[2016] A Widow's Love

by Christian Michael

  She frowned. He was coming? She had expected he would just have a horse saddled for her. She wanted to explore. To maybe even get a little lost—though not really. She just wanted to feel as if she were free.

  “You don’t have to take me. I’m sure you’re busy.”

  He frowned. “Of course I’d take you. The men hardly need me for anything, I just impose my help on them.” He laughed, the sound low and bold. “Besides, I can’t let a lady go out on her own. It’s not safe. Not in the wild west.” He said the last part with a silly grin on his face.

  “If you insist.” She tried to cover her disappointment but he didn’t seem to notice it.

  As she trudged up the stairs to dress for their outing she thought about their ride. She had wanted to feel independent, but he’d insisted on coming. Maybe that was good though—he could show her the best trails and places to go so that the next time she could go by herself.

  If it was one thing she was determined to do it was prove herself as woman of the West. Not just some girl who had previously been under the thumb of her father and was too delicate to survive without servants or nice things. Granted, it looked like she would have those things anyway.

  A twinge of disappointment sunk into her heart. Though Ben was handsome and caring, he wasn’t what she’d expected when she had agreed to be a mail order bride.

  ***

  “Don’t go too fast, Lucy,” Ben called out, his heart in his throat as she thundered across the field ahead of him.

  Lucy Castle had no fear. That fact almost frightened him. She had slid easily onto the saddle, claiming she’d ridden before at her father’s country estate. It was his first clue that he’d been right, she had come from a wealthy family out East.

  But then she’d taken off like she was being chased and it had taken all of his skill as a horseman to keep up. She was a talented rider; he’d give her that.

  She finally slowed at the edge of the field, her face flushed and breathing hard. She looked energized and so full of life. So beautiful.

  He slid to the ground and offered up his hands to help her down but she got off without him.

  “That was amazing. It’s so beautiful here!”

  “It is,” he said, keeping his eyes on her. She was the beauty around here. What were rocks and tress compared to Lucy Castle?

  “I—”

  “I have to run.”

  He frowned. “What?”

  “I have to. I just have to…” she tossed her arms wide open, “run through this beauty.”

  He tried to understand what she was saying but suddenly she tossed the reins over a low lying branch and took off running into the middle of the field.

  Watching her go, he laughed. She was definitely not what he’d expected, but what was a little morning exercise?

  He secured his own horse and took off after her. Closing the gap, he watched in shock as she tripped and went sailing forward.

  “Are you all right?” Ben asked, coming to kneel at her side.

  She rolled back and a loud laugh echoed from her. “I’m fine.”

  Relief coursed through him and he sat heavily down next to her. “You scared me. I thought you’d broken an ankle or something.”

  “Nope,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows. “I just tripped.”

  He watched as she gazed up at the sky, her face alight with awe and wonder. He wondered what things looked like from her perspective. Then again, he knew. At least he could guess.

  The wide open spaces where shocking. Not having carriages, people, and noise surrounding you like they did in the city had taken him a bit to get used to.

  “Do you miss New York?”

  “Not in the least,” she said, glancing his way.

  “Really?”

  “No.” She twirled a blade of grass in her fingers. “It felt…confining.”

  He nodded in agreement. Then his eyes trailed down the soft curves of her face to her lips. They were pursed in concentration as she studied a leaf she’d picked up and he wanted nothing more than to soften them with his.

  Scooting closer, he leaned down on his elbow, looking into her eyes. “Are you happy you came?”

  The leaf fluttered to the ground as her gaze turned to his. She stilled and he saw her swallow. “Um, yes.” Her eyes were on his and she was barely breathing.

  “I’m glad, too.” He leaned closer, the scent of grass and earth and her filling his nostrils. She was beautiful. He couldn’t have picked a lovelier bride.

  Without hesitation, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She stiffened beneath him, but didn't push way—at first.

  But then suddenly her hand on his chest was shoving him away. Their connection was broken and he sat back, feeling the rebuff like a physical blow. Didn’t she have feelings for him?

  Chapter 4

  Lucy paced the library, looking for a book—or anything that would divert her attention from the man she was going to marry. After she’d pushed him away during their kiss in the field he’d been moody and quiet.

  She bit her lip. It had been a good kiss, one she would have enjoyed had she known him better, but even after months of writing letters back and forth it was still difficult to get to know someone—or even fall in love with them—in the span of a day. And that’s exactly what Ben seemed to want: love.

  Cringing, she picked up a leather tome and sat down near the window.

  Why shouldn’t he want love? She wanted it too, but she felt the need to approach it more slowly. To take her time. Then again, it wasn’t as if she had much of a choice. She would be married to Ben soon after his mother arrived, which would be happening any day now, and there would be no option then.

  It all seemed so fast. But that, again, was her fault. She hadn’t been willing to marry Charles Benning, a smart choice on her part, but she’d rushed headlong into an equally perplexing matter. Ben Epps was, by all standards, a lot like Charles.

  She looked outside, her mind straying from the book in her hands. No, that wasn’t quite right. He was nice, more handsome, and less self-absorbed, but he also wasn’t the rough cowboy she thought she would marry. The one who would think her obsession with riding and a desire to learn how to chop wood a commonplace thing, not beneath her like she felt Ben believed.

  Ben kept trying to protect her where she just wanted to live. To explore. To be free.

  Maybe she’d made a mistake in coming to the West. Would a life back East have been easier?

  Thoughts of her father and his overbearing personality, in addition to his iron will, showed her the truth. She couldn’t have stayed.

  Someday, in the future after she was married, she would write to them and tell them where she’d gone. For now though, she’d tried to take one problem at a time.

  Her heart began to race as she noticed the open-air carriage coming toward the house. An older woman sat with her back ram-rod straight, a hand to her hat that barely covered her greying hair.

  It had to be Mrs. Epps!

  Jumping up, she replaced the novel on the shelf and checked her appearance. Her mother would have abhorred the state of her hair, but without a skilled maid to do it she’d done her best on her own. Kate was helpful, but by no means skilled.

  Straightening her waistcoat and brushing wrinkles from her skirt, she made her way to the door where Carl and Kate were already standing.

  “Here we go,” Carl said, his bright expression the antithesis of her own. She wasn’t excited to meet Mrs. Epps. She was terrified!

  ***

  Ben helped his mother from the carriage and took in a deep breath. What would she think of Lucy?

  He swallowed, thinking of the day in the field. Since then she had gone out on multiple rides without inviting him. It had originally grated on his nerves but Carl had reminded him that she likely needed time to adjust. It was a different life out in the West.

  Ben stifled a laugh. If anything, she had already taken to the West better than he had when he first
moved. She loved being outdoors, adjusted well to interacting the men who worked on the ranch, and found her way around the as if she’d been born there.

  If anything, he envied her sense of adventure. But that was exactly the thing that his mother would dislike. She was a firm believer in a woman knowing her place in society. Would she feel the same way about life in the West though? Was that even fair?

  “Benjamin,” his mother said, drawing him from his thoughts. “May we go inside? This cool weather isn’t agreeing with me one bit.”

  “Yes, mother,” he said, allowing her to take his arm as they walked up the steps. Her lady’s maid followed behind with her traveling valise, never speaking one word unless spoken to.

  As they approached the door Carl opened it with a wide grin. “You must be Mrs. Epps. I see that you are the very source of Mr. Ben’s good looks.”

  He saw his mother try and hold in her smile but it was of no use. Carl was charming in his own way. Behind Carl he saw Kate and then Lucy.

  His eyes were drawn to his future wife. She had a lovely dress on but her hair was a mess and, when he looked more closely, he could see mud on the hem of the dress. Had she gone out for a walk that morning? He wouldn’t have put it past her.

  “Well, aren’t you going to introduce me to your future bride?” his mother urged.

  “Yes,” he said, stepping forward. “This is Miss Lucy Castle.”

  “I see,” his mother said. “Pleased to meet you.”

  “You as well,” Lucy said, giving a slight, but elegant courtesy which eased Ben’s anxiety slightly. She was no stranger to high society; he had to remember that.

  They all went in to the sitting room where Carl served tea, but as the discussion turned from news of the city, his mother began to pry more into who Lucy was. It made Ben practically squirm.

  “You say you have no aptitude for music? None whatsoever? But I thought you grew up in society.”

  Ben saw Lucy’s back straighten a fraction of an inch. “I did, ma’am. And, despite my father’s deepest wishes, I did not have the talent. Believe me, it was more painful than it was helpful. Especially for those listening.”

  Ben bit his lip to keep from laughing and his mother turned a wary eye toward him.

  “Well, that’s interesting. I suppose I’ll forget sending that pianoforte I thought of as a wedding gift.”

  They conversation continued on in the same way, his mother finding more and more things to be displeased about with Lucy. Finally, when he could take it no longer, Ben stood.

  “I daresay, mother you must be tired. Why don’t you rest until supper?”

  Her lingering glance at Lucy finally shifted to him and she nodded once. “That would be agreeable.”

  Sending Lucy an apologetic glance, he ushered his mother upstairs, praying that additional sleep would help ease her critical views of the woman he was going to marry. Either that or Lucy was going to have to seriously prove herself before their wedding.

  ***

  Lucy was exhausted. She felt as if she’d been through an interrogation, having to sit and endure Ben’s mother’s bitter comments. So she couldn’t play the piano, it wasn’t the worst trait to lack in the world. Did her knowledge of books not make up for her lack of musical talent?

  She was about to make her way to her own room to rest when Ben appeared in the doorway, a look of agony on his face.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, stepping closer to her and taking her hands in his. “I didn’t think she’d give you the inquisition this early in her visit.”

  “I would have prepared had I known,” Lucy said, forcing a light laugh.

  “You handled it well though,” he said. His smile was warm and she felt the distance she’d placed between them.

  “And I’m sorry,” she said. By his look of surprise, she knew he hadn’t been expecting those words from her. “I’ve needed some time—alone—to adjust here. I didn’t mean to leave you out of it, I just…it’s all so new.”

  He nodded, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on the backs of her hands.

  “I understand,” he said. “If there is anything that will help you, anything I can do, please let me know.”

  She thought about his offer. Was there anything he could do? In truth, he seemed to know what he wanted—it was her, as his bride—but she was the one conflicted. Yet, somehow sitting in the sitting room being attacked by questions from Ben’s mother, she had started to see how he defended her. How he sends her apologetic looks when his mother wasn’t looking.

  He cared, and she had easily discounted that for her own gain.

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “If anything, it’s what I can do. How can I get your mother to like me?” She said it with a smile, but she could see that her words had a deeper impact.

  “You want her to?”

  “I think it would make things easier on you.”

  He nodded slowly, “Yes. I suppose it would.”

  “Then, what do I need to do?”

  He frowned, searching for the words to share with her. “Did you go to many dinner parties while in New York?”

  “Of course, nearly every weekend if not more so.”

  “I assumed as much. And what did you do there?”

  “Nodded politely, attempted to add to the conversation when possible—which is wasn’t often—and then left feeling exhausted.”

  He laughed. “I see. Well, treat my mother’s visit like an extended social party. She will respond to you if she sees your high class character.”

  Lucy cringed but covered it up quickly with a smile. “I’ll do my best.”

  “I know you will. Now I must go see to the dinner menu. Wouldn’t want anything to go wrong there.” He squeezed her hands, leaning down to give her a quick is on the cheek. “Thank you,” he said, linger to look into her eyes for a moment before he left.

  When he was gone she deflated, feeling the weight of what he’d asked. He saw this as a simple task, but it meant she had to give in to the very thing she’d been trying to get away from.

  Chapter 5

  It had been a week. One whole week, and Lucy was exhausted.

  Entertaining Mrs. Epps was exactly like Ben had described it. An extended dinner party without the added diversion of other guests. While Ben tended to the ranch, Lucy’s sole responsibility was to cater to Mrs. Epps’s every whim and need.

  They had spent hours upon hours discussing social life in Boston, of which Lucy knew next to nothing, talking about Mrs. Epps’s upcoming dinner party, agonized over the meal she would serve, discussed the music—which Mrs. Epps felt Lucy had less of a say in—and other frivolous details.

  And now it had come to the point that Lucy had feared from the beginning. She cared for Ben—more than she would have imagined when she first met him—but it was a distinct possibility that his mother would not approve of their marriage. What was more, Lucy wasn’t sure she wanted their marriage to hinge on the opinion of his mother, no matter how well-meaning she was. There was something confining about the thought.

  “Dear, did you hear me?”

  Lucy snapped out of her thoughts. “Yes, Mrs. Epps.”

  “Well?”

  Lucy was caught. She hadn’t heard a word the woman had said. As they were alone in the sitting room she had allowed herself to drift off mentally to ease some of the annoyance she felt toward the woman. Now she had to admit yet another mistake.

  “I’m sorry, I actually didn’t hear you.”

  “I thought as much,” she said, an eyebrow arching. “You lack so many lady-like qualities, it’s a miracle your father didn’t marry you off just to avoid you making a grievous faux pas at a dinner party or something.”

  “Mrs. Epps!” That was it. Lucy had heard enough, her blood running hot in her veins. “How dare you. In truth, my father did want to marry me off, but as a pawn for his business dealings and I would not have it.” She was breathing hard now. “And another thing—I may not be musically inclined by
I have no trouble thinking for myself, unlike many ladies of society. I find that is a trait to be prized, not diminished.” She stood, staring the woman down. “And I’ll have you know that, despite what you may think of me, I am a good match for your son. If you care more about yourself than him, then you’ll forbid this marriage. But I’ll have you know we are rather fond of one another so take that into consideration when you make your decision about me.”

  Before the woman could respond, Lucy spun on her heel and left the woman with her mouth hanging slack.

  It served her right. She had every type of thought regarding the woman her son should marry, but none of them involved him or his happiness. Hopefully some of Lucy’s words had gotten through to the woman.

  ***

  Ben slipped into the study as Lucy breezed past, her hair flying in all directions and her skin hot from emotion. She was so beautiful—and so opinionated. He held in a laugh as she stormed past, then excited the safety of the study to meet his mother in the sitting room.

  No doubt Mrs. Epps would have something to say, but he was beginning to see what Lucy was saying. They had a connection that couldn’t be easily broken. Since his mother had been here, they had stolen away for rides in the morning and conversation after she went to bed. His affection had only grown for the beautiful woman, but he could also see that she had softened toward him as well.

  Yet there was still the problem of his mother.

  He cringed, feeling that the word problem was too harsh, and yet possibly very accurate.

  “Hello, mother,” he said, stepping into the room. She looked stunned, her mouth a hard line and hands clasped in front of her.

  “You’ve sure chosen a willful woman to be your bride, Benjamin.”

  He swallowed and sat down in front of her. “But I love her.”

  His mother rolled her eyes. “You think that, but what do you know of love? The more important question is if she will make a suitable wife!”