How to Ditch Your Fairy

by Justine Larbalestier

  “Pox!”

  Fiorenze said something.

  “What?”

  She turned. “We didn’t shift direction. How stupid are we?”

  I sucked my teeth. I didn’t think I was stupid at all. The sport of luge, on the other hand . . . “We’ll get it right next time.”

  Fiorenze made a noise between a grunt and groan.

  “Are you scared?” I asked.

  “I’m a smidge afraid that my nose and ears are going to drop off from the cold.”

  I teeth-sucked.

  “No,” Fio said, “I’m not even a little bit scared.”

  “Me neither. I can’t imagine our fairies are either.”

  There was nothing remotely scary about our stop- and-start slow descent. The only things Fiorenze and I were likely to die of were cold or boredom.

  We made it around the next turn. But not the turn after that. They kept coming up on us before we had time to shift. We slowed down or stopped and had to push, and repeat, until we got to the end of the track. I doubted we’d ever gone more than five kilometers an hour. I could walk faster.

  Much.

  CHAPTER 38

  Trying to Nearly Die

  Demerits: 4

  Game suspensions: 2

  Public service hours: 35

  Boys who like me: all of them

  Girls who hate me: almost all of them

  Luges dragged up the ice: 1

  Luges ridden down the ice: 1

  Near deaths: 0

  Steffi helped me out. He was grinning. “You two sure took your time—”

  “You can’t be in here!” said a boy I didn’t recognize. “You’re not on the team!”

  “No, we’re not,” I said.

  The boy turned to me. His face softened.

  Fiorenze nudged me. “Your fairy survived the searing speed,” she said.

  “Why are you in here?” the boy asked. “I’m Nick.”

  “He’s a luger,” Rochelle said. “Who likes you.”

  “Such a surprise,” Fiorenze said.

  Nick wasn’t listening to either of them. “You’re gorgeous,” he told me.

  “No, I’m Charlie.”

  “Sorry,” Nick said. He was so light skinned that his blush showed purply red on his face and neck.

  I pointed to the top of the track. “Me and Fio want to ride this luge all the way down that. We want to do it fast and scary.”

  “Oh, no,” Nick said, shaking his head. “That’s too dangerous to start on. Though you two made it seem safe as houses. Do you know I’ve never seen anyone go down it that slowly? Amazing. You were doing everything wrong. You didn’t even steer.”

  “Steer?” Fiorenze asked.

  Nick pointed at a piece of rope. “The driver steers with that and the braker brakes.”

  “Oh,” I said. I hadn’t even noticed the rope.

  “And you were both sitting up. That slows you massively. You should have been lying down.”

  “Right, so we steer the luge and lie down in it. What else?”

  “Bobsled, not luge. Also it’s a three- person, not a two. That slowed you down as well. You also need to lean with the turns. You two seemed to be doing the opposite. It was uncanny.

  “Then you have to know the course. We memorize them. Each turn has a number.” He started to recite them.

  I tuned out, but Fiorenze was nodding.

  “Nick,” I interrupted. “We have to do this now. I have no idea when your fellow lugers will show up.”

  “Sliders. We’re called sliders. But they won’t be here today. They’re away at a meet on the West Coast.”

  That was an excellent piece of luck. I wondered if it was Steffi’s fairy’s doing—keeping us out of trouble.

  “Why aren’t you there?” Rochelle asked.

  Nick looked down. “Didn’t pass the physical. Broken arm. It’s pretty much healed. But not enough for Doctor Tahn. You know how they are.”

  The four of us nodded. Over the years we’d all had doctors tell us we couldn’t play when we knew we could.

  Nick picked out a bobsled he thought was appropriate for us novices and led us to the elevator past the ladder and behind the tracks.

  “What are those,” I asked, pointing at two helmetlike objects in the sled. Rochelle pressed the button.

  “Helmets.”

  “No helmets,” I said.

  “What?” Nick looked horrified. “You have to wear a helmet!”

  “Nope.”

  “Maybe we should,” Fiorenze said.

  “You really should,” Nick said. His face was going red.

  “How scared is a fairy going to be if we’re wearing helmets? C’mon, Fio, do you want to get rid of your fairy or not?” I glared at her.

  Fiorenze put her hands up. “Fine. But I want it noted that if we die because of no helmets, then it’s your fault.”

  The elevator doors opened.

  “It’s noted. Get in the poxy elevator.”

  Fiorenze, Steffi, Nick, and me stepped in. Rochelle didn’t. “I’ll see you both at the bottom,” she said. “Good luck.”

  “Don’t want to risk your beloved shopping fairy?” I asked.

  “Too right,” she said. “I’ll be the first to congratulate you on being fairy- less. Break a leg!”

  “Ro!” Fiorenze and I exclaimed. “Way to jinx us!”

  “Sorry! Lose a fairy, I mean.”

  This time we made it to the top in what felt like seconds but was long enough for Nick to start drilling us on the course details. All I could take in was left, right, left, turn twelve, up, down, turn fourteen, blah blah blah, but Fiorenze seemed to be listening.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Nick asked me again. Since he first saw me he hadn’t addressed his comments to anyone else. Most disconcerting. “It’s dangerous,” he continued. “I didn’t do a run this advanced until more than a year after I’d started, and I was jumping the gun.”

  “We’re sure.”

  Nick sighed. “Recite the course.”

  Fiorenze did and I mumbled along with her.

  Nick got into the bobsled to demonstrate how we were supposed to sit, or, rather lie down. He looked like a corpse. “See?” he said. “This way’s more streamlined than sitting up and leaning forward. I’m offering much less resistance.” He climbed out and smiled at me. “Got it?”

  We nodded.

  “Show me, then, Charlie.”

  Fiorenze climbed in first. Nick seemed a bit put out at having to look at someone other than me.

  “You’ll be steering. Take this.” He put the rope in her hands. “Pull this way for right, that for left.”

  Fiorenze nodded.

  “Now you, Charlie.”

  I got in and arranged myself as directed. I didn’t like not being able to see in front of me. Wasn’t that dangerous? Though dangerous was the point.

  “Your chin should be tucked in more.” Nick adjusted my chin, unnecessarily running a finger down my cheek.

  I sat bolt upright. “No touching!”

  Nick’s face went purple. “It was an accident,” he mumbled. “Was not.”

  Fiorenze coughed. “Shouldn’t we be getting on with it?”

  “Right,” Nick said, turning his gaze back to me. “The start is tricky because you’re running on ice while pushing the sled along, then jumping in. Professionals don’t always get it right. And if you muck up the start, well, how do you think I broke my arm?”

  We nodded again.

  After one lingering glance back at me, he took off running alongside the sled, making it look almost graceful, then swung himself into place, lying completely straight and flat with his hands pinned to his sides. He came to a halt a few meters before the descent, climbed out, and started hauling it back. Steffi ran out to help him.

  “Do you think you can do that?”

  Fio and I both nodded even though we had no chance at all. But getting it right wasn’t as important as getting it scary. />
  “Promise you’ll be careful,” Nick said.

  “I’ll be careful!”

  “Ready?” Fiorenze asked.

  “Ready,” I said. Steffi gave me a kiss for luck and Nick glared at him.

  We got in position beside the bobsled.

  “We’ll definitely go faster this time,” I said.

  Fiorenze nodded.

  “It will be vastly scary. Nick’s assessment of our competence will be shared by our fairies. They’ll be gone within seconds.”

  Fiorenze laughed.

  “On three. One. Two. Three.”

  We took off running on the tips of our toes.

  Mine cramped up instantly.

  The pain was too much. I screamed. I tried to switch to running normally. My feet slipped out from under me. I lost my grip on the sled and went flying down the track on my stomach.

  Fiorenze skidded beside me, screaming. I could hear the shush of the sled’s blade just behind us. We were going to lose fingers and break bones. Why had I rejected the helmets?

  “Bloody benighted fragging poxy doxhead fairies of dung!” I screamed. Or at least that’s how it was in my head. I think it came out as a strangled aargh.

  I was going so fast water streamed out of my eyes and down my face. My body shifted right, then left, then right, going with the turns without my doing anything on purpose. I was just falling. I could imagine the fright a fairy would be experiencing, because I was experiencing it.

  The track zoomed by so fast now that everything was spinning in white. It and Fiorenze’s terrified face were all I could see.

  I didn’t want to die.

  I didn’t even want to nearly die.

  If I were a fairy I would have jumped off by now.

  Then I did jump off. Fiorenze too.

  There was no ice underneath me, just air. And a sled flying over my head.

  The jolt went through my entire body. Even my toenails rattled.

  Beside me someone groaned.

  I turned my head.

  It was Fiorenze. She was sitting up. She smiled at me. It lacked wattage.

  Neither of us said anything for a dazed second. Or minute. Or hour. It was hard to tell.

  “Are you all right?” Steffi asked. At least I thought it was Steffi. The sounds were far away.

  “I think so,” I said, sitting up.

  Bad idea. My head throbbed.

  Fiorenze tried to stand up. She wobbled.

  “Steady,” Steffi said, grabbing her shoulder. He guided her as she sank back down. I bet I would wobble too. In fact, it felt like I already was.

  “I can’t believe I just helped you do that,” Nick said. I made myself focus on his face. His face was more purple than before. Veins stood up on his forehead. I wondered if they were love veins. “The sled is cracked all the way through. We’re going to be so demerited we wind up expelled.”

  “Relax,” I said. “Stefan’s here. He’s got a don’t-worry-it’ll-be- fine fairy. Hey! You don’t like me, do you, Nick?”

  “You destroyed a sled!”

  “Do you want to go out sometime, Nick? We could see a movie or go to the beach.”

  Nick looked at me as if I had gone insane.

  “Fio! Fairy’s gone!” I yelled, even though it hurt. “My fairy’s gone!”

  “Yes,” Fiorenze said. She made another stab at standing.

  “Careful,” Steffi said, offering her a hand. “You don’t look so great.”

  “I’ve felt better,” she said in a voice as wobbly as she looked.

  Steffi offered me his left hand, while keeping Fio steady with his right. I took it. “You don’t look okay either,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said. “Yes, that is me.” The hall looked bigger than it had. The ceiling was now farther away than the sky. Also it had been redecorated with lots of wiggling dots.

  “I don’t think so, Charlie,” I heard Steffi say. “Your eyes are all white.”

  CHAPTER 39

  Fairy Free

  Demerits: 4

  Game suspensions: 2

  Public service hours: 35

  Boys who like me: none of them?

  Girls who hate me: almost all of them

  bobsleds dragged up the ice: 1

  bobsleds ridden down the ice: 2

  Near deaths: 1

  I didn’t pass out, but I was pretty shaky being led to the doctors’ offices. They prodded and measured and scanned us and then dropped us in the waiting room with a diagnosis of mild concussion.

  Fiorenze sat beside me, with her chin resting in her hands. She did not look happy. But then, we had almost died.

  “My fairy’s gone,” I said.

  She looked up. “Yes, I expect mine is too.”

  “I’m so happy,” I said, though my head throbbed. “Did you see the way Nick looked at me? Pure hatred. It was beautiful! I wonder what my proto- fairy’s going to be? Do you think it will come out of hiding now?”

  “I don’t know. It might be gone too, you know.”

  “Don’t be silly. It’s a proto- fairy, not a real fairy. Aren’t you excited? Maybe you’ll have a brand-new fairy too! Is it too much to hope for a shopping fairy?”

  Fiorenze shuddered. “I hope not. I never want another fairy.”

  I stared at her. “You don’t want a fairy? That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “I hate fairies,” Fiorenze said. “I just want to be me on my own without their help. Their help is malodorous. I hope the parking fairy is truly gone.”

  “You don’t know if it’s gone?” I asked. “Don’t you feel lighter? I feel lighter.” Though that could have been the dizziness.

  “It’s not like there’s been a chance to get in a car and test it. I assume it’s gone. I definitely thought we were going to die.”

  “Me too! When we went flying off the track! Whoa! How far do you think we fell?”

  “Stefan said it was only about a meter. How do you feel?” Fio asked. “I mean other than all jibbery about the fairy’s absence.”

  “My head hurts.”

  “Me too. Our heads are rattled,” Fiorenze said. “Thanks for vetoing the helmets.”

  “We’d still have our fairies if we’d worn helmets. Besides, neither of us passed out. We only have mild concussion. That’s nothing! Our near-death experience went perfectly.”

  Fiorenze forced a smile.

  “Why so glum?” I asked her.

  “We’re in trouble,” Fiorenze told me. “The bobsled was a write- off. And we racked up serious demerits for all the classes we skipped. The principal wants to see me.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Doctor told me.”

  “Well, um, that might not be as bad as you think.” I wondered why the principal hadn’t asked to see me.

  “It’s the principal, Charlie. No one sees her unless things are bad. What if we get kicked out?”

  “We won’t be,” I said, even though I was worried. “We’re both good students. I mean, except for Accounting and Statistics and PR. But you’re brilliant at those. And all your other compulsories. We’re both at least top ten percent for our electives. You’re captain of Basketball B! Plus we’ve got extenuating circumstances: our fairies. Not to mention Danders Anders’s kidnappings. Surely they’ll give us a break because of all of that?”

  “I’ll find out, won’t I?” Fiorenze sounded mournful. “I love this school. I can’t imagine having to go somewhere else. Ever since I was little this is where I wanted to go.”

  “Me too.”

  Dr. Tahn called me into her office again. She asked me again if I knew who the mayor was, and Our Zora-Anne, and what year it was, and what my name was. She didn’t make any jokes. It was unnerving. This was Dr. Ha Ha! She always made the most injured jokes imaginable.

  My heart squeezed tight in a way that made breathing awkward. Maybe we really were in danger of being expelled.

  The feeling expanded when Dr. Tahn told me to report to the principal’s offic
e.

  CHAPTER 40

  Gambling

  Demerits: 4

  Game suspensions: 2

  Public service hours: 35

  bobsleds dragged up the ice: 1

  bobsleds ridden down the ice: 2

  Near deaths: 1

  It was my first time.

  Although I’d been in a lot of trouble, I’d never had to report to the principal. Only the most disruptive, disorderly, and difficult students went to the principal’s office. Sometimes they didn’t come back.

  Fiorenze was already there. I smiled and waved, hoping a cheery front would quell the butterflies in my stomach. She nodded slightly.

  “Charlotte Adele Donna Seto Steele?” called the sternlooking man seated behind the desk.

  “That’s me.”

  He scribbled something on his tablet. “Sit over there,” he commanded, pointing to the seat farthest away from Fiorenze. “Not a word until you’re called.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I wiggled my fingers at Fiorenze. She smiled.

  “No hand signals either, Ms. Steele. You are in trouble. You should adopt the demeanor of someone so situated.”

  I put my hands in my pockets, wondering how much worse I’d made my situation by annoying the principal’s assistant.

  He turned to Fiorenze. “You may go in now.”

  She stood up.

  “Good luck,” I said.

  “Thanks,” she said, walking past the assistant to the door behind him.

  Now I just had to wait until it was my turn. The butterflies in my stomach were not as steady as they had been when I first came in. The thought of expulsion terrified them. Me too.

  Whatever the principal asked me, I was going to tell the truth. And not just because being busted lying was a bad thing. The truth was on my side. I really hadn’t been such a bad student. I would explain that. Explain how hard I’d worked and that I’d work even harder now that my malodorous fairies were gone. I’d promise Whatever was asked. I’d go to public service every day, including Sundays. Whatever it took.

  The assistant made half a dozen phone calls, most of which seemed to be about raising money, though after a while I noticed that Danders Anders’s name kept coming up. I wondered if the powerful Water Polo Association was using its muscle to make sure that he graduated early so he could represent New Avalon in the world championships. Figured.