A Suburban Summoning

by Debra Dunbar

  Now I was definitely on Serena’s side. I’m sure Dad had his reasons, no matter how perverted. With the break-up of his marriage he must have thought that a night with the selkie was a gift from heaven. But unlike most men, he knew enough to recognize what she was, and knew enough to hide her skin before she awoke.

  “Where is it? Where did your Dad hide the selkie’s fur?”

  Apollo shrugged. “Maybe in his study? He has a safe there.”

  No. A guy this paranoid wouldn’t keep it in the first place Serena would look. It had to be somewhere in plain sight, somewhere that he could easily notice if it had been moved.

  “It’s in the cat box.”

  I blinked at Persephone. “Huh?”

  “Mr. Piddles likes to poop in the plants, so Daddy hid the fur in the litterbox.”

  Ingenious. I’d never think of digging around a litterbox to look for a selkie skin. And if the cat didn’t use it, there was little chance it would be disturbed by regular cleaning.

  “Can you go get it?” I could hardly stroll around the house as a naked human, and a selkie skin would be a bit much for a cockroach to carry.

  “I’ll do it,” Apollo spoke up.

  Either one. Didn’t matter to me. The boy didn’t appear to be making any movement toward the door, though. “Can you hustle your ass a bit? I’ve got a party I need to get back to.”

  “The door is locked from the outside.”

  Oh. Duh. I walked over to the door and worked my demon mojo. It opened with a click. Peeking around the corner, I waved for Apollo to go. The coast was clear, and judging from the noises coming from down the hall, Daddy and Serena would be occupied for quite a while.

  The boy edged past me. I closed the door and sat on the couch beside Persephone. “You hungry?” I asked the girl.

  “No,” she said in a sing-song voice. “I ate three Ho-Hos for dinner.”

  Shit. Children nutritional requirements weren’t my forte, but I was pretty sure child protective services would have a field day with this father of theirs. “Did you go trick-or-treating tonight?”

  The girl pouted. “No. Daddy says it’s Satan’s holiday.”

  The very man who was banging a selkie objected to Halloween festivities? Seemed a bit hypocritical, but if he knew his daughter was half demon, he might have good reasons for scorning anything to do with the underworld.

  “Why did your mommy leave?”

  I was guessing it had something to do with Daddy’s extracurricular activities. Perhaps the selkie in the bedroom wasn’t the first preternatural creature he’d banged.

  “She likes another man better than Daddy.”

  Hmm. I wondered if this one was a demon too. “He got horns and a tail?”

  She giggled. “No, silly. Just a really big dick.”

  Okay then. Before I could inquire further about stepdad candidate number one, Apollo darted back into the room, shutting the door behind him and taking a few quick breaths. He held something in his hands that looked like a dead muskrat.

  “Here.”

  And now the dead muskrat was in my hands. Little granules of kitty litter clung to the fur, and it smelled vaguely fishy. I wrinkled my nose and looked around for some way to attach it to my naked body so that I could have both hands free. Spartan bedroom didn’t have much in the way of arts and crafts, so I had to do with two of Apollo’s belts tied together around my waist. I tucked the selkie skin around the leather band where it hung down like an off-center loin cloth.

  “Stay here,” I instructed the kids. Just to make sure they didn’t wind up in the middle of a magical battle I re-locked the bedroom door as I left, padding my way barefoot across the living room floor.

  The two were still going at it. I hovered around the bedroom door, uncertain whether it would be more to my advantage to surprise the mage literally with his pants down, or sneak in to give the selkie back her skin after he left the room. From the sounds the guy was making, I had a feeling the only thing he was going to do after he finished was take a nap. I didn’t exactly want to hang around any longer than necessary. I could have waited until he was asleep, but surprising him in the middle of sex sounded more fun, so I kicked in the bedroom door and jumped into the room.

  As much as I wanted to shoot a lightning bolt at the bed and fry Daddy, that wasn’t part of my contract. Besides, I didn’t want to hurt Serena who hadn’t done anything more wrong than make a poor one-night-stand choice. Figuring my best move would be to restrain the guy physically, I launched myself on the bed and wrapped my arms around him.

  Naked guy, sandwiched between two naked women. I was so glad I’d locked the kids in the bedroom.

  One doesn’t burst in on a sorcerer without expecting repercussions, but the guy was limited in what he could do with me wrapped around him like a toga. Most spells that would hurt me would also hurt him as well as Serena who was screaming her fool head off beneath the two of us.

  I’d forgotten about his tattoos. They glowed red and sizzled in contact with my skin, not affecting the sheets or the other two occupants of the bed. The man bucked and yelled. I clung to him, wincing with pain.

  Serena landed the first blow – with her knee in the guy’s nads. Mage Daddy gasped, the tattoos fading to a warm pink. Taking advantage, I sat up to straddle him and punch him repeatedly in the head. The guy might not look like much, but he was tough. My blows and Serena’s silly-girl slaps seemed to bounce right off him. Seems his only vulnerable area was in the region of his genitals, which unfortunately were out of reach for me.

  With a surprising show of strength, the selkie pushed, rolling both of us to the side. My upper half landed outside the edge of the mattress and gravity did its work, dumping me onto the floor.

  I heard Serena scream, felt the stomp of a foot on my back, heard the whisper of words in a foreign language. Invisible knives pierced my skin, driving through muscle to impale me to the floor. If I had been human, I would have slowly bled to death pinned to the ground. Luckily I wasn’t human.

  “Damn. That hurts like a motherfucker. Stupid fucking magic users.” The man sucked in a breath as I ripped myself free, tearing off chunks of flesh as I rose. I paused a moment for effect, then repaired my damaged body with a dramatic snap of my fingers.

  Normally this sort of display sent humans running for the hills, but I should have known a sorcerer whose kid summoned demons into a closet wouldn’t be fazed.

  “Demon, reditium ad infernos.”

  I’d expected a philosophy professor/mage to have a better command of Latin. In spite of the mangled words, the spell should have worked. It didn’t. Because I’d been summoned, and the only being that could return me to Hel, or my earthly home, was an eight year old boy.

  “Think again, asshole.” I punched his face, then swore and shook my hand from the impact. Damned tattoos. They ruined what should have been a quote-worthy moment.

  “Mine! It’s mine!”

  The pair of us turned to Serena, huddled in the corner where Mage Daddy had thrown her, then down to see where she was pointing.

  “Where did you get that?” the mage thundered.

  I stroked the selkie skin, sending little bits of Fresh Step kitty litter to the floor. “I was taking a dump in your cat box, and lo-and-behold, there it was.”

  Both of them dove toward me and I danced backward out of reach, leaping to stand on the bed. “Oh no. It’s deal time.” I pointed at Serena. “You get the skin as long as you promise to leave here without harming any of them.”

  “I promise, I promise,” she chanted, her eyes glued to the fur at my waist.

  “And you,” I pointed to Daddy. “You go back to fucking hookers and whacking off to internet porn. No more kidnapped selkies for you. Got it?”

  “Oh, I got it.” He jumped toward me, pushing Serena aside. I leapt off the other side of the bed.

  “Bad, bad man,” I scolded, wagging a finger. “You can’t catch me.”

  He smiled smugly. “I already did.�
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  Idiot. I went to walk around the edge of the bed and smacked my face into an invisible wall. A containment circle. The one around the house wasn’t the only demon-proofing this guy had done. I frowned down at the floor, not seeing the usual chalk, paint, or carved runes. Where the fuck was it?

  “Look up.”

  I really wanted to knock that smirk off Daddy’s face, but instead I did as instructed and saw the intricate symbols painted into the ceiling. Clever bastard. Although the thought that he’d been summoning and containing demons in his bedroom was pretty disturbing. Almost as disturbing as holding a selkie as his sex slave hostage.

  “Now what to do with you. You seem to be banish-proof. Guess I’ll just have to kill you instead.” The man tapped a finger against his lower lip. He would have looked a whole lot more menacing if he hadn’t been stark naked. There’s something about a flaccid dick that weakens the effect of any threat.

  Serena stirred on the floor, blinking her eyes open. Come on girl. Get off your ass and do something.

  “First I’ll need to determine exactly what sort of demon you are, to make sure I use the appropriate method. I’ll also need some plastic, because the last thing I want is demon guts all over my bed linen.”

  What this guy needed was to shut the fuck up. Why was it that bad guys always wanted to tell you exactly how they intended to kill you before getting started? Heck, I was a demon and I didn’t do that. Just get to the killing, already.

  “Maybe I’ll burn you a few times first, just for fun, or cause flesh-eating ants to devour you slowly over the next few days.”

  I rolled my eyes. Amateur. “You forgot one little thing, genius: I’ve got the selkie skin. Destroy me, and you destroy it.”

  Serena let out a soft gasp, my words shocking her back into full consciousness. Mage Daddy frowned, realizing the chain of events his actions would set off. Without the skin, he had no hold over the selkie. She’d leave, and trapped forever in a human’s body, she’d be pretty motivated to see him dead. He eyed the skin, and I could practically see his mind working through the options.

  “Come get it, hot-stuff,” I taunted. He’d need to step into the circle with me to retrieve the selkie skin, and this time I wouldn’t hold anything back. I know the kids wanted their dad alive, but all bets were off the moment the guy trapped me in a circle.

  The selkie staggered to her feet, holding onto the edge of the bedside table for support. The mage gave her a quick dismissive glance, then fingered his amulet. “It’s not like you’re going anywhere. A few hours research, and I’ll find a way to kill you without destroying the skin.”

  Which meant my potential rescuers were a selkie and two children locked in a bedroom. Serena must have realized this at the same moment I did, because she snatched the lamp off the table, and swung.

  The amulet flashed and the lamp bent in half just as the scissors had done before. I hoped the sex was worth it, because this guy wasn’t going to have much of a house left by the time Serena was done with him.

  Mage Daddy, spun about, knocking the lamp from the selkie’s hands. Grabbing her hair in his fist, he forced her to the floor. “I’ve had just about enough of you, darling. One more thing to research is a spell that will keep you compliant.”

  Serena squirmed, trying to pry his hands from her hair. “It doesn’t matter. Sooner or later you’ll screw up and I’ll kill you. Even if I never swim the sea again, I’ll see you dead.”

  You go girl. The mage jerked Serena around by her hair a bit while I examined the runes on the ceiling. The guy couldn’t be that good. He had to have made a mistake somewhere, and all it took was one line out of place, one little bit of peeling paint, and I’d be free.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash and ducked, expecting a bolt of lightning. Instead I heard a woman’s voice.

  “Charles.”

  That one word held the equivalent of a polar ice cap in tone. We all stared at the woman, frozen in place like the picture she’d just taken with her cell phone.

  “Miranda!” The man stuttered, his face ashen. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Not what I think?” The woman stashed her phone in a pocket and tapped her foot. “I find the children locked in a bedroom, and you in here with two women – all three of you naked.”

  “I. . . no. . . it’s not. That one is a demon, and this one is a selkie.” The man let go of Serena’s hair and scrambled to put on a pair of discarded underwear. “Please, let me explain.”

  “Explain it to my attorney. I’m taking the children, and after witnessing this little scene, I won’t be returning them Sunday night either.” She spun on her heels and left, Charles rushing after her.

  Serena darted forward, scrambling up the bed and using the discarded scissors to scratch a line across the binding circle. In return, I extended my furry bundle toward her. She smiled, clutching it to her chest.

  “Thank you.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I waved her off. “Be careful who you screw next time. There are a lot of weirdos out there.”

  She shot me a grin and disappeared in a blur of speed.

  My job here was done. I’d fucked up Mage Daddy’s sicko kidnapped-girlfriend fantasy, and I’d gotten rid of Serena – which meant I’d satisfied the terms of my summoning and could go back home. Hopefully Apollo knew which spell in the book to use, otherwise I’d be in for a long walk from Oklahoma to Maryland.

  The kids. I suddenly remembered Miranda’s parting words. Oh shit, she was taking the kids. Not only were they my ticket back home, but they were my only way out of the barrier that surrounded the house. Unless they let me out, I’d be stuck here with only that asshole ex-professor to play with. I raced through the doorway to see the car backing out of the driveway, Charles running after it.

  I ran too, only to bounce off an invisible wall right next to a hedge and land flat on my butt. The car stopped as it entered the street, Miranda changing gears. No! No, no, no. Getting up, I frantically felt along the barrier, trying to find some weakness I could push through. I’m sure I looked like a psychotic mime.

  The car drove past. My eyes met Apollo’s and I saw him mouth something that looked like “thank you”.

  Vertigo hit and I staggered. Everything shifted in a blur, and when my eyes focused I no longer saw a hedge before my eyes.

  An elderly and significantly out of shape Wonder Woman screamed in my ear, pushing past me as she ran for the door. I was surrounded by chaos – broken decoration, spilled punch bowls, and crushed cookies. I reached down to pick up half of a snickerdoodle and munched on it as I watched.

  The grim reaper sidled up to me. “You pee lately?”

  That had to have been the strangest question I’d ever been asked. At over nine hundred years old, that’s saying something.

  “No. I’ve been kind of busy though.”

  He nodded, waving his scythe at the panicked humans. “Everyone is peeing blood. The mayor thinks a terrorist put ground glass in the cookies.”

  I regarded the remains of the snickerdoodle in my hands and popped it in my mouth. “Nah. It was the punch.”

  Chalk it all up to another successful Halloween. Yes, it was good to be an imp.

  Start the Imp Series for free with Book 1 – A Demon Bound.

  Samantha Martin is an imp, enjoying an extended vacation from Hel. All she wants to do is drink beer by the pool, play mischievous pranks on the humans, and get her hot neighbor in the sack. It’s a relaxing break from her infernal home, as long as she manages to avoid the angels, who won’t hesitate to execute her on sight.

  But when her naughty hellhound lands her in trouble with the local werewolf pack, Sam is blackmailed into helping track and catch a killer. The steps she must take to appease the werewolves will put her right in the crosshairs of the angels. And with angels, there is no second chance.

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