“Would you rather that had been the case?”
I look up at Jess, finally laying my fork down. “Yes, of course I’d rather that had been the case. I was trying to move on, trying to build a new life for myself, and it was working. Cavendish King is keeping me busy, and I love it there. I was just starting to find my feet, and this – I don’t need this. Because now I need to know, Jess. Why he did what he did. I need to know. I think I deserve that, don’t you?”
“I think it’s probably the least you deserve. Does Evan know…?”
“About mine and Mike’s relationship? No. He doesn’t. And I’m not sure we can keep it a secret forever, but, I just don’t feel like making it all public just yet. I need to get my head around it myself first. Do you understand?”
“Yes, of course I do. Obviously you need some time, but, it looks like you’re all going to be working together, so… Maybe keeping it from Evan and Dana for too long – maybe that’s not the best idea. I mean, your personal life isn’t really their business, but…”
“This is spilling over into work, right?” I sigh quietly, briefly dropping my gaze, and my eyes fall onto the third finger of my left hand. The beautiful white-gold pale pink square-cut diamond engagement ring isn’t there anymore. It’s back in its box now, at home, at the back of a drawer, and just like my wedding dress I haven’t looked at it since that day. But I can’t let go of those reminders. I can’t. And now the biggest reminder of all has just walked back into my life as though everything’s just gone back to how it was before there was even a me and him. “I need to talk to Mike first. I need to get that sorted, find a way to…” I trail off, and I pick up my wine and I drain the glass. It’s a small alcohol hit but it’s all I’m going to get, for now. “I’m sorry, Jess. For laying this all on you. You don’t need to know the mess my personal life’s become…”
“Hey, listen to me. Listen. You and me, we hit it off the second we met, right?”
I look at her, and I nod, because she’s right. We did. It’s like I’ve known her forever, even though she’s a junior partner and I’m just a legal secretary. There’s no gap there, no chasm, we’re just friends.
“And you can’t keep shit like this to yourself. You need someone to offload on, and having me there, at work, it might just make things that little bit easier, okay? Because any time you feel yourself losing it or you just need to get something off your chest, you know where I am. And if I’m in court or I’m busy or just not in the building you text me, you hear? You call me, you leave a message, you get in touch and I’ll be there for you, Lola. And I know you’ve got Kat, and she’s obviously closer to this situation than I can ever be, but, sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who’s that little bit more detached. Sometimes that’s better.”
She reaches across the table and takes my hand and she squeezes it tight. And I smile, because she’s making me feel like I can do this. I can deal with this. I have to. I don’t have much choice.
“Now, you fall apart all you like inside, okay? But at Cavendish King you need to keep kicking ass, so you make sure that strong, smart woman I like so much – you make sure she sticks around. Don’t let that other one show herself until you’re out of that building because they can smell weakness a mile off, honey, no word of a lie.”
I can’t tell her about Evan. I can’t tell anyone about Evan, in reality I probably shouldn’t have even told Kat. She works for another law firm in Manhattan, and I know they do a lot of business with Cavendish King, and all it would take would be one small hint, one tiny piece of something insignificant to start rumors that could prove dangerous, and then our secret could be out. Our secret. Me and Evan King. How’s that going to work now Mike’s back in my world? But he isn’t back in my world, is he? He’s back in New York, but that means nothing. Because he obviously didn’t come back for me.
“Lola?”
I look up, and I realize I’d drifted off there and I can’t do that. I can’t. “I’m sorry, I… I’m fine. And thanks, for lunch. I really needed a bit of time to get my head around all of this.”
“You gonna be okay this afternoon?”
I smile again and inhale deep, exhaling slowly. “I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Well, I’m in the office for the rest of the day, so, maybe I’ll stop by your cubicle for coffee later, huh?”
“I’d like that.”
“Good. Oh, and those cocktails we’re supposed to be having tonight – do you want to take a rain check?”
“Sort my shit out first, huh?”
She laughs, but she knows what I mean. I need to talk to Mike. I need to be with Evan. I need to do something, I just haven’t decided which I need to do first. Which I want to do first. Face the reality? Or escape it.
“Come on, Ms. Burrows. We’d better be getting back. You’ve still got to endure the Kyle Powers initiation ceremony, and that’s more than enough to take your mind off anything else, believe me. You’ll also be showering for a week but once it’s over he usually leaves you alone, unless you give him signals that tell him otherwise.”
She winks, and I laugh too, and for a second everything really does feel like it’s going to be okay. But it can’t be. I don’t think it will be.
My life just got complicated. Sorry, more complicated. And I’ve got to find a way to make it all work now. I just don’t know where the hell to even start.
Eight
Lola
The Cavendish King offices have a completely different feel this late at night. The lighting’s dimmer, everything’s quiet, and the view from all that expanse of glass is now just a blanket of lights and lit-up windows as Manhattan slips into darkness. The building isn’t completely empty, there are still a few people here, but on the whole it’s eerily quiet.
I step off the elevator and make my way along the corridor toward Evan’s office. He’s in a late meeting over on the other side of town, but he needs some files dropping off at his apartment so he can look them over before he meets with his client tomorrow. Files he didn’t realize he needed until he was halfway to this meeting, so he asked me to pick them up and take them to his apartment. He gave me a key to his place, for situations just like this. I have a key to Evan King’s apartment. I open my legs for Evan King, I let him in without a second thought because Evan King is hot and handsome and powerful, and I need his distraction.
Pushing open his office door I go to his desk, find the files and gather them up, slipping them into my purse. Job done. Now I need to grab a cab to his apartment, drop the files off and head back home. I’m tired, and I need to sleep; to forget this messed up day has happened.
I close Evan’s office door, double check my own cubicle is completely shut down, and then I glance around one more time, because I actually quite like the silence and the peace that surrounds this place when it’s late and almost empty. But as I glance to my left I notice the lights are still on in the office just down the corridor – Mike’s office. It’s late, and I don’t really want to do this, but I can’t stop myself. He wasn’t here, when I got back from lunch. He’d gone out to meet with someone regarding the case he and Evan are working on, and while a part of me had been relieved, another part felt empty. I’d missed him, and that was bad. That was wrong. That made me feel weak and angry, but I loved that man so much, and seeing him again…
His office door is slightly ajar, and I stand in the doorway for a second or two just watching him. His head’s down, and he has that look of concentration on his face that I’m all too familiar with. It means he’s got his teeth into something, and he’s happy, when he’s working. He’s ambitious, he’s smart, and he deserves the break Cavendish King are giving him. I just wish it could have been under different circumstances because this – this is a mess.
He senses he has company, and he slowly looks up, his eyes locking on mine. “What’re you doing here? It’s late.”
“Evan needed some files pi
cking up. And I thought you weren’t starting until tomorrow?”
“Well, I kinda got dragged into things a little earlier than expected.” He puts down his pen and stands up, walking out front of his desk. His white shirtsleeves are rolled up to his elbows, his tie loose around his neck and his face is carrying a couple of days’ worth of stubble, his short, dirty blonde hair a little more mussed-up than it was when I saw him earlier today, which means he’s been raking his fingers through it, the way he always does when he’s concentrating on something. I know him that well. Or I thought I did.
“Lola… I’m sorry…”
I can’t stop the laugh escaping, it just falls out of me. “Sorry? That’s it? No explanation, no phone call, nothing. For three months. You just left me, standing there… You broke my fucking heart and you’re sorry?”
“I don’t know what else to say. I don’t, I… Lola, I panicked…” He drags a hand back through his hair, messing it up even more, and I can see he doesn’t want to be doing this. Neither do I, it’s awkward and upsetting but I need to know. I deserve to know.
“You panicked? Jesus, Mike, how old are you? If you had second thoughts you should’ve talked to me, did you think that little of me?”
“No, baby, I loved you. So much…”
“And yet you still did that to me. You have no idea how I felt when you just didn’t show up. And no one knew where you were, no one knew why. And I just wanted you. But you – you panicked, huh? You panicked. And you ran, like a coward, and you hid away and you made everything ten times worse because you couldn’t face up to telling me you just didn’t want to marry me.”
“It wasn’t like that, Lola, believe me.”
I don’t actually want to talk anymore. And I thought I’d be more angry than this, but I’m not. I’m just sad that it came to this. That I lost him, like this, because I still love him. I still want him, and I’d take him back in a heartbeat if he wanted me. If I wasn’t a stronger woman. But I am strong. I know that now. Facing him like this, I think I’ve just realized how strong I really am.
“Look, if you want me to give up this job…”
“No. I don’t want you to do that. You deserve this job. The chance to work with Evan King – that’s not something that could come around again, and I’m not going to be the one to make you give that up. We can work together, can’t we? I mean, it’s not ideal, and I doubt it’s something either of us would’ve chosen to do, but, y’know. We’re grown-ups. And we can deal with this.”
I look right into his eyes and it hurts, of course it does. I mean what I say, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess we can… Lola…”
“I need to get these files to Evan’s apartment.”
I turn to leave, and I don’t know how I’m feeling now. Maybe I just need a bit more time to take in what’s really happened here.
“Lola? Are we… are we okay?”
I close my eyes and for a second I just stand there, keeping my back to him. I’m not sure I can do this anymore tonight. We’ve made a start, but I think that’s enough for now. So I don’t turn around, I don’t answer him. I just walk away.
*
I put the files down on a low, glass-topped coffee table and look around Evan’s apartment. It’s not the first time I’ve been here, obviously, but it feels different this time, knowing who he is, what we are to each other; the warped and so inappropriate relationship we have.
“I’m sorry I called you over here so late, Lola, but I really needed those files, and I was in a meeting over on the other side of town…”
“It’s fine. I had nothing planned for tonight. It wasn’t a problem. All part of my job, right?”
I wasn’t expecting him to be here, I thought he’d still be out. I’d planned to just leave the files and head straight back home, but now that he is here I’m kind of hoping he needs me to stay. For whatever reason. Going home is only going to mean Kat wanting to talk because she knows Mike’s back. She sent me a text earlier, along with Eric. I sent short texts back to both of them telling them I was fine, it was okay, we’d talk later. But I’m not really in the mood now. For talking.
“Drink?”
He holds up a bottle of wine and I give him a small smile. It’s like he’s read my mind. “Thank you.”
“Take your jacket off. Relax for a little while, it’s been a long day.”
I slip off my jacket and lie it carefully over the back of a chair as he hands me a glass of red, and he has no idea how much I need this drink.
“You seem tense.”
I look at him, and I frown slightly. “You can tell that just by handing me a glass of wine?”
He smiles and laughs quietly. “I can tell a lot of things about people, Lola. It’s what I do. I read people. I wouldn’t be the lawyer I am if I couldn’t do that.”
I don’t know whether that makes me feel slightly nervous now. Is he going to be able to read me and Mike? Tell just from our possibly not-so-obvious body language that we have some kind of history? Is one glance, one furtive flinch if he comes too close, is that going to be enough to give us away? And I know Jess said I should tell Evan what Mike once was to me but I’m not ready to do that yet. Once I’ve dealt with the fact he’s back, once I’ve gotten used to that, then I’ll let Evan know. The wisest decision? Probably not. But nothing about any of this is right or normal.
“I’m not tense.”
That’s a lie, because my shoulders are taut and my neck hurts and I’m as tense as hell.
He walks over to me, and I swallow hard and take a sip of my wine because I think we both know why he made sure he was home before I got here. He always was going to be home.
“You need to look through those files before tomorrow. And you’re right, it’s been a long day. I’d better be getting home.”
“We both know I didn’t just get you here to deliver files, Lola.”
“Overtime, huh?”
He smiles again, and his eyes never leave mine. “I think, maybe, we’re both a bit tense.”
“You could have any woman you want to ease those tired shoulders of yours, Mr. King. I may not always be available.”
“Oh, I think we both know you came here tonight because you wanted to. You didn’t come here because I asked you to. If you really hadn’t wanted this to happen you would have told me to fuck off, I know you now, Lola. I know the way you work.”
“After just a few days, huh? You’re good.”
He places his drink down on the table and takes my glass from my hand, placing it down next to his. “And you’ve got a mouth on you that some would find extremely irritating, given your position.”
“And what position would that be, Mr. King? Cowgirl? Or would you prefer that in reverse? I know you’re more adventurous than the missionary position…”
He’s slammed me back against the wall before I can say another word, and as he kisses me I taste whiskey on his mouth, his lips forcing mine apart, his tongue sliding inside and I need this, I want him, just as much as he wants me. We just have very different reasons, that’s all.
He’s got my skirt up around my thighs, his hands are gripping my hips tight as his mouth moves to my neck and I’m surprising myself at how quickly this man can turn my mood, make me want sex like I’m never going to have it again.
He turns me around so I’m facing the wall, and my hands are up by my head as he yanks my panties down and pulls my hips back against him, his fingers intertwining with mine as he enters me from behind. And once more I cry out as a small bolt of pain shoots through me; he’s a big man, and it hurts, for the briefest of seconds, when he first pushes inside me, but once that’s passed I crave the feeling of being completely taken over. He fills me, and from this angle I feel him even more, feel him crushed against me, his fingers digging into my thighs as he thrusts and pushes, his incredible cock pumping away inside me until he comes, quickly and calmly. It’s almost cathartic, for me. I can’t really explain
why, but after seeing Mike – I needed this. I think I need Evan King more than I ever thought I was going to need him. Now.
He rests his forehead against the back of my neck and I feel his breath warm and heavy on my skin, his breathing ragged and hard. And his fingers are still clutching mine tight, our bodies still locked together and I like it, that feeling of – I don’t know. Safety, almost. He’s inside me, and I like it. I need him there. But I also need my own release, and I haven’t had that yet.
He pulls out of me and I let go of his hand so I can turn around, and I look at him as I loosen my shirt and slip it back off my shoulders, unhook my bra and toss it aside; unzip my skirt and let it fall to the floor, leaving me naked, bar for my heels. And he drops his gaze, his eyes skirting every inch of my body and I shiver. I’m back in control now. He’s taken what he wants, now it’s my turn. This works both ways, and he knows that.
“You’re not going home yet, I take it?” The corner of his mouth twists up into a sexy-as-hell smirk and I shiver again, and I like it, that feeling of being wanted. I’m nothing more than his toy, and yet, that’s what I want to be. Nothing more. More can hurt, more can lead to pain; shattered hearts and broken dreams and I don’t need that anymore. I like this.
I don’t reply, I just turn and walk toward his bedroom, and he’s going to follow me, of course he is. This man may be one of the toughest lawyers in New York but I know I can make him weak, when it comes to sex. When it comes to me. I’m certainly going to try.
“I don’t want to go home yet.” I turn to face him, and he stands there in the doorway, his hands in his pockets, that undeniably sexy sideways smirk on his handsome face. “I’m not done, Evan. You’ve had your fun, but let’s not be completely selfish. I think it’s my turn now, don’t you?”
Lawfully His (A Dirty Business Novel Book 1) Page 7
