A Time to Dance

by Karen Kingsbury

  He read through the introduction and into the body of the report, remembering again how the Lord called His people to be like eagles. Mount up on wings as eagles . . . not crows or chickens or pheasants. Eagles. Key phrases from the report jumped out at him, information Kade had shared with him months ago. “ The eagle eats only life-giving food. When he eats something that makes him sick, he flies to the highest rock he can find and lays spread eagle with his wings out against the surface of the rock. He stays there until the sun draws out the poison, freeing him to fly with the other eagles.”

  John let the image sink in again. The next section was about the eagle’s mating habits.

  “Female eagles like to test their male counterpart.” Counterpart? Where did Kade come up with a word like that? John kept reading:

  When the female knows a male is interested, she leads him on a chase through the skies, swooping and diving and soaring high above the hills. When the chase is nearly over, she flies as high as she can and flips onto her back, free-falling toward the ground. It is the male’s job to place his body over hers and grasp her talons, flapping his wings with all his might to keep her from certain death. Moments before they hit the ground, the female pulls out of the dive and circles the male. Because he had been willing to stay even unto death, he will have proven himself as a mate. The eagles are joined for life from that point on.

  John closed the report and set it down on the table beside him. He felt sick to his stomach, laboring under a mantle of guilt as heavy as any brick wall.

  The comparisons were obvious. Of course he and Abby were destined for divorce—he had let go of her years ago, and now they were just two lonely eagles, free-falling hopelessly toward the ground. And as he pondered their plight he began to have a revelation unlike anything before in his entire life.

  A revelation that could have come only from God Almighty Himself.

  Twenty-Two

  IMAGES OF EAGLES FALLING FROM THE SKY kept John awake long into the night, so the next morning he was not only deeply troubled, but tired as well. He waited until nine o’clock to call Charlene.

  “Hello?” Her voice was chipper and upbeat; she seemed unaffected by the phone call from the previous night. Didn’t she know how upset he’d been? Wasn’t she concerned by his reaction, his decision to avoid conversation with her? A brief thought occurred to John . . . maybe he was just a passing interest in Charlene’s life. A conquest of some kind.

  No . . . he and Charlene had known each other too long for that. “Hi. It’s me.”

  “John! You called!” The excitement in her tone was instant. The last thing he’d done was agree to call her when he was ready, when he’d had enough time. His hand came up along the back of his neck and he massaged it idly. She had no idea what had happened since then.

  “We need to talk. Can you . . . would you mind coming by this afternoon. Sometime after lunch?” He was trying to sound friendly but not suggestive. The last thing he wanted was Charlene showing up in a bathing suit ready to spend an afternoon along the lake.

  “Our conversation last night didn’t . . . well . . . it didn’t work out so well. Are you sure you’re ready to see me?”

  John released a measured breath and flexed his jaw. “Yes. One o’clock.”

  “Perfect.” She sounded upbeat and . . . triumphant. How well could she know him if she thought he could change his mind that easily?

  As the morning passed, John read more of Kade’s report. The eagle had two natural enemies: storms and serpents. He embraced the storm, waiting on the rock for the right thermal current and then using that to carry him higher. While other birds were taking cover, the eagle was soaring. An eagle would never fight against the storms of life.

  He saved his fighting for the serpent. Especially when the snake threatened the eagle’s young.

  John put the report aside again. Did Kade know he’d been writing specifically for his own father? Could God have found any better example to show him how he’d fallen short?

  He didn’t think so. And though his marriage was over, though he’d messed up over the last few years, he felt the seeds of change taking root in his soul. If only he could get his life with God right again . . . maybe, just maybe he could remember what it was to be an eagle. The type of eagle he’d always wanted to be. The type that would embrace the storms of life.

  And fight the serpent at all costs.

  Charlene was right on time, wearing white shorts and a formfitting tank top. Her makeup was simple, and she looked twenty-five when John opened the door and invited her in. Give me strength here, God. I don’t have the words . . .

  I will tell you what to say and when to say it, My son. Wait on Me.

  Wait on Me . . . wait on Me. The words rang in his heart, reminding him of another verse. The one in Isaiah that talked about waiting on the Lord . . . what was it? “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary . . .”

  Eagles again. Okay, God, I’ll wait on You.

  He opened the door and motioned for her to follow him. “Thanks for coming.”

  John sat on the edge of his easy chair, and Charlene took the sofa seat closest to him. “I thought you needed more time.” Her voice was confident—clearly she was expecting him to tell her it was time, maybe even take her in his arms and show her exactly how he felt about her.

  Instead—in light of all God had showed John through Kade’s report —he looked at her the way he might look at an old friend, one for whom he felt nothing but platonic concern. “Charlene, you have your whole life ahead of you. You’re . . . you’re young and beautiful and . . . I guess what I’m trying to say is I want you to take the job in Chicago.”

  She laughed nervously and adjusted her legs in a way that made them beyond attractive. John noticed, but was not in the least bit tempted. “You mean both of us, right? You’ve decided to apply for a coaching job there, is that it?”

  John slid back in the chair and leaned over his knees. Help me, God. Give me the words. “No . . . I mean it could take months, years, Charlene. Abby and I might be through, but I can’t just walk into another relationship with you. Not now anyway.”

  Momentary impatience flashed in Charlene’s eyes. “I told you I’d wait. Why the big speech?”

  John knew that on his own strength he’d lose a battle of words with Charlene. She had a way of finishing every conversation in complete control. He waited for God’s wisdom. “You’ve allowed me to tie up your life long enough.” He looked into her eyes and willed her to understand. “This’ll sound funny to you, but next year when I’m living alone, I want to get things right with God. It’s important to me.”

  Charlene raised a single eyebrow and seemed to stop just short of laughing out loud. “Right with God? You think you can divorce your wife and then spend the next year getting religious?” She dropped slowly to her knees and came to him, wrapping her arms around his bare legs and laying her head across his thighs. “It’s not God you want; it’s me.”

  A tingling sensation made its way through his body.

  No! God, get me out of this. I’ve messed up one relationship; I won’t do it again. Help me!

  Gently, and with power that was not his own, he nudged Charlene off his legs so that she fell reluctantly into a cross-legged heap at his feet. “I can’t. Understand?”

  “Why?” Charlene’s eyes filled with tears. “You’ve wanted to . . . we’ve both wanted to since the day we met. You’re just scared, John. Let me love you. Please . . .”

  He clenched his jaw. “Charlene, I’m telling you it’s over between us.”

  Her face grew pale and she retreated back a few feet. “What’s that supposed to mean? I thought you just needed time.”

  “I need time alone with God.” As difficult as this was, he was absolutely sure it was the right thing. And nothing Charlene could do would change his mind.

  “With God? Come on, John. Like that mattered to yo
u the other day in your classroom or that night on the football field.”

  He remembered the breakthrough from the night before and silenced her with an icy glare. How dare she throw that at him now? “I’ve made up my mind, Charlene. Do what you want about the job in Chicago. It’s over between us.”

  Just as Charlene was about to say something there was a knock at the door.

  John’s heart rate tripled. Were they home early? How would he explain Charlene being there? He stood on suddenly shaky legs and motioned for her to move up onto the sofa again. She did so, and he ordered himself to be calm as he opened the door.

  The sight of Matt Conley was both a relief and a source of concern. “Uh, hey, Matt. What’s up?”

  Matt looked beyond him and saw Charlene in the next room. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”

  Charlene took the cue and stood up, grabbing her purse and making her way to the front door. She laughed lightly. “Don’t mind me, gentlemen. I was just leaving.”

  She breezed up alongside them and, with Matt watching, she looked John squarely in the eyes. “About your suggestion, I think you’re right. I can’t pass up a job like that.” She hesitated, and he could read in her face the things she wasn’t saying: the pain and anger and resignation. “I’ll probably find a place in Chicago before the end of the month.”

  John hadn’t pictured ending it this way, talking in cryptic phrases while his future son-in-law hung on every word. He managed a smile, taking a step backward to keep the distance between them. “You’ll do great.” He patted her on the shoulder the way he might congratulate one of his players after a good performance. “Thanks for stopping by.”

  There were fresh tears in her eyes as she left, but John was fairly sure Matt hadn’t noticed them. When she was gone, the two men moved into the living room. Matt fidgeted. “I didn’t mean to run her off . . . I just thought . . .”

  “Don’t worry about it. She needed a little advice, and it was a good time to talk to her. She’s taking a position in Chicago.”

  “I gathered.” Matt wrung his hands and chuckled. “Nothing personal, but Nicole can’t stand that woman.”

  “Charlene?” John’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t realized Nicole had an opinion on her, one way or the other.

  “Yeah, Nicole thinks she has designs on you.”

  John’s laugh sounded forced, but again Matt didn’t seem to notice. “There’s nothing to worry about where Charlene’s concerned. We’ve been friends for a while, but she’s moving on now.”

  John willed his heart to beat normally, stunned at the timing of Matt’s visit and how his presence had caused Charlene to leave. He thought about Nicole’s phone call the night before and the classroom announcement the other day. How close he’d come to . . .

  God, You’re so faithful! I’ve done nothing but live life on my own for so long, and yet here You are giving me all the help I need. Help me be an eagle, Lord . . . Help me learn to fly again.

  “That’s sort of why I’m here, I guess. I mean, you’re amazing, Mr. Reynolds. Women like Charlene breathing down your back and still—after all these years—you and Mrs. Reynolds have this perfect marriage.”

  Okay, switch gears, John. Matt wasn’t there to spy on him; he was there for advice. “Well, no marriage is perfect.”

  Matt stood up and walked from one end of the living room to the other and back again. “It’s not that I’m getting cold feet.” He stopped and stared earnestly at John. “I love Nicole more than I ever thought possible.”

  A flashback lit up in the corners of John’s mind. He and Abby under the big oak tree on the University of Michigan campus: “I’ll never love anyone like I love you, Abby . . . like I love you . . . like I love you.” “I remember the feeling.”

  “But that’s just it. You and Mrs. Reynolds never lost that feeling, you know? I mean how can I keep what’s bottled up inside here—” he cupped his hand over his heart—“and make sure it never goes away?” His arm fell back to his side. “Like it did for my parents.”

  John started to open his mouth but the hissing voices were back. Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite! How dare you give this godly young man advice when you can’t even keep a simple promise to Abby? “I don’t have the answers, Matt.”

  The young man before him was so serious, so intent on finding the secret to lasting love, that John wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. How would Matt feel about him in two weeks?

  Tell him about the eagle, My son.

  The thought echoed through the place in his heart reserved for holy whispers.

  Give me the words, God . . . one more time.

  Matt moved back to the sofa and sat down, crossing his legs. “I know there’s no set formula, but I want at least a clue.” He ran his hand across his brow. “I should have asked you a long time ago. I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up without you thinking I was having doubts. I mean, you’re not just this great man I admire and look up to . . . you’re Nicole’s father. That made it tricky.”

  John was almost desperate to come clean with Matt, to stop the farce and let him know what a terrible husband he really was, how he and Abby had stopped trying years ago.

  Remember My grace, son. Tell him about the eagle . . .

  There it was again. He wasn’t up to this, couldn’t look Matt in the eyes and tell him anything that might—

  “Maybe a scripture or something. I mean, I’ve studied all the verses about God hating divorce and how the two shall be one . . .”

  John felt a knife of regret slice through his midsection. I can’t do this, God . . . make him leave. “Have you ever studied the eagle?”

  Matt grinned. “You mean like, Marion Eagles . . . the winningest football program in southern Illinois?”

  John was suddenly bolstered by a strength he hadn’t known in years. “In Isaiah, God says we’ll soar on wings like eagles.” He reached over and grabbed Kade’s report from the nearby end table. “Kade did his senior project on the eagle, and I think there’s a lot there.”

  Matt’s expression twisted curiously. “About marriage?”

  For the next ten minutes John talked about the eagle and its ability to embrace the storms of life, how the eagle fought the serpent, keeping the snake from destroying its baby eaglets or the great eagle nest. He told Matt how, when it was sick, the eagle knew enough to get alone on the rock and let the sun soak the poison from its system. And most of all how the male eagle was born to cling to the female regardless of the fall, even unto death.

  When he was finished, Matt no longer seemed concerned. From where he stood, on the doorstep of new love and commitment, the idea of clinging to Nicole for life seemed easy and exciting. John prayed it would always feel that way.

  “That’s perfect, just what I needed.” They chatted awhile longer about the wedding and how quickly everything would take place that week. Finally, after nearly an hour, Matt stood to leave.

  Though John still felt like a hypocrite, though he was certain the strength to talk to Matt had been supernatural, he walked Matt to the door and bid him good-bye.

  “Four days, Mr. Reynolds. I can’t wait.” Matt was tall and handsome, and with his ability to reason, John was sure he would make a good attorney one day soon. But more than being an ample provider, John hoped his future son-in-law would be able to grasp the lesson of the eagle and the importance of never letting go.

  A lesson John only wished he’d understood years earlier when he and Abby had first started to fall.

  Abby stood alone in her driveway, tired and satisfied, as she waved good-bye to Beth and Jo. Nicole had already taken her suitcase inside the house, and if her outlook was any indication, the girls’ campout had been a complete success. They’d laughed and talked and even prayed together—now Abby wandered around the side of the house toward the backyard and spotted John, adrift in their aluminum rowboat in the middle of the lake.

  Probably feeling guilty. Didn’t want to face us
when we got in. She allowed her gaze to linger, and a dozen memories of happier times danced into view. The boat didn’t seat more than three people, but there had been times when it seemed like a yacht, times when she and John could spend an afternoon in it, floating on the lake, soaking up the sun and sharing laughter and conversations. It was out in that very boat that they’d dreamed about Kade’s football career and that she’d told him she was pregnant with Sean.

  John wasn’t rowing, and since his back was to her, she figured he didn’t know they were home yet. And it occurred to Abby that this might be the last time she’d come home and find him out on the lake like this.

  There was something peaceful and timeless about being on the lake, and John knew with the craziness of both the dress rehearsal and the wedding over the next few days there would be little time for anything resembling quiet. Besides he needed to think, needed to imagine how different life might have been if he’d seen the split coming and done something, anything, to stop it.

  Of course, it was too late now. Abby didn’t love him, and no effort at holding on to her would make a difference at this point. In the free fall of life, they’d both crashed and burned. Now she was moving on to other territories.

  He leaned into the boat, his back to their home and all the joy and sorrow that would take place there over the next few weeks. As he stared into the sky, he watched a bird soar effortlessly into the air, crisscrossing over the water in search of evening fish. John stared at it more closely. It couldn’t be. Not here and now, when so much was going through his mind, when Kade’s report had been the trigger for the greatest change of heart he’d had in all his life.

  But it was. It was an eagle. And as he watched it, he felt washed in God’s grace and forgiveness, filled with a hope that had no reason for being.

  John stared at the eagle as tears burned his eyes. Something about seeing the majestic bird in flight gave him strength. As though God wanted him to know it was possible to fly again, even after a lifetime of poison. And that was good because nothing was going to poison his system more than going before a judge and divorcing the woman he’d fallen in love with more than two decades earlier.