Demons: A Hunter's Novel, Book 1

by Felicite Lilly

  “I can’t let you do that. No.” I shook my head vehemently.

  “You think I’m just going to walk in there blind? No, I’ll send one of my underlings in to find out what it is. I’m hoping he can get out without detection, if not, we’ll go from there.”

  He made it sound so easy. I tested his words in my head and they passed. This could work. At least, we could try.

  “Now, can we work on this?”

  He slid my hand down to his hard ridge and began moving my hand. I growled and moved, straddling him.

  “Why are you so willing to just accept me again? Me being a supe cocktail and all everything else…” I had to ask. I know it might not be the right time, but I didn’t care, I had to know.

  “You are mine, Laney. My mate. I won’t let you forget that. Supe, no supe, flawed, perfect – however you come, that’s how I’ll take you.”

  If I was supposed to choose what group I was going to join, could I become a Demon? Because if I didn’t choose to be a Demon, then this thing with Az would turn into a catastrophe. He was too high up in the ranks now to be with anyone, openly, who wasn’t a Demon. But what would I be giving up if I became a Demon? Could I live with the sacrifice of giving up everything I’ve known? Of giving up everything I had been raised to believe? Or would I even have to give them up?

  Az had been heavy on his morals when we had been together. Being a Hunter I had taken a lot of supernatural lives, always in the name of what was right. Couldn’t I do that same thing if I was a Demon? That’s what Az had done when he was lower on the totem pole, why not me? Of course who the hell knows if everything I knew meant squat now with the Shadow having raised me.

  Az pulled my hand to him and made me look in his eyes.

  “You’re mine.”

  “Yes.”

  He moved me under him and ripped the clothes from my body as though they were made of paper. I was already wet for him, always surprised at how quickly he made me feel so wanton. I pulled at his pants, trying to get them down as best I could while lying underneath him. A moment later he made them disappear. He slammed into me no sooner than he had sprung free from the confines of his clothes.

  I don’t know what I was feeling, we were screwing as we always had, but something felt different now. Maybe it was the fact that I actually had the option of being with Az. We could actually go out in public and walk hand in hand if I chose to be a Demon. Or maybe it was just that…the Demon part of me was coming to the surface, recognizing its mate.

  My orgasm built and we came clinging to one another like we were the other’s last breath. And if that were the case, I would’ve died completely happy.

  Az pulled out of me and rolled me so my back was to him and he spooned me. I could do and be anything, as long as I had Az. Losing Az was painful enough the first time, I would not lose him again. I had disappeared so far into myself six months ago I didn’t know, understand or like the world I had lived in.

  First things first though…I needed to get my Father back. My real Father.

  “I need to get my Dad back.” Az simply nodded at my statement and got up from the bed, pulling on a pair of jeans that had appeared and a white t-shirt.

  “I’ll be right back. Stay.”

  Az left the room. I stayed still, thinking of all the possibilities in the days to come. It had been a while since Az had left the room.

  I got up and pulled on a pair of mesh shorts and a bra. I was starting to worry when the door swung open. Az came in, followed by Anie. Well, I’m glad I was semi-dressed, because this could’ve been really awkward.

  “Anie, look -”

  I immediately started but instead of being able to talk to her face, I was literally talking to her hand. It was funny and really annoying.

  “Don’t Laney. Azrael and I have talked – I’ll deal with you and I later. Apparently, there are other things to worry about. He told me your Dad needs our help. You know I’d do anything for your Dad.”

  I put on a t-shirt and I was covered for this conversation now. She moved her hand away from my face and I saw her hard stare soften for a minute. As if she understood what was between Az and I was something larger than just a good lay. Maybe she did. Maybe Az had told her that we were in love. But I doubted that. Az was a very private person. It had taken a while before I could break through his walls.

  Then Anie’s tough façade was back. Just like a brief glimpse of Big Foot, her softness had disappeared.

  “I’m going to summon one of the lower Demons and Anie is going to be the lookout. I’m going to cloak myself and put them under a slight spell to get them to do what we want without them knowing it was me. They will then report everything back to us.”

  “You all worked that out quickly.”

  “It’s not rocket surgery.” Az smirked and I laughed out loud.

  It was an inside joke between Az and I. We had been out on a bust for one of the baddies, as we had called the Demons that had broken the law, when we had cornered the Demon it turned out it was especially stupid. What the hell do you think you’re going to do? I had asked it. I’m going to kill you, it’s not rocket surgery. He had meant to say it’s not rocket science. But when he had mixed up his words, I laughed while Az sent it back to hell.

  I rubbed my palms together.

  “Let’s do this.”

  ~XV~

  “I can see it on your face, you’ve been kicked around, but the world won’t wait for you to come around…”

  – The Head & the Heart, When I Fall Asleep

  I was sitting on my knees, crouched outside my room at Anie’s. I felt like an idiot, but I was an idiot who was getting information. Az, Annie and I had spent days working on how we were going to bring about the end of the Shadow without outing ourselves or killing my Father’s body or spirit. None of us ever talked about Az and I’s relationship. It was an uneasy truce we were wading through.

  Az and I had gone round and round about the best way to rid the world of the Shadow. Az wanted to bring about the end of the Shadow at all costs. And I wanted to bring about the end of the Shadow as long as I gave my Father a fighting chance.

  I had more than enough time to look back on my life before the Shadow and remember the man that my Father had been. My Father had always had an edge to him but he was loving and kind to me as a young child. While those memories were scarce, they were still there and they still told me that my Father was somewhere in himself. Well, at least that’s what I was hoping. But, currently, I was giving my body a much needed rest while I eavesdropped on the conversation Anie and Az were having inside my bedroom. Won’t lie I was pissed they were in a room with a bed.

  I heard Az’s deep voice, pleading, “Please try to understand.” Az never said please. So him doing it now made me want to see his face. There was something about him being kind that made me want to see his face and the way he was looking at Anie. I hoped it was with kindness, and from his words, I would assume it was.

  “How on earth am I supposed to understand you hate-fucking me?” Her? Not so much.

  “It wasn’t a hate-fuck. It was more me trying to understand her.” I’m assuming the her Az was referring to was me.

  “By hate-fucking me.”

  “Call it what you want, but I was destroyed by what she did. Do you understand watching someone you care about fuck other men like you meant nothing. Every night, a different asshole. She may as well have been a hooker.”

  Wow that hurt. Pretty bad. And now instead of seeing his face I wanted to crush it.

  I heard a loud smack. And then I heard Az roar and flip something over. He could be a bit temperamental, especially when, if what I thought just happened did, he was smacked.

  “Do you know her at all, Azrael?! Did the time you spent with her mean nothing? Did you only fuck her and not get to know the woman under it all?” Anie screamed in my defense.

  Awwwe, she was just as off her rocker as me. Hitting a Demon especially one as high up as Az, was a very b
ad idea.

  “I did. That’s why I fell apart.”

  “You aren’t the only one that lost her.” Anie said quietly.

  I hadn’t realized until that point the pain I had inflicted on everyone else when I went into my shell. Based on it all, Anie and Az should’ve found solace in one another, but they only found more pain. I put two people at odds when I should’ve been honest and made them allies. If I had just told Anie about Az then none of it would have happened.

  “I thought by fucking you, I could understand why she was screwing everything with a dick. And by screwing you, I was fucked up enough to believe I was still close to her. That’s how fucked up we are. It’s just what we are. Doesn’t mean we don’t love one another, just means we’re not in a good place…anymore.”

  While I will admit those words hurt me immensely, they were also very true. He and I were two very painful halves of a whole. I thought of his symbol and the cut circle. I had been the sword that had done that to his fucked up twisted circle. I had severed it completely, allowing everything to spill out with no boundaries.

  I know life is what we make of it, and mine was currently a heaping mess. I felt like shit for hurting Anie and Az. I thought I was doing the right thing but, apparently, I hadn’t done the right thing. I had been oh, so wrong. I felt the knife the pain had created, sliding between my ribs and into my heart. The pain was acute.

  I shook my head from side to side trying to stop the pain from getting to me. I started rocking my body back and forth. The pain was seeping in and it ended up overtaking me as I sat on the cold unfeeling wood floor. Oh to be that wood floor.

  Was my soul eclipsed by the pain imposed on me by the thing that raised me? Was I always going to hurt those I loved? I rocked harder. I could hear someone saying no over and over again. It took me a minute to realize it was me.

  Our experiences make us who we are, and most of the time I liked myself enough. But right now I hated the person I had become. Hurting people I loved because I thought it was right. Shutting everyone out because I thought I could control the world. I was a fucking asshole - an arrogant fucking bitch. I should’ve been clinging to the people that mattered instead of pushing them away. But it was easier to be alone.

  I felt hands pull me up and I squinted my unfocused dizzy eyes to see Anie. She was looking at me sympathetically. Which, of course, just made me feel worse. I didn’t deserve understanding. She hugged me to her side. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see the sympathy I didn’t deserve.

  I felt Az’s hands helping Anie pick me up off the floor. I could only hear, I couldn’t see anything, but I felt Az’s hands and his heat.

  “Let me take her, Aniese.” Az said.

  I knew his voice like I knew his touch. It made me feel a little better he wasn’t calling her Anie. He must’ve been mad.

  “No. I’ve got her.” Anie pulled me tighter to her side.

  “Fuck!” Az roared. “Why do all of you women have to be so fucking difficult!” I heard Az blow out a breath. “You know what, I don’t want to play tug of war. It’s not good for her right now. But I won’t be far. If she needs me I’m never far.”

  I wondered why Az and Anie were talking about me while I was in front of them. At that point I realized I must’ve looked like I was in a catatonic state. Open eyes but seeing nothing.

  “I’ve got her.” Anie said walking me into my empty bedroom.

  Anie put me to bed for the second time in as many days. She put me under the covers and I felt the bed dip as she laid down next to me. I let the darkness overtake me. Sweet, cold, unfeeling darkness.

  *********************************************

  I woke up the next morning feeling like the whole day should be dedicated to me lying in bed with my eyes closed. They were heavy and worn out. I cracked my eyes open and I could see the morning dawn creeping into the room. Chasing away the darkness I clung to.

  My eyes naturally wanted to stay shut. So I didn’t fight it. I closed them and laid there in the quiet. I heard stirring next to me and realized that Anie hadn’t left my side.

  “You can’t ignore the world, Laney. It’s still going to find you, no matter what.”

  “Maybe if I hide better it won’t. Go away and I’ll try it out.”

  “So, Az was, is, your boyfriend…?” Anie asked me ignoring my comment.

  I peeked out from under my scratchy lids again and saw Anie looking exhausted. I knew this conversation was coming, but I hadn’t looked forward to it. But I also didn’t want to hide anymore. I kept repeating to myself: I’m ready, I am prepared, because that’s what I needed to believe. It was a step at least. I closed my eyes again, because the light was burning out my eye sockets, and answered.

  “Was? Is? I don’t know.” I took another fortifying breath. “Boyfriend doesn’t quite cover it. He was my family, my lover, my world, no offense… I don’t know what we are now. I’d like for us to be able to be together. But I don’t know if that’s possible.”

  “It’s possible. I think he would do anything for you. He’s your pigeon. They mate for life. If one dies the other is left alone for the remainder of its life. I learned that after reading Beautiful Disaster. Although I don’t know if that’s quite what the author was going for.” I opened my eyes again and Anie was studying the ceiling. “I definitely wouldn’t let Az go. He apologized to me and that man has some serious skill.”

  Now I knew she was baiting me, punishing me for the things I hadn’t told her. She was still pissed at me for not telling her about Az. I didn’t blame her.

  “Can we make a deal?” I asked.

  “Depends on what we’re talking about.”

  “We’re talking about you and Az. I will accept what happened and move on. Period. I don’t want you to talk about you and him anymore. I have enough shit on my plate without having to deal with it over and over and over. So, after this conversation, we will forever close that chapter of talking. I don’t want to know. Really.”

  The sick truth was that I did want to know. I wanted to know what her thoughts were about him. Every nuance and thought she had about him. But if I kept bringing it up I knew I would get exponentially pissed off until I couldn’t talk to her anymore. Anie was like a sister to me and I couldn’t lose her to the stupidity of Az and myself. I just couldn’t. So this is how it had to be.

  “It’s closed to your talking right? Cause to mine, well…I’ve been singing his praises…”

  Az had a way with his body that drove a woman to the brink. But talking about it was going to put us at odds. It was like having the last Karate Kid movie and then Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan making a new one…it didn’t work, but no one would stop them so it just kept going. Some things should’ve just been left alone.

  “It’s closed to all talking. From anyone.”

  Anie’s face cleared of all teasing.

  “Don’t hold out on me again. I need to be in the loop. Not on the outside looking in.”

  She was hitting below the belt very effectively. She was talking about us but she was also talking about being on the outside of the Hunter organization. It was something she hated. Again, self loathing with us was second to none. And I realized in that moment that I had to tell her the truth about what I was or wasn’t going to become.

  “Speaking of…we need to talk about something else.”

  I then proceeded to tell Anie every piece about what was happening to me. About the things that had happened and that could happen. I told her about my fears and about my excitement. Because, honestly, I was excited about having the ability to hone so much power while still being myself. The ability to glimpse other species was beyond anything anyone could imagine. So when I finally finished Anie simply said,

  “At least I’m not the only freak. But, truthfully, you were never really that normal.”

  ~XVI~

  “I hope you got your things together, I hope you are quite prepared to die. Looks like we’re in for nasty weather, One e
ye is taken for an eye…”

  – John Fogerty, Bad Moon Rising

  It was cloudy. The sun was completely absent. But it was more than that, it was dark. Not just a dark sky, but the air, the feeling in the air was malevolent. As I stood in front of the Hunter’s Headquarters, I felt my palms become clammy and my pupils constrict. I was sweating like a whore in church. And the sweat was starting to seep through the, I know the color is a shocker, black t-shirt I was wearing. I felt the liquid heat dripping down my butt crack - uncomfortable, to say the least. I really needed to get a grip. If I didn’t, I was going to melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. I shook my limbs out and took a deep breath.

  I needed to convince my Shadow Father to come out into the open and onto the cemetery grounds with me so I could let Az’s Demon get his grubby, filthy, useful little hands on him to find out what kind of Shadow we were dealing with. I felt utterly alone right now, but I knew that was far from the truth.

  There was no one standing with me, but I carried the practiced lies and promises close to the chest. I could hear Az and I’s words mere hours earlier.

  “How am I supposed to keep the fact I hate this thing off my face?”

  “That’s the beauty of it, you don’t.”

  “Huh?”

  “You never really liked this thing you’ve known your whole life. You tolerated his behavior because you thought he was your Father. Just remember your Father is in there somewhere. It’s about carrying that same balance in your eyes.”

  I kept playing over that conversation with Az in my head. It was true. Balance was my friend, much like a ballerina going up on her toes for the first time. It didn’t look like it would take much to topple me, but I was stronger than I looked. I had lasted this long, right?

  So, with one final breath, I stepped forward to the guard booth at the front of HQ and was frisked once again by the guards. Too bad you had to go through the security at HQ to speak with anyone. Otherwise, I would have picked up the phone and called that shit that was masquerading as our leader.