Three Letters

by Josephine Cox

  Stepping back, she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Sleep well, Tom Denton. Try not to hate me too much, eh?’

  As she turned to walk away, the breeze heightened and caught the letter from her grasp. She watched as it was carried through the air, spinning and dancing, into the small, wooded area.

  Curious, she watched it go out of sight. Then she smiled down on Tom. ‘So, you took it back, did you? Well, that’s OK. I didn’t need to read it anyway.’

  Somehow, it felt right, that the letter should be free.

  Unlike her, because as far as she could tell right now, she would never be free.

  But what did it matter? The fires of Hell could be no worse than the Hell she was living here on earth.

  PART THREE

  A Hard Road

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘BUT I NEED to come with you, Granddad. I won’t be any trouble.’

  ‘I don’t reckon it would be a good idea,’ Bob told Casey. ‘It’ll be painful enough for me, let alone for a young lad like you. After all that’s happened, it’s best you stay away from there.’

  ‘But I have to get my comics and stuff.’

  ‘I’ll get them for yer. And don’t worry, I’ll be careful. Anyway, I’ve already asked Dolly if she’ll be kind enough to stay here with you while I go and sort out the other house.’

  Four weeks tomorrow! thought Bob in disgust. That’s all it’s been and already the landlord’s on me back! He wants the house emptied today, or he’ll charge another month’s rent, cheeky bugger! It seems he can’t pack another family in fast enough!

  Putting on his spectacles, he checked the list, which had been delivered by the landlord. ‘Look at that! He reckons he owns the double bed, and both armchairs in the sitting room. That’s the first I’ve heard o’ that!’

  ‘Me too,’ Casey declared stoutly.

  ‘Well, I never!’ Though the situation was disappointing, Granddad Bob was secretly amused by the boy’s quick remark. ‘Yer mean to tell me, yer mam and dad never thought to inform yer as to whether or not they owned all the furniture?’ He gave an aside wink at Dolly, who was also amused by the boy’s contribution.

  ‘Bless his little heart.’ She smiled at Casey. ‘You’re only trying to help, isn’t that right, sweetheart?’

  ‘Yes, Granddad!’ In his own little way, the boy chided, ‘You shouldn’t ask me, ’cause I were never told anything like that.’

  In truth, he was surprised as anyone to learn that the landlord owned his mam and dad’s bed, and two chairs.

  ‘Yer absolutely right, lad, I should not have asked you, and I’m very sorry, I must say. As it happens, though, we’re both of us in the dark, ’cause nobody told me neither.’

  He gave a convincing scowl. ‘So it looks like between the two of us, we’ve no idea what furniture the landlord owns, or doesn’t own.’ He looked across at Dolly. ‘We’ve only got his word for it. Moreover, to my recollection, some landlords have been known to claim things that weren’t even theirs in the first place!’

  Dolly was always a practical soul. ‘Well, Bob, if you don’t mind me saying, it seems to me that if no one knows, and as your daughter-in-law can’t be found, you’ve little choice but to accept the landlord’s claim. Then later on, if you find out he’s lied, you can have him, good and proper!’

  The old man laughed out loud. ‘What with you and the boy, I reckon I’m caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. But yer right, lass. There’s nowt I can do for now, except tek his word for it.’

  ‘That’s what I think an’ all!’ Casey liked to be involved in serious conversations, even though sometimes he was out of his depth. ‘Maybe Daddy wrote it all down in his papers and stuff.’

  The old man was intrigued. ‘What “papers and stuff” would that be then?’

  ‘The rent book, I think, and papers …’ he gave a shrug ‘… just papers. And sometimes, when Daddy was writing things down and I was waiting to play the guitar, he would put the papers into a big envelope and ask me to put it in his special place, while he got the guitar tuned and everything.’

  ‘I see.’ The old man lapsed into deep thought. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of ‘writing things down’ his son might do; especially when his income was modest and he owned next to nothing.

  ‘I know where it’s all kept,’ Casey persisted, ‘so you do need me to help, and Dolly can come too. She can help pack stuff into the boxes, and I know what stuff was ours. I can write on the boxes, so everybody knows what’s inside.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ Bob gave a contrived little groan. ‘Looks like I’m being nagged from all sides. All right then, we’ll all go. All three of us. Satisfied, are yer?’

  ‘Well, I think that’s a very good idea,’ Dolly said. ‘Thank you, Casey.’ She told the boy. ‘For a minute there, I thought I’d never be asked.’ Picking up the teapot, she poured another cup of tea for Bob. ‘Me and the lad knew all along that you’d get it right, though, didn’t we, Casey?’ When she gave the boy a crafty wink, he understood and grinned back at her.

  He liked Dolly. It was good to have her here.

  ‘Right, lad,’ said Bob, ‘you go and get yourself ready. And don’t forget to comb your hair properly and make yourself look decent, in case them nosy neighbours are watching.’

  ‘What about the guitar, Granddad?’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘When are we taking it for the man to mend?’

  ‘When we get back. But listen, lad, don’t get yer hopes up, in case it’s too far gone.’

  ‘But you said the man was really good at mending things.’

  ‘I know that, son, and he is, but he’s not a genius, and if a thing is past mending, he’ll say so.’

  ‘But he won’t say the guitar is “past mending”, will he, Granddad?’

  ‘I honestly don’t know, lad. Don’t forget that guitar took quite a battering.’

  Bob had never given his grandson false hope, and he wasn’t about to give it now. ‘A guitar, like any musical instrument, is a delicate thing. Even if it got put back together, there’s no guarantee it would ever sound the same.’

  ‘But we have to try, Granddad. We have to!’

  ‘I agree. We’ll do all we can, lad. I made you a promise on that.’

  Reassured, the boy went up to get himself ready.

  Once inside the bedroom, he sat before the mirror, suddenly low in spirit as he thought of what they were about to do.

  ‘I don’t want the landlord to take back the house, but I don’t ever want to live there again,’ Casey spoke. ‘But what if Mam wants to stay there? How can she do that, without any money for the rent? Granddad says she’s made her choice, and that he’s sure if she needs us she’ll be in touch, but she won’t need us and she won’t ever get in touch, and I don’t know if I even want her to.’

  His mind and heart were heavy with all manner of guilt and blame, and when he thought of his daddy’s loving letter, he wondered how he was able to forgive her when he was finding it so hard to do.

  ‘I don’t want to go back to Henry Street, and then I do, and then I don’t,’ he muttered. He closed his eyes, remembering the last time he was in that house. In his mind’s eye he could hear Mam shouting at Daddy. Telling her bad things. He could remember her grabbing hold of him when Daddy was out of the room, and how very much she had wanted to hurt him.

  Disturbed by the images in his mind, he opened his eyes and stared at himself in the mirror. Suddenly, he imagined it was not himself looking back from the mirror, but his daddy, smiling at him, willing him to be brave. ‘I don’t know how I’ll feel when I go inside the house. I’m frightened, Daddy. I’m worried I might run away, and upset Granddad …’

  For one precious, fleeting moment, Casey felt as though his daddy was right there, in the room with him, and his presence gave him such great strength of heart that suddenly his fear was gone, and then his daddy was gone.

  He tried hard to stop the tears from falling, but
he could not. This time, though, unlike before, they were not sad, because he was not sad.

  Eventually, he brushed the tears impatiently away. ‘I love you, Daddy.’ His fingers traced the spot where he thought he had seen his daddy’s face, and his heart was calm again.

  He would try hard to be brave, because his daddy would be there just as he had promised in the letter. He would be there to help him.

  Downstairs, Bob and Dolly were talking. ‘I’m still not sure I’m doing the right thing, lass … tekking the boy back there.’

  Like Bob, Dolly kept her voice low. ‘You do right to take him, Bob. From what you told me, Henry Street is the only home he’s ever known, and to my mind, it’s best he’s allowed to say goodbye, once and for all. Y’see, Bob … in doing that, he won’t be forever hankering after what once was, or what might have been, because now, with his daddy gone – God rest his soul,’ she made the sign of the cross on herself – ‘and with his mammy gone off who knows where, Casey has no choice but to start again. But he’ll have you, thank goodness, and I’ll be there whenever either of you need me.’

  ‘Oh, I see!’ Bob had come to value Dolly like he never thought he would value another woman since his dear wife was gone. He was happy in Dolly’s company, and he looked forward to having her here. And now the two of them were so familiar with each other, she felt she had the right to speak her mind, which she did whenever she thought it necessary. ‘So, now I’m being got at from all sides, am I?’

  She answered tenderly, ‘I’m not getting at you, Bob. All I’m saying is, young Casey is a sensible lad. If he feels able to deal with seeing his old house again, then why not let him? I’ll be there as well. You know I’m more than willing to lend a hand. And you know that if the lad is upset at being back there in that house, I’ll take him out of it, while you carry on and do the necessary work.’

  The old man was deeply uncomfortable about the plan. ‘I don’t know, Dolly. I’m not altogether sure it’s right for the lad to be there.’ He lowered his voice to a whisper. ‘Bad memories and all that.’

  ‘Well, of course it’s entirely up to you, and I really shouldn’t interfere. But have you thought that, in order to get past the “bad memories and all that”, the lad might really need to go back and say goodbye for that one last time? It won’t be easy for you either, Bob, but between the two of you, I know you’ll get through this.’ Having witnessed first-hand the close bond between the old man and the boy, she was filled with warmth and admiration.

  Bob looked up at her, and what he saw was the kindliest, prettiest face smiling down on him; and he felt like the luckiest man on earth to have found her, especially at this time in his life. ‘Yer right, lass. The boy has a mind of his own, and if he’s sure it won’t test him too much, then we’ll tek him back, like he asked. Besides, it’ll save me a job, ’cause then he can sort out his own comics, eh?’

  And so it was decided. All three of them would go.

  Some half-hour later, like three souls on a mission, they went off down the street, the boy going in front, and the two old folk coming up behind, chatting about things in general, and privately thinking about each other and the future.

  The boy, however, was strongest on their minds. They knew it would be an ordeal for him to go into the house on Henry Street.

  The very same thought was running through Casey’s young mind. It was strange to think that when they left Henry Street, it would be for the last time. That little terraced house where he was brought up was very special to him, the only home he had known until a month ago.

  It was only now that he came to realise the many boyish adventures he’d enjoyed in Henry Street. He’d learned to play football on the cobbles; race a playmate from the top of the street to the bottom, and to swing round the lampposts with a makeshift wooden seat fastened to a rope, the rope carefully looped over the arm of the lamp.

  It was where he first learned to ride his bicycle, with his daddy running close behind, ready to catch him if he should fall.

  As he ran in front of Dolly and Granddad Bob, he recalled many good happenings inside their house, things that made him laugh out loud. Like the time he and his daddy had been working down in the coal cellar.

  The idea was to clean a small area, then they would paint the walls and partition it all off, so they could play the guitar and make music down there without bothering anyone with the noise. It would be their very own little hideaway.

  First, they needed to clear away the thick layers of soot, which over the years had stuck to the damp walls like a second skin.

  After a couple of hours’ scraping and shovelling, they had almost cleared one wall when a solid blanket of soot slid off the upper area and covered them from head to foot.

  Panicking, they fled up the back stairs to the house, but when Ruth saw them through the window, she ran out, screaming and yelling and waving the house brush at them. ‘You’re not fetching that muck in ’ere!’ she yelled angrily.

  Casey remembered his daddy’s face was coal black, with two white rings round his eyes where he’d rubbed away the soot. ‘You look like a panda!’ the boy laughed, and then his dad threw a fistful of soot at him, and he threw a fistful right back, until Mam shouted from the back door, ‘You can stay out there all night, for all I care. I mean it! If you’re not soon cleaned up, I’ll lock this door, and leave you out there to freeze!’

  So, not wanting to stay out there all night in the cold, the two of them stripped off and washed under the yard tap, splashing soot and water at each other, and laughing till their sides ached.

  ‘Casey!’ Granddad Bob’s voice startled him.

  ‘What’s wrong, Granddad?’

  ‘Look! There’s the bus. Quick, lad, don’t let him go off without us.’

  ‘I won’t!’

  Casey ran on and asked the conductor to wait. ‘All right, but only for a minute or two. I can’t afford to be late.’

  Puffing and panting, the old man arrived to thank him, then he helped Dolly and the boy onto the platform, and led them to the long seating at the sides. After settling Dolly, he sat the boy between them. ‘All right, are yer, lad?’

  ‘Yes, Granddad, and what about you?’

  ‘I’m all right.’ He turned to Dolly. ‘All right, are yer, lass?’

  ‘Right as rain, thank you, Bob.’

  ‘Good.’ Though he loathed the circumstances that had brought her to his home, he felt a degree of contentment. With himself and Dolly and the boy all together, it felt like he had been given back a little family.

  He firmly believed it was true what they said: the Good Lord takes with one hand and gives with the other.

  Collecting the fares, the conductor addressed the boy. ‘On a trip with the grandparents, is it?’

  The boy smiled at that. He looked at Granddad Bob, with Dolly beside him, and his emotions were a mingling of sadness and pride. ‘We’re going to Henry Street.’

  ‘Henry Street, eh? This bus doesn’t go all the way. You’ll need to walk from Penny Street.’

  Granddad Bob held out the loose change. ‘That’s all right,’ he acknowledged. ‘Penny Street will do. Besides, it’s nobbut a spit and a jump from Henry Street.’ He watched the conductor roll off the tickets from the machine round his neck. ‘Happen the short walk will do us old ’uns a world o’ good,’ he said.

  As they travelled to Penny Street, all three became thoughtful, with Casey growing ever more nervous.

  Bob was also troubled. Try as he might, he could not rid himself of the idea that Ruth might have actually gone back there. But then he couldn’t see how or why she would, especially as she’d handed in the keys and the house was about to be emptied of its contents.

  He’d noticed how the boy was increasingly agitated, shifting about between himself and Dolly, and constantly fidgeting. He was beginning to regret having brought the child with them.

  ‘Worried are you, lad?’

  ‘I’m not worried, Granddad.’ Casey’s voice
dropped to a whisper. ‘I’m just a bit sorry, that’s all.’

  ‘Aw, lad, that’s understandable. We’re all a bit sorry. But we need to be strong as well, don’t we?’

  ‘Mmm.’ Casey gave a little nod, and turned to gaze out the window.

  It felt so very strange, coming back here. He wished his daddy was waiting for them at the house. He needed him.

  Sensing his anguish, the old man was deeply sorry he could not change things for this hurt little lad. He realised how difficult this journey must be for his grandson, having lost both his parents in different ways. Soon, the only home he had ever known would be gone for ever.

  ‘Hey!’ He took hold of the boy’s hand. ‘It’ll work out all right, I promise you. Trust yer old granddad, eh?’ His face crumpled in a smile. ‘Well, are yer coming in or not?’

  ‘Yes, Granddad. Anyway I want to get my comics and I need to make sure the landlord doesn’t take things that don’t belong to him.’ He had not forgotten about the chairs and the bed. Also, there were personal things belonging to his daddy.

  The old man understood. ‘All right then, yer must come inside, but I’ll tek care of yer daddy’s personal things,’ he promised. ‘You just root ’em out for me, an’ then they’ll be for me to worry about. You have my word, the landlord won’t get his hands on anything that’s not his to take.’

  ‘I’ll get the papers for you, Granddad. I know where they are.’

  ‘Good lad!’ He gave the boy’s hand a friendly little squeeze. ‘Between the two of us, we’ll have this business sorted in no time at all.’

  When, at that moment, Casey glanced up, he was greatly embarrassed to see a pretty schoolgirl, with long plaits and a smiley face, looking right at him. Blushing bright pink, he quickly slid his hand away from his granddad. He didn’t need his hand held; he was not a baby! And he didn’t want to look like a big sissy in front of that girl.

  Bob and Dolly saw Casey’s embarrassment and exchanged knowing little smiles.