by Stella James
We spend the next couple hours drifting along. We talk about nothing in particular but Katie knows that I’m holding something back. I can’t keep anything from her. She’s leaning back with her eyes closed and has her feet propped on top of the middle seat.
“Ughhh, would you just tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours so that I can stop wondering, the suspense is killing me,” she says.
“I’m not taking the scholarship,” I say. This is the first time I’ve said the words out loud and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She sits up and opens another soda.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she says sarcastically.
“I’m thinking about enlisting.”
She pauses before taking a sip and slowly brings the can down from her lips. “Enlisting? Since when?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I want to get out of this town and do something important Katie, I won’t be happy just to work at my dad’s shop and see the same damn people every day,” I regret my choice of words when I see the hurt flash across her face. “I don’t mean you.”
“I know what you mean Asher, but the army? Putting your life in danger is more appealing to you than living in the town you grew up in? Really?”
“It’s not just that, yeah I’ll be risking my life but it’s for an important cause, don’t you think? I want to see more of the world. When I’m not deployed, I’ll be able to do that.”
“Wait. So you wouldn’t come home? Ever?”
“Eventually I would, but for the first few years…no.”
“What about your parents? What about me?” She says quietly.
“There’s skype and we can send stuff back and forth, maybe you can even meet me in Europe and we can travel together?” I feel like I’m grasping at straws but I hate to see Katie look so defeated. She’s my best friend and I just want her to understand. I feel the need to reassure her that I haven’t made up my mind, but she knows better. We both do. She looks out at the water and remains silent. I’ll miss her like hell but I have to do this. It feels right.
Hours after I drop her off my phone beeps.
Katie: Hey asshole. I’m going to miss you.
*
I cut the engine and we cast our lines out into the water. Katie leans back and sighs.
“How long has it been since we did this together?” She asks. “Almost ten years?”
Christ, has it been that long? “Yeah, I guess that sounds about right.”
“It feels like it was yesterday,” she says as she pours us coffee from the thermos. “I’ve missed it.”
I’ve missed it too. I’ve missed her. I meant what I told her before, the contact we kept over the last nine years got me through some pretty grim shit. Deployments were never easy and there was always baggage to deal with afterwards, but knowing there would be a letter or package from home with her terrible fucking cookies waiting for me helped to soften the harsh edges of everything I wish I’d never seen.
“Will you tell me what happened?” She asks.
I don’t want to. But I also know how damn lucky I am that Katie is still here. If I can try for anyone, I can try for her.
There were five of us in the cargo truck heading back to base. We were three days shy of leave and we were all fucking itching to get out of there and let off steam. Grady and Jamison were heading back to the states to spend their dwell time with their wives and families. Grady’s wife had just given birth three months ago and he was gonna meet his daughter for the first time. He wouldn’t shut up about how beautiful she was even though to the rest of us she just looked like a baby. Jamison had two teenage daughters of his own and kept warning him about hormones and boyfriends. But nothing could wipe that dumb smile from Grady’s face every time he talked about his baby girl. These men were talking about their wives and children and all I could think about was fucking around Europe, getting laid and drinking myself into oblivion. Real fucking fair how things turned out. I could have sworn there was nothing on that road for miles. We were hit by a roadside bomb and everything went black. I woke up shortly after the truck blew up but I don’t remember any of it. Not when I’m awake anyways. Grady and Jamison were killed on impact. The rest of us walked away with broken bones and fading scars.
“I’m sorry, Asher.” Her sympathy grates on my fraying nerves. I don’t want or need sympathy.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, feel sorry for the little girl who’s never gonna meet her dad,” I snap. Fuck, I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be the reason for the hurt in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Katie, this shit just fucks with my head. Let’s just talk about something else.”
“Okay.”
Only we don’t. I’ve ruined what could have been a good day because I can’t accept the way that shit went down. The guilt and rage that continue to overcome me is so fucking heavy I feel like it’s burying me alive. I start the engine up and turn the boat back to the cabin. I need to hit something. I need to lose it, just enough to make the blood stop rushing to my head. Katie says nothing, she watches the water and keeps whatever opinion she has to herself. I pull up to the dock and secure the boat in a half ass knot before I’m striding to the cabin. I’m antsy and I can feel my hands trembling. I can hear Katie calling after me but I need to get the hell away from her. I don’t want her to see how deep this shit in my head runs. I grab the axe and start swinging. Log after log shatters under each blow, I’m breathing heavy and my eyes focus only on the chunks of wood and nothing else. The pounding in my skull won’t go away, it’s a constant noise that makes me feel like I’m going fucking crazy.
“Fuuuck!!”
I throw the axe aside and stand there with my head in my hands. Waiting for the noise to stop. I feel her hand rest gently on my back and my first instinct is to shake it off but for some reason I don’t. My breath slows and I turn to face her. Katie. The angel who can’t stand to see me suffer. She takes my hand and leads me to the cabin. When I close the door behind us she takes off her hat and pulls her shirt up and over her head. She’s standing there in her lacy pink bra and her jeans and all I can do is stare. She rests her hand on the side of my face and puts her lips firmly on mine. The thumping in my head starts to recede and is replaced by a savage want so strong that I am powerless to try and stop it. So I don’t.
Chapter 11
Kate
I don’t know how to help him or how to make things better. So I give him the only thing that I have to give. A momentary distraction. He’s not in this alone, and I’ll remind him with my touch until he believes it.
He takes over the kiss that I started, I can feel the intensity of his hunger and it matches my own. I give up my control to him because I know that he’ll take care of me and because I know that he needs it. He pushes me against the wall and pulls my bra down, groping me roughly before he rips his mouth from mine and takes one of my hard nipples between his teeth. He bites and sucks, the pleasure mixes with the sting while I hold his head in place begging him silently not to stop. A groan of approval grumbles up from his chest before his lips are back on mine. Our tongues slide back and forth, every kiss is met with the nipping of teeth, it’s too much and not enough all at the same time. His hands are everywhere, making me burn under his frantic touch. He tears the button from my jeans and tugs them down my legs along with my panties.
“Turn around, Katie, hands on the wall and stick that gorgeous ass out,” he rasps his demand against my skin, sending a shiver that goes right down to my toes. I turn to face the wall and barely have time to process the hiss of his zipper before his cock is buried all the way inside me. His breath is hot against my neck as he plunges in and out in long, powerful strokes. My hands brace the wall and I push back, urging him to give me more.
“Don’t stop, Asher, give me more, please give me more.”
He places one strong hand over mine and drives into me with such force that all I can do is close my eyes and give i
nto the rush of pleasure that sweeps over me. I want to shout his name, I want him to know that he’s the only one who can bring me to the edge like this but all I can do is moan and gasp and try to catch my breath. I can feel the pulsing in my core begin to slow when he pulls out and spins me around.
“On your knees, Katie. I’ve dreamt about those lips of yours around my cock and I want you to taste how good we are together.”
I don’t hesitate to sink to my knees and take his length as far as I can. His hands twist in my hair as I drag my tongue along one bold vein.
“Ah fuck, baby.”
I take him to the back of my throat, he holds me in place and grunts before pulling himself from my mouth. He cums in a steady stream that drips down my chest. I lick the last, tiny drop from the tip of his fading erection and look up to find his eyes focused on nothing but me. He pulls me to stand and takes me in his arms. We stand there, in the aftermath of our desperation and simply hold each other.
*
I lean into Asher as we sit on the old porch swing, the sun is just beginning to go down and the sounds of the lake fill the air around us. The silence between us should fill me with a hundred internal questions about what this is, where it’s going and what’s going to happen tomorrow. But it doesn’t. I should be telling Asher that it’s time to move forward, that we can get him the help that he needs together. But I don’t. In this moment we have each other and it feels like enough for now, even if it isn’t.
“Katie?”
“Mm?”
“Stay with me?”
I close my eyes and press my lips to his. “Always.”
Chapter 12
Asher
“God damn shit, where is my skirt?”
I blink my eyes open and see a very smooth, very round ass bent over a small suitcase. The red thong she’s wearing leaves little to the imagination. The sexy black heels she’s wearing make her long legs even longer.
“Good morning, Katie.”
She jumps at the sound of my voice. “Jesus, you scared me.”
I never thought I would find an office dress code so enticing, but the way my cock is standing at attention, I apparently have a thing for silk blouses and neatly styled hair. Katie looks down at my fully hard dick and grins before strutting back over to the bed.
“Ya know, you’re making it very hard to get ready for work when you’re laying here like this,” she licks her lips and leans down for a kiss. Before she pulls away I yank her onto the bed and underneath me.
“Asher! I’m going to be late!” She shrieks.
“I don’t give a shit, baby, let me mess you up a little bit.”
“Mm, okay, but just a little bit.”
An hour later she leaves for work and I can still smell her on the sheets beside me.
Today is Katie’s first day back at work. Things have been…different. It’s funny how you can spend almost your entire life knowing someone and then all of a sudden you see them in a completely new light. That’s what’s happened with us. I’ll always know Katie, but the woman who shares my bed every night and tries with all her might to fix the broken parts of me is a version of her that I never saw coming. We don’t discuss the future or make plans. We don’t talk about what all of this means and I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve both convinced ourselves that it doesn’t matter or if it’s because we are too scared to know the truth. She makes me want to be better, not only for her but for me as well. I’ve spent so much time pushing and I’m exhausted.
I get up and have a quick shower. Thankfully Katie didn’t make breakfast this morning, so I’ll grab something in town. I leave Asshole outside to wander and get in my truck and head to town.
*
Montgomery’s Automotive Repair has been a part of the Blue Falls community since my family moved here. My parents have run the shop together for over twenty years. My old man can fix anything with an engine, something I admired as a kid and still do to this day. I pull up to the modest building and get my nerves in check before I step out and make my way to the front door.
The truth is; I’m ashamed. My parents tried for years to have another kid after me but it never happened. I’m their only son and not only have I spent the last nine years away from home, I’ve allowed myself to be swallowed up into my own fucked up head and never once thought of how it might affect the two people who have given me everything they could possibly give. Katie makes me feel like I can make things right, or at least try.
The bell on the front door jingles as I step through. My mom is sitting at her desk, her eyes glued to a computer screen. She looks lost in thought until she glances at me and smiles wide. Her purple glasses are perched on the tip of her nose, her greying hair hangs past her shoulders in a mass of wild curls. The memory of me as a kid, wrapping my arms tightly around her and inhaling the comfort of her smell while those wild curls would prickle my nose humbles me instantly.
“Hey Mom.”
I stand there awkwardly, I don’t even know how to act around my own mother. I’m reminded of every single time we skyped during my time away and not once did she ever make me feel guilty for leaving and not coming back. She’d smile and tell me about her day and ask about mine. She’d ask if I met any girls worth mentioning and if I needed anything. Even when I’d say no, several weeks later there would be a package from home. Simple conversations and simple gestures that I took for granted. Now here we are, and I would do anything for something ordinary.
She pushes her chair back and crosses the room to meet me. Her head doesn’t even reach my chin but she stands on her toes and pulls me in for a tight hug. I exhale my relief and hug her back.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“I know, honey. I’m glad you’re here,” she says.
She leans back and I can see the tears in her eyes. It makes me hate myself that I’ve caused her to worry so much.
“Your dad’s out back, why don’t you go on out and I’ll make some coffee.”
I walk through the office and back to the garage. It must be a quiet day, my dad is the only one working. Black Sabbath plays in the background and there’s an old Monte Carlo up on the hoist. My dad is crouched underneath, his coveralls are filthy and he’s muttering to himself. Some things will never change.
“Is Harold still driving that damn thing around town?” I ask.
“Harold is too damn cheap to ever drive anything else. Good for business but it’s getting damn hard trying to keep this fucking thing from falling apart while he’s speeding down Main Street,” he grumbles. “What do ya need, Son?”
“I wanted to come by and see if you needed any help. See if maybe that offer was still good?” My dad isn’t going to make this easy on me and that’s exactly what I fucking deserve.
“Hmph. You see your mom out front?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Ya know, that woman is stubborn as hell. Never lets on when shit’s bothering her, it’s just not the way she’s built. She doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone,” he drops some rusted bolts into a pan and keeps working. “We weren’t surprised when you gave up that football scholarship. You were a hell of a player but your heart was never in it. We weren’t expecting the army, but your mother was adamant that we support you no matter what, so we did. She held her tongue every time we’d see your face on that damn computer screen, telling us all about the places you’d seen, the people you met. She didn’t want you to feel bad about wanting more than a small town life.” He wipes his hands on the old rag hanging from his pocket but has yet to look at me.
“Every damn time we’d say our goodbyes and that screen would go black, she’d break down and cry herself to sleep. She missed you so much, we both did. When we got that call that you’d been hurt, she pulled herself together, got a flight booked for us and Kate. She was so damn strong because she didn’t want you to worry. She wanted to make sure that you knew we were there for you, for whatever you needed. And I’d watch her every day in that hospital, trying
to make you comfortable, trying to talk to you. We knew you’d be different, Asher, and we love you no matter what. But coming back here after six months only to hide out at that damn cabin was a shit thing to do. No one expected for you to go back to life as if nothing had happened, but ignoring the people who have spent the last decade worrying about you ain’t the answer either. We raised you better than that.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m here now. I’m sorry, Dad.” I don’t know what else to say.
The silence drags for a moment before he finally looks at me. His brown eyes a reflection of my own, his tall frame and wide shoulders standing proud, surrounded by the business that he built from scratch and suddenly I’m a kid again, seeking his approval.
“There’s an extra pair of coveralls on the hook over there, get your ass down here and help me fix this damn thing before Harold ends up killing himself.”
Chapter 13
Kate
My first day back at work was hectic and full of surprises. My boss, Martin Gibbs, who has been the Mayor of Blue Falls for the last forty freaking years is finally retiring. I nearly spit out my coffee when he told me this morning in his office. Marty is a good guy but he’s nearly seventy-five years old and I swear that man would forget to put pants on in the morning if he didn’t have his wife there to remind him. He will officially resign in two months at which time we will have a fancy retirement party so that we can send him off properly and formally introduce his replacement. I haven’t met the guy but apparently he’s coming down from a city council job in the next town over. I don’t know how the older folks in the community will feel about an outsider but Marty seems to think that he’ll fit in perfectly. Time will tell.
