Resurrecting Phoenix

by Isabel Lucero

  “And the addiction one?”

  “I’ll still go to her for a while. I don’t need a drink like I used to, but sometimes I’ll want a drink at night. Not for any particular reason, but just to have one. People do that quite often, you know? Just an after work drink to wind down or relax, but I’m afraid if I do it once, it’ll be hard to just keep it to that one time. You know? So, I’m steering clear for good. It helps that Evan doesn’t drink.”

  “Well, you seem to be doing really great, Nix. And with the teaching job starting at the end of next month, that’s gotta be exciting.”

  “It is. It’ll be here before I know it.”

  After we wipe down the counters, we sit back at the dining room table and share another piece of her lemon cake.

  “So, you and Evan. You guys say the L word yet?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? It’s obvious that you both feel it.”

  “I’ve only been with him for like two months.”

  “So? I fell in love with Anthony in like two weeks!”

  “That’s true.”

  “You’re making excuses. I know you love him, and every time he looks at you, I can see the love in his eyes. He’s probably nervous to tell you, though . . . you know?”

  “Yeah.”

  “If you truly love him, don’t let too much time go by without telling him. Love is a good thing, and you’re gonna wanna say those words as often as possible.”

  She doesn’t finish the end of the sentence, but I have a feeling it was going to end with because life’s short. And she’s right. I definitely know that life is short and that it can be cut shorter at any given time.

  We don’t continue to talk about the L word because the guys come back inside, and shortly after, Evan I and leave, making plans to do this again sometime soon.

  “That was fun, right?”

  “Yeah, I had a good time,” he replies. “I really like them.”

  “I think they like you, too,” I say with a smile. “And I kind of like you as well.”

  “Kind of?” he says with a grin. “How much is that?”

  I shrug. “A pretty good amount.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yep. I . . . really like you. A lot.”

  I’m too nervous to say anything more. I have a feeling he knows that my feelings for him are crossing into something more serious, but we never push each other to say more. There have been times where I’ve studied him, going over the entire list of things I love about him. If I love everything about him, doesn’t that mean I love him? I love who he is as a person. I love his kind heart and compassionate soul.

  I love him.

  “I really like you a lot, too, Phoenix,” he replies, leaning over to give me a kiss before driving away from the house.

  We hold hands the whole way back to my house, my eyes constantly flickering over to admire him. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to say them. Not now. Not when I feel like I’m only saying them because Marissa brought it up. We’ll get there on our own time.

  I bring his hand up to my mouth and kiss the back of it. He looks down at me briefly and smiles.

  “If you’re trying to seduce me, you should know I’m a sure thing.”

  I laugh. “I know you are.”

  IT’S AUGUST FIRST, and that means the school year starts this month. It also means Evan’s sister is coming to visit. She wanted to come next month for Evan’s birthday, but she told him that her boss wouldn’t let her take time off then because someone else had requested time off first, and he couldn’t afford to lose two employees at the same time.

  Jenn will be here soon, and I’m freaking out making sure both mine and Evan’s houses are perfectly clean. I try to come up with a list of things to do while she’s here, but Evan just laughs at me.

  “She doesn’t care about having things to do. She’ll be fine hanging out here or going shopping.”

  “Should I take her a town over where they have a bigger mall?”

  He laughs again. “No. It’s gonna be fine.”

  “She’s your sister. I want to make a good impression.”

  “You’re you, Phoenix. She’s gonna love you.”

  “How are you so sure?”

  “Because it’s easy to.”

  This is the first time one of us has come close to saying how we really feel. I open my mouth to talk, but his phone rings loudly, startling us apart.

  “Hello? What? I thought you didn’t get in for another hour and a half. I’m gonna jump in my truck now.”

  He hangs up the phone and looks at me. “She’s already here.”

  “Crap! Does the house look okay?”

  “Why do you care what my house looks like?” he asks, laughing at me.

  “Whatever. I’m gonna head to my house and freshen up. Text me when you’re back.”

  I bump into Evan’s back as he comes to a complete stop on the doorstep.

  “How did you get here?” Evan asks, and when I peek around his shoulder, I see his sister standing in front of him.

  I internally panic, hoping I look decent enough to meet his sister right now. I tuck my hair behind my ears, and make sure my clothes look okay. Ripped jeans and a tank top. Could be better, but it could be worse, too.

  “I rented a car, duh,” she says, gesturing towards the small, white Honda.

  “I told you I’d go get you.”

  “I know, I know, but I don’t want to drive that monster truck of yours, and I know I’m gonna wanna get around while you’re working. Anyway, you’re being rude. I see someone back there that I want to meet. Can you grab my luggage from the car?”

  Evan looks back at me, giving me a small smile and a shrug before walking past his sister towards the car.

  Jenn’s a cute little thing with shoulder length blonde hair, hazel eyes that are more green than they are brown, and she probably only stands at about five foot three. Her blonde hair looks to be dyed, but she pulls it off like she’s a natural.

  She comes towards me with a huge grin, opening her arms for a hug.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you!” she squeals. “Evan’s told me so much about you.”

  “Good things, I hope,” I say with a laugh as I return her hug.

  “Of course.” She steps back and studies me. “You’re so beautiful!”

  “I was just thinking the same about you,” I reply honestly. “And I’m so excited to meet you. I hope you can excuse my appearance. We weren’t expecting you to be here just yet, and I was trying to straighten things up.”

  “Did my brother make you clean his house?” she asks.

  Evan comes walking in. “I told her not to.”

  I laugh. “I wanted to make sure everything looked nice for you.”

  “Aww. You didn’t have to do that. I’m used to my brother’s messy ways.”

  “I’m not messy,” Evan tries to defend himself.

  She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

  “You can take my room, Jenn. I haven’t set up the guest room yet, and there’s only an inflatable queen mattress, a small chest of drawers, and that’s about it.”

  “I don’t need much,” she says, taking her luggage. “This place looks nice, Evan. You really made it look homey.”

  “Phoenix helped me,” he replies, pulling me to his side. “It was her idea to paint this wall a bold color, and she helped pick out the curtains and comforter set. I told her you’d kill me if I picked out all black decorations.”

  “Seriously. At home, all he had was black sheets, black blankets, and black curtains. He wanted his walls black, but Mom wouldn’t let him. Gah! You’d think he was some goth kid.”

  “I like black,” Evan says shrugging his shoulders.

  “I’m going to give you guys some time to catch up, maybe you can get some rest, Jenn,” I say. “I’ll go home and change, and if you’re up to it, we can all go out to eat for dinner.”

  “Sounds great!” she says with
a bright smile; one that looks a lot like Evan’s.

  “Talk to you later, babe,” I say to Evan, getting on my tip-toes to give him a quick kiss.

  “I’ll text you,” he replies.

  When I get home, I end up falling asleep on the couch for a couple hours. I wake up at four-thirty, jump in the shower, and put on a navy blue maxi dress. Depending on where they want to go, I can wear sandals for a more casual look, or dress it up with heels.

  Once I blow dry my hair, I pull out my straightener and tame my hair into a nice, sleek look. With makeup applied, I grab my clutch and head downstairs.

  It’s almost six o’clock by the time I’m done, and my stomach is letting me know I need to feed it. I glance down at my phone and notice I have a missed text from Evan.

  Evan: I’ll be there by six-fifteen. We’re gonna go to Sicily’s Pizza.

  He puts three pizza slice emojis after his text, making me laugh. I reply that I’m ready when he is, and sit back and watch TV for the next ten minutes.

  When Evan arrives, he steps in, hiding us from the view of his sister, and kisses me senseless. Once his lips leave mine, and I stand there breathless, I figure out how to talk.

  “What was that for?” I ask in a breathy tone, wiping my finger under my bottom lip to remove any smeared lipstick.

  “I missed you,” he says matter-of-factly. “Plus, I figure it’s best to get it out of my system now.”

  “Well, I enjoyed it.”

  “Good,” he replies with a smile. “Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

  “Me, too.”

  At the truck, Jenn slides out, wearing black skinny jeans, a red, scoop neck shirt, and red heels that put her a couple inches taller than me.

  “Hey, did you get some rest?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I got a couple hours or so. You can slide in next to Evan,” she says with a smile.

  “Thanks.”

  On the ride there she tells me about her awful plane ride.

  “I saw this kid at the terminal. He was so cute! I mean, he was smiling at me, and laughing, and just being plain adorable. Had me thinking I’d want some kids someday, right? Well, let me tell you. That little creature turned into the devil on the plane! He sat right behind me and kicked my seat over and over again. When his parents told him to stop, he screamed like he was being stabbed in the stomach for about thirty minutes. Don’t they get tired of hearing themselves at some point? Anyway, anything his parents offered him, he didn’t want. He spilled his juice on the floor, which of course trickled down to my feet, leaving the bottoms of my flip flops all sticky. Then he went back to kicking my chair. I wanted to die. Literally die right there on the plane.”

  Her exasperation is funny, and Evan’s chuckling to himself while he drives.

  “How old do you think he was?” Evan asks.

  “I don’t know. Old enough to get on my nerves.”

  I try to stifle my laughter. “That sounds terrible.”

  “Evan told me you’re a teacher. I don’t know how you do it, Phoenix. I don’t have enough patience for kids. I hope if I ever become a mother, that that changes. Do you want kids?”

  “Yeah, I always planned on it,” I answer honestly.

  “Evan has always wanted three. Two boys and a girl. You still want kids, Evan?” she asks.

  “Sure,” he says with a shrug. “Your story didn’t scare me.”

  “Yeah, you didn’t see the little monster.”

  Evan and I laugh as we pull into Siciliy’s Pizza.

  “Jenn, this pizza is so good. You’re never gonna want to eat anything else while you’re here,” I tell her. “Actually, you should try Grubbin’ Grill,” I amend, thinking about their burgers and shakes.

  “Oh, I’m sure I’ll gain ten pounds while I’m here,” she says, hopping out of the truck.

  I slide out on Evan’s side, and the three of us enter the hole-in-the-wall place, getting a booth at the back end.

  After we order our pizzas, I listen to Jenn and Evan go back and forth with their sides of the story on multiple things that happened when they were kids. It’s so funny to watch them argue who was right over something that happened fifteen years ago. Jenn tells me about Evan destroying her doll house, but his defense was that she had told their parents he lied about doing his homework, causing him to be grounded for a week.

  “Did he tell you that he slept with a teddy bear until he was thirteen?” she asks, looking over at her brother.

  “I did not!”

  Jenn starts cracking up. “Yes, you did.”

  “At least I didn’t suck my thumb until I was six.”

  She rolls her eyes, choosing not to reply.

  I burst out laughing. “Oh my gosh. I love you guys!”

  Jenn glances at me, giving me a wide smile, and I feel Evan stiffen just slightly next to me. I realize what I said, but I said it without thinking. It was just a true, natural statement. When I turn to look at him, he’s already gazing down at me. Something in our exchange lets me know this is something we’re going to talk about later.

  He squeezes my thigh and kisses my cheek before turning to his sister and asking her about her dog.

  “Oh, what kind of dog do you have?” I ask.

  “He’s a beagle, and he’s kind of an asshole, but he’s cute. My friend is watching him for me, and she’s already texted me a picture of him next to his food bowl, the food on the floor instead of the dish.”

  “Aww. I’ve been wanting a dog, but I want a blue nose pit.”

  “Do they sell them around here?” she asks.

  “I think you could find some breeders on Craigslist. If not here, probably in a town nearby.”

  “You should get one,” she encourages.

  “Yeah, but I’m about to start work, and I’d be leaving it home alone all day. I’ll get one one day.”

  We stay at the restaurant for about two hours, never having a dull moment. I love seeing Evan with his sister. As much as they give each other a hard time, I can see the love between them. They’re both so funny and easy to be around, never making me feel like an outsider.

  When we leave, Evan drives straight to his house, bypassing mine completely.

  “Jenn, I’m gonna walk Phoenix home. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  “No rush,” she says, waving her hand at him. “I’ll be asleep in ten minutes.” She hurries over to me and hugs me like she’s known me her whole life. “I can’t tell you how happy I am that you and my brother found each other. I hope we get to spend more time together.”

  My heart swells in my chest. “Definitely. We can go shopping tomorrow, and maybe get some manicures and pedicures. What do you say?”

  “I say, I think I’m in love with you.” She laughs. “You better watch it, Evan. I’m gonna take her away.”

  “I don’t think you can compete with me, lil sis.”

  She rolls her eyes, gives me a wave, and then disappears into the house. Evan bends his arm, giving me space to put my arm through his, resting in the crook of his elbow.

  I lay my head on his shoulder as we walk across the street. “I really like your sister.”

  “She really likes you. Should I be worried?” he jokes.

  “No, you’re all that I want,” I say after a laugh.

  He doesn’t say anything right away. Instead we walk in silence to my house, both of us going straight to the couch.

  “Phoenix?” he says my name like a question.

  “Yeah?”

  I hear him take a deep breath. “I’m incredibly and undoubtedly in love with you. Before you say anything,” he rushes to get out, “I want you to know that I’ve felt this way for a little while now. I’ve been terrified to tell you for fear that you’d run away. I didn’t want it to be too much for you to handle, but keeping my feelings hidden has become too much for me to handle. I need you to know how I feel about you, and how you make me feel.

  “You make me feel like an important part of your life. You make me feel
like I can conquer anything as long as I have you by my side. But more importantly, you make me feel complete. I’m who I’m supposed to be when I’m with you, and I love you more than I imagined I could ever love anybody.”

  At the end of his speech, I’m at a complete loss of words. My heart feels like it’s doing flips in my chest, and as much as I said I knew he loved me, I didn’t know how deep his feelings went. I didn’t know he’d express them so eloquently. I’m now concerned that my response won’t live up to what he’s said.

  “Evan,” I breathe. “God, I love you.”

  I don’t say anything else right away, I just throw my arms around him, and that seems like a good enough response for him as I hear him exhale in relief and wrap his arms around me.

  We stay locked in that embrace for a while before I pull away and place both of my hands on the sides of his face, looking straight into his eyes.

  “I’m sorry you felt the need to keep your feelings to yourself for however long you did. I admit I’ve been wanting to tell you I love you for a little while, too. I was scared and nervous, and knew it was a big step for us.” I sit back a little further, taking his hands in mine. “I knew the feelings were there between us. I could feel it, and I hoped you could, too. You made it so easy to fall in love with you.”

  I don’t want to ruin anything by saying aloud that I feared admitting my love to him meant I was completely over Gordon. Gordon will always have a piece of my heart, and I’ll miss him always, but I realize now that admitting I love Evan only means I’ve successfully allowed myself to move on. Moving on does not mean forgetting. I’ll never forget Gordon, but I can move on from our past together and find happiness.

  “I can’t tell you what hearing those words from you mean to me,” he says with a smile. “I feel like my heart just burst.”

  I laugh. “Well, I didn’t mean to break your heart.”

  “No, not like that,” he chuckles. “It burst with joy and relief. Once it comes back together, I’ll hand it over to you, because you own it now, Phoenix. I’m yours completely.”

  “I promise to take care of it,” I say, emotion thick in my voice. “As long as you continue to take care of mine, because you’re the one who healed it in the first place.”