Light This Candle (Harlequin More Than Words)

by Cindy Dees

  “There’s an organization in town that gives financial aid to single parents in situations like yours...”

  With dying kids. It was sweet of Rose to avoid speaking those words aloud. Cassidy tuned back in to what the social worker was saying.

  “...rent’s caught up and next month’s is paid in advance. Plus, there’s extra money for other bills,” Rose finished triumphantly.

  Cassidy’s mind went blank. Clean-as-a-whiteboard blank. That horrible pile of envelopes and string of nasty messages on my voice mail are going away? She whispered, “It can’t be.”

  “It can and it is. If you’d like to bring in your other bills from home, I’ll go over them with you and we’ll figure out how to best use the leftover money.”

  Too shocked to sit still, Cassidy leaped to her feet to face the counselor. “But that’s impossible.”

  “What’s impossible about it? Mindy Atwood was a mom just like you with not one, but two sick boys in the hospital, a single mom trying to pay her bills, but unable to work because her babies needed her by their sides. She founded Patches of Light to help out other parents like her. Like you. I just wish you’d told me you were in trouble sooner, sweetie. We could’ve saved you a bunch of grief.”

  “But why? Why me?”

  “Because your boy needs you, Cassidy. I contacted Ms. Atwood last night and she took care of everything.”

  “That’s—” she searched for a word “—incredible.”

  Rose stepped forward and swept her up in a big, hard hug. “It’s high time something went your way, girl. Next thing you know, your baby’s gonna be going home as good as new. You’ll get on with life, and someday you’ll be able to help out another parent in need the same way Ms. Atwood helped you. It’s a great big circle, life. Everything that goes around comes around.”

  Cassidy supposed that was true in theory. But all that had been going around in her life for the past two years was pretty awful. She didn’t need any more of that coming back her way.

  “Honey, you look beat. Why don’t you go on home and take yourself a nap and a nice, hot shower? I’ll call you if Cody wakes up.”

  Cassidy smiled gratefully at the social worker as she gathered up her purse. “You’ve just lifted a terrible burden off my shoulders. How can I ever thank you?”

  “You stay strong for your boy and keep on smiling. That’s thanks enough for me. It’s how we humans roll. We help each other with our loads in life.”

  Maybe, just maybe, Rose was right.

  * * *

  Mitch rolled over in bed, blinking at the bright sunlight coming in his window. His internal body clock wasn’t adjusted to United States time and shouted at him that the sun was in the wrong place. Normally he slept like a baby when he got home to his own bed, but last night he had tossed and turned, disturbed by that Parker woman’s parting comment to him. What did she mean by saying he needed Cassidy Frazier?

  He’d never needed anyone. Not since he’d left home at seventeen. He’d gone to college on an ROTC scholarship and never looked back. His parents hadn’t been bad people or abusive. They could be accused of benign neglect, but that wasn’t so unusual these days. They’d been so caught up in the rat race of owning whatever the neighbors did and then keeping up with the bills that they hadn’t had much time for him and his kid brother. He’d learned most of his ethics from superhero cartoons and picked up his competitive edge from video games. The military had provided the structure he craved. Order. Predictability. Heck, three square meals a day.

  But a woman? With a kid? What did he need with those? He had no idea if he’d be a half-decent husband, let alone a father. Lord knew his own dad had been a poor excuse for one. Nope, he had his career. That was enough for him.

  But an image of that ramp full of families yesterday flashed through his head. The laughter and tears. And love.

  Nah. That stuff only led to heartbreak. He’d stick with his job.

  And speaking of which, he was on two weeks’ mandatory leave effective today. He’d declined both of the rotations stateside for R & R in the middle of the deployment, preferring to stay in the field with his troops. But there’d been no avoiding this enforced vacation.

  What was he going to do with himself? The townhome community he lived in hired a landscaping company to mow all the lawns and common areas, so he had no yard work to catch up on. The guy he’d paid to look after his place was handy and there were no maintenance projects waiting for him. His truck was running fine thanks to the mechanic he’d left it with during his deployment. This was one of those times when he could really use a dog that needed a walk.

  At loose ends, he got up, wandered into his kitchen and whipped up a batch of his world-famous pecan pancakes. He ate in front of the TV, catching up on local news. Amazing how he’d been gone for nearly two years and everything was still so much the same. But not for a young woman who’d lost her husband and was on the verge of losing her son.

  Why couldn’t he get Cassidy Frazier out of his mind? The terror on her face last night as the doctors fought to save her son was freaking haunting him. Frustrated, he went for a run and showered, but was still unable to shake the image of her from his mind.

  Fine. He knew how to recognize a losing battle. He threw on jeans and a golf shirt and headed for the hospital. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do when he got there, but he was done fighting his instincts, which were shouting at him to get his sorry butt over there.

  He knew where to park this time and walked in the main entrance, signed in and got a visitor’s badge with minimal hassle. He headed for ICU *2 and was startled in the elevator to realize that he was nervous. He, who’d faced down enemy mortars, ambushes and deadly firefights, was scared of a slip of a girl with big brown eyes and a perky ponytail.

  He stepped out into the curving hall. His gaze went immediately to the spot where he’d first seen her sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and crying her eyes out. Nada. His stomach actually fell a little in disappointment.

  He headed for the nurses’ station and asked the first person he saw, a male nurse, “How’s Cody Frazier this morning?”

  The answer wasn’t tremendously reassuring. “Holding his own.”

  “And his mom?”

  “I just came on duty. I haven’t seen her yet.” He turned and headed into Cody’s room.

  “Mitch! There you are. I have great news for you.” Mitch looked up as Rose Parker bustled into the central area, her eyes alight. “The Patches of Light folks have taken care of everything. You should have seen Cassidy’s face when I told her. It was like the whole world smiled for a moment.”

  His breath caught in his throat. Thank God. “And she has no idea it was me?”

  “None.”

  “Where is she?”

  “I sent her home to get some sleep. Poor child was wiped out after last night.”

  The nurse emerged from Cody’s room and joined them. “Cody’s awake. Should we call Mrs. Frazier?”

  Conflict played across Rose’s face. “I sent her home less than an hour ago. And she desperately needs some sleep. I’ve got a meeting with another family in a few minutes or I’d go in and sit with Cody.” She turned to Mitch suddenly. “Would you do me a giant favor and go visit with him for a little while?”

  “Me?” He didn’t know the first thing about five-year-olds.

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “What do I talk about with him?”

  “You were a five-year-old boy once. You tell me. I have complete faith in you to figure it out.” And with that breezy pronouncement, she turned and abandoned him. Cold. In the middle of the ICU with the nurse looking at him expectantly.

  “Will you make the introductions?” Mitch asked the guy drily.

  “Sure. Come with me.”

  Reluctantly Mitch followed the nurse into the room, which was a tangle of electronics and tubes and monitors. “Hey Cody,” the nurse said quietly. “I brought a friend of your mom’s to meet y
ou.”

  Mitchforced himself to step forward. Boy, Cody looked little and lost among all those tubes and wires. He had big brown eyes like his mother, but his hair was very dark like Jimmy’s. He had the look of Jimmy about him, but softer. Younger.

  “Hi, Cody. My name’s Mitch. I was a friend of your dad’s.”

  The child’s face lit up, albeit weakly. “Really? Can you tell me a story about him?”

  Mitch looked doubtfully at the nurse and whispered, “I don’t want to upset him.”

  The nurse considered for a moment. “His mom tells him stories about Mr. Frazier all the time. As a rule, Cody seems to enjoy them.”

  Mitch turned to the boy. “Do you remember your dad much?”

  “Not really. I was pretty little when he went away. And then he had to go to heaven. Pretty cool that God picked him to be an angel, huh?”

  Wow. Cassidy had done a nice job of guiding Cody through the loss of his father. This kid seemed pretty well-adjusted over Jimmy’s death. Mitch said carefully, “Your daddy and I were soldiers together....” That made the child’s eyes shine. Mitch pulled up a tall stool beside the bed as he cast about for a harmless story to share about Jimmy. “Well. I met your dad about seven years ago. Before he and your mom were married and before you were born. And your dad was quite a hel—” he corrected himself hastily “—heck raiser. He got in trouble with a few of his buddies for getting into a fight. Have you ever been in a fight?”

  Wide-eyed, Cody shook his head.

  “Good for you. Your daddy would be real proud to hear that.” But remembering vaguely what it was like to be five, he added in a conspiratorial undertone, “Wanna hear about your dad’s fight?”

  A big nod at that.

  He launched into a heavily sanitized version of the bar fight that had erupted between a bunch of marines and Jimmy and company. He called upon his own comic-book memories in describing the fight and made sure to paint Jimmy as the hero of the entire encounter.

  When his story finally wound down, Cody said eagerly, “Tell me another one!”

  “Want me to tell you about what your dad did in the military? It’s pretty cool stuff.” He commenced describing how Jimmy and the other guys in their unit crept to the front lines of war zones and beyond to spot enemy emplacements and call in air strikes and artillery bombardments. Cody was spellbound, and Mitch found himself warming to the project of making the little boy smile.

  And then came the questions. Dozens of them. About Jimmy and Jimmy’s job and the military. He was careful about how he portrayed Jimmy. After all, it was Cassidy’s right to determine how her son remembered his father. Mitch assumed she wouldn’t mind him painting Jimmy in a heroic light, however. Given her reaction last night, though, he steered clear of the questions about the military altogether.

  Thankfully, Cody drifted to other topics soon enough. He was clearly a bright and curious child. Mitch found himself really enjoying watching how the child’s mind worked.

  “Do you like to play games?”

  Mitch was caught off guard by Cody’s question. “Sure. How about you?”

  “Uh-huh. I like video games and computer games. When I’m feeling good, I can play on that TV. The controller’s over there somewhere.” Cody waved a hand with an IV tube in the back of it.

  “I used to be pretty good at video games,” Mitch said. “Wanna have a go with me?”

  Cody’s face fell. “Maybe when I’m feeling a little better.”

  Wow. What five-year-old turned down playing a video game? It was a stark reminder of just how ill this kid was. Mitch asked gently, “Is there a game you don’t have or would like to learn how to play? I could get it and bring it back.”

  Cody considered for a moment and then surprised him by announcing, “Checkers. I want to learn how to play checkers.”

  “Dude! You don’t know how to play checkers? Your dad was the unit champ. I’ll bet there’s a checkerboard somewhere in this hospital. Want me to go find one right now?”

  “Yeah!”

  Mitch chuckled at Cody’s enthusiasm. He went out to the nurses’ station and they called down to the pediatric ward. In about two minutes an orderly came up with a complete checkers setup. Apparently the ICU got what it wanted when it wanted it. He carried the game into Cody’s room.

  “I’m not tiring you out, am I?” he asked when he realized the boy’s eyes were closed. “I can come back later.”

  Cody’s eyes flew open. “Don’t leave. I don’t know if I’ll be here when you come back.”

  Mitch sat down on the stool beside the boy. “What do you mean?”

  “I might have to go to heaven.”

  Mitch was staggered. What on earth was he supposed to say to that? His first impulse was to deny the truth. To tell Cody he was going to live a long, full life. But he could promise no such thing. Instead, he went with his heart and asked, “Are you scared?”

  “Nah, I’m not scared. God loves little children best of all. I’m kinda looking forward to seeing a real, live angel And I’ll get to be with my daddy. Do you suppose that’s why God made him an angel first? So he’d be there waiting for me?”

  How was he supposed to answer that? Mitch replied through the sudden tightness in his throat, “I hear angels walk around among us on Earth. They disguise themselves to look like regular people.”

  “Why?” Cody asked curiously.

  “I suppose so they can help people without them realizing an angel is looking out for them.”

  “Do you think I’ll become a walk-around angel?”

  Mitch considered him. “I don’t know. But you’d make a great one.”

  Cody nodded thoughtfully. “I’d come back and make my mommy happy.”

  Talk about a body blow. The child’s words were a punch straight to Mitch’s heart. He struggled to breathe and keep his voice steady. “You already make your mommy very happy. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you. She loves you with all her heart.”

  “Yeah, but she’s scared I’ll die.”

  “Of course she’s worried about you. It’s what mommies do. It’s in the mommy handbook.”

  “There’s a handbook?” Cody asked.

  “Oh, yeah. It has all kinds of rules in it. Like they have to know exactly how to find stuff you lost. And they have to nag you to eat your vegetables and brush your teeth and go to bed on time. And socks. They’re supposed to be all tense about socks matching and staying in pairs in your drawer.”

  Cody grinned knowingly. “Then I guess my mommy’s following the rules pretty good.”

  Mitch laughed heartily. “Okay, kid. You and me. Combat checkers. You up for it?”

  Cody laughed aloud and sat up a little straighter in his bed. Mitch propped a couple more pillows behind him and spread the board out across the boy’s lap. He happened to glance up and was startled to see everyone at the nurses’ station staring in at him and Cody. They looked stunned.

  Alarmed, he checked the wires and tubes and monitors. Had he accidentally disconnected something in making room for the checkerboard? Nope, everything was beeping or displaying numbers. He turned his attention to teaching Cody how to play the game. No surprise, the boy caught on immediately. Soon they were deep into a discussion of tactics and making up silly new rules of their own.

  It dawned on Mitch that he was actually having a great time with a five-year-old. If his troops could see him now, they’d never believe their eyes.

  * * *

  Cassidy could not believe her eyes. What was that man doing in her son’s room? She’d made it crystal clear last night to Major McConnell that he could take his sympathy and his offers of help and shove them. The military had already taken more than enough from her and her son.

  She stormed forward, but the head nurse, a nice guy named Bill, took her lightly by the arm and forestalled her. The nurse said simply, “He made Cody laugh.”

  “What?” Cody hadn’t laughed in weeks. They’d all been deeply concerned about the boy
having sunk into a serious depression. The combination of medications, illness, fear and impending death had taken the spark out of her baby.

  “Clear as day. A bunch of us heard it. Rose Parker told us to let him sit with Cody. Who’s that guy? He’s been in there with Cody for nearly an hour, and Cody’s been smiling and laughing almost the whole time.”

  “What have they been doing?” she asked in shock.

  “Talking mostly. He’s been telling Cody stories. Taught him to play checkers. That’s what they’re doing now.”

  “Checkers?” she repeated blankly. Jimmy had loved to play checkers. Grief stabbed her heart, as sharp and hot as a newly forged sword. Mitch must have known that about her husband. The kindness of teaching her son pierced the outer layer of her emotional defenses just a little. But the major was still a major and unpleasant reminder of a military she had no use for.

  Reluctantly she allowed that she ought to thank him for teaching Cody the game his father had loved. Then she’d kick him out.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Righteous fire burning in her gut, Cassidy barged into Cody’s room. But she stopped cold as her son looked up at her, his eyes glowing with laughter and life she hadn’t seen in them for months. Had the nurse not warned her, she’d have broken down in tears with the relief that at least a piece of her lively son was back, if only for a little while.

  “Hey, Cody,” she choked out. “Whatchya doin’?”

  “Mommy, this is Mitch. He knew Daddy. And he told me stories about him. Did you know Daddy got into a big fight before I was born? And he got in trouble for it. And Mitch had to put him in jail overnight. Mitch says Daddy was a hero, but he had to keep Daddy’s superhero identity a secret and everything.”

  She sort of followed that. But she got lost around the superhero bit. Nonetheless, it was incredible to hear Cody babbling in excitement. She looked over at the man sitting still and silent on the opposite side of the bed.

  “Thank you,” she said simply.

  “No problem. Cody’s a great kid. We’ve been having a ball. Although he’s been kicking my butt at checkers. Takes after his old man.”