A Question of Honor

by Lindsay McKenna

  “God, how I want you,” Noah gasped, smothering her awaiting lips. He cupped one breast, delighting in its proud, crescent curve, and leaned over to tease it. He felt Kit’s nails dig deeply into his shoulders, her body becoming a taut bow against him as he gently tugged on the yielding nipple. Kit tasted good, her perfume and the ocean scent intoxicating to his senses. She felt like firm velvet beneath his exploring hands. His body shrieked for release, but he quelled his own desires in order to bring her pleasure, instead.

  Noah rained kisses down the expanse of her stomach, across her slightly rounded abdomen, and gently parted her thighs with his hand. He heard her cry out in fierce need as he tantalized the very core of her being. As he drove her beyond the edge of ecstasy, he realized that she was the most inviting, passionate and willful woman he’d ever met. Her breath was shallow and gasping as he placed his knee between her damp thighs. Her body had a sheen to it and he gently ran his hands upward from her hips and ribs to her beautifully formed breasts and, finally, to her flushed face. Kit’s eyes were wide and dazed with fulfillment. He covered her with his male body, moving in accordance with the woven web of desire throbbing heatedly between them. Leaning over, he caressed her full, eager lips and responded to her hungry urgency, glorying in her uninhibited response.

  “Now…please now,” Kit keened softly. “Please…I need you, Noah…”

  He was aware of the boiling heat within him, his own primal animal desire clashing savagely with his control. He eased into her warm depths, dragging in a deep, ragged breath of air. Kit tensed, her fingers clutching his shoulders. She felt like life itself—yielding and fertile to his starving body. Urgency thrummed through him, and all his powerful control exploded in a raging thirst. He thrust deeply, and a growl tore from him.

  They were one as they must be, for there was no other way with them. With each matching movement of her responsive body, Noah gloried in their shared joy. He felt Kit tense beneath him and heard a small cry bubble upward from her throat. A look of utter rapture crossed her face, and her lashes lay like sooty fans against her cheeks. He reveled in her climax just as he yielded to his own need to send his seed of life deep within her moments later.

  Kit lay gasping against him, spent in the aftermath. “I never knew…” she whispered, moving her hand across Noah’s damp chest, giving him a weak embrace.

  Noah kissed her temple. “That it could be this good? It can be when it’s right,” he said thickly, gathering Kit up against him. Their hearts thundered in unison against each other. He kissed her eyelids, her nose and, finally, her wet, full lips.

  “You’re beautiful, Kitten,” he admitted softly.

  Kit raised her lashes. A tender light burned deep in his jade-colored eyes and her heart somersaulted with joy. Words were useless. She could feel the depth of his feelings radiating toward her, and she felt humbled by it, swept upward on a rainbow of ecstasy because of it. Loving Noah was without comparison. He made her feel as if the human body were a vessel rendered sacred through their loving act. Kit caressed his cheek, her eyes wide with the wonder of this new discovery.

  “You make me feel beautiful.”

  Noah nodded, understanding. The bond he felt with Kit was almost tangible. He was aware of it with every touch of his hand on her. Tenderly he placed his mouth on her lips, drinking deeply of her. “You’ve given me so much,” he told her, stroking her hair.

  Kit shook her head, her voice trembling with emotion. “No, Noah. You’ve given me a new and better life.”

  He smiled and rested his cheek against hers, inhaling her sweet scent. “Maybe, maybe not. We’ve got a lot of tough days ahead of us.”

  Fear niggled through her as she slid her arms across Noah’s shoulders. As she buried her face against his neck, Kit couldn’t ignore that seed of terror.

  After taking a shower once they arrived home that evening, Kit sat on her bed, worried. Noah’s lovemaking had left her feeling vulnerable and exquisitely feminine. It was as if he had taken away the last of the old Kit Anderson’s toughness and bravado forever. Wandering over to the dresser mirror, Kit hesitantly lifted her lashes to stare at herself. She wore a sleeveless light blue blouse and a pair of jeans, but that didn’t detract from her as a woman. No, one look into her own eyes and Kit realized how much more had happened. And the future was uncertain. And dangerous. With a sigh Kit opened the door. Regardless of how she felt, dinner had to be made.

  In the kitchen she took a checkered apron from one of the drawers and tied it around her waist and began preparing a meal of fried chicken with wild rice. Kit heard a bedroom door open, and then close, and realized Noah was coming.

  Turning her head, she saw Noah saunter into the room. He was heartrendingly handsome in the dark blue polo shirt with a pair of khaki shorts, and he gave her a devastating smile of silent welcome. Kit trembled beneath the mesmerizing warmth of his eyes as he walked over to her.

  “Can I tell you how happy you look?” Noah whispered as he leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. It was a long, welcoming kiss meant to convey more than the lightness of his words. Not a second had gone by without Kit in his thoughts. He would never forget the power of their lovemaking. His fingers tightened on her shoulder briefly. “And I’ll also make a decidedly male chauvinist comment and tell you how utterly ravishing you look wearing an apron.” He dropped another more coaxing kiss. This time he lingered, his mouth barely grazing her warm lips. “Mmm, I think we ought to have dessert before dinner,” he teased. He brushed his mouth more strongly against her, delighted by her returning pressure.

  Kit gave a low laugh, trying to extricate herself gently from his continued charm. “Noah Trayhern, you’re the most enticing man I’ve ever met, but the answer is no,” she murmured, smiling. “Besides, we need to sit down and have a serious talk.”

  His brows dipped. “Oh?” He caressed the slope of her cheek. Did Kit know how delicious she appeared to him? Her eyes held a special spark of life for the first time, her cheeks were pink from the heat of the kitchen stove, and that smile… He expelled a heavy sigh and tried to be dramatic. Looking down at the assembled animals sitting expectantly at their feet, he addressed them with a twinkle in his eye.

  “Okay, gang, what do you think? Is this ravishing woman going to tell me I have to cook dinner, instead?”

  Calico meowed sonorously as she got up to rub against Noah’s leg.

  Kit giggled. “You are the most manipulative person I’ve ever met! And yes, we’re going to talk. And no, I don’t mind doing my fair share in the kitchen.”

  Noah’s green eyes darkened with a mischievous glint. He grabbed Kit and imprisoned her seductively against his body. “Okay, would you agree to live here forever and ever if I continue to help you with all the kitchen chores?”

  Kit eyed him speculatively. The strength and hardness of his male body sent new waves of surging, hungry awareness through her, and she craved his closeness and his wonderful ability to love her. “Let me go, Noah, before I lose my train of thought!”

  She was magical, Noah decided, still bound up in the desire of their explosive lovemaking on the beach. But that was another world, a world of dreams, not reality. And looking into Kit’s worried eyes, he felt some of his euphoria begin to evaporate. Releasing her, he went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of chilled white wine. “I think this is going to call for a drink,” he murmured, taking down two glasses and setting them on the table.

  The mood altered, and Kit lost her smile. “This isn’t going to be easy, Noah.”

  He matched her seriousness, pouring wine into one of the glasses, then handing it to Kit. “Okay, honey, what is it?”

  Just the tenor of his voice sent a shiver of renewed longing through her. Kit expelled a long breath before beginning.

  “This afternoon—”

  Noah reached across the table, his hand covering hers. “It was special, Kit. For both of us.”

  She moistened her lips, raising her eyes to meet his
honest gaze. “Yes. Yes, it was, Noah. And more than anything, I want to be honest with you.” She swallowed hard, removing her hand. “In my job as an undercover agent I lied all the time, Noah. I lied to stay alive. I’ve got five years of lying under my belt. Worst of all, I find it easy to lie to myself more than anyone. When I’m scared on a narc job, I lie to myself and pretend I don’t feel the fear. And when I was at an emotional breaking point I used to stick my head in the sand by working harder, hoping to forget it.” Kit took a fortifying sip of the wine to shore up her raw emotional state. One look at Noah’s open face gave her the courage to go on. “So that brings it around to us.”

  “Go on,” Noah said softly.

  Kit closed her eyes. “This afternoon was the most beautiful experience in my life, Noah. It was one positive against so much negativity I’ve lived with for five years. But—” She chewed on her lower lip for a second. “This is so hard,” Kit confessed, seeking his silent assurance.

  Noah grimaced. “Just say it, Kit. Let your feelings speak. We can handle it.”

  Kit shook her head. “You’re always so positive.”

  “Do you like the alternative?” Noah probed.

  “No. Okay, the bottom line is…until this thing is settled with Garcia, I can’t sleep with you, Noah.”

  He sat back, digesting her comment. At that moment Kit was searching and unsure. He offered her a slight smile meant to reinforce her honesty. “You’re right. For both of us. It won’t be a problem.”

  Her eyes widened slightly. “No?”

  Kit’s tensed shoulders fell and she took a deep breath. “I thought you would be angry, Noah. Hurt, maybe—I don’t know.” She gave him a soulful look of utter relief.

  Leaning his elbows on the table, Noah said, “Let’s talk about your decision to stay in your bed and out of my arms.”

  Kit was caught off guard by his concern and calm reaction to her ultimatum. She found it easy to respond. “We’re in a terrible predicament with Garcia, complicated by this contract out on my head. We both need to remain clearheaded about our priorities until Operation Storm is over.” She stared down at his hands around the wineglass. They were so strong, so loving. “I haven’t been with a man for two years. And when I met you, I had no intention of—of—well, going to bed with you.”

  “It just kind of happened,” Noah admitted quietly. “When I first saw you, I wondered why you dressed in oversize baggy clothes to hide that beautiful, skinny body of yours. Then I realized it was to conceal your obvious femininity. Working in the trenches had made you wary of men in general.”

  Kit blushed. “You’re right. After years of protecting myself from the male criminals I had to live with, you walked into my life and made me feel like a woman again.”

  Noah’s eyes grew warm as he studied her. “You’ve always been a woman. We just seem to bring out the best in each other.”

  “I’ve never before felt the things you’ve brought out in me. And I mean more than just in bed,” Kit hastily added.

  “That’s a wonderful compliment. Thank you.”

  She shot him a knowing look. “I have the distinct feeling that everything you touch is in some way better for the experience.”

  Noah laughed, pouring them both more wine. “You’re no slouch, either, Anderson. My life hasn’t been the same since you arrived.” And then he added, “It’s been better. And you’re right. We both need to keep our focus on our job and place our personal needs aside for now.”

  “Yes,” Kit agreed. She wanted to tell him that being in his arms was heaven. It was healing and wonderful and… She gave him a tender smile. “You’ve given me so much in such a short time, Noah. And all of it has been so—” Kit groped for the words to convey her feelings. “I don’t know how to say it. Only that you’ve made me feel again. And feel good about myself for the first time in years.” She reached out, shyly touching his hand, aware of the wiry texture of hair that covered its broad expanse. “You’ve given me so much in precious little time, and I want and need time to assimilate it all. To adjust to this new me.” Kit’s eyes grew cautious. “Our future is like a box of explosives that could detonate in our face at a moment’s notice until we collar Garcia. I don’t know where we’re going with each other, Noah. I only know that we’re both worth too much to throw this away on a whim. I need time to iron myself out emotionally. In all fairness to you, I don’t feel I’ve contributed much to our unique arrangement beyond being a moody house guest.”

  A smile curved the corners of his mouth. “If you’re talking about getting up and pacing the halls at night, don’t give it a second thought.”

  She withdrew her hand from his. “The nightmares have finally stopped. Ever since you held me when I cried, I’ve been able to sleep nights.”

  “Listen to me, Kitten,” Noah coaxed huskily, “you’re made of silk. You’re tough, resilient, beautiful and exotic. Right now you don’t know it, but you’re one of a kind. I saw that right away in you, and you’re in the process of realizing it yourself.”

  Tears marred her vision, and Noah’s face blurred as Kit looked at him. “In the time I’ve been here with you, I have changed for the better. With your help, I’ve gotten rid of a lot of my past.”

  “You’re on the road to recovery,” Noah agreed. And if he was willing to admit it, he thought, he wanted to be a continued part of Kit’s healing process. She brought out the best in him.

  Kit got to her feet and went to the drain board, staring out the window for a long moment. Finally she turned and leaned against the counter, meeting Noah’s patient gaze.

  “I’m glad we could talk this out. I feel better.”

  Noah wanted to go to her and hold her, but it was impossible. He had given his word to back off and wait. Trying to ignore the sensual tension strung tautly between them was going to be tough. The phone rang, breaking that tenuous cord that bound them.

  Noah rose and answered the call on the kitchen phone. “Lieutenant Trayhern speaking.”

  “Trayhern, this is Cordeman.”

  Flicking a glance over at Kit, Noah found himself automatically wanting to protect her from any more narc activity. His voice hardened. “It’s Saturday evening, Cordeman.”

  “Can’t help it. How’s our house guest getting along?”

  Angry because the police supervisor had interrupted the tenderness he and Kit had shared, Noah growled, “Just fine. What’s going on that I deserve the honor of this phone call on the weekend?”

  “Just wanted to let you know that the U.S. Navy is picking up an awful lot of activity at all the major choke points. Also, our DEA undercover agent had brought back word that Garcia is getting ready to move the Marie-Elise, his personal two-hundred-foot yacht, out for a meeting with smaller drug dealers’ boats.”

  His hand tightened on the phone, his eyes never leaving Kit’s face. “When?”

  “No sure answer to that, Lieutenant. All we know is that Garcia is behind the increased drug trafficking you’ve been meeting head-on the past few weeks. We think he’s going to continue this onslaught to try to keep the attention of the CG cutters—clearing the way for him to drop his bales of marijuana in some safe harbor without the possibility of a bust.”

  “So the pond’s heating up.” That meant sixteen-hour days and probably weekend duty.

  “You got it. The U.S. Navy P3 will be doing a flyover of the Colombian coast to keep an eye on Garcia’s ship. When it moves, we know he’s going to meet with the dealers. You’ll be notified as soon as possible so you and the Osprey can get into position.”

  “Fine,” Noah answered.

  “Tell your house guest hello for me, will you?”

  “Yes.” The word came out clipped, and Noah hung up the phone, glaring down at the tiled floor.

  Kit moved over to where he stood. “That was Chuck. What did he want?”

  Grudgingly Noah filled her in and he saw some of the old terror coming back to Kit’s eyes. Unthinkingly he reached out, placing his han
d on her shoulder. Damn! Reluctantly he removed his hand. “It’s going to be hard not being intimate with you,” he muttered, a sour smile on his mouth.

  “I know,” Kit whispered, moving to a safer distance from Noah. Struggling to maintain a professional demeanor with him, Kit changed subjects. “So Garcia’s going to step up the pace of boats smuggling drugs to our coast.”

  “Yes. He’s trying to pull a decoy maneuver so his drop of bales to the dealers will go unimpeded.”

  Kit turned to face the counter. Their dinner needed to be finished, although in all honesty, she was no longer hungry. She went through the motions of preparing a salad. Noah moved around the room, tightly wound with energy. It felt as if he were going to explode any second.

  “Did Chuck say how he’s doing?” she asked, wanting to defuse Noah’s tension.

  Shrugging, Noah sat down, staring moodily at the glass of wine. “Fine, I guess.”

  “You don’t like him, do you?”

  “I don’t exactly see your old boss as a nice person, no.”

  She peeled a carrot, slicing it into the bowl. “Why?”

  “Cordeman’s more concerned with results than he is with his people.”

  “Isn’t that a bit cruel?” Kit demanded, taking issue with his abrupt assessment.

  “He used you, Kit. I don’t respect someone who burns out his best people.”

  Kit rested her hands on the sink, feeling she had to defend Chuck. “Look, no one’s perfect, Noah. Chuck has his shortcomings, but I’ll never forget that he was the only one there for me when the chips were down. He’s gruff, yes, but he’s not really callous.” She chewed on her lower lip, watching Noah’s face darken.

  His mouth thinned. “Let’s not fight, Kit. Particularly over Cordeman. It isn’t necessary.”

  She began to slice a ripe, red tomato. “Okay,” she whispered. “Life’s too short to spend it on disagreements. God knows, we do enough fighting with the druggies.”

  “Our home is a haven against that.”