“Let me get that,” I murmured.
“Thanks.”
“So, I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh?” she asked.
I wheeled her stuff to the room she had previously occupied, and when I threw the door open, I heard her lightly gasp. I smiled brightly while she walked into the room with my daughter in her arms; and if she had been talking, I didn’t notice. The only thing I could think about was how natural it was for Clara to be in Madeline’s arms, and how right it felt having her in my home.
It was as if this was our home, and she had always been a part of it.
“Derek… this is –”
“– hold that thought.”
I dropped her stuff by her bed before I strode over to her walk-in closet. Before, it had been stacked with mindless stuff from work and boxes from items I’d had shipped to the complex; but I had cleared it out for her and filled it to the brim with clothes.
If she wasn’t going to buy clothes for herself, then I was going to buy them for her.
I threw the double doors open and flicked on the light. Her gasp caused a smirk to appear on my face, and I watched her slowly walk into the closet. She began grabbing tags and looking at the sizes and her eyes of wonder turned to a face full of confusion before she pivoted back towards me.
“How did you know my size?” she breathed.
And my response flew from my lips before my brain could edit it.
“I’ve felt your body pressed against mine. I know what size you are.”
I held her gaze for what seemed like an eternity before I watched tears slowly rise behind them. For a split second, I thought I’d done something wrong, and I chastised myself for being such an idiot. Maybe she thought I was trying to tell her that her clothes weren’t enough, or I was insinuating that she didn’t look good in them, or –
“This is too much,” she whispered through her tears.
I strode towards her and took Clara from her arms before I wrapped one of my arms around her back. She leaned into my body and cried her tears into my t-shirt, and as I held my daughter in one arm and the woman I loved in the other, I couldn’t help but think that this was it.
This was the family I had created.
“It’ll never be enough. Not when it comes to you, Madeline,” I said lowly.
She sniffled and raised her gaze towards mine, and her puffy red eyes begged for me to tell her why. Her short frame was trembling against mine, and I pulled her as close to me as I could. Her body was so warm and so inviting and so real… and I wanted to keep her there as long as I could. I was so scared that if she pulled away from me, someone else would barrel through that front door and take her from me.
I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not again.
This was my family, and Madeline was mine…
…No one else’s.
“You are the perfect fit for Clara and me. You keep us grounded and you keep us fed. If it weren’t for you in the beginning, I could’ve never navigated and figured out how to be a father. It’s because of you that all of this has come together.”
“You would’ve figured it out, Derek,” she murmured before she pulled away from me.
“No I wouldn’t have, and you know it.”
I watched her turn back towards the clothes. Her eyes scanned the different colors and fabrics, and she began pulling out drawers and finding pairs of shoes that would match any and every outfit she could ever possibly put together.
And then, she opened up a drawer in the back, and I watched her shoulders pull taut as a smirk bloomed across my cheeks.
“Derek…?” she called back. She slowly turned around with a skimpy lacy red teddy hanging from her finger, and the blush that had risen along her cheeks perfectly matched the striking number she held against her skin.
“You can wear it anytime you wish,” I quipped.
“Yeah: you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“I’d like taking it off, too.”
Her eyes connected heavily with mine, and for a split second I thought she was going to throw something back. There was no backing down for me: I was in love with Madeline and everything there was about her. Even though it had only been two months since I met her, everything about her had captivated me: the sway of her hips and the wild tones of her hair; her peaceful eyes that hid her sharp wit; the way her breasts bounced with every movement she made; and even the way her thighs lightly rubbed together whenever she sat down.
I loved every inch of her, and I wanted her to feel beautiful.
“Probably shouldn’t have this out with Clara up, huh?” she breathed before she stuffed it back into the drawer.
She cleared her throat before she turned back to me, and I could see her puckered nipples through the shirt she was wearing. God, her entire body was giving away what she still refused to say, and I could never deny myself a good chase.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked lightly.
And suddenly, all the playfulness drained from my body.
“Maybe later,” I murmured, “once Clara’s sleeping tonight, and all.”
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“I’m better with you here.”
I watched her eyes dart around again before she brought her hands around and began wringing them together. There was something she was holding back – something she wanted to say – and I just wanted to yell at her to say it. I wanted her to say all the things that were rattling around inside her head. I wanted her to throw her arms around me, and press those pillow-like lips against mine and melt into me. I wanted her to let me probe her mind while I suckled precious marks in the crevices of her body.
I wanted her to tell me she wanted to be mine, because I wanted to be hers.
But Clara began getting restless in my arms and, reflexively, Madeline was by my side and taking her from me. Her hands brushed against my forearms and our eyes connected again, and just as quickly as I held her gaze she was walking around the corner to go get Clara whatever it was she needed.
Our day was spent dancing around one another while I paced the penthouse and took phone calls. I would listen to her coo to Clara whenever she kicked up a fuss, whispering things like “Daddy’s working hard” and “we need to be quiet so he can concentrate.” At one point in time, both Madeline and Clara fell asleep on the couch, and I couldn’t help but bend over and press a kiss to both of their foreheads. The gesture felt automatic, as if I had been doing it for years, yet the two of them had only been in my life for a couple of months.
I wrapped up work calls and punched things into my calendar before I signed off for the day, and by the time I was done the smells of dinner were wafting down the hallway. Steaks sizzling in a pan and sweet potatoes cooking in the oven, it smelled like the back end of an upscale restaurant downtown.
And yet, it was simply Madeline cooking in my kitchen.
We ate in relative silence while Clara rolled around in this mesh crib-like thing on wheels I had found after Madeline had been kicked out by Gracie, and every once in a while I caught her stealing a glance before she turned her attention back to her food. I was getting concerned that maybe I’d made her feel uncomfortable, with everything she came back to and the clothes I’d bought. But, before I could talk to her about it, she was clearing the table just as Clara began to yawn.
“Looks like someone’s getting tired,” she cooed.
“You go put her to bed. I’ll clean the kitchen.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yep,” I popped.
I listened to her lightly serenade Clara before everything went silent, and just as I was placing the last dish into the dishwasher, I heard Madeline pad across the hallway and make a beeline for her room. I groaned and leaned against the kitchen counter and I began chastising myself again. I always had to be so bold in every fucking thing I did, and sometimes I forgot that Madeline didn’t like bold. She didn’t like cocky and arrogant. That wasn’t her thing.
So, I poured myself a stiff drink before pouring her a large glass of deep, crimson wine, and I started off towards her bedroom door.
“Madeline?” I murmured. I knocked my knee against the door lightly, and when she opened it her eyes fell to the glasses in my hands.
“Care for a drink?”
She smiled lightly and took the wine glass from me, and when our fingers brushed together a spark ignited. She yelped lightly at the shock, and all I could do was smile before she brought the trembling wine glass to her lips. I watched a flush trickle down her neck as her body shifted from foot to foot, and I was beginning to get the impression that the tension between us wasn’t malicious.
“I believe I promised you a story,” I said quietly.
25
I listened to Derek’s story with wide eyes the entire time. I knew something had been off about her, but as he told me everything that transpired, the only thing I could do was reach out for his hand and trace light circles on it.
“She was married? The... entire time she knew you,” I breathed.
“Yeah…” he trailed off.
“My god, Derek. I ... I’m so –”
“I know,” he interrupted me. His eyes fell to our hands before I felt his grip tighten, and the only thing I could do was steady my heart rate with some deep breaths. Ever since that morning when he threw open that door, I hadn’t been able to think about anything else but him. He looked so sexy, with the scruff on his face and that white t-shirt clinging to his bulging chest. The veins in his forearms pulsated with every movement he made, and all I wanted to do was lay my body onto his and forget everything that had happened. I wanted to forget Gracie, forget being thrown out, and forget leaving him and Clara. I wanted to lose myself in his eyes and wrap my fingertips in his hair. I wanted to crash my lips against his and –
“Madeline?” Derek asked.
“Huh?”
“You all right?” he chuckled lowly.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were saying?” I asked.
“I wasn’t saying anything,” he smirked.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
“I’m really glad you’re back, Madeline,” he said softly.
“I’m really glad to be back, Derek,” I smiled.
“But if this is going to work, I mean… really work… I need to tell you something.”
“You mean there’s more after the ‘married girlfriend that faked being sick to embezzle money from you to float her and her husband after you got her pregnant’ bit?” I smirked.
“God, I love your wit,” he breathed.
And the sentiment stopped me in my tracks.
“Y– ... you what?”
His eyes slowly panned up to mine, and when I finally took a chance to meet his gaze the ferocity behind his eyes took my breath away.
“I love you, Madeline.”
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t shift, and I couldn’t even yell for joy. The words I’d only heard him mutter in my dreams had just poured from his lips, and my entire body was rebelling against what I truly wanted to do.
What I desperately wanted to do.
“You came into my life when it was in a tailspin. I’d had this… this child dropped on my doorstep and I was at a loss. Gracie’s note hurled me into a place of vulnerability I didn’t even think was possible, and I was just so anxious to pawn the responsibility off on someone else and then get on with my life.
But you came in and you… you didn’t take my shit,” he chuckled. “You stepped into a role I had no idea how to perform, and you demanded better of me. You demanded better of a man who was convinced he’d reached his best: his peak; the pinnacle of his life. You looked at me, Madeline, and you said ‘you can do better.’”
It was then he grabbed my hand, and I sucked in the air my body desperately needed before he downed the rest of his drink and tossed his empty glass onto the coffee table.
“When Gracie kicked you out, I couldn’t turn around. I knew that I’d see the hurt in your eyes and I’d step up and stop her from doing it. But I knew something was wrong, Maddy, and I knew I couldn’t have you here if I was going to figure it out.”
“Maddy…” I breathed.
“Madeline, sorry.”
“No, no, no… I like it,” I smiled.
And it caused him to smile, too.
“When I finally figured out what was happening, and what Gracie was doing, the only thing I could think about was Clara: how Gracie was the one holding her and feeding her, and how that person should be you. It made me wonder what truly makes a father and what truly makes a mother; and it showed me that you’ve been more of a mother to Clara than Gracie ever could have been.”
I felt tears springing to my eyes before I brought my wine glass to my lips, and I chugged the rest of the tart liquid before I swallowed deep and grimaced.
“Feel better?” he smirked.
“Much,” I choked out.
“You rolled your way into this penthouse and you turned it into a home, Maddy. So – I knew when the Nanny Agency called me back and said you’d agreed to come back that I wanted you coming back to a place you could call home, too. A place that, if you wanted, could be permanent…”
I felt my heart still at his words. I wrapped my hands around his while they shook in shock, and I scooted my body closer to his. So close, in fact, that my leg was pressing up against his.
And god, did he feel warm.
“I love you, Maddy, and I want you to stay – forever – in whatever capacity that means. If you’re only the nanny, then you’re only the nanny.”
“But…?” I questioned.
I saw the hesitation brewing behind his eyes while the words danced around in his head. Oh, the limb this man had crawled out on to spew such beautiful words to me. A powerful man of stature with the financial expertise of those thrice his age, and he trembled on the couch with me while he lay bare what part of his soul was left after this entire debacle.
“Just say it,” I urged him.
“You’re mine, Madeline,” he said as his voice darkened, “and I’ll do anything and everything I can to protect you, provide for you, and love you – for as long as you’ll let me.”
My chest was panting with his words and the blood in my veins was boiling. Every deep, dark thought that had crossed my mind came flooding to the forefront and every lustful, greedy need I’d ever imagined lurched my body forward, and before I knew it my body was in his lap and my lips were pressed against his. His hands clasped my back and pulled me down on top of his body, and we both slid down onto the couch before I snaked my hands underneath his shirt. For the first time since I’d known him, I finally knew what it was like to feel the rippling muscles underneath his taut skin, and the desire that ebbed and flowed throughout my body came spewing out in one fluid sentence.
“Take me.”
I felt him still underneath me and it caused me to open my eyes. His pupils were blown wide with hormonal lust and his grip was tight on my hips, and when I nuzzled my nose against his, I felt his breath pulse against my skin with every word that came after.
“Don’t open something you aren’t ready for yet.”
It wasn’t a request, or a demand. It wasn’t a warning, or even a wanton sentiment. It was a plea: a plea from a man who had endured too much loss in his life to prepare himself for another one. In one sentence, he had communicated that he couldn’t do it again. He couldn't love and lose again, otherwise it might kill him.
Kill him and leave Clara fatherless.
I was never going to let that happen.
After all, I loved Derek too much.
“I’ve missed you my entire life, Derek,” I whispered against his lips. “You can have me any way you wish.”
In one fluid motion, I was sitting up and in his lap. My knees were planted into the couch and his hand was pressing into my lower back, and I could feel his length growing underneath me before his hand made its way into m
y hair and wove my soft tendrils around his dexterous fingers.
“Is that a promise?” he growled.
“No,” I said before I connected my gaze with his.
“It’s a challenge,” I smirked.
Suddenly I was in the air, and my legs were firmly locked around his waist. His hand released my hair and his palms grasped my ass, giving him the leverage he needed to hoist his weight back and carry us to his room. My lips locked onto his neck and sucked deep marks on top of his throbbing veins, and the groans that dripped from his lips were nothing short of pornographic.
He dropped me to his bed and hovered over my body, and when his eyes connected with my panting chest, I decided to give him a little show. I slowly rose to my knees and scooted myself to the edge of the bed, and I could see the impressive bulge trying to tent the fabric of his jeans. My fingertips grasped the hem of my shirt, raising it above my body, and I knew the moment he laid eyes on what was underneath it would spiral him out of control.
And that’s exactly what I was hoping for.
I didn’t want kind, and I didn’t want soft. I wanted every primal inch of him. I wanted to drive him wild and watch his muscles expand and contract due to the combustive energy his body would produce to bring mine pleasure.
I wanted to be marked as his, and I wanted the remnants of this moment to follow me into the morning.
I tossed my shirt to the floor and sank down onto the bed, my knees parted and my ass jutting out, and all I could do was reach my hand out and grab his t-shirt before pulling his face down to my level.
“How did you know red was my color?” I hummed into his ear.
I felt the fabric of the sexy lace number I’d pulled out of the drawer from earlier flutter against my skin, and I could feel Derek physically holding himself back. He nuzzled his nose against the skin of my neck, and a sigh peeled from my lips before I leaned my head over and exposed my skin to him. I was crawling with energy I wanted to release on him, and it killed me that he was being so reserved.
Filthy Desires: A Romantic Suspense Collection Page 49
