by K Larsen
Hours later Allie sleeps peacefully in bed and I’m reading on my cot. Dom walks briskly into Allie’s room and pulls me by the wrist from my cot into the hall without a word. I stand before him waiting as he clenches and unclenches his jaw.
“I called Charlie,” he finally says. My lungs refuse to pump air and I can feel myself pale.
“Wh..what?” I stammer.
“It had to be done. Allie’s life is too important to wait on a possible donor.” His hand grips the back of my neck and holds me firmly in place as my legs start to liquefy.
“I...”
“He’ll be here tomorrow,” he says gently but firmly.
“How?” I choke out.
“Clara. I own one of his biggest investments. I made it clear that I would let the hotels tank if he didn't get tested.”
“No. No, Dom. I can’t see him. Allie can’t see him.” My vision starts to blur and I feel dizzy. Dom’s arms wrap around my middle, holding me up.
“There is no other choice. It’s done. If he’s a match, Allie gets a kidney,” he states quietly.
“And a dad?” I question.
“Never. I made it very clear that he’s to stay out of both of your lives or I’d personally report what happened to you,” he says gently. My legs finally betray me and I start to go limp in Dom’s arms. This isn’t real. None of it is real. My brain is at maximum capacity and I just can't wrap my head around what's happening. Effortlessly he scoops me up, carries me back into Allie’s room, and lays me on the cot. “Everything will be okay,” he soothes, rubbing my back. I can’t stop trembling until Dom lies on the tiny cot with me and holds me tightly to him, whispering in my ear that everything will work out. It takes hours but eventually, with Dom’s arms around me, I fall asleep.
When morning arrives Dom is gone. Sawyer and Allie are quietly going over some of her school work together since we’ve been trying to keep her up to speed so she doesn't get held back. A smile tugs at my mouth watching the two of them together. I stretch and crack my neck, trying to get rid of the way my body hurts from sleeping on the tiny cot night after night.
“Morning, Mom,” Allie chirps at me.
“Mornin’, love. How are you feeling?” I coo at her.
“Mom...I’m okay,” she rolls her eyes at Sawyer while they snicker at me and continue on. I give her a kiss on the head before hitting the bathroom to freshen up. Standing in front of the mirror I am horrified. There are dark circles under my eyes and I look like I just survived the Holocaust. It’s not a pretty picture. I splash my face with water in a lame attempt to bring some life back into it and head back to Sawyer and Allie.
“How’s the school work coming along?” I ask mostly to Sawyer.
“She’s still struggling with math... she’s totally your kid.” He smiles up at me. His eyes scan my face and, noticing my haggard appearance, snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me into a hug. “You don’t have to see him you know,” he says quietly into my ear.
I nod into his shoulder and straighten. “Has Dom been around this morning?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s ahh...in with Dr. Brandt,” he informs me.
“He’s here then?” I ask and Sawyer nods.
“Who? Who’s here?” Allie asks watching us.
“No one, baby,” I smooth her hair and head for Dr. Brandt’s office.
Face Off
The walk across the hospital is torturous. I haven’t seen Charlie Hollingsworth in ten years. I haven’t seen him since that night. I was supposed to see him that famous morning for brunch with Daniel but conveniently had fallen down the stairs. Memories of the charity event, his offer to escort me to the ladies room, and subsequently what had gone down, flash through my mind. The man doesn't need two kidneys but I really don't want Allie to have anything more than she already does from him. Dr. Brandt’s door is in view and closed. I walk right up to the handle with every intention of turning the knob and barging in but I can't seem to move from my spot. I can hear Dom’s voice chattering just on the other side of the door along with some other muffled voices. I reach out and touch the knob. It actually feels like it’s scorching a hole through my palm. I pull my hand back feeling injured and wonder what the fuck I’m supposed to do. My breathing is more like shallow gasps as I try to muster my non-existent courage. The voices behind the door start to escalate, startling me. It’s the push I need to move. I turn the handle and push through the door. Three heads whip around to face me but I only see one and it terrifies me.
“Jade,” he bellows. Dom growls next to him and Dr. Brandt just stares dumbfounded at us.
“Charlie,” I croak. Dom and Charlie stand at the same time but Charlie makes it to me first. He looks so much older than I remember him.
“I’m curious. How much is Allie’s life worth to you?” he sneers.
“Wh...what?” I let out on a broken whisper.
“Enough, Charlie,” Dom’s voice is thick with disgust and firm.
“No. She deserves to know, don’t you think?” Charlie whips out at Dom. “Jade, I understand you’ve found yourself a new bank account to live off, but I won’t be blackmailed. If Dom tanks the hotels stocks, so be it. I will happily get tested to see if I’m a match but there will be new rules,” he says, taking a step closer to me. “You will pay me...and my publicist will take the opportunity to run a heart-warming story on how I donated a kidney to a child in need.”
“But... she’s your daughter,” I crow. “I don’t want anything from you, I never have. Why can't you just do this? I never told a soul! I never bothered your family! I disappeared for Christ’s sake!” I wail at him.
“You humiliated my son in ways he never recovered from. You disgraced my family, Jade.” His tone is serious and dark.
“You... you raped me,” I stutter out. Dom moves to my side as my hands ball into fists at my sides. Years of repressed anger and rage bubble to the surface. “YOU RAPED ME! I hate you! FUCK Daniel. He’s a sniveling idiot, that's exactly why I left! I couldn't bear bringing a child into your family knowing it would turn out like the rest of you! She’s amazing. She’s part of you and she’s amazing.” My voice cracks and tears stream down my face. “You will get tested. If you are a match you will donate your fucking kidney, and here’s why Charlie... because if you don’t, I will give your publicist the story of a lifetime. Rape, son who beats his women, you demanding payment for your kidney...one that’s for your bastard daughter!” I am so sick of living like this. Of worrying who knows what and who I can be with. I let all of the verbal diarrhea flow out until I’m toe to toe with him and Dom’s pulling me by the waist backwards. Charlie’s wide-eyed and staring at me. I’m not who I was back then. I’m not afraid of him anymore, nor do I care to impress him or conform to his family’s expectations. I am not Jade McQueen. I’m held tightly against Dom and I can feel his ribs shaking slightly. That fucker is laughing at me!
“Clara, I think you made your point,” Dom says trying to steady his voice. “Charlie, I suggest you get started now with your match testing. Clara is a woman of her word and will probably set out to ruin your life if you don’t do this...and if she says to, I’m likely to tank the hotels just to add insult to injury,” he says gruffly. Charlie stands, quietly absorbing the situation at hand, while I try desperately to breathe instead of puff air. The tension in the room is so thick I think it might swallow us up whole.
“One hundred thousand dollars, if I’m a match, and then you and I don’t exist to each other. No PR, no contact ever again. I want a written contract, signed,” Charlie states. I gape at him in disbelief. He can’t be serious. Did he not just hear anything I said?
“Done. I’ll have my lawyers draw up a contract now. Dr. Brandt, can we fast track his testing?” Dom speaks as I remain silently gaping in shock.
“Of course. Senator Hollingsworth, I’ll need you available for the rest of the week.”
“Fine.” Charlie hands him his card, pushes past me and walks away.
&nbs
p; “Breathe, Clara,” Dom demands. I suck in a sharp breath and look to him.
“Dom...” I begin, but he cuts me off. “I will have the contract drawn up, it will be airtight, and I will pay him the money. This needs to happen if he’s a match. The money’s a drop in the hat for me.”
“I... no... this is crazier than a Lifetime movie,” I shake my head at him.
“It’s already done, Clara, let it go.” He grabs my arm and leads me back to Allie’s floor. Allie is napping when we get there. Sawyer’s head shoots up when we enter and confusion and worry instantly riddle his features. I crawl into the bed with Allie and lay down with her, closing my eyes. I hear Sawyer stand and the two of them shuffle out of the room to the hallway leaving just muffled voices filtering through the air as I drift off to sleep holding my baby.
“Clara, love, wake up,” Sawyer murmurs in my ear. I lazily open my eyes and meet his beautiful blue eyes.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Come get a coffee with me.” He tugs my wrist and pulls me from Allie’s bed. She’s still out like a light. As we head to the cafeteria in silence I can't help but go over the absurdness that took place in Dr. Brandt’s office earlier. None of it makes sense. It’s not at all how I thought things would happen and it bothers me. Sawyer gets us each a coffee while I find a table and try to wipe the sleep and grogginess from my face with my palms.
“Something’s not right,” he states, sitting across from me.
“Huh?”
“Clara, Dom told me everything and it’s not right. It doesn't add up. Why does he need money? Why would that matter to him? Why wouldn't he be worried about you telling your story? He knows something we don't and I’m worried.”
“You know, I thought it was strange the way he didn't really seem phased by being here, seeing me or any of it I guess. He seemed...prepared.”
“Dom didn’t seem all that phased, considering the situation and your feelings about all of it,” Sawyer says.
“What are you getting at?” I ask, slightly irked.
“I don't know, Clara, something just feels off.”
“If she gets the goddamned kidney I don't give a shit. I disappeared once, and if we have to do it again I can...as long as she's healthy and with me,” I say a little defensively. Sawyer pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a breath.
“Just please listen to your gut and tell me if something's not right, okay?” he finally says.
“Always, Sawyer. Always.” I reach out and grab his hand. “I’ve missed you a lot,” I say softly. He retracts his hand from mine.
“Just pay attention, okay?” he repeats before standing and leaving me alone at the table in the cafeteria. I sit sipping my coffee, wondering where Dom actually is right now, why Charlie seemed rather nonplussed by this whole thing, and why Sawyer’s gut and mine both tell us something’s off. I try to shake off the feeling. It doesn't matter how she gets a kidney, I remind myself, just that she gets one. After that happens I can figure out the rest of this mess, but until then...I toss my coffee cup without care into the trash can and head back up to Allie.
It’s truly amazing what money can make happen. Someone who would normally wait year after year for all the necessary steps to happen for a transplant can suddenly be looking at a wait of only a few months. The donor evaluation is divided into four phases: blood and tissue type matching, initial screening tests, one-day donor evaluation, and scheduling the donor surgery. The blood and tissue type matching happens two weeks before surgery: a visit is scheduled for both the donor and the recipient at the Pre-Operative Evaluation Center, then a final cross match is be done one week prior to surgery to make sure the tissue is still compatible. For Charlie, by the third post-operative day, if there are no problems, he will be able to be discharged from the hospital and finish recovering at home. Lucky for us, Charlie turned out to be a match and the surgery is happening tomorrow morning. It’s been the longest three months of my life since finding out he could donate. True to his word, Dom provided Charlie’s lawyer with a contract stating that he would donate his kidney for a hundred thousand dollars, and that after his discharge from the hospital there would never be any mention of the transplant. Violation of the contract would result in a financial penalty. It seemed like the most ridiculous piece of paper in the world to me, but then again, Dom had once given me a contract meant as an out if I wanted to get rid of him, so maybe this is just how men like them do things.
Since the surgery was scheduled Dom has been slowly doing more and more for work and spending less and less time with me. Not that I can blame him. He has two businesses to run and has taken an enormous amount of time off already for me. Still, it seems like he’s distancing himself from me. Sawyer and I decided to close the shop for the month so that we can both be at the house to take care of Allie during her recovery. I’m dreading having to get through tonight. Allie of course is a nervous wreck but she gets happy drugs to knock her out and ensure that she gets the rest she needs. Sawyer and I are reduced to two anxiety-ridden adults who either need to drink coffee all night and skip sleep, or attempt to nap together to get at least a little rest. The only other time we were this amped up with nerves, Allie was almost five and had a fever of 104 that we couldn't manage to bring down. We didn't know what was wrong and neither did the doctors at the ER. After a night spent pumping her full of fluids the fever broke and she was all better. I snort a little at the memory of Sawyer running around frantically, trying every known fever reducer Google had to offer.
“What’re you laughing at?” he asks quietly.
“I was just thinking about the last time you and I were this jacked up, when Allie had that fever.”
“Jesus, that’s right,” he chortles to himself.
“Sawyer,” I call to where he sits.
“Yeah?”
“Come snuggle on the uncomfortable cot with me,” I suggest hesitantly. He narrows his eyes at me for a long time and I’m sure he’s not going to come over but he surprises me and does. I snuggle into his side tightly because the cot is stupidly small and he is not. I like the feel of it. Sawyer’s always been able to comfort me in ways that others just can't. I’ve missed his arms. We don’t speak. We don't need to. I know all his worries are the same as mine and his love for Allie is, too. Old habits die hard, apparently, because in Sawyer’s arms, with Allie’s steady breathing next to us, we both manage to fall asleep just after midnight.
Scars
“The scar on my tummy is stinging a little today,” Allie complains. It is fresh, and it is a little unsightly. It is just over two weeks ago that she received Charlie’s kidney, and she was discharged from the hospital one week later. Now at home there is the slow process of getting to know her new body. After seventy-two hours Allie was delighted to be able to gorge on orange juice, bacon, pancakes, and eggs. Watching her eat and not worry about her body being able to filter out all the crappy parts was pure joy.
“Just try to ignore it,” I tell her with a little smile. There is anxiety about the possibility of rejecting the organ but there is such joy, not just for me, but for her and all who love her, that she is safe and sound now. Dominic has gone back to work mostly full time now but there is a strange distance between us and I can’t figure out why. When he does come over or we go out he’s moody and bitchy. I know I have a lot on my plate and maybe he is just feeling left out or something but seriously he needs to pull his head out of his vagina and deal. Allie comes first. He knows that. He kind of fought for that. He baffles me. For the most part Sawyer and I are back to our shifts at Bloodlines so that someone’s always at the shop and always home with Allie. Things between us are easy for the moment because our focus is the same: Allie’s recovery.
Dom: Won’t be back till weds
OK. everything alright?
Dom: Yes
Miss you
I sigh and set the phone aside. Sawyer briefly narrows his eyes at me but says nothing. After a long, ridiculously hot showe
r, and trying to scrub away the bad feeling I have in the pit of my stomach about Dom, I settle onto the couch next to Sawyer and Allie to watch mind-numbing cable for a while. At midnight Sawyer gently wakes me as he carries me to my bed. “You fell asleep on the couch. Allie’s sleeping. I’m going home,” he whispers to me as he pulls the covers up over me.
“Okay. Sorry,” I mumble sleepily. He smiles sweetly at me before shaking his head and leaving. I hear the click of the door as it closes and drift back to sleep where better days with Dom haunt my dreams.
* * * * *
“Allie, you have to go to school today,” I say sternly.
“I’m not ready!” she crows.
“You are,” I stand firm.
“Mooooom!”
“Don’t. It’s time,” I cut her temper tantrum off at the knees.
There were two slight rejections during the first few months, but they were easily treated and she slowly regained all her normal abilities.
“Listen to your mom, Allie,” Dom clips at her. It makes my temper flare when he talks to her like that but I keep my mouth clamped shut.
