Hailey's Hero (Bayside Bachelors #1)

by Judy Duarte

  “It took Harry ages to be able to say the words to me,” Kay said. “But I knew he loved me. He showed it in a hundred different ways.”

  “It’s not just hearing the words. I need to know that they ring true.” Hailey looked to Kay for understanding, validation. “You don’t think I sound like a hopeless romantic, do you?”

  “Not at all.” Kay reached out, took Hailey’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You sound like a woman in love, a woman who needs to know that her man loves her, too. It’s not too much to ask for.”

  “You know,” Hailey said, “I’ve always wanted a family. And I feel as though you and my dad have offered me what I’ve been missing.”

  “I’m glad.” Kay released her hand, but not the steady connection of her gaze. “But it’s not enough, is it?”

  “It would have been. Before I fell in love.” Before she’d ridden the merry-go-round and had seen the prize held out for the taking. She offered Kay a wistful sigh. “But now I want it all.”

  She wanted the brass ring.

  It might seem like such a small thing, minor in the scheme of things. But that solid brass circle, like a wedding ring, symbolized something that she would prize for the rest of her life. A promise. An unbroken bond that had no beginning, no end.

  A love that wouldn’t fail, a lover who wouldn’t abandon her and the baby.

  “Then I’ll pray for you, Hailey. And I’ll pray for that young man, too.” Kay stood. “Come on, dear. Let’s turn in for the night.”

  “Okay.” But Hailey didn’t think she’d be able to fall asleep for a long time.

  Her heart was too empty.

  And so were her outstretched hands, the hands that longed to hold that golden ring.

  Nick had hoped a good night’s sleep would clear his mind, help him sort through the news Hailey had given him.

  But he’d slept like crap. And there was a wadded-up mound of sheets and blankets at this feet to prove it. Never had his bed felt so hard, so lumpy.

  So damn empty.

  When dawn crept over the city, bringing the light of day, he wasn’t any more at ease with the whole baby situation.

  But one thing had grown clear. Nick would do the right thing. He was going to ask Hailey to marry him and provide his child with a name and a home.

  His child.

  Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it look like Hailey, with her big blue eyes and pretty smile?

  Or would the baby be a unique combination of them both?

  It really didn’t matter, he supposed. But it kind of tickled him to think of a little kid running around the house, a boy or a girl who was a part of him and Hailey. A child Hailey would be in charge of raising, because Nick damn sure wouldn’t know the first thing about being a real dad—a guy who took an active part in his child’s daily life. Nick would probably screw things up, fail the kid.

  But on the other hand, Hailey would be a natural parent. And with Nick only too eager to take on the role of breadwinner, she wouldn’t have to work, not while the baby was small. In fact, she wouldn’t have to work at all, if she didn’t want to.

  Things might be a little tight financially, but he liked the idea of having her at home, making cookies, kissing boo-boos, being a mom.

  And Hailey would be a great mother. She’d undoubtedly pick up the slack and compensate for his son or daughter having a dad who didn’t know squat about kids.

  A child would be lucky to have her.

  A man, too.

  Nick would actually look forward to coming home to Hailey’s embrace, to the aroma of a meal baking in the oven or cooking on the stove. He could see himself unwinding in the evenings with Hailey—his wife. Imagine that. Nick and Hailey married.

  A smile stole across his face as he envisioned them listening to music or cuddling in front of the television. He had to admit that even an occasional chick flick—watched together—wouldn’t be so bad.

  Then, when the night grew tired, he and Hailey would go to bed, where they would make love like there was no tomorrow. And when the time came for them to worry about birth control, they’d choose a convenient, married kind of contraceptive.

  No more condoms, no more holding back, being careful—emotionally or otherwise.

  Each morning for the rest of their lives he’d wake in Hailey’s arms, feel that sense of comfort he’d had each time he’d slept with her.

  Yep, being married to Hailey would definitely have an up side. For him, anyway, if not for her.

  Nick knew he wasn’t perfect—in a domestic sense. And he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be. There was only so much he was willing to change.

  Sure, he and Hailey would probably fight like cats and dogs over the demands of his job, over the way he left the toilet lid up and ready for use. But even that kind of stuff didn’t bother him as it had in the past. Not if he had Hailey to come home to, to turn his heart and soul every which way but loose.

  They’d be great lovers. The best.

  That had to count for something, didn’t it? Sex was a biggie, as far as Nick was concerned. And he had every reason to suspect it would be important to Hailey, as well. Shouldn’t that make her chalk one up for his side? Make her realize that Nick wasn’t a complete failure in the dad and husband department?

  By the time he’d showered and shaved, the whole concept of marrying Hailey and having a child together wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as it had been the day before. In fact, he began to like the idea. A lot.

  Now all he had to do was drive over to Kay and Harry’s house. Talk to the mother of his child. Tell her he’d come up with a solution. Then he’d bring her back home, seal their promises by making love.

  Yep. He had it all sorted out.

  All he had to do was get her to agree to marry him.

  How hard could that be? The plan made perfect sense to a realist like him.

  Twenty minutes later Nick parked in front of the Logans’ house, then began the walk toward the porch. A flood of anxiety swept over him. Apprehension, too. But he wasn’t having any qualms about his decision to marry Hailey, about wanting to be a father to the baby. He was nervous about seeing her, facing her. Apologizing for not taking the news better yesterday. He actually was pretty happy about it now, all things considered.

  He rang the bell, and moments later Kay answered the door. She gave him a hug in greeting, then welcomed him inside.

  “I, uh, came by to see Hailey,” he said, feeling like a goofy teenager with a corsage in his trembling hands.

  “I’ll tell her you’re here.”

  Did Kay know? Had Hailey told her about the pregnancy? About who had fathered her baby?

  If not, he supposed everyone would know soon enough.

  Instead of feeling guilty, he actually experienced a strange surge of pride and a sappy warmth that swelled in his heart.

  He was going to have a baby. And a pretty wife who could cross his eyes and curl his toes with a dimpled smile.

  A family of his own.

  Imagine that. Nick the loner would have someone to come home to, someone in his corner. And he’d be there for her and the baby, too.

  When Hailey entered the room, he noted that her eyes looked red. Puffy.

  Oh, man. The warm, swollen sense of pride burst, leaving him feeling like a coldhearted jerk. He didn’t ever want to see Hailey cry again, didn’t ever want to blame himself for her sadness.

  He had the overwhelming urge to do something, say something. To quickly fix things, see her eyes brighten and make her smile again.

  “Can I talk to you?” he asked. “Alone?”

  She nodded, then asked Kay, “Would you excuse us?”

  “Of course.”

  Hailey led Nick to the guest room. Once inside, he quickly scanned the pale-pink interior, the antique bed with a brass headboard, the white, fluffy comforter with frilly pillows. An overstuffed chaise upholstered in a pink floral print sat in the corner by a window adorned with white ruffled curtains.

/>   Had Hailey slept here last night? Was this the room Kay had given her? He thought so. The girly decor suited her.

  Would Hailey decorate his place like this, adding a feminine touch and leaving her gentle mark?

  It wouldn’t bother him if she did. His home was lacking something, although he’d never noticed before.

  “Have a seat,” she said, like a prim and proper hostess.

  Nick hated to sit on the spread, thinking he’d probably get it dirty or mess it up, so he chose the corner of the chaise.

  Hailey sat on the edge of the mattress, braced for a confrontation. But she wouldn’t get a fight from him. He was already thinking about the kiss and hug part of all of this. The part when he would tell Kay they were going back home, to his place.

  “I kind of botched up our conversation yesterday,” he said.

  “You were tired. And I’m sure it came as quite a shock.”

  She had that right. But that didn’t change things. Hailey was expecting his baby. A child who hadn’t asked to be born, who hadn’t been given a list of fathers to choose from.

  “I’ve had some time to think things through,” he told her.

  “And?” Hailey asked, her hands folded in her lap.

  “And I want to marry you.” There, he’d said it. And it still felt good. Right.

  Her brow furrowed. “You what?”

  Hadn’t she heard him? Or was she questioning the wisdom of a move like that?

  “For the baby’s sake,” he explained. “Ours, too.” Then, in case she needed the reminder, he added, “We’re sexually compatible, to say the least.”

  She stood and crossed her arms, not at all looking as though she appreciated him offering to do the right thing. Or appreciating the reference to their sexual relationship, although he wasn’t sure why.

  “There’s more to marriage than sex.”

  “I know,” he said, although he didn’t think a marriage without sex—or with lousy sex—was anything to shout about. Yet he wasn’t sure what more she’d want out of a relationship, what more he could give. “We get along well. And I’ve got a stable job, health benefits, a pension.”

  “I think marriages should be based on love.”

  Maybe she was right, but he wasn’t sure what love was, wasn’t sure that he was lovable or that he could love anyone. And he sure as heck couldn’t imagine romance and mushy words in his future. Nick Granger wasn’t a hearts-and-flowers kind of guy.

  He knew this situation would take some work, some careful maneuvering on his part.

  “We need to think of the baby,” he said. “I want to give him or her my name. I want to do the right thing, Hailey.”

  The right thing?

  Hailey wanted to do the right thing, too. But could she marry the father of her baby, just to make things “right”?

  She wanted so much more out of marriage than a name for her baby. She wanted more from the man she’d grown to love in spite of herself.

  Her feelings for Nick had surprised her, since he was so out of sync with her image of a dream mate. But she did love him. Deeply.

  She supposed her love might be enough for both of them, but love was a two-way street, the bond that held a marriage and family together. The best guarantee she had for a commitment that would last a lifetime. It was the one part of the dream she couldn’t give up, that she wouldn’t compromise.

  “I can’t marry a man who doesn’t love me.”

  Nick furrowed his brow, struggling, it seemed, with his emotions. Or maybe just with the truth.

  “What does love have to do with it?” He looked at her, searching for an answer that should be clear to him.

  “Love helps a couple weather the storms.” It seemed a bit trite, she supposed, so she dug deeper. “It’s what makes life special.”

  “Things have been pretty special so far.” He smiled, and she suspected he was talking about the sex. Or maybe he’d picked up on how nice it was to be together, holding hands and window-shopping along the beach walk in Bayside. Listening to the romantic ballad of mariachis in Old Town. Riding on the carousel with her in Balboa Park. “Isn’t that enough?”

  It was close. Very close. But it wasn’t enough. And it was time they both faced the reason why it wasn’t. As much as she feared his rejection, his abandonment, she forced herself to be honest. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, Nick. But I fell in love with you.”

  A look of panic washed over his face, yet he didn’t respond, he just watched her with the eyes of a cornered animal. A wild critter who wanted to bolt.

  She might have sympathized with him if her heart wasn’t splitting at the seams. “I can’t marry a man who doesn’t love me back.”

  Nick ran his hand through his hair, then caught her gaze and blew out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Hailey. I don’t know how to love you back.”

  The truth of his words was etched deeply on his face, and she let reality settle around them.

  “I’ll try my best to make you happy. To be a good provider. But what you’re asking…I don’t know what love is. I can’t say…”

  She nodded, appreciating the fact that he wouldn’t lie, wouldn’t utter an I-love-you as an attempt to sway her and not really mean it in a till-death-do-us-part sense. “Thanks for your honesty.”

  “I know marriage is something you’ve always wanted. I remember the Modern Brides magazine you had on your coffee table.”

  She had wanted marriage. And she still did. But she wanted it all—white lace, promises, a gold band. An unending circle of love that would last a lifetime.

  “I wish you’d reconsider marrying me.” His expression was that of a lost and forlorn little boy.

  The fact that he could display his feelings, although not the emotion she’d been hoping for, touched her heart. His decency and insistence on doing the right thing drew her admiration. But it wasn’t enough to sell out, to give up what she so desperately wanted. What she needed. What she deserved.

  “No, Nick. I can’t marry you. But you can be a part of the baby’s life, if you’d like to.”

  He nodded but didn’t speak. He merely pressed his lips together as though holding back the words, keeping his thoughts and deeper feelings to himself.

  They sat there for a while, as though each of them was waiting for the other to bend, to accept less.

  “I’m not going to beg. It’s not my style,” he said, standing and shoving his hands in his pockets. “I guess I’d better go.”

  She nodded but didn’t respond. She didn’t trust her voice not to choke out a sob, not to agree to a marriage based on great sex.

  “Mind if I use your bathroom?” he asked, his eyes looking misty. Or maybe she’d just looked at him through her own watery gaze.

  “Go ahead.” She sat back on the bed, waited, hoping the time alone would allow her to swallow her disappointment and blink back the tears that gathered in her eyes.

  The water in the sink ran, but the toilet didn’t flush. And when he walked out the door, his face appeared damp, as though he might have tried to wash away the signs of his disappointment, his sadness.

  Aw, heck. There she went, reading into things again. Imagining that Nick had to wash his own tears away.

  A tough guy like Nick Granger didn’t get weepy or cry.

  And he wouldn’t admit to loving someone unless it was true.

  “I’d like to start paying some child support before the baby is born,” he said, his gravelly voice a little softer than usual. “You’ll probably need to get a lot of things.”

  His consideration touched her broken heart, applying a balm. “Thanks. But we can talk about that later.”

  “Yeah.”

  Then he strode out of the room, softly closing the door and leaving her to break down and cry alone.

  And she did cry—for the longest time, even though she’d bawled her eyes out last night and thought she couldn’t possibly have any tears left.

  When the sobbing subsided, leaving her with an ache she
feared would never go away, she went into the bathroom to wash her face, to cool her eyes. To freshen up and try to hide her pain.

  Her gaze drifted to the towel rack, where she expected to see the towels uneven, messed up and in need of straightening.

  But Nick had left them just as neatly as he’d found them.

  Hailey took the towel he’d used to dry his hands, his face, and tugged until it hung unevenly, the way it belonged, the way he’d left her heart and her life—skewed.

  At least in some small way he was still with her—messy, unstructured. Unpredictable.

  She stared at the towels until the image blurred, twisted. Until nothing remained clear except the ache in her heart.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nick paced the floor of the loft apartment he’d once called home, feeling like a caged animal—one that had been seriously wounded and didn’t know which way to turn, which way to strike.

  He hadn’t seen Hailey in days, hadn’t even talked to her, since he wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t sure how to convince her to marry him.

  The longer they spent apart, the more Nick wanted to bring her home. To his place. But short of hog-tying her and throwing her over his shoulder like a Neanderthal, which certainly wouldn’t be the romantic approach a woman like her would appreciate, he couldn’t think of any other way.

  More than ever, Nick missed having Harry in his corner, the one friend who had always offered him good, solid advice when he asked for it.

  Well, he was on his own this time.

  Alone.

  For a guy who’d always been a loner, who’d always enjoyed playing by his own rules, the wave of loneliness that slammed into him this time made it hard to breathe.

  He had to shake it off, had to figure out what to do, how to convince Hailey that marrying a guy like him was worth the risk. That they could make it—together.

  Nick and Hailey.

  And their baby.

  There’d be three of them, making a small family. He envisioned an image of Hailey nursing his baby, then rocking the infant to sleep. Tying his toddler’s shoes. But each time he caught a glimpse of mother and child, he felt like a portrait on the wall, a still, silent voyeur who was unable to join in.