His Ever After (Love, Emerson Book 3)

by Isabel North

  Derek’s expression softened but Jenny couldn’t slow down, couldn’t seem to catch her breath or get the words out fast enough.

  “She’s just a little girl, Derek. She’s got so much love to give, and no defenses whatsoever because she doesn’t know how utterly shit life can be.” Jenny shoved against him. “She’ll find out soon enough, I can’t protect her forever, but not yet. Not yet. I can’t call myself a good mother if I stand by and let her get attached, let her offer all that love to someone who doesn’t care. She matters, and I can’t…I can’t have a man walk away from her again. Not like Dean did. He just left us. He left us, and I won’t let anyone else ever do that to her. I won’t.”

  “Shh.” Derek released her wrists.

  “You have to understand, I—”

  “Shh.”

  Jenny fisted his T-shirt, holding on. “Stop shushing me! I won’t be quiet, and I won’t shush.”

  “It’s okay. Jen, it’s okay.” Derek eased off her and rolled to his side, curling her into him.

  Jenny fought free of the covers, kicking them down to her feet, and tangled her legs with his. Her arms went around him as his locked tight around her waist.

  She burrowed against him, tucking her head into his neck.

  Derek stroked her hair in long, soothing sweeps. The room, which had been filled with their raised voices and her anxious, ragged panting, fell quiet. He continued to stroke her until she stopped shaking and the storm of frustration and panic that had slammed into her without warning blew itself out.

  “I can’t do this with you, Derek,” she said eventually. “I… I can’t.”

  “I know, baby.”

  She continued, whispering into the heat of his throat, “I had a shit childhood. You must know. You were there. Then I went ahead and screwed up my adulthood. I chose the wrong guy. Now Kate has a shit father, like mine. I can’t fix that. But I am not going to be a shit mom, like mine. What I want, Derek, does not matter. Kate does. I’m sorry if you thought we could be more, but we can’t. I’m seeing Gabe. It’s on the quiet. No one knows. No one can ever know, not even Elle. It’s nothing important. It’s barely even real, it’s a…a hookup.”

  Derek sighed, and pushed her gently to her back as he sat up.

  Jenny’s arms spasmed around him and she had to make herself let go. She scrambled against the pillows as Derek moved to the edge of the mattress. He rubbed his hands hard over his face, then stood and grabbed his boots. He stamped them on one after the other, and turned to her.

  “You’re worth more than a hookup, Jen. I get that you’re protecting Kate. I respect it. But you matter, too. Your happiness matters.”

  She gave a wry half-smile and shrugged.

  He watched her, face unreadable. “Does Sterling make you happy?”

  “Gabe’s important to me. I like him a lot.” Not a lie. Perhaps that’s why Derek seemed to believe her.

  He came to the head of the bed. Slowly, holding her gaze, he reached out and took her chin in a gentle grip, tilting up her face, like he’d done in the bar last night.

  Except now, he wasn’t smiling.

  It wasn’t dark and crowded.

  It was the two of them, in her sun-filled bedroom, and there was nowhere to hide. Jenny tried not to lean into his touch but she wasn’t entirely successful.

  His eyes sharpened as he studied her. He made a small noise in his throat and some of his frustration cleared. One of his dimples flashed in his cheek, there and gone.

  What? It was all she had time to think before her wits scattered again. He bent his head. A hair’s breadth away from making contact, he stopped, hovering above her lips.

  “I won’t kiss you,” he said, words vibrating over her skin. “Not even goodbye. Your kisses belong to another man right now, and I don’t share. But, Jen? If I find out you’re free again, fair warning. I won’t mess around. And I won’t let you mess me around, either. Tell me you understand. Tell me you get what I’m saying to you.”

  “I get it. We’re done.” She clenched her fists.

  “No, honey.” He shook his head. “Next time, you’re mine.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Present

  “Are you ready?”

  “Yes!”

  Jenny took in a deep breath. From this point on, there was no going back. “Got your things?”

  Kate spun around to show she was wearing her brand-new backpack.

  “Great,” Jenny croaked.

  “Mom. Are you going to cry again?”

  “Again? What’s this ‘again’? Who’s crying?”

  Kate threw her arms around Jenny and squeezed tight. “I’m so excited,” she said, words muffled by Jenny’s sweatshirt.

  “Me too.” Jenny cupped the back of Kate’s head for the short moment her daughter clung. “My baby. All grown up. Off to sc-hool.”

  “Mom.”

  Jenny flapped a hand. “I’m fine. We talked about this. It happens to moms.” She cleared her throat. “Let’s go, kid.”

  “Yay!” Kate ran out of the house, tripped on the bottom porch step, bounced back up and stood expectantly by the car, wiping muddy palms down her pants leg.

  Jenny closed her eyes briefly. Three seconds until her daughter looked like an urchin. That was a record, even for Kate. “Okay, turn it around. Back in the house. Quick.”

  “It’s just a little dirt.” Kate looked down at her pants and wiped at the smears of mud.

  Yeah. That helped. “Come on. Hurry. Do you want to be late?”

  “No!” Kate shot up the driveway and into the house.

  Jenny chased her up the stairs to her bedroom, where Jenny took care of grabbing clean pants from the dresser while Kate kicked off her sneakers. Her backpack kept swinging around her narrow shoulders and bumping her. She dropped it to the bed and concentrated on undressing.

  “Here.” Jenny handed Kate the clean pants, Kate handed her the muddy ones. Jenny ran them to the laundry hamper in the bathroom and darted back.

  Kate had shimmied into the pants and had one sneaker on, looking around for the other. “I can’t find it,” she said.

  “Wear your purple ones.” Jenny pulled them out of the closet.

  “I can’t wear my purple ones!” Kate sounded horrified. “I have to wear my lucky ones.”

  Jenny glanced around, didn’t see the rogue sneaker. She crouched and peered under the bed.

  “Did you find it?” Kate asked. “Is it under there?”

  “Yep.” How?

  “I’ll get it.” Kate dropped flat and started to squirm.

  “No, you don’t.” Jenny hauled her upright. “You stay clean and tidy. Until you get to school. Then get as messy as you like, and it’s your teacher’s fault.”

  She dropped to the floor and army-crawled forward until she could sweep her arm all the way under the bed. Her fingertips made contact with the sneaker, she dragged it toward her, and tossed it out.

  The reverse crawl was a whole lot less graceful, and by the time Jenny was clear, Kate had both sneakers on.

  Jenny sprang to her feet. “Let’s go!”

  They ran down the stairs, out the house, and were almost out of the driveway when Jenny glanced in the rearview mirror at Kate’s excited smile. Jenny returned the smile, then registered the empty seat beside Kate. “Backpack!” She threw the car into reverse.

  Kate clapped her hands over her face. “I left it on my bed.”

  “No problem.” Jenny switched off the car and lunged out. “Don’t move.” She bolted up to the house, up to Kate’s room, and grabbed the backpack.

  “Are we going to be late?” Kate asked as Jenny pulled out of the driveway for the second time.

  “Not if I have anything to do with it. I don’t think we’ll be able to see Auntie Elle before school, though.”

  Kate, still bubbling with enthusiasm, wasn’t too bothered. Jenny, however, felt like crap. She’d promised to take Kate over to Alex and Elle’s house so Elle could see Kate before her f
irst day of kindergarten.

  She hated breaking promises.

  Jenny called on the hands-free. “Elle?”

  “Hey,” her sister said at the other end. “Are you guys almost here?”

  “Nope. We had a blip.”

  “I fell over,” Kate shouted from the back seat.

  “Uh-oh,” Elle said, amusement clear.

  “Yeah. Wardrobe change. I’m sorry, Elle. We’re not going to make it.”

  It was only a ten-minute drive, but those ten minutes were in the wrong direction.

  Once there, it would be at least ten minutes for Elle to get emotional and take photos, then another five minutes to peel Kate away from the dog. Another ten on top, just to get to the point they were at right now.

  Jenny had left a buffer for the inevitable emergencies like muddy pants, missing sneakers and forgotten backpacks, but that was cutting it too fine.

  “It’s okay,” Elle said. “I’ll see you after school, Katie. You can tell me all about it.”

  Elle hid her disappointment, but Jenny knew it was there. Damn. “Sorry,” Jenny said again.

  “Don’t worry about it. But I still want photos.”

  “Really? You want me to make your niece look like a dork in front of everyone? I thought you liked her.”

  “Yes, really. And she won’t look like a dork. Trust me, everyone will be taking photos. This is what proud parents do.”

  Okay, Kate wouldn’t look like a dork.

  Jenny would.

  “Make it a good one,” Elle continued. “I’m going to get it framed and hang it on the wall. I bought the frame already.”

  “Photo. Right.”

  “Make her stand still for it.”

  “Now you ask the impossible.”

  They finished the call and Jenny pointed the car toward Emerson. Every now and then, she glanced at Kate. Her daughter’s earlier enthusiasm was fading in direct proportion to how much farther they got from home and how much closer they got to town.

  “Mom?” Kate spoke up after a while.

  “Kate?”

  “Were you excited on your first day of school? Or…were you mostly excited but also a little bit…um…scared?”

  Jenny had bawled the entire day. From the moment her mother had pried Jenny’s clutching hand from around her own, hooking her instead onto the teacher like a terrified little monkey, until her mother had turned up—late—hours later. Hours that had felt like a lifetime.

  “Excited and scared,” she said. “Definitely both. It’s exciting, but it’s okay to be nervous. And I know for a fact everyone else will be.”

  “Will they?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  Kate stared out the window, then cocked her head to one side. “Mom?” she said.

  “Kate?”

  “The car’s making a funny noise.”

  Jenny listened. Shit. Goddammit. Not now. Hold on, car. You can do it. I believe in you. Another thirty minutes, then you can go ahead and breakdown. Let me get Kate there first. She eased her foot off the gas and gripped the steering wheel. “It’s fine, honey, I—”

  They both yelped when the car bunny-hopped.

  Jenny checked the rearview mirror. “Okay?”

  “Yes. Why did it—”

  The car choked again, and shuddered. Decelerating, Jenny eased to the side of the road.

  They were traveling at about ten miles an hour when the car stalled and stopped, its butt hanging out. Probably not enough to get clipped by passing traffic, but she wasn’t taking any chances. Jenny sprang out and ran to the back door. She unbuckled Kate and pulled her out.

  They stood side by side, and stared at the car.

  “This doesn’t look good,” Kate said.

  Jenny, chewing on the edge of her thumbnail, grunted.

  Kate sighed. “Is it going to explode?”

  “Of course not.” The car was hissing like an angry cat. Steam was coming from under the hood. Jenny wrapped an arm around Kate’s shoulders and walked them further away. “Stay there,” she said. Jenny went back to the car and grabbed her phone from the center console.

  She almost didn’t want to look at the screen. The way this morning was going, there wouldn’t be a signal, and she’d have to flag someone down and send for help. Because no way was she going to hitch with a stranger and take her daughter along for the horror ride.

  She checked the screen. Thank God. It was working.

  She called Elle, and was sent straight to voicemail. On the off-chance that Alex might answer his phone—which in Jenny’s experience had happened exactly never—she tried him.

  Voicemail.

  Hah.

  Lila. Lila would come get them.

  Voicemail.

  “Would somebody,” Jenny snarled, “please answer their stupid phone!” Poking the screen furiously, she called Lila again.

  The third time, it connected.

  “What?” said Lila. “I’m busy. Take a hint and leave a message.”

  “Help.”

  “What?” Lila said again. The attitude was gone and concern took its place. “Jenny, what’s wrong?”

  “My car died.”

  “Calm down, and— Hey, watch it!” Lila snapped, attitude back and dialed all the way up to one hundred percent.

  Jenny blinked. “Watch what?”

  “Sorry. Wasn’t talking to you. Some jerk was grinding up against me in line at the coffee shop. He won’t be trying that again anytime soon.”

  “Lila! Focus! My car is dead and I’m stuck on the side of the road and I have to get Kate to school!”

  “Shoot, you’re not even there yet?”

  “No! Help!”

  “Weeellll—” Lila dragged the word out.

  Jenny gave Kate an encouraging thumbs-up and strode away a few paces to hiss, “No. There is no ‘well’. You’re her godmother. You get your ass here right now and pick us up. Please.”

  “Honey, I want to, you know I take my godmother duties very seriously, but I don’t think I’ll be able to swing it. I have…uh…I have a house to show in Mayfield. I’m kind of pressed for time.”

  “You can’t be that pressed if you’re standing in line at Megan’s coffee shop.”

  “I need my coffee.”

  “I’ll buy you twenty coffees. Pick us up. Coffee’s on me. For a month.”

  “No can do. But do not despair, my friend. I am sending help.”

  “What?”

  “Sit tight. Ten, twenty minutes. Rescue is on the way!” Lila disconnected.

  Jenny stared at the cell phone in her hand. “Goddammit.” She dialed Lila again.

  Voicemail.

  “Is Lila coming?” Kate asked. She was collecting rocks and arranging them at the side of the road a safe distance from the car.

  “Don’t worry,” Jenny said. “Help will be here soon.” She hoped. She really hoped.

  Ten minutes later, Kate had gotten bored arranging her rocks and a familiar car came into view, driving toward them.

  Lila had come after all. Jenny waved…and continued waving as Lila blew past them with a cheerful beep of her horn.

  Jenny and Kate stared, turning in unison to watch as Lila vanished into the distance.

  “Shall we walk?” Kate said.

  Even if they ran, they’d be hours late. “I’ll call a cab.”

  “Or we could ask Derek.”

  Jenny’s head came up. “I can’t call Derek,” she said, even as she clenched her hand around her phone.

  She still had his number in her contact list. Hadn’t been able to bring herself to delete it. She had changed it to Hot Buns so she didn’t have to see his name and get a lurch of…whatever that feeling was…whenever she saw it.

  Could she call Derek? Jenny chewed her lip. No. No, she couldn’t call him, what was she thinking?

  What was Kate thinking?

  “Why would I call Derek?” Jenny said.

  “You don’t have to call him, I said ask him. He’s already
here.” Taking Jenny’s hand, Kate hauled her along the side of the road. “Hi, Derek!”

  There he was. A black SUV had pulled over a short distance behind her hissing car. A tall, familiar figure was leaning against the hood.

  He was wearing a baseball cap that cast his face in shadow, his usual T-shirt and jeans, and work boots.

  Jenny’s mouth went dry.

  “Derek!” Kate dropped Jenny’s hand and ran over to him. “Hi.”

  “Hey, kid.” He grinned down at Kate. When he looked over at Jenny, his smile faded. He dipped his chin. “Jen.”

  “Hello,” she said stiffly.

  Silence fell.

  “I’m starting kindergarten today,” Kate said, glancing between them.

  “That right?” Derek said.

  “Yep.”

  “Bet you’re gonna crush it.”

  Kate lifted and lowered a single shoulder, then sighed. “It’s not going so well,” she told him.

  “You’re not there yet.”

  “I know. We’ve been trying to get there all morning.”

  “You’re having problems, I take it?” Derek said to Jenny.

  “No. Everything’s fine.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Derek pushed off his car.

  “Mom,” Kate said.

  “Derek, wait.” Jenny shoved her hair away from her hot face. “Everything’s not fine,” she admitted.

  “That explains the steam coming out of your car. You guys need a ride into town?”

  “I’d hate for you to go out of your way—”

  “Mom.”

  “Yes, Derek, a ride into town would be delightful, thank you so very much.”

  His lips twitched.

  Derek took the booster seat out of Jenny’s car and made quick work of installing it in his SUV. They put Kate in the back, then he had Jenny sit in her car and steer while he put a shoulder to the rear bumper to heave it clear of the road.

  “Any time now,” Jenny called out the open window. “Whenever you’re ready.” She waited, drumming her fingers on the wheel. “What are you doing back there, tickling it?” The light changed and she looked up into Derek’s dark blue eyes.

  “No, I’m not tickling it,” he said. “I strained so hard I nearly blew a vein.”

  Jenny slid out. “I thought you lifted weights.”