Shellshock

by Anthony Masters

  Tying the dinghy to a rocky spur he saw the pedalo at once and the young girl who was sitting in it, sobbing.

  ‘I thought we might go into the mountains,’ said Tod.

  ‘When?’ asked David.

  ‘Maybe tomorrow. It’ll be as hot as hell but we could take plenty of water. There’s an empty monastery up there. Extraordinary place, overrun with herbs and wild flowers.’

  ‘That would be great, Dad.’

  ‘And of course Miguel would come too.’

  ‘Yes,’ said David unenthusiastically.

  ‘Not so keen?’

  David shrugged. ‘We’ve all got to get along somehow. Like you said.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  They were still breakfasting on the terrace; Miguel had already disappeared.

  ‘He does a pretty good job of avoiding me,’ said David.

  ‘It’s going to take a bit of time.’

  ‘More than a mountain expedition.’

  ‘That could be a start. I can never pretend to love you equally. He knows that. But Miguel also knows I’m very fond of him.’

  ‘Dad?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘One day do you think you will love us equally?’

  ‘You’re my own flesh and blood, David. I hardly know Miguel. It’s just that I feel responsible for him, and despite everything I know he relies on me – depends on me.’

  ‘But there must be other people. I know you’ve said Henriques can’t and his grandparents are too old. But there must be someone else.’

  ‘He has to have someone to see him through. It won’t be that difficult. Miguel’s a survivor. Always has been.’

  David was silent, staring out at the deep blue of the sea that the last of the haze had just uncovered.

  ‘Do you mind him very much?’ asked Tod.

  David thought. Then he said: ‘I do mind him. I can feel his hatred.’

  ‘I don’t think it’s as bad as that. But I can understand how difficult it is for you. Coming out here like this and everything so traumatic. But I’m doing my best work –’ His voice tailed away.

  David looked out to sea again. Suddenly he hated and loved his father at the same time. Hated him for his vanity; loved him because he was the only person he could hang on to in an alien country and against Miguel’s hostility.

  ‘Well, at least we have some time on our own together,’ David said.

  ‘What is the matter? Can I help you?’

  Miguel looked at his watch. It was just past twelve and the rocks around the island were already swarming with divers and snorkellers. She was humped up in the pedalo with a tear-stained, tanned face; there was something very vulnerable about the way she crouched there. Knowing that pedaloes were not allowed out to the island he guessed that she must have come out here by mistake.

  ‘I’ve come out too far.’ She spoke the words flatly.

  ‘How you do that?’

  ‘I wasn’t thinking. I just went on pedalling and now I’m too tired to get back.’

  The tears ran down her face and Miguel felt oddly moved. He prided himself on being tough, but like his mother he could be terribly emotional. He suddenly remembered how they had found a drowned kitten on the rocks of a cove where they had been forced to sleep one night, and how his mother had wept over the bedraggled object. He now felt something similar as he stared down at Jan. It wasn’t as if she was pathetic or ridiculous; she was just helpless as a result of the mistake she had made. He just had to help her.

  ‘You have some friends on the shore?’

  ‘My dad.’

  ‘You’re English.’

  ‘Yes.’ She stared at him as if he was stupid and he immediately thought – yes, the English with their arrogance. They think everyone should speak their language. Then he softened again.

  ‘I will take you back.’

  She looked so grateful that Miguel suddenly felt a burst of genuine happiness.

  ‘Will you? Thank you.’

  ‘I pedal. I am strong.’

  ‘What about your boat?’

  ‘It will be safe here.’

  ‘But how will you get back to it?’

  ‘I go out in one of the diving boats this afternoon. They will help.’

  She nodded. It was going to be all right.

  David could see that something was going on. There was an attentive crowd round the pedaloes and the owner, a small shrimp-like man with a goatee beard, was standing on the prow of one of them, raving and storming in very rapid Spanish. Then he spotted Miguel and got a shock. It couldn’t be. But it was. It was Jan, and she was standing by her father who was shouting as loudly as the pedalo owner but in resonant, outraged and abusive English.

  ‘Now you look here, you Spanish git. You shouldn’t rent out those pedaloes without a proper warning. I don’t see a sign saying “don’t go near the bleeding island”.’

  David pushed his way through the crowd and grabbed Jan’s shoulder. She spun round. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ he said.

  ‘David!’ She threw her arms round him. ‘I’ve been rescued.’

  David saw Miguel’s face and his heart sank.

  ‘He was fantastic.’

  ‘Sure.’

  Miguel had reluctantly disappeared, summoned by Henriques to his grandparents’, leaving Jan’s father and the pedalo owner to trade more insults and David and Jan to wander away up the crowded afternoon beach. They walked side by side in the sandy water.

  ‘Don’t you like him?’

  ‘Not a lot.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Tell you later. But why are you here?’

  ‘You know Dad won that money?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I persuaded him to bring me here. To find you.’

  David turned to her overjoyed. ‘That’s fantastic.’

  ‘Are you pleased?’

  ‘You bet.’ He grabbed her, drawing her to him and kissing her full on the lips, slightly lifting her off the ground. Then he stood back, amazed at what he had done. It had been so different in England. Now, suddenly, in Spain, he desired her. He wanted someone to be close to particularly as his father seemed to be drawing away. ‘I think you’re very clever,’ he added.

  ‘I was almost sure you were here, but not quite sure where.’ A sudden image of the sexual fantasies she had imagined with him filtered through Jan’s mind. ‘Who was that boy on the island?’ she said at random.

  ‘Miguel.’

  ‘He seemed to know it pretty well.’

  ‘He practically lives there. It’s got a legend.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Rock people. You remember, the legend my dad was making sculptures about.’

  ‘So that’s the place. And who’s Miguel?’

  ‘It’s all a bit complicated. Dad had a girlfriend here and they got mixed up in an accident. She was Miguel’s mother.’ David surprised himself with the calm way he told Jan the news that he knew would so hurt their family.

  ‘What happened to her?’

  ‘She was killed and Dad feels responsible for Miguel. He’s got no one else.’

  ‘He was very nice,’ said Jan. ‘He got me off the island.’

  ‘He’s a bastard.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘He nearly drowned me. I’m sure he hates me. He thinks I’ll take Dad away from him.’

  ‘I suppose you can hardly blame him.’

  ‘No. But you try living with him.’

  ‘So it’s not been easy since you’ve been here?’ She laughed and David suddenly felt better. Somehow it was as if she had brought a streak of familiar sanity into a very alien situation.

  ‘No. But now you’ve come –’

  ‘How long have you got left?’ she said anxiously.

  ‘Not long. Mum expects me back next Tuesday. How about you?’

  ‘Wednesday. So we’ve got a few days.’

  ‘I’m so glad you’ve come.’ He kissed her again.

  ‘I was so scared.
I pedalled out too far.’

  ‘Why on earth did you do that?’

  ‘Actually, I was thinking of you.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Honest. And if it hadn’t been for Miguel –’

  ‘Someone would have got you. Loads of divers go out there.’

  ‘But it was Miguel.’

  ‘Yes. It was Miguel. I’ll have to thank him.’

  Miguel knew he would have to kill David soon. Already Tod had been asking him almost feverishly about the island, so he guessed David must have told him about the Rock People. Of course Tod would be sad at first, but he would get over it because he, Miguel, would make sure that he did. He would be loving and attentive and sympathetic and Tod would stay with him forever. As for the girl, she was very nice and maybe he could make love to her. Miguel had had girls many times. But this one looked special.

  ‘Well, at least you two met up. Now maybe I can get some peace – stop worrying about Jan having a good time.’ Mr Daniels grinned at them as they sat in the sun lounge of the Hotel Supremo.

  It was pretty awful, thought David. The flowers were plastic and there was an artificial river that ran over a plastic-lined waterfall.

  ‘I’m sorry she got into trouble,’ said David. ‘Those pedaloes are hard to push against the wind.’

  ‘She’s always in a dream.’ Mr Daniels snapped his fingers at a waiter. ‘Never know what she’s thinking about.’

  Jan looked at David and winked but he stared at her blankly. She realised that neither of them had the least idea what she was always thinking about. But even so David had changed. He had grown up so much since she had last seen him. And now, at last, he wanted her in a very different way.

  ‘I’ll take the sailing boat,’ said David.

  ‘Isn’t that Miguel’s?’

  ‘This one’s Dad’s. Miguel must be on the island again.’

  ‘What does he do there?’

  ‘Fishes. Sleeps. Dives, if Henriques and the diving boat are around.’

  ‘Shall we go to the island?’

  ‘Not if he’s there,’ said David firmly, pushing the boat out into the waves. It was just after tea-time and the heat was still intense. They jumped in and he swung the tiller round so the sail caught as much of the tremulous breeze as it could.

  ‘Where are we going?’ asked Jan.

  ‘Round the islands.’

  There was a silence between them. Suddenly David said rather crossly: ‘Of course if you want to land –’

  ‘No.’ Her reply was too quick.

  ‘If you want to see Miguel.’

  ‘Don’t be silly.’

  ‘Do you fancy him or something?’

  ‘David –’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He was immediately contrite. ‘I don’t want to spoil things.’

  ‘You’re not. I can see how it is.’

  ‘Can you? You know, sometimes I can feel his hatred. I can feel his hatred kind of breathing on me.’

  The boat picked up speed as the frisking breeze freshened just a little.

  ‘You’ve got to remember he’s only just lost his mum and his uncle.’

  ‘I keep trying to remember that. All the time, I keep trying.’ David sounded desperate.

  She stroked his brown, salt-flecked knee. ‘You don’t have to worry, Dave. Not about me you don’t.’

  ‘We will go to the island.’

  ‘Not if you –’

  ‘I’m not having him scare me off. Why should I?’ When they arrived on the short, rocky foreshore there was no sign of another dinghy.

  ‘He could be round the other side,’ said David hesitantly. ‘There’s a little cove there.’

  But for the moment at least it looked as if they had got the island to themselves.

  Landing, David tied the boat to a rock and they clambered up to the top. This island in the Medas group was no more than a small, bare rocky atoll washed by the Mediterranean and with clusters of sea-birds clinging to it. There was a plateau on top and a network of caves beneath. They sat on the top, hand in hand, staring down at the water with the dark rocks below.

  ‘What happened here between you and Miguel?’

  ‘Henriques took us diving and, like a pratt, I followed Miguel into a cave. We swam into a sort of underground beach and there were rock statues there. It was really creepy. Then he got nasty and said if I didn’t promise not to tell anyone about it then he’d leave me there. So I had to promise him. I had to kiss his flippers.’

  Jan stifled a giggle.

  ‘It’s not funny,’ said David sternly.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Anyway, we got out all right and I told Dad about them and now you. So he can’t scare me.’

  ‘Why does he want to keep this secret?’

  ‘Dunno. He likes to keep the whole island secret.’

  ‘I wonder why?’

  ‘He needs a place of his own, I guess,’ said David with sudden perception.

  There was a short silence. Then David said:

  ‘We’ve changed.’

  ‘I know,’ said Jan.

  ‘Do you want to change?’ he asked tentatively.

  ‘Yes,’ said Jan. ‘I’ve been looking forward to it, dreaming about it for so long.’

  Miguel saw them making love. Soon he would show himself to them, to infuriate David. But instead he watched their twisting forms rather absently, his mind on the future.

  Miguel was spying on them from what he called the Chimney, a narrow defile that ran right inside the rock from the plateau down to the cave where the statues eternally waited. If he moved some large stones he could squeeze down, bracing his arms and legs against the rock, but then the stones would be immovable from below. When he saw David and Jan lying apart he decided, for maximum annoyance, that he would now appear.

  ‘Holà.’

  They were lying side by side, panting a little.

  ‘Holà,’ he repeated.

  David sat up immediately. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘It’s my island.’

  ‘Rubbish.’

  ‘I am king of this island.’ He began to prance around in a ridiculous way that made David want to hit him. Then he saw that Jan had sat up and had put a towel round her. But she was smiling, and when David looked at her angrily she stopped smiling which was even more annoying. Had Miguel seen them? The thought burnt into his mind to the exclusion of everything else.

  David advanced threateningly on him. He had never tried to tackle him physically before and he was worried that if they did fight he would lose.

  ‘What did you see?’ asked David furiously.

  ‘Everything. I see everything.’

  David hit him.

  In fact he hit him very hard. Miguel staggered back, blood pouring from his mouth. Then he spat out a tooth. Jan was standing up now, terrified at what was going to happen next. So was David.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to hit you so hard.’

  With an animal cry of rage Miguel launched himself on him, spitting blood, kicking, fists flailing. They went down together on the hard rock and began to roll about, grunting, struggling, swearing.

  ‘Stop!’ said Jan.

  But they took no notice, continuing to roll and attempt to batter each other. Then Miguel was suddenly astride him, his fist upraised, poised to smash it down into David’s face. But Jan ran to him, grabbing his wrist and hanging on to it.

  ‘Stop! For God’s sake, stop! Both of you.’

  Conscious of his hot, wiry wrist, Jan felt a pang of acute desire for him. Then she felt his wrist relax and he was scrambling off David, aiming a parting kick which did not connect.

  David got to his feet, more shaken than hurt, glaring at Miguel as if he wanted to carry on with the fight – which he didn’t.

  ‘You bastard,’ said David.

  Miguel grinned again, delighted he was so angry. Then he remembered his tooth and frowned.

  ‘I lost tooth.’

&n
bsp; ‘Great.’

  ‘David –’ Jan admonished.

  ‘You keep out of it,’ yelled David with renewed rage. ‘Why don’t you sail back with him?’

  Miguel’s grin stretched wider.

  ‘Because I don’t want to.’

  ‘Sure?’

  ‘I’m sure.’ She turned back to Miguel. ‘You shouldn’t have been watching.’

  ‘The point is,’ snapped David, ‘where were you watching from?’

  This, if anything, seemed to annoy Miguel even more. He turned haughtily on his heel and marched away, over the plateau, and down the rocks on the opposite side of the island.

  ‘That certainly wound him up,’ said Jan in surprise.

  ‘I wish he’d drown,’ yelled David. ‘Just like his bloody mother.’

  ‘You don’t mean that, David.’

  But David said nothing. He was wondering why Jan was not as angry as he was. Why had she taken it all so calmly?

  ‘Let’s check out where he was hiding,’ said Jan rather hastily, seeing that he was really upset.

  Grudgingly, David joined her in the hunt but they could find nothing and they were too tired to search thoroughly.

  They sailed back silently. As Jan looked back at the island she could see that the setting sun had cast a golden glow over its rocky surface.

  ‘What’s that?’ Her voice was sharp.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Something shining on the shore.’

  He turned and dismissed it. ‘It’s nothing.’

  ‘It’s something. Let’s just tack back.’

  ‘OK,’ David replied wearily. He turned the boat round towards the island and they sailed back to the rocky shore. There it lay, glinting on the rocks, and she leapt out of the boat to gather it up. ‘How weird.’

  ‘What’s weird?’

  ‘It’s shells, all strung together in a necklace. How come we didn’t see it before?’

  ‘Don’t know.’ Something stirred uneasily in the back of David’s mind.

  ‘It’s quite beautiful. They’re lovely shells. Lovely.’ She ran her hands through them. ‘They’re threaded together with strong twine like the fishermen use to mend their nets.’ She brought them back into the boat. It was true; they were beautiful.

  ‘Let’s go,’ he said shortly.

  He knew now. Dad had told him. She had the garland. At least that’s what part of him said. The other more rational side dismissed it as a toy made by a child and then thrown away. Probably from a boat.