Three Letters

by Josephine Cox

  ‘Alice?’ Steve shattered Alice’s thoughts.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Steve.’ Alice had been caught off guard. ‘I was miles away there for a minute.’

  ‘Yes, I could see that.’ He felt guilty. ‘Thinking about Mike, were you?’

  ‘Sort of, yes.’ She spoke quietly. ‘I miss him.’

  ‘I know you do, but soon you’ll be home and when he returns you’ll both be waiting there for him.’

  He turned his thoughts to Connie, wondering if she’d be glad to see him. She always made a show of affection when he returned from a trip, but he could never tell if her feelings were genuine or not.

  ‘What will you do when the studios are up and running?’ Alice asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, I mean, will you stay with the group, or will you disband altogether? You can’t possibly manage to rehearse and perform and at the same time hope to manage the recording studios as well. It’s not possible.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Steve admitted. ‘To tell the truth, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. But don’t forget, since Lennie left, we’ve hardly played. Jim and Pete are more interested in their growing management businesses, scouting for new talent and such, and I’m developing the recording studios, partly financed by Jim. So it looks like we have disbanded and gone our separate ways already. Mind you, one way or another, we’ll all be in the music business,’ he crossed his fingers, ‘so if and when it happens, I’m sure they’ll be taking advantage of the new studio, which means we’ll still be working together at different times. It’s like I said to Mike, since Lennie went it was never the same as it used to be.’

  Alice could hear the regret in his voice. ‘You miss it, don’t you … the way it was?’

  ‘Yeah, I do miss it, but we all need to move on.’ Steve shrugged. ‘Besides, let’s face it. We’re not the bright young things we were, and it’s only the die-hard fans that follow us now.’

  Alice nodded. ‘Well, at least you’ve got some fantastic memories to keep you warm in your old age.’

  ‘Hey!’ Steve wagged a finger. ‘Not so much of the old, if you don’t mind.’ He grinned cheekily. ‘I’ve still got all my own teeth.’ He grew serious. ‘More importantly, I’m on the verge of realising my big dream.’

  There was a moment of quiet, while each reflected on his or her achivements in life.

  ‘Steve?’ Alice looked up. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Don’t be angry, will you, only I’ve always wondered …’

  ‘Come on, then! Out with it.’

  ‘Well, to be honest, I could never see why you married Connie. You’re so different in many ways. You’re a grafter, and she’s … she’s …’ She struggled to find a word that would not offend.

  Steve smiled. ‘She’s lazy and selfish. That’s what you’re trying to say, isn’t it? And you’d be right.’

  Alice was embarrassed. ‘No, I didn’t mean … but, well, to be honest, I would never have put you two together in a million years. Oh, look, Steve, I’m sorry. I should never have said that.’ Taking up her glass, she drained it to its last drop. ‘One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business.’

  ‘Look, it’s already forgotten. Tell you what, I reckon we’ve got time for another drink. What d’you say?’

  Alice gave a sheepish grin. ‘I think I might have had enough wine for tonight.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes … no!’ She groaned, ‘oh, go on then I’ll have the same again. A small white wine, please.’

  ‘Coming up.’ Steve went away to collect the drinks.

  A few minutes later, taking a long sip of his beer, Steve admitted, ‘I’d best make this the last one, especially as I’ve got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.’

  Alice detected a slight slur in his voice. ‘Quite right, too. You don’t need a hangover when you meet up with the planners.’

  She had never known Steve to drink over his limit. Mike said Steve was always the sensible one, even when they were younger.

  Curious, she now dared to ask him something that she and Mike had often wondered about. ‘You never did say what actually drew you to Connie? How did you latch onto her?’

  Steve took a moment to answer, and when he did it was with a sense of surprise. ‘To tell you the truth, I’m not altogether sure. In fact, come to think of it, you could say it was Connie who latched onto me!’

  ‘How come?’

  ‘We’d just finished the last gig in the Northern tour. It had been a long, hard tour. Me and the boys were shattered; looking forward to a break. These two girls appeared next day, full of fun and wanting to chat. One of them was outspoken and a bit brash. That turned out to be Connie. And the other …’

  He fell silent before going on in a softer voice, ‘She was a lovely little thing. In the end, I left Connie talking to Jim while I went to chat with her friend.’ He could see Ruth in his mind. ‘She had the deepest eyes, and such pretty hair. We had a wonderful day together.’

  ‘Sounds to me as though you took to her, more than you took to Connie.’

  ‘You’re right, I did. In the evening there was a party on the beach. So, while Jim took off with Connie, I invited the prettier one to go for a walk along the beach. After a time we found ourselves alone, under the pier. There was no sign of the others.’

  He paused; the memories were clearer now. ‘As I recall, we were soon lying on the sand, in each other’s arms, listening to the waves lapping against the pier struts … and thinking how wonderful it all was.’

  ‘What was her name?’

  ‘Ruth. She was called Ruth.’ Embarrassed, he shrugged. ‘It was such a beautiful evening, what with the stars above and the sand and sea and all that, it was kinda romantic. I was weary from the tour. I was young and bold back then and … things happened.’ He gave a secret little smile. ‘She was very special. Over the years, I’ve often thought about her.’

  Alice was shaken by the tenderness in his voice as he spoke of this girl. ‘By the sound of it, you took advantage of her, but it’s what you men do, isn’t it? Meet a nice girl, “get it together” and she’s another little tick on your calendar.’

  Steve gave a wry little smile. ‘To tell you the truth, it wasn’t like that. I would have liked to really get to know her, only Connie came and hurried her away … she said they had to get back, or there would be Hell to pay.’

  ‘You say you’ve often thought about her over the years?’

  ‘I have, and that’s the truth.’

  ‘So, you regret letting her get away, do you?’ Alice took another sip of wine.

  ‘Mebbe. The thing is, there are times when Connie gets ratty and makes life difficult, and that’s when I think back to that night, and wonder how different it might have been.’

  He looked up, and Alice detected much regret in his voice as he confided, ‘All right yes, I admit it, there are times when I wish it hadn’t been so fleeting; when I wish I’d taken Ruth’s address, but I didn’t, so that’s the end of that. So now, I’m married to Connie, and her friend is probably happily married to the old boyfriend she took up with, so that’s an end to it.’

  Alice wondered, ‘If you didn’t know anything about her, how come you know about the boyfriend?’

  ‘Because Connie told me.’

  Alice was confused. ‘When?’

  Steve fell back in the chair, ‘God! You don’t leave any stone unturned, do you?’

  ‘You gave me the impression that you never saw or heard from her again, and now you say she took up with a boyfriend. So, when did you find all this out?’

  ‘When me and Connie got together. Connie turned up at the Birmingham concert hall where we were playing a gig.’

  ‘On her own, was she?’

  ‘Well, yes. At first, I thought she’d come to see Jim, but he wasn’t playing that night. So, she singled me out. We got talking, then we went back to the hotel for
a drink, and that’s when she told me about her friend … that she’d got together with an old boyfriend, and that I hadn’t meant anything to her … that I was just “a bit of a laugh”.’ He frowned. ‘That surprised me, because I wouldn’t have called our time together “a bit of a laugh”. It was sensual, and beautiful, and I will never forget it.’

  Alice was curious. ‘If you felt like that, why did you let her go so easily?’

  ‘We’d got a great new opportunity to extend the tour and suddenly we were moving on. It was a chance we couldn’t pass up and we had to leave immediately.’ He paused. ‘She was different, though … kind of … real. Maybe if things hadn’t turned out the way they did, I’d have found her again, one way or another. But, like I said, I chose my career, I didn’t know where she lived and I just left.’

  ‘So when Connie turned up shortly afterwards, you went to bed with her as a consolation prize!’

  ‘Course not! I took her for a drink, because I needed to know where Ruth was, and if there might be a chance that she and I could get together. But then, before I could even ask the question, she said she hadn’t seen her friend lately, because she was so wrapped up in her relationship with her old sweetheart. She said she felt really let down, that they’d been friends since school and now she’d been dropped just like that … no phone call, no word of any kind.’ His voice fell. ‘Believe it or not, Alice, I really would have liked to have seen her friend again.’

  Alice gave a naughty smile. ‘God, you really took to her, didn’t you?’

  Steve nodded. ‘More than I realised at the time, yes. But like I say, water under the bridge and all that.’

  ‘But it still doesn’t explain how you and Connie became an item.’

  She waited for an answer, but Steve wasn’t listening. Instead he was back there, Connie telling him how her friend had reunited with her first love, and that she was incredibly happy.

  He had not realised until then how deeply he’d been drawn to Ruth. Oh, yes, they’d made love and it was wonderful, but that was not unusual with the girls he met on tour, and when it was over that was it. And yet, there had been something about Ruth that had stayed with him.

  ‘Steve?’

  Steve looked up. ‘I’m sorry … what did you say?’

  ‘I asked how you and Connie got together.’

  ‘To tell the truth, I’m not altogether sure. I mean, one minute we were talking about her friend finding happiness with her old love, then suddenly she was talking about herself, and her own love life. She’d been dumped, and she started sobbing … in a shocking state she was. I didn’t know how to deal with it. She said she was too upset to travel back home, so I booked her a room in the hotel, and she begged me to stay with her. I didn’t know what to do. The other blokes had gone off with their dates, and here she was, needing me, so I took her to her room and she wouldn’t stop crying, so I stayed and comforted her, and … well … you’re right. We ended up in bed together, and I’m not proud of that. In all honesty, that was the last thing I wanted.’

  ‘But you couldn’t resist the opportunity, could you?’

  ‘It wasn’t like that!’

  ‘Ah, well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘No! Really … she was in a bit of a state … sobbing, and vulnerable, and for some stupid reason I felt responsible, so one thing led to another, and before I had time to turn round, she was hanging around on the tour with us. Next thing, we were married.’ He shrugged. ‘The rest you already know.’

  Before she could comment, he pushed back his chair and stood up. ‘I could do with a nightcap. How about you?’

  ‘No, I think I’ve had more than enough.’

  He chuckled. ‘You haven’t got Connie’s constitution.’

  ‘Oh, you reckon, d’you?’ After draining her glass, she handed it to him. ‘I’ll have the same again, thank you.’

  ‘Right!’ Surprised, he went to collect another round of drinks.

  While he was gone, Alice couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever really loved the cold and extravagant woman who, in her opinion, had bamboozled him into marriage. She suspected that Steve was more unhappy than he would ever admit, and that Connie was only along for the ride. But, as Mike had reminded her, there was nothing they could do unless they were asked. It was best to let married people sort out their own problems.

  When Steve returned with the drinks, she took a great gulp of the wine, before asking nervously, ‘Can I ask you something, Steve?’

  ‘As long as it’s not too near the bone, yes.’

  ‘OK … a straightforward question requires a straightforward answer. Do you agree?’

  ‘Now you’re making me nervous. Just ask the question.’

  ‘OK. Do you love Connie?’

  There was a long, tense moment while he recalled the early days. ‘I thought I loved her … at the time.’ he answered thoughtfully.

  ‘And now?’ Alice was not about to let it go.

  ‘I’m not really sure.’ He was torn in so many directions. Deep down he knew how he felt towards Connie, but it was another thing to confess it to someone else; especially to Alice, who had a canny knack of cutting into his thoughts.

  Carefully placing her glass on the table, Alice leaned forward. ‘You’re a lovely man, Steve, but … shall I tell you what I think?’

  ‘If I say no, I expect you’ll tell me anyway.’ Steve wasn’t concerned; except for the amount of wine she had downed, when usually she didn’t drink at all. None the less, he had always thought his brother was a very lucky man to have such an honest and loving woman in his life.

  ‘Right! Well, this is the way I see it, and stop me if you think I’m out of order.’

  ‘Huh! It sounds like I’m about to get a lecture.’ He didn’t mind, though. Alice’s honest and straightforward manner was a welcome change from Connie’s guarded and devious way. In fact, come to think of it, he and Connie hardly ever had an in-depth conversation these days.

  ‘Right then!’ Alice drained her glass before unleashing her thoughts. ‘First, you have a wife who never supports you in your work; she’s never seen to fuss over you … kiss you or hold your hand. She never laughs with you, never travels with you, or does anything that includes just the two of you. Instead, she flies off to sunny climates on her own, whenever the fancy takes her. She seems to care more about shopping and holidays than she ever cares about you. Moreover, she hasn’t done a day’s work since you put a ring on her finger. She’s selfish, lazy and demanding. She has a habit of looking down on you, and whenever we all go out to dinner, it’s plain to see she’s not comfortable with your friends and family, and she’s even been seen to flirt with the men at the table.’ She wagged a finger at him. ‘There! I’ve said it now.’

  In the deafening silence that followed, Alice was horrified at her torrent of honesty. She slunk down into the chair. ‘Oh my God, Steve, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to get so angry. It came out all wrong.’

  Steve was shocked to his roots. He had never known Alice to be so condemning of anyone, and he felt the need and duty to defend his wife. ‘Look, I know she’s got her faults, Alice, but you’re being too harsh on her. You’ve made her out to be a monster, and that’s not fair.’

  And yet, in between the bitchy bits about the shopping and such, Steve recognised the truth about his wife’s character. He knew how difficult she could be at times, but to hear it being spelled out – especially by the normally placid Alice – was hard to take.

  Mortified by what she had said, Alice apologised again. ‘I’m truly sorry, Steve. I shouldn’t have said those things.’ Even so, she felt the need to qualify her words. ‘The thing is … I’m not the only one who thinks she’s wrong for you.’

  Steve had heard more than enough. ‘All right, Alice.’ Scraping his chair back, he went to her side and tucked his hand under her arm to help her up. ‘Let’s talk tomorrow, eh? Tonight you’ve had a bit too much of the wine. Come on now. Let’s get you to your r
oom.’

  Alice was devastated. ‘Oh, Steve, what will you think of me? I didn’t mean to say all those dreadful things. They just fell out before I could stop them.’ Though she had meant every word.

  In the lift, she leaned heavily on him, apologising again. ‘Don’t be angry with me. It’s the wine. I’m not used to it. I need to see Susie … she shouldn’t be alone in the room without me.’

  ‘She’s not alone, Alice. We organised a hotel babysitter … that nice lady who’s got children and grandchildren of her own, remember?’

  In fact, the hotel babyitter met them at the door. A kindly woman with a sunny smile, she quickly took charge of Alice.

  ‘Don’t you worry, sir. You can leave her to me now, sir. I’ll make sure everything’s all right before I leave.’

  ‘I’m her brother-in-law,’ he explained. ‘Is my niece in bed? I’d like to take a peek at her, if possible?’

  ‘Oh, yes, it’s Mr Bates, isn’t it?’ She now recognised him as being the occupant of number fourteen, a few strides down the hall. ‘The little darling is fast asleep. She’s been no trouble at all.’ She glanced at Alice, who was having trouble standing up straight, ‘I can see to her mammy if you want to get off. I’ll make sure everything is all right before I leave.’

  Steve thanked her. ‘But if you could just keep an eye on my sister-in-law for one moment, I’d like to take a peek at my niece.’

  ‘Of course, sir.’

  Taking a sleepy Alice across the room, Steve helped her onto the bed. He gently removed her jacket and shoes, before placing them on the chair, beside her handbag. When he covered her with the eiderdown, she promptly closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  ‘She’s not used to the drink,’ Steve explained. ‘She had a couple of glasses of wine, which seem to have gone straight to her head.’

  ‘It does the very same to me, sir.’ She smiled over at Alice. ‘I’ll watch her while you take a look at the child, then I’d best be off … if there’s nothing else you need?’

  She lingered, as though waiting for new instructions; or maybe a small gesture of gratitude.

  Steve understood. ‘Thank you for keeping an eye on the child.’ Digging into his jacket pocket, he drew out some coins, which he handed to her.