Resurrecting Phoenix

by Isabel Lucero

  “I moved towards him as fast as I could, and I tried everything possible. I held him as he died. I didn’t leave him alone.”

  The tears flow freely, and I run the back of my hand over my cheeks. “Do you think . . . do you think he suffered? Was it fast?”

  He shakes his head. “It was fast. The bullet hit his carotid artery.”

  I try to find solace in that. I hope it was too fast for him to feel much pain.

  “I’m glad you were with him.”

  Tears fill his eyes. “I should’ve saved him.”

  My heart breaks for him. “What could you have done? Nobody could’ve saved him.”

  “If I would have shot that guy as soon as I saw him, none of this would’ve happened.”

  “But that’s not protocol. You did your job. You didn’t know he had a gun, and you were just needing to apprehend him, not kill him.”

  He shakes his head, looking down at the floor with a few tears trickling down, so I hand him a napkin.

  “That guy was such a coward. He went off and killed himself before being able to be brought to justice. He’ll never know the destruction he caused.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t think him being alive in jail would’ve helped me anymore than knowing he died. Neither one is good enough punishment for me.”

  “He loved you so much, Phoenix. He had been talking about you all night. Some of his last thoughts were of you, and you can believe he went seeing your face.”

  I cry some more, appreciative of the kind words, but deeply saddened at the same time. Anthony gets up to grab some more napkins and comes back with a stack.

  “Thanks,” I say with a sniffle.

  “You’re welcome.”

  After I wipe my tears and blow my nose, I look up at Anthony. He lifts up the ball cap he’s wearing and runs a hand through his short, brown hair before replacing the hat. His face shows his pain and guilt and that eats at me even more.

  “Anthony, I have to apologize for something else,” I say softly. “I blamed you for so long. Maybe up until now. I blamed the guy for shooting him, but I blamed you as well. I was both sad and angry, and because you were with him when he died, I blamed you for not saving him. I shouldn’t have done that. I can see now that you did that yourself, and you don’t deserve the blame. I’m so sorry for being such a bitch. I hated Marissa for still having a husband, and I know now that that comes across as me wishing it was you instead of him, and I don’t wish that. I just wish he could still be alive.”

  “Thank you for saying that. I don’t blame you for putting that blame on me. I was his partner, and it was my job to protect him.”

  “Yeah, but the shooter didn’t give either of you enough time to protect each other. You were both shot, but you were lucky enough to survive, and I’m glad you did. I’m glad Marissa has you still.”

  His face contorts and a few more tears fall from his eyes. “Thank you, Phoenix. I came here hoping to help you, but you’ve helped me as well. I’m glad we talked about this.”

  “Me too,” I answer honesty. “It was needed.”

  “Can me and Marissa have you over for dinner sometime?”

  I smile. “I’d love that.”

  We both stand up, and I begin collecting all the tear-soaked napkins along with my other trash. After tossing everything except my cookie into the trashcan, I face Anthony and give him a hug. He squeezes me back, both of us probably feeling the weight lift from our shoulders.

  When we separate, I see Evan standing at the counter. His eyes catch mine before he turns towards the door. His hand goes up automatically to wave, but then his smile drops just slightly as he notices Anthony. His brows furrow a bit in confusion, but I smile back at him. I’m sure we both look like a hot mess since we’ve been crying.

  Anthony’s talking to me about something, but he looks over and sees Evan and gives him a friendly smile. I force myself to look back at Anthony as he continues to talk. “So, I’ll have Marissa call you and set something up.”

  “Yeah, sounds good,” I say, assuming he was talking about dinner.

  “You have no idea how much I needed to have this conversation with you. Thank you.”

  “I’m sorry it took so long. I didn’t realize how much I needed it either.”

  “It’s okay,” he says. “We’re gonna be okay now.”

  We turn and start walking towards the door, but my eyes scan the room for Evan. He must’ve left.

  When we get outside, we hug one more time before parting ways. As I’m getting into my car, I see Evan’s truck pulling out of the parking lot. It’s five-fifteen now, and I wanted to have dinner ready by six-thirty, so I need to hurry home and get started. The pork chops have already been brined, so it shouldn’t take too long.

  I rush home, looking forward to my time with Evan, since I know it won’t result in as many tears as my time with Anthony.

  ONCE I’VE SEARED the chops and placed them in the oven with the baked potatoes, I start making the green beans. The rolls will go in last. I rush upstairs to freshen up and fix my makeup, before hurrying back down to finish dinner.

  At six-forty, I’m gathering all the food together and placing it on the dining room table. Five minutes later, Evan knocks on the door.

  “Hey,” I say a little breathlessly, feeling like I was on fast forward since I got home.

  “Hey.”

  “I just put the food out. Want something to drink?”

  “Coke is fine if you have it.”

  “Okay.”

  I grab him a Coke and take a water bottle for myself. Both of us sit and start filling our plates with food. Evan’s a little quiet, and I wonder if it’s because he saw me with Anthony. I know I’ll have to address this.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  He looks up and gives me a little smile. “I’m fine. You?”

  “I’m good.”

  He nods and then starts eating. We both eat in relative silence. He compliments my cooking, and we talk a little about the weather. Yes. The weather. The one topic of conversation people go to when they have no idea what to say to each other.

  Once we’re both finished, he helps me take the dishes to the kitchen and load the dishwasher. It still feels weird between us, so I grab his hand and say, “Come on. Let’s go talk on the couch.”

  With my legs folded underneath me, my feet dangling over the edge of the cushion, I face him. “So, I know you saw me out today.” He nods, looking a bit curious as he waits for me to continue. “That was one of Gordon’s friends. I hadn’t talked to him in a long time, and we had some important things to talk about.”

  “I was just confused . . .” he starts.

  “I know. I didn’t think about it right away, but I can understand how it may have looked to you. Me out with some other guy.”

  “Especially since you won’t even let me take you out,” he says with a crooked grin. I can tell it’s truth said in jest, though.

  “I know, I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

  “You wanna take me on a date?”

  I send him a playful scowl. “We can go on a date soon, but I wanted to talk about some stuff.”

  “Okay, like what?”

  I let out a long breath. “I want to try to get my job back at the school.”

  “That’s great!” he says, the excitement is clear in his voice.

  “In order to do that, I know I need to not rely on alcohol as much as I do. I’ve been drinking for about nine months, and even though it hasn’t been every day, when I get bored, or sad, or lonely, drinking is the first thing I think about it, and it shouldn’t be.”

  “So what are you gonna do?”

  “I’ve been doing some research. I found an outpatient clinic with a therapist I can I talk to, and also a grief support group. I think talking and listening to other people who have gone, or are going through the same thing as me would be helpful.”

  “That’s really good, Phoenix,” he says, grabbing my
hands. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I know it.”

  “I feel like I’m getting back to me again. I think I have you to thank for most of that.”

  “It’s all you. You make the final decision. You could’ve told me no when I asked you to go shopping with me or come to my house. You chose to get out of the house and be friends with the new guy in town. You didn’t have to.”

  “You said you needed help, but you were helping me, weren’t you?”

  He looks a little nervous. “At first, yes. I could sense that you needed a friend, but I wasn’t lying before when I said we helped each other. I wanted a friend, too. Turns out I moved onto the right street and met the perfect girl for me. We try to meet people who we know will get us. You know? Understand where we’re coming from, and not feel weighed down by our past. You and me, Phoenix, we’re perfect for each other. We both know loss. Tragedy has hit us both hard. I lost my parents, and you lost your husband, but we know what it feels like to have your heart break, and we know what it feels like to have to move on without them. Of course I wish neither of us had lost anybody, but I suppose if we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here now. Perhaps we’d still be happy in our own lives, but now we can be happy together, because if death teaches you anything, it’s to appreciate life. I want to appreciate it with you by my side.”

  My heart swells. I’m not sure I deserve somebody like him, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to be worthy.

  “I know we’ve been hanging out, and I know you’ve been pretty cautious with me, which I understand and appreciate, but I want you to know that I want to try this out. For real. I like you a lot, Evan, and I’ve always been attracted to you. I just tried to push those feelings away, because I felt guilty. I still felt like a married woman. I didn’t have many relationships before Gordon, so this feels new to me. What I know for sure is that you make me happy. You’ve brought laughter back into my life, and given me something to look forward to. When I think of you, I smile. When I’m not with you, I wish I was. I still miss Gordon, but I know he’s not coming back. His letter helped me a lot, because I know now he’s okay with me moving on. Talking to his friend today really helped close the wound as well. All the hate and bitterness I had been holding onto was released today. I’m mending my friendships, I’ve set goals for myself, and I’m getting closer to you. My life is getting much better.”

  “You have no idea how happy you just made me.”

  I blush and duck my head with a grin on my face. “Stop.”

  “No, I’m serious, Phoenix. Not just because you’re willing to fully invest in us now, but because you’re truly making sure you’re getting back on track. With your plans for going to counseling, and getting your friends back, and being able to talk to me about all of this without feeling guilty or embarrassed. You’ve come a long way in a short amount of time.”

  “You helped.”

  “Can I kiss you now?” he asks with a grin.

  “Please.”

  In an instant, his mouth is on mine. Our tongues collide, starting out slow and soft before quickly turning heated and passionate. Our hands find homes on each other’s bodies. Mine rub his chest before moving upwards to his neck. His land on my hips before gliding up and around my back. My body is begging for more, and it seems his is, too. I don’t know if it’s me or him, or both of us at the same time, but as I move towards his lap, he seems to pull me on top of him. I straddle him, our kiss increasing to an impossible level of need. The message we’re both sending is clear. Kissing is not enough.

  “Evan,” I pant as I unconsciously grind myself against his erection.

  “What do you want, Phoenix?” he asks, the need in his voice is evident, but he’s still leaving the decision up to me. “What do you want me to do?” he questions as he kisses a trail up my neck.

  “You. I just want you.”

  “Here?”

  I shake my head. “Room.”

  He stands up with me still clinging to his body as I give him directions to my room. When we get to the bed, he lays me down gently before crawling over my body and kissing me some more.

  “Shirt off,” I demand, pulling on the dark material of his T-shirt.

  He gets on his knees, straddling my thighs, and pulls the shirt from his body. I’m faced with a gloriously sculpted torso, and my hands move automatically to touch every muscle.

  “Fair’s fair,” he says, running his hands up my sides while pushing my shirt up at the same time. I lift up and help pull it off the rest of the way.

  His eyes fall to my breasts and he lets out what can only be described as a low rumble. Leaning down, he begins kissing my stomach, sending chills all over my body. When he makes his way up to my breasts, my chest heaves in his face, waiting for the touch of his mouth. He pulls down the material on one side until my nipple is exposed, and then his tongue darts out, licking and teasing before sucking it completely into his mouth.

  My back arches as I gasp, reveling in his touch. He massages my breasts with his hands while also showering them with attention from his tongue. I feel his hands move under my back, so I arch once again, allowing him to unhook the bra and toss it to the side.

  Evan takes his time with me, making sure every inch of my body is touched in some way. He pulls down my leggings and panties at the same time, leaving me completely naked and exposed to him.

  “God, you’re sexy,” he groans, his hands running up my thighs.

  “Fair’s fair,” I say, looking pointedly at his jeans.

  He removes his wallet and places it on the nightstand before undoing his pants and dropping them to the floor. I’m about to say something about his boxer-briefs needing to go, but then he drops to his knees and pulls me towards the edge of the bed.

  His head disappears between my legs, and then his tongue glides softly over my lips.

  “Oh, god,” I cry, grabbing for the covers.

  He continues to lick the length of me in delicious, torturous strokes. The tip of his tongue flickers over my most sensitive bundle of nerves, and I think I’m going to come undone.

  “Evan!” I say in a tone between a moan and a whisper.

  My feet go to rest on his back, my thighs squeezing together on their own accord, looking for more pressure.

  After a few more strokes of his tongue, he stops and stands up. I watch him as he removes his underwear, freeing his long erection.

  The light in here is dim, only coming in from the lights that are on outside, but it’s enough to see how turned on he is right now. My mouth goes dry, and I lick my lips as I watch him. He grabs his wallet and pulls a condom out. I wonder if that’s common for single guys to do, but right now I don’t think to question it. I’m glad he came prepared.

  As he sheathes himself, I scoot back into the middle of the bed and wait. He slowly makes his way to me, making sure to once again caress my body in the most sensual way.

  “You okay?” he asks, placing a kiss on my mouth, then my cheek and jaw, before sucking tenderly on my neck.

  “Yes,” I breathe, my hands grazing over the muscled ridges in his back.

  He’s nestled in between my legs, his erection touching my inner thigh, causing me to try to shift my body in a way to get him inside of me.

  Getting on his knees again, he takes himself in his hand before slowly pushing into me. My jaw drops as I suck in a mouthful of air. Evan takes his time filling me up completely. My fingernails dig into the skin on his back as soon as he braces himself over me.

  He lets out the sexiest groan to ever come from a man as he pulls out and thrusts back in. Our bodies move together in perfect rhythm, almost as if they were molded for the other. His mouth comes down to connect with mine, and I grab his face between my hands and kiss him with ardent desperation. His thrusts become faster and harder, ripping groans from my throat as he sends my body towards the edge.

  “God, Phoenix,” he says in a rough whisper.

  My body is on fire, and I can feel the flames licking at my most
sensitive areas. Evan brings his mouth to my nipple, sucking fervently as his thrusts hit hard in the most delicious way.

  “Evan, oh my god, Evan,” I moan.

  “Yes, baby,” he responds, knowing I’m close.

  We both let out more grunts and groans, and then he pushes my body over the edge, and I enjoy the thrill of the fall. I squeeze him as I scream, “Oh, god!”

  Not too much longer, as I’m still sucking in deep breaths, Evan’s voice thunders through the room at his peak of ecstasy.

  He collapses next to me, both of us still breathing heavily. When we turn our heads to face each other, we both smile, satisfied in post-coital bliss.

  “That was . . .” he starts.

  “Amazing,” I finish.

  “Yes.”

  I lean forward and kiss his soft lips. “Give me your shirt.”

  He smirks. “Yes, ma’am.”

  After leaning over and grabbing it from the floor, he hands it to me, and I quickly slip it over my head.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I make my way to the bathroom to clean myself up, and then stare into the mirror. My lips are red and a little swollen, my hair is a bit of a mess, and my inner thighs are already a little sore. What’s most obvious, though, is the biggest, most ridiculous smile on my face. I’m happy. I like the way Evan makes me feel. I love being able to wear his shirt, and I love knowing that when I walk out of here, he’s going to be naked on my bed.

  After running a brush through my tangled locks, I open the door and stop in my tracks when I see Evan beginning to pull his boxer-briefs up. His body is as close to perfect as it can get, and his erection hasn’t gone down completely. God. What a beautiful sight he is. I’m disappointed when he pulls the blue material up, covering himself, but he sends me a heart-stopping smile.

  “Are you checking me out?” he asks.

  “Maybe.”

  His hair looks almost like mine did, standing up all over the place, but he definitely pulls the look off better.

  “I’ll allow it,” he says with a shrug.

  I laugh. “Well, that’s good.”

  He takes a couple steps until he reaches me, his right arm going around my waist and pulling me into him. “You’re phenomenal, Phoenix, and I love seeing you in my shirt.”