Surrender to the Past

by Carole Mortimer

  ‘Okay.’ He straightened. ‘In my case, we’ve covered the business stuff. And the fact that I’ve recently changed apartments. You already know that there’s no particular woman in my life at the moment, but I do go out socially a couple of times a week. I also fly over to visit the parents in the South of France every other weekend—’

  ‘That’s enough, thank you, Ethan,’ Mia cut in.

  ‘Sure?’ He raised mocking brows. ‘I haven’t got to the good stuff yet.’

  ‘I said I’ve heard enough!’ Her eyes glittered deeply green.

  ‘Fine.’ He straightened. ‘Did we decide yet where we’re going? Staying here to eat, going out to dinner, or off to visit your friends?’

  Mia frowned her frustration with his persistence. ‘You really can’t just walk in here and attempt to take over my life—’

  ‘Oh, I really can, Mia,’ Ethan assured her mildly. ‘In fact, I believe I already have.’

  ‘For how long this time?’

  His jaw was set grimly. ‘For as long as it takes for you to agree to see your father again.’

  All conversations between the two of them led back to her father, Mia acknowledged heavily. Selfish, Ethan had called Mia’s behaviour five years ago. And maybe it had been. But she had been hurting so badly after her mother’s death and the media exposure of her father’s relationship with Grace Black, and the fact that the knowledge had made a complete nonsense of her relationship with Ethan. Especially so when Mia had realised that, although she had so obviously been in love with him, Ethan had never once told her he felt that way about her …

  If she were honest with herself, that wrench from Ethan had been just as hard as distancing herself from her father. But it had been a parting Mia had known was totally necessary for her own pride, let alone self-protection …

  She gave a shake of her head. ‘We’ll both be old and grey by the time that happens!’

  He gave an impatient shake of his head. ‘Your father would be long dead himself if that were the case!’

  If Ethan had meant to disconcert Mia by that statement then he’d succeeded! Her father would be aged in his late fifties now, and with one heart attack already behind him …

  ‘Did it ever occur to you that a sudden reappearance by me might only result in his having another heart attack?’

  ‘I would make sure he was pre-warned of your visit first, of course,’ Ethan dismissed dryly.

  ‘Of course,’ Mia murmured. ‘But I wouldn’t hold your breath, if I were you!’

  ‘Don’t worry. I won’t.’

  ‘Oh, I’m not in the least worried.’

  Ethan continued to look at her through narrowed eyes for several seconds, before shrugging off the irritation he obviously felt at her stubbornness. ‘Do you think we could we just go out and get some dinner? The cookie really was good, but I’m actually hungry for some real food.’

  Mia knew from the arrogantly inmovable expression on Ethan’s face that she could go on refusing to have dinner with him and it ultimately wasn’t going to make the slightest bit of difference. Ethan’s resolve was every bit as strong as her own. And she certainly had no intention of inviting him upstairs to her apartment or taking him out with her friends!

  ‘Okay, Ethan.’ She sighed. ‘You can buy me dinner. I’d prefer Chinese, but if you have some other preference …?’

  ‘Chinese it is.’ Ethan nodded as he shrugged into his black jacket. ‘Hey, we could always go to The Peking Chicken—’

  ‘No!’ There was no way, absolutely no way, Mia intended going to a restaurant the two of them had often been to together five years ago! Even their pet name for the restaurant—The Peking Chicken, rather than its real name of The Peking Duck—was enough to evoke memories Mia would rather forget. ‘I’ve found a much better one that’s closer to the coffee shop. It’s a fifteen-minute walk, or we could drive there …?’

  ‘My car is parked outside.’ If Ethan was disappointed not to be going to The Peking Duck there was no indication of it in his uninterested expression.

  Mia glanced out of the window at the sleek black car parked next to the pavement directly outside the coffee shop. She nodded. ‘I’ll just need to go upstairs and change first.’

  ‘Am I okay as I am, or do I need to change too?’

  Mia had no choice but to acknowledge Ethan was more than ‘okay’ as he was. Her gaze was once again drawn—magnetised!—to that broad expanse of Ethan’s shoulders and chest. Dark hair was visible at the open neck of his shirt. A light dusting of dark hair that she knew formed a vee over his chest and down over the flatness of his abdomen, before disappearing—

  ‘No, you don’t need to change,’ she rasped harshly, her gaze once more on the hard planes of his face. A face so achingly familiar and yet at the same time not; Mia didn’t remember Ethan’s eyes being so frosty, his jawline so arrogantly confident, or that cynical curve to those sculptured lips.

  Ethan claimed she had changed this past five years, but Mia only had to look at him to know that he had changed too …

  She turned towards the back of the coffee shop.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Mia was frowning as she realised Ethan was following her as she walked down the hallway to the stairs that led up to her apartment.

  He raised dark brows. ‘You said you were going upstairs to change …’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I’m going with you, of course.’

  ‘There’s no “of course” about it, Ethan.’ Her frown deepened just at the thought of Ethan being anywhere near the sanctuary she considered her apartment to be. He had already invaded the satisfaction she felt in the success of the coffee shop, and the peace she had always found by walking in the park; allowing him to go upstairs and ruin the privacy of her apartment was definitely not on the agenda. ‘I’ll only be gone a couple of minutes. You can wait for me down here.’

  Ethan studied her. That Mia didn’t want him in her apartment was obvious. Because she didn’t want him in her home? Or could she possibly be nervous at the thought of being alone with him in the privacy of her apartment, with a bedroom close by?

  What the hell—?

  Ethan had never thought of himself as a masochist, but he had to be even to think about Mia and a bedroom in the same sentence!

  Mia had made it pretty obvious—when she’d left him five years ago without so much as a goodbye, and again in her attitude towards him this past couple of days—that she had absolutely no interest in resurrecting even their old friendship, let alone the intimacy that had once existed between them.

  Any more than he did?

  Ethan found this changed Mia intriguing, yes, but the distrust she felt towards him, and made no effort to hide rendered it a madness on his part even to think about becoming involved with Mia a second time.

  Even if it seemed he had been able to think of little else but making love to Mia again since seeing her again yesterday?

  Since before he had met her again yesterday, if Ethan were completely honest …

  After months of intensive searching for Mia, Ethan had almost given up hope of the security company he had hired being any more successful than William’s, and he couldn’t have been more surprised when someone from that company had come to see him two days ago with the news they believed they had finally found her.

  Nor had Ethan initially recognised the woman who appeared in the photographs they had brought to him for verification …

  The self-confident beauty in the photographs bore little resemblance to the younger, slightly plumper Mia, and it had only been when Ethan looked into the woman’s eyes that he’d finally become convinced it really was her after all; he had always loved the deep colour of Mia’s eyes.

  Although admittedly that had been five years ago, when they had glowed with the joy of simply being alive rather than being scornfully dismissive as they had been yesterday, or warily guarded as they were this evening.

  Showing more clearly than anything
else ever could have done how distrustful she was of both Ethan and his motives for being here.

  Deservedly so, when Ethan thought of the real reason he was here this evening …

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ‘NICE,’ Mia commented dryly as Ethan pressed the button to unlock his car, before moving to hold open the passenger door of the black sports car for her to climb inside. And it literally was a climb, making Mia feel relieved that she was wearing fitted black trousers. She had a feeling she would have shown Ethan a lot more than her legs when she slid into the passenger seat if she had been wearing a skirt!

  Ethan closed the door and moved around the car to get in beside her before commenting, ‘No cracks about my being able to afford to own a car like this on a CEO’s wages?’

  He had been this way when Mia had rejoined him downstairs—cool and distant, as if he regretted those few minutes of teasing conversation between them earlier. Which was just fine with Mia; she preferred to keep things between them cool and distant too!

  ‘Not really,’ she dismissed with a grimace as the powerful engine roared into life. ‘I somehow thought you would be married by now, possibly with a brood of young kids. Think how much they would have enjoyed drooling and drawing over the upholstery of Daddy’s expensive car!’

  ‘Do you think you could try saying that with a little less relish?’ Ethan drawled ruefully.

  Especially when it wasn’t relish she was feeling, Mia recognised self-disgustedly; just the idea of Ethan being married, let alone a father, was enough to cause a cold shiver to run down the length of her spine.

  Which was utterly ridiculous! After all that had happened Mia could have absolutely no personal interest in Ethan, so why should it bother her if some faceless woman was stupid enough to marry him, let alone have his children?

  Except that it did …

  Agreeing to go out to dinner with Ethan—even if it had been under duress!—was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Spending any time in his company was a bad idea if it was going to produce thoughts like these!

  ‘Why did you think I would be married?’

  Mia turned to look at him, her eyes wide, even slightly panicked at the realisation that she hadn’t just thought Ethan would be married by now—she had hoped he would be!

  Mia’s trauma at learning of her father’s relationship with Grace Black had given her a total disgust for extramarital affairs, meaning that a married Ethan would have been completely out of bounds. Totally beyond Mia’s reach, in fact. Instead of which …

  She gave a shrug of uninterest she was far from feeling. ‘A wife and the statistical two point four children would seem to be the next logical step after being Manager, MD and now CEO.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Why not?’

  He grimaced. ‘I happen to believe you should find the right woman before even thinking of marriage.’

  ‘And you never found her …?’

  His mouth thinned. ‘Obviously not, as I’m still single.’

  Reminding Mia that she had once longed to be the woman that Ethan married. Not only longed for it, but dreamt about it. She would sit for hours imagining their wedding day, the wonderful house they would live in, the beautiful children they would one day have together …

  And, unbeknownst to her, all of it had been a complete figment of her imagination, with no hope of any of it ever coming true.

  She had to be completely insane even to think of going out to dinner with Ethan.

  He had well and truly crushed every one of her romantically girlish dreams—this man had already made a fool of her once, taken her love, made love to her, before breaking her heart in so many pieces it had never completely been put back together again.

  It had taken Mia years to get over her complete distrust of men—if she had!—but even now she still compared every man she met to Ethan Black. Not tall enough. Not dark-haired enough. Not ruggedly handsome enough. Not muscular enough. Not jungle-cat-lean enough. Not sexy enough. Not funny enough. Just not Ethan enough!

  How sad was that? The man had used her, deceived her, pretended to care for her for his own ends—ends that he had now achieved without any help from her—and yet just being with him again like this was enough for Mia to know she still wanted him …

  ‘Turn the car around, Ethan!’

  ‘What …?’ Ethan’s concentration on the road and traffic in front of him shifted sideways onto Mia as he gave her a brief searching glance. He could see how pale her face was by the streetlights, her eyes a huge and haunted green.

  Those eyes were turned towards him, and yet at the same time seemed to look straight through him. ‘Turn the car around and take me home.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘I’m not doing this, Ethan,’ she told him flatly.

  He turned his attention back to the road ahead, his jaw tight. ‘You have to eat.’

  Mia gave a humourless laugh. ‘We both know I’m not talking about eating.’

  ‘Then what are we talking about?’

  He knew! He had to know! There was no way Ethan couldn’t be as aware as Mia of the sexual tension that literally seemed to hang in the air in the close confines of the sports car!

  It surrounded them like an invisible cloak. Tense. Alive. Always thrumming beneath the surface—just as it had every time they were together.

  ‘Please take me home, Ethan,’ Mia repeated firmly.

  ‘No.’ His hands tightened about the steering wheel as he pushed his foot down and the car accelerated rather than slowed down.

  ‘I said—’

  ‘I heard what you said, Mia.’ He shot her another sharp glance before as quickly turning away from the accusation he could read in her eyes. ‘And whatever nonsense is buzzing around in your head this time I suggest you get rid of it. Because we are going to sit down and eat dinner. And while we do so we’re going to talk like the rational human beings we both are.’

  ‘You think?’ she came back bleakly.

  Ethan gave a shrug. ‘I live in hope, yes!’ he said wearily.

  Whatever Mia had been thinking about this past few minutes it hadn’t been pleasant. The problem was, none of the thoughts she had about him seemed to be pleasant ones!

  Ethan might not have liked the things Mia had believed of him five years ago, but in a way he had understood them. Even before his mother’s relationship with William became public the strikes against him had been pretty damning. He worked for her father. Not only was Mia a wealthy young woman in her own right, but she was also her father’s only heir.

  And yet none of those things had come into play the night Ethan had seen her again at that company party—not where and for whom he worked, nor who Mia was. They hadn’t seemed important in the months that followed either, during those days and nights when they were together constantly. Talking, laughing, loving …

  But convincing Mia of that had been pretty much a non-starter once the scandal of her mother’s suicide and his mother and her father’s relationship broke in the media. It was no more likely now; you had to trust someone in order to believe in them—and Mia had shown Ethan time and time again that she no longer trusted him to tell her the correct time of day!

  So what was he doing by insisting she go out to dinner with him? A dinner that would torturous at best, and agonisingly uncomfortable at worst?

  Besides which, was a public restaurant really the place for the conversation he wanted to have—needed to have—with Mia this evening?

  The answer to that was a definite no!

  He had allowed himself to become sidetracked by Mia’s insistence that she wouldn’t have dinner with him. Had forgotten, in the battle of wills that ensued, the whole purpose of his being here this evening.

  ‘Okay, Mia, you win.’ Ethan slowed the car before making a totally illegal U-turn in the middle of the road, much to the noisily expressed annoyance of the other drivers on both sides of the road.

  ‘Ethan …!’ Mia gave an incredulous laugh as several rude gesture
s came their way to accompany the loud tooting of car horns. ‘Are you completely insane?’

  ‘Probably.’ Ethan grinned at her in the illumination given off by the street lights. ‘This was what you wanted, wasn’t it?’

  It had been, yes. But now that Ethan had actually given her what she wanted Mia contrarily wished that he hadn’t. Which was pretty stupid. Masochistic. And that didn’t begin to cover the contradiction of feelings that now assailed her.

  Relief?

  Disappointment?

  Relief at the two of them being spared the ordeal of trying to be polite to each other in a public restaurant.

  Disappointment because she knew that Ethan would no doubt leave as soon as he had dropped her off at her apartment.

  She hadn’t actually wanted to spend the evening with Ethan—had she?

  Hadn’t this man already hurt her enough for a lifetime? Hadn’t he—? Oh, to hell with it! ‘I have some chicken at home I was going to cook for my dinner tonight, if you’re interested?’

  Ethan shot her a narrow-eyed glance. ‘Are you inviting me to share it?’ he finally said slowly.

  ‘It did sound that way, yes …’ Mia acknowledged reluctantly.

  Ethan gave a disbelieving shake of his head as he slowed and then parked his car at the coffee shop before turning in his seat to look at her. ‘And you wonder why I’ve never married! I prefer certainty in my life rather than instability, and women—all women—are just too damned unpredictable,’ he added at her questioning glance.

  ‘Makes us interesting, though,’ she came back dryly.

  ‘That’s one word for it!’

  ‘Well?’ Mia said once more, only just stopping herself from squirming in discomfort as Ethan continued to study her carefully. Not surprisingly. Her behaviour was completely erratic—one moment rejecting his company altogether and the next inviting him into her home for dinner!

  What on earth did she think the outcome of spending an evening with Ethan could possibly be? She and Ethan had become enemies the day she’d learnt of his widowed mother’s relationship with her married father, and nothing either of them said or did was ever going to change that.