God, how I hated what this city had done to me.
I’d tried getting back up on my feet. On the days I wasn’t watching Clara I was out doing interviews. I interviewed at the library as well as at several office buildings for secretarial positions. I did an interview with a fast food restaurant to be a manager. I interviewed with the grocery store I had left, to pursue being a nanny again, in the hopes they would have pity on me and take me back. I even interviewed with the complex Derek lived in to be the main nighttime desk attendant. I figured Franz and I could have some laughs while working side-by-side.
But none of the jobs ever called me back.
I looked over at the clock just as I finished putting the shepherd’s pie in the freezer and realized I was running behind. I had yet another job interview that would probably result in another business throwing my resume in the trash can, but it was with the electronics store up the road. I knew nothing about electronics, and I was very upfront about that, but I did know a thing or two about coordinating schedules and handling large sums of money, and they had agreed to give me an interview. No, with Derek not changing my pay rate, I didn’t technically need a job at all… but sitting in Franz’s apartment all by myself four days a week wasn’t doing much for my mental state. I kept thinking and daydreaming about Derek.
I kept thinking about how his skin felt that night against mine; about how his eyes were so intent on what they wanted, and how his lips felt nestled against me. I would recall, time and time again, what it felt like for him to lay me down on that couch and slither his chiseled body in between my legs. I would lie in bed and imagine what it would have felt like to have had his bare chest against mine, or those luscious lips wrapped around my pert nipples. He had this thing he did when he kissed me that night where he took the tip of his tongue and slowly raked it along the roof of my mouth.
I envisioned many times in Franz’s shower what his tongue would’ve felt like between my thighs.
He was everywhere. Every time I cooked I kept asking myself if Derek would like it. Every time I showered, I kept wondering if he would slip in behind me. Every time I rolled over, my body begged for him to be there. I carried a heavy weight of guilt around with me for not caving in to him that night. At the time, it made sense: Mr. Blake was a playboy: a man who never took “no” for an answer; a shark in his business and a predator in his sex life! Of course I should’ve turned him down!
Now, though, all I wanted to do was rewind time and bathe my body in his.
I’d had the chance to show him how I felt for him. At the time, I hadn’t loved him. At least, I hadn’t thought I did. My body had known, however. His touch had ricocheted goosebumps up my arms and his kiss had flooded the space between my thighs, but my mind hadn’t known. It was as if my heart had been screaming a message my body heard full-force but my mind had refused to believe.
I had fallen for Derek even before I’d known it.
And, in a way, I think I’d always been in love with Derek.
I mean, some people don’t believe in soulmates. I sure as hell don’t believe in soulmates. But, we’d jived. There had been a natural rhythm to us. His snide cocky facade had soon fallen and I was able see the man living underneath. We’d gone grocery shopping and taken turns bedding Clara down and had stayed up to drink alcohol and talk.
That’s the kind of stuff you do with someone you want to be around.
It’s not what happens with some standard booty call or conquest.
My body had wanted him so badly that night… but I was only now realizing, as I walked up the street to the electronics store, that my body didn’t only want him.
My body wanted to love him.
I sighed and stopped at the crosswalk before I raised my head from the ground. Tears were normal for me now, so it didn’t shock me when I had to wipe them off my face. I took my phone out of my pocket and breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I had fifteen more minutes until my interview, because that meant I could stand here for a little while and piece myself back together.
I didn’t want to hate my life. I didn’t want to grow older and be that person that regretted every single decision they had ever made. I wanted to travel and explore. I wanted to make memories and partake in laugher. I wanted to cry because I was happy, not because I was sad or depressed. I wanted my tears of joy to be at my best friend’s wedding, or even my own. I wanted my tears of joy to be at the birth of my own children, or watching as my children had children of their own.
I wanted to renew my vows with the love of my life and hold him in my arms until our fiftieth wedding anniversary. I wanted to take vacations that were interrupted with work; and have fights about those interruptions, just so he could throw my body against a wall and pump his body into mine while murmuring how sorry he was for yelling at me earlier.
I wanted to know what it was like to have a partner.
I wanted to know what Gracie had with Derek.
Scratch that.
I just simply wanted what Gracie had.
I took a deep breath right before a large roll of thunder sounded overhead, and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket before I ran across the intersection. I reached the electronics store and walked in just before the rain unleashed, and stood there looking around at the items for sale inside it as customers slowly shuffled their way around me.
I could feel it again: the city was crying with me.
“You Madeline?” a voice called out from the counter.
“Yes, sir,” I turned around and smiled.
“Follow me.”
I followed the stranger into a back room before he motioned for me to sit in a chair. He asked me a few questions about my resume before beginning to talk about himself – a lot. I nodded listlessly while my mind drifted to the muffled sound of the rain battering against the roof of the shop. I watched his muted mouth drone on about all of his own life accomplishments, before my name pierced the small office’s air again and ripped me from my thoughts.
“Any experience in the retail industry?” he asked.
“I worked in a grocery store for two years,” I smiled.
“Good, good,” he said before he started writing some notes down. I didn’t care what he wrote down, to be honest. I didn’t care what anyone in that store did. I just needed something to occupy my time during the majority of the week. I was intentionally interviewing in establishments that held no semblance of memory that could trigger anything related to Derek. I needed to escape him: to walk far enough beyond his grasp that his mere essence couldn’t rip me back to where I had started.
Suddenly, someone ducked their head into the room, and the cologne I knew so well filled the enclosed space with a stifling smell I was sure had been unique just to Derek.
And it was, because tears began to rise to my eyes and my mind flooded me with images of him and his smile, and all I could do was stand up from my seat and try to get out of the room. I pushed past the stranger that held the intoxicating scent before I made my way back out to the main showroom. I heard the man interviewing me calling my name, trying to get me to come back to the interview.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t step out into this damn city without being reminded of him.
He was everywhere: his face, his money, his conquests, his rumors, his whisperings, his reputation, his scent. He filled every dark corner of his city with something of his, and it felt like I couldn’t run far enough away to get outside of the scope of influence that was Derek Blake.
I ran across the street as car horns began to blare, and all I could do was run as fast as my legs could carry me while my body became drenched with rain. Lightning pierced the sky and thunder rolled so hard the lampposts shook, and the only thing I could think about as I tried to fit the my trembling key into Franz’s apartment door was how beautiful the storm would have been if I had been witnessing it from Derek’s home.
Watching from behind those beautiful windows, I would have
happily allowed him to press me up against them.
I shoved my shoulder into the door and poured myself into the apartment. I lay on the floor and kicked the door closed with my foot, and I simply rolled onto my side and began to heave. I’d made up my mind right then and there that I had to quit. At this point, the money didn’t matter. I had been so in control of myself and my emotions until Derek fucking Blake came swooping in a mere six weeks ago, and now I couldn’t even walk down the street without throwing myself into a mild panic attack.
I had to quit – for my sanity and for my health.
But just as I took a deep breath and began to calm my trembling body, my phone began to ring.
Without looking at the number, I pulled it from the pocket of my soaked pants before swiping at it and holding it up to my ear.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“It’s me again,” Eleanor said.
I sighed heavily and braced myself for it.
“I’m fired, aren’t I?”
“No.”
“Then why are you calling?”
“Not a good time?” Eleanor asked.
“The storm caught me,” I sighed.
“Well, this should warm you up a bit. Mr. Blake’s lawyer called and informed me in an official capacity that your status as live-in nanny is to be reinstated.”
I felt the wind being ripped from my lungs as I shot upright from the floor.
“What?” I choked out.
“Mr. Blake wants you and your things back at his place by 8 AM.”
“Eight AM… tomorrow?”
“Must be some storm,” Eleanor giggled. “Are you up for the job? I know it’s been a rollercoaster of baby mama drama.”
Apparently I didn’t even know the half of it.
“He wants a live-in nanny. You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
“So… it’ll be me, the baby, Derek, and Gracie?” I breathed.
“I’m not at liberty to discuss what has happened with the mother, but I’m sure Mr. Blake will probably fill you in,” Eleanor stated.
“Derek’s lawyer didn’t say anything about it?”
The pause on the other end of the line meant Eleanor had caught my use of his first name. I silently cringed on the other end of the line and started running through all the lies I could tell her as to why I was addressing him so informally. I could tell her he simply told me to call him that, or I could tell her I only referenced him in that way when I wasn’t around him. I could put up some feminist fight about how I didn’t need to address any man, formally, in any regard, but Eleanor spoke before I could.
“No. Mr. Blake’s lawyer didn’t say anything about it; only that she was no longer at the residence.”
My heart ached for Clara in that very moment. She’d been born into the world without a father, was left by her mother, only to have her family reunited before it was torn apart again.
And I couldn’t help myself from wondering whether or not Derek was alright.
“Tell Der-... I-I mean Mr. Blake… that I accept this new contract, and that I’ll be there at 8 AM sharp.”
“Will do,” Eleanor clipped. “And Madeline?”
“Hmm?”
“Be careful.”
The phone call was cut, the line was silent, and I let out the breath I was holding as I stared at the wall. Six weeks ago, I’d met a man that would change my life forever, only to be thrown out of the place that felt like home four weeks later. Now, two weeks after that incident, I was being asked to come back.
I didn’t know what had happened, and I didn’t know if they were all right; what I did know was that I needed to get my ass off this floor and start doing some laundry.
I was going to be up packing tonight.
24
I was anxious for Madeline’s arrival. The Nanny Agency called me and told me she’d agreed to the new terms, and I wanted to make her arrival back home special.
Home… where she belonged.
I took Clara with me from store to store and tapped into the minds of the decorators in the back rooms. I wanted Madeline’s room to feel as if she was home. I wanted her to know how much her return meant to me.
What it would mean for Clara…
Every single night that Gracie was in my home, the only thing I could think about was her. Time and time again, Gracie tried to wiggle her way into my bed, and the only thing I could think about was how much warmer Madeline’s thick thighs would be. Whenever Gracie flashed me a smile, there had always been something sinister behind it, whereas Madeline’s smile had been honest and calm. Gracie might have had the ferocity of a raging ocean, but Madeline had the deceptively powerful temperament of a slowly-brewing hurricane in the Gulf. She could sit and smile, keeping her cool, until you hurt someone she enjoyed having in her life…
… Or someone she loved.
Then she’d pounce with the fury of a hurricane’s winds, and you’d never feel a reprieve until she brought you into her eye…
… Into her center…
… Into her core.
There had been so many times at night that I had dreamed of what it would be like to bury myself into her body; to lean in so close I could see my orgasmic eyes reflected in hers. I wanted to know what it would have looked like for her juicy ass to jiggle while my body brought her to ecstasy and her throat choked out my name. So many nights had been spent silently begging for her body, and so many shower sessions had ended with my toes curling as I wrapped my hand around my length and grunted her name. I wanted everything about her: her scents, her smells, her whispers and her juices. I wanted her vulnerability and her thick thighs wrapped around my head so my tongue could dance in the middle of her heat. I wanted to crash orgasm after orgasm through her body and have her beg me to stop, then keep going just because I knew she really wanted more.
I wanted her to tell me she wanted more…
I spent all night decorating her room: sheer blue curtains graced her window to match the peaceful calm of her big blue eyes and new mahogany furniture gleamed within the space to remind her of how beautiful her hair was when the sunlight caught it through the windows of my home. Silver accents dotted the room, from the door handle to the crown molding, and her new bedspread was nothing short of luxurious: brown and blue with silk sheets spread on top of a California king-sized mattress. It was a bed fit for a queen to roll around in… and I audibly groaned at the idea of being the king she allowed into it.
I wanted her to have her own space and I wanted her to feel comfortable. I knew she’d have questions that I’d have to brace myself to be ready to answer, but I figured we could at least answer them in a comfortable atmosphere. I dragged four massive plastic bags into the bathroom at the other end of the penthouse and began pulling everything out. I stacked the shower with her shampoo and conditioner and made sure to stuff the extra shelves with bath salts and bubbles. I placed candles around the edge of the rock-faced tub before I stuck the extras down underneath the sink. I pulled out soft, plush towels in dark greens and browns to match the rocks that decorated the shower, and I made sure to fold them neatly and place them where they should be.
She’d spent a lot of time in here when she was living with us, and I wanted her to have a getaway for when things got too stressful.
I pulled out a robe I’d had embroidered at the last minute just for her and hung it up on the back of the bathroom door, and just before I went to leave I turned around and gave it one last look. If I had my way, I’d slowly peel her clothes off and trail them from the door to the bathtub. I’d make her sit with her legs spread wide while I turned on the hot water and allowed the stones around us to heat up, and I would pour bath salts into the water just to make sure her skin would be nice and soft. I’d let her relax back while my fingers slowly parted her thick folds, and I’d watch while her breathing slowly turned to panting. I’d watch her chest flush with wanton lust and her eyes helplessly flutter closed, and when she began to squirm underneath my touch
I’d slip in between her legs and line myself up with her entrance.
I’d slip myself slowly into her and clasp my arms around her back before tossing her up onto the edge of the bath and snapping my hips against hers. I’d fill her to the brim with my thick cock just so she’d lean back and her voluptuous tits could bounce in my face.
My hands were trembling when I finally pulled myself from the bathroom and my pants were growing uncomfortably tight. Just the thought of her did something to me that I simply couldn’t explain, and when I looked at the clock and realized it was already 5 AM, I knew the only thing I’d be able to do was take a quick nap.
I laid myself down onto the couch and fell asleep only to be awakened by the sounds of Clara crying. It was just past 7 AM, and I yawned before I slowly dragged myself to her room.
“She’s coming back today,” I smiled at my daughter. I slowly lifted her from her crib and took her into the kitchen to grab a bottle, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the microwave before I groaned and lobbed my head back.
I looked like hell, and I needed to do something with myself.
So, I put Clara in her swing with her bottle and pulled her into my room. She swung and gulped her bottle down while I threw on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. I brushed through my hair and debated on whether or not to shave, but by the time I had decided to take myself to the bathroom and warm up some shaving cream, there was a knock at the door.
I felt my heart plummet to my toes before I looked over at my giggling daughter.
“Ready?” I asked her.
She spit bubbles of delight in reply.
I smiled and picked her up from her swing before I carried both of us to the door. Another knock resounded on my front door, and I took one last deep breath before I swung it open.
There she was.
Madeline.
She, finally, was back home.
“Hi,” she said, smiling weakly.
But before I could say anything back, Clara catapulted her body towards Madeline and she started to laugh.
“Whoa, there, little one! You’re going to hurt yourself doing that,” she laughed. Clara nuzzled deep into her body, and I had to try keeping a lid on my emotions. My daughter had missed her as much as I had, and when I saw Madeline trying to reach down and grab her stuff, I motioned for her to stop.
Filthy Desires: A Romantic Suspense Collection Page 48
