging a brother down with me in an ocean of betrayal.

  Bull pulls out his pistol. Tapping the barrel on his leg, he looks up at me, “arm or leg?” I guess I am lucky he’s giving me a choice and not aiming at my skull.

  “You better choose fast before I pick both, or change my mind and aim for your head,” he says, raising his voice.

  “Ar-“ Before I can say the word he fires a round straight into my arm, the same arm that was shot in the drive-by. The shot echoes in the quiet night.

  “Fuck!” I yell out in pain, grabbing at the wound barking at my flesh. />
  The pain radiates up my arm and into my neck; blood starts gushing. The blood is a symbol of the betrayal I have shed on my family, a reminder at how I took Dani’s innocence. The blood that was on my hands then, makes me pay with my own blood now.

  “Bobby, arm or leg?” Bull asks.

  Bobby looks up at me, his eyes show that he's clearly pissed that I dragged him into this shit. To be fair, I tried to tell him to butt the fuck out the day he saw blood on my hands.

  “Fuck, arm,” he says, closing his eyes and waiting for the assault.

  A shot rings out into the night air. Bobby groans deeply and grabs his flesh wound.

  “I let you boys off easy. I think of you as my own, but mark my words, Shadow, you fuck this up with Dani, and the next bullet won’t be in the arm or leg.

  “You bring her into your bullshit again, I will bury your ass,” Bull yells, pointing at me as if I am a disobedient child. I would tell him to fuck off, that I warned Dani about the man I was, but he was the one holding the gun.

  “Oh, and she will be staying with you from now on,” he says wolfishly, making the rest of the boys laugh.

  “What?” Bobby yells, saying exactly what I am thinking.

  “I can’t have her staying at the club, I don’t need another Candy episode. I live here, so she can’t stay with me and seeing how you were so kind to take her under your wing, she’s staying at your place.” Bull turns toward the clubhouse, leaving me and Bobby bleeding and dumbfounded.

  “You fucking owe me big time!” Bobby smarts off at me, gritting his teeth to bare the pain.

  I just look at him. I do owe him big time, but I won't admit it.

  I walk into the clubhouse tightly holding onto my wound to stop the bleeding as much as I can. Actually, that’s a lie; I squeeze as hard as I can so that I do, in fact, bleed on the floor. Fuck Bull.

  “Good thing I stuck around,” Doc says, eyeing me and Bobby as we stumble in.

  “Me first; it’s his fault I’m shot in the first place!” Bobby mumbles, pushing past me. I sit down on the couch and watch as Doc assesses Bobby’s wound.