Pirouette

by Robyn Bavati

  “That’s what she says.”

  “There you go. But you’re missing the point. If she chose her path in life, why shouldn’t you get to choose yours?”

  Simone sighed. “Maybe I’m not meant to choose.”

  “Why not?

  “Because I haven’t been given a choice about anything. I didn’t choose for my birth parents to die before I was born. I didn’t choose to be adopted.” And I never chose to be separated from my identical twin. “If I never had a choice, maybe I’m just not meant to have one.”

  Tom shook his head, incredulous. “That’s crazy. No kid has a choice. No kid decides whether his parents will live or die. To some extent we’re all victims of fate. But we still have choices … ”

  They’d reached the butterfly enclosure, which promised an enchanting world of flight and color. “You may be right in theory,” Simone said as they went through one gate after another, “but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel I have the right to choose.”

  “Then I’ll have to work on you until you do,” said Tom. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me, though.”

  Hours later, Simone lay in bed with the phone pressed to her ear, smiling up at the ceiling as she once again listened to Tom saying how much he missed her during the week.

  “At least we’ve got Sundays,” she told him.

  “But not next Sunday,” he said. “You’ll be at the Dance Spectacular.” He paused, then asked, “Are you absolutely positive you don’t want me there?”

  “Uh-huh. No offense.” They burst out laughing. “You know, I can hardly remember what I used to do on Sunday afternoons.”

  Tom chuckled. “Me too. I guess next Sunday I’ll hit the books, which, come to think of it, I should be doing now. I’ve got a test tomorrow.”

  “Good luck,” she said.

  “Thanks,” Tom answered. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “’Night,” said Simone.

  “Sweet dreams,” said Tom.

  Hannah called as soon as Simone had said good night to Tom. “You’ll never guess who I bumped into.”

  Simone laughed. That was so typical of Hannah—

  jumping straight in, not even bothering with a hello or how are you. “Who?” she asked.

  “Dani. She saw me with Matt. I had to introduce them.”

  “Uh-oh. She knows my boyfriend’s name is Tom.”

  “Don’t worry,” said Hannah. “I didn’t mention Matt by name. I introduced him as ‘my boyfriend.’”

  Simone let out a sigh of relief. “Still, he looks nothing like Tom.”

  “So? Dani hasn’t seen Tom, has she?”

  “No, but I’ve described him to her, and there’s no way Matt would fit that description.”

  Hannah laughed. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Everyone knows that love is blind. Anyway, I just thought I’d better warn you. Oh, and by the way, Dani wasn’t alone.” As Hannah named the girls Dani had been with, Simone’s mind was racing ahead to the explanations she’d have to give for the discrepancies between the guy she’d described and the one they’d all seen.

  “I left Dani with a promise I’d fill her in on all the details tomorrow in school,” Hannah was saying. “So you’d better figure out what you’re going to say. She won’t let you off the hook—you know what she’s like.”

  “I think I’m beginning to,” said Simone.

  “Anyway, Sim, I had the most amazing day.”

  Simone smiled. “Me too. Except for one tricky moment when Tom mentioned the Dance Spectacular next week and said he wanted to come. I convinced him not to.”

  “Phew,” said Hannah.

  “But I can’t stand not telling him the truth.”

  “I know how you feel. I wish I could be up front with Matt. If anything, it’s harder for me because I see him daily. I hate not being honest with him. Sometimes I come so close to blurting the truth.”

  “Well, make sure you don’t,” Simone said quickly. “Once something gets out at the VSD … But it’s different with Tom. Who could he tell?”

  “You never know,” said Hannah. “You just never know.”

  The two girls were silent for a while.

  “As long as I’m not telling Tom the truth,” Simone said at last, “I feel like he doesn’t really know me.”

  “Why?” asked Hannah. “Do you think someone has to know everything about you to know who you are?”

  “I guess,” said Simone.

  “But that’s just not true. For fifteen and a half years you didn’t know you had a twin. Does that mean you didn’t know who you were?”

  “It might,” said Simone.

  “It doesn’t. You are who you are.”

  Simone let out an audible sigh. “I just wonder if he’d still like me if he knew about you.”

  “Of course he would,” Hannah replied. “It’s not like you become a whole other person when you’re with him. And as long as I’m not around to confuse him, he is getting to know the real you.”

  Simone twisted a strand of hair around her finger. “Tom has a real thing about honesty. And he’s right. For a relationship to work, there has to be trust. I think that’s what’s bothering me. As long as I withhold the truth, I feel like I’m betraying his trust.”

  “You’re not betraying his trust. You’re just not giving him yours. But you will, eventually. We both will—eventually.”

  “Yeah, well maybe ‘eventually’ isn’t soon enough. In the meantime, whoever sent those spooky texts could ruin everything.”

  “Do you think I don’t know that?” said Hannah. “Honestly, Sim, we’re—”

  The telephone beeped and Simone cut her off. “I’ve got a call waiting. It’s Dani—I’d better go. Time for damage control.”

  “Hannah!” said Dani when Simone took the call. “No wonder you’ve been hiding your boyfriend all this time. He’s really cute. Although,” she continued, “he’s not exactly the guy I imagined. Didn’t you say his hair was black?”

  “It was,” said Simone without missing a beat. “He dyed it for the summer holidays. Now he’s gone back to his natural color.”

  “He’s totally into you,” Dani said. “How come he never texts you at school?”

  “He calls me at night,” Simone answered truthfully. “During the day he’s too busy with his studies. Did I mention he’s doing Year Twelve?”

  “Really? He doesn’t look any older than we do.”

  Simone could have kicked herself. “Yeah, well, looks are deceptive.”

  Vanessa knocked on the door, then peered inside. “Hannah, don’t you think it’s time you got some sleep?”

  “I heard that,” said Dani. “Your mum wants you to get off the phone.”

  “She does,” said Simone. “It’s been a really busy day.”

  “’Night,” said Dani. “See you tomorrow.”

  thirty-nine

  Backstage at the State Theatre, the air buzzed with excited tension as the Year Ten dancers in their bright Bollywood costumes dashed around hugging their classmates, wishing one another luck.

  “A little decorum please, Year Tens,” said Miss Sabto. “And save your energy for the stage.”

  “It’s amazing how you’re totally over your stage fright,” Jess said to Hannah. “I guess you’ve got Matt to thank for that.”

  Hannah smiled in agreement. “Yeah, I guess I have.”

  “Go get ’em, Simone,” said Mitch, stopping to give Hannah a hug before rushing by.

  “Is there time to pee?” asked Julie, nervously jumping up and down.

  “If you’re quick,” said Jess. “Good luck,” she added.

  “Julie, where do you think you’re going?” a frowning Miss Sabto called to Julie’s retreating back.

  “The bathroom,” called Julie.<
br />
  “Well, hurry up. You should have gone before. Where are the rest of the boys?” Ah, here they are now.”

  Matt crept up behind Hannah and covered her eyes. “Break a leg, Simone.”

  “Matthew Holden!” said Miss Sabto, shocked. “Never say that to a dancer.”

  Matt and Hannah burst out laughing before giving each other a quick hug that turned into a fierce embrace. Then they took their places.

  “Silence, everyone, or they’ll hear you from the audience,” hissed Mr. Dixon.

  Julie rushed back just as the Bollywood music began. Jess gave Hannah a thumbs-up.

  Hannah returned the gesture, then took a deep breath, her face flushed beneath her makeup, adrenaline rushing through her veins. It was hard to believe she was about to perform at the most prestigious venue in the whole of Melbourne.

  The Bollywood dancers burst onto the stage to a roar of applause. Looking striking in her genie-style costume—arms, feet, and midriff bare—Hannah threw herself into the dance with unparalleled passion and pure concentration, her elation infectious.

  Magic happened; her body flew through the dance with a knowledge that transcended her mind’s awareness. When the dance ended and she left the stage, she couldn’t remember performing the steps, but her exhilaration remained.

  “Fabulous job, Simone,” said Miss Sabto, smiling warmly.

  Hannah left the dressing room and headed for the St. Kilda Road entrance to the theater. The Dance Spectacular had been a huge success, and families who’d watched their kids perform mingled happily on the Arts Center steps and in the courtyard below, waiting for the dancers to come out of the building and talking about how wonderful the production had been.

  Not all the VSD parents had turned up, since the Year Tens had performed the Bollywood dance at the VSD’s annual show the previous year. Harriet, stage mum that she was, had wanted to come, but Hannah had convinced her that it wasn’t worth paying thirty-five dollars to watch a dance she’d already seen.

  It was Sunday, and the show had ended at three o’clock. Hannah floated down the steps of the Arts Center still on a high. She’d nailed the dance, Miss Sabto had admired her performance, and she had the most adorable boyfriend on the planet. If only her parents had seen her up there on that stage!

  She caught her breath, all thoughts of parents entirely forgotten as Matt appeared at the top of the stairs. He ran lightly down and sprinted toward her. They came together like two magnets, kissing slowly as the world disappeared.

  For a few seconds, life was perfect.

  “Damn!” said Matt. “I’ve left my phone in the dressing room. I’d better get it.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Hannah said.

  “No, I’ll have to make a run for it before they lock the door.”

  Hannah watched as he dashed inside, then turned back toward the street.

  Maybe her eyes were deceiving her. She closed them tightly for a moment, then opened them slowly and looked again. No, her eyes had not been deceiving her. Tom Delaney was walking toward her. What the bejeezus was he doing here?

  Simone had said that Tom knew about the Dance Spectacular and wanted to come, but that she’d convinced him not to. So he hadn’t come to the actual performance, yet here he was, arriving now, probably hoping to surprise her …

  Well, he’d surprised Hannah all right, and he was looking at her with an expression of hurt mixed with anger. She knew at once that he’s seen her with Matt.

  Tom reached her before she had a chance to gather her thoughts.

  “So he’s the reason you didn’t want me to show up today.” Tom’s voice wavered as he spoke. “And I thought it was because you were modest, or shy.”

  Hannah blanched. “It’s not what you think.”

  “I saw you kissing him, Simone.”

  Hannah could have kicked herself. If only she’d been more discreet! “I can explain,” she said, wishing she could replay those last few minutes, take back that kiss.

  And then Matt was back, holding his phone up like a trophy, but his grin faded as he noticed Tom.

  There was an awkward silence. Then Hannah said, “Matt, this is Tom.”

  The two boys appraised each other with ill-concealed hostility.

  Then suddenly Mitch appeared on the scene, grinning at Tom. “Tom Delaney!”

  Tom mustered up a smile for Mitch.

  “You know him?” asked Hannah.

  Tom nodded, refusing to glance her way. “Mitch and I used to go to the same dance school.” He clenched and unclenched his hands, and his voice was strained. “So how’s it going, Mitch?”

  While Tom struggled to make small talk with Mitch, Matt pulled Hannah aside. “Simone, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” said Hannah.

  “That’s him, isn’t it? The guy on the phone, that time I asked if you were setting up a date?”

  Hannah nodded.

  “He’s obviously into you. This is war.”

  Hannah sighed. “Matt, there’s no competition.”

  “Then why is he here? And why is there so much tension between you?”

  Hannah opened her mouth, then closed it again.

  “Just tell me, Simone.”

  There was so much to say, and it was all so long and complicated. How should she begin? And where? What if he was furious she hadn’t told him sooner—so furious that he refused to keep the truth a secret?

  Matt was watching her with a semblance of patience, but a palpable anger simmered beneath it. It was too great a risk, Hannah decided, to own up now—surely she should wait until he’d calmed down and was in a better mood. In any case, she couldn’t confide in him without consulting Simone.

  She stood twisting her fingers, avoiding his gaze.

  Matt waited several long seconds for an explanation. When none was forthcoming, he spun on his heel and walked away.

  “Matt, wait!”

  But he was already striding toward the street.

  “You’ve been two-timing both of us,” Tom said, after Matt and Mitch had gone.

  Tears pricked Hannah’s eyes and she blinked them away. “I haven’t,” she said.

  “Why can’t you just admit it? I saw you, Simone.”

  I’ve made a mistake, Hannah thought. I should have told them both the truth. But it was too late for that. She’d already messed things up with Matt, but maybe it wasn’t too late to salvage Simone’s relationship with Tom. She’d just have to hope he could keep a secret, and that he wouldn’t be mad …

  She took a deep breath. “There’s something I have to tell you,” she began.

  “Save it,” said Tom. “I thought we could trust each other, but I was wrong. You’re not the person I thought you were.”

  Before she could say another word, he’d walked off in a huff.

  For a few seconds Hannah just stood there, tears coursing down her cheeks. All around her, people still in high spirits from the show were talking and laughing. She alone was an oasis of silence amid the noise and clamor. How quickly this wonderful day had turned to disaster!

  No point hanging around the Arts Centre on her own. She dragged her feet toward the tram stop, her mind replaying the events of the last half hour.

  forty

  Though Simone had known she wouldn’t be seeing Tom that afternoon—after all, he thought she was performing at the Dance Spectacular—she’d expected to hear from him some time that day. But when hour after hour passed with no phone call, no voicemail message, and no texts either, she began to suspect that something was wrong.

  Then Hannah had called and filled her in on everything that had happened, prefacing her words with “Promise you won’t be mad.” And how could she be, when it was clear that Hannah had been put on the spot—she couldn’t have known that Tom would turn up right after the show. Things were a
mess, but Simone didn’t think she would have handled matters any better than Hannah did.

  Still, several days later, the fact remained that Tom hadn’t called. She missed the sound of his voice and their long, rambling conversations. She missed the way he listened to her as if what she said really mattered. She missed his arms around her, the warmth of his skin …

  She threw herself into books and schoolwork, spending twice as long on her essays and assignments as she had before. And when Manfred brought home advance copies of books yet to be released to the general public, she finished them quickly and asked for more.

  At first, Manfred and Vanessa seemed delighted that their daughter was taking her schoolwork so seriously. Then one evening, when Simone was sitting at her desk, buried in Shakespeare, Vanessa knocked softly on the door.

  “Hannah, is something wrong?”

  Though Simone appreciated the Segals’ warmth and concern, having to answer to the name of Hannah was becoming a strain. She wished she could integrate her new way of life with the person she truly was, and stop pretending.

  If only she hadn’t pretended with Tom! Apart from Hannah, he was the only person who’d called her “Simone” on a daily basis. And now he might never say her name again.

  Once again, she wondered whether she should call him to tell him the truth, and once again, she dismissed the idea. It was hard to believe he’d forgive her when she knew how much he valued honesty. He probably thought honesty didn’t matter to her, or that she didn’t think him capable of keeping a confidence.

  Hannah had said that she’d tried to talk to Tom at the time, but that he wouldn’t listen—he’d walked away. That rankled. If Tom really cared about her, he’d have given Hannah a chance to explain. And though a part of her felt that he was the victim, somehow she couldn’t help feeling betrayed.

  “Hannah?” Vanessa was still standing in the doorway, quietly watching Simone.

  “Sorry, what?”

  “Is something wrong?” Vanessa repeated.